ESTERFLI IEAFS A REA t.

Transcription

1 ay, December 10, DELTA KAPPA "O -Ph Gamma Delta 22 - pa Epslon 31-Ph Delta Trew as Delta 32-Alpha Club 26 - SGMA ATPHA texs pha Epslon 41-Barracks. 18-Walker Memorha 1 V -P LAMBDA PM la Ph 31-Grad House B 15 a Sgma 1-Peges Club 0 37-Barracks B WDEE V - SGMA CH T-Alpba Tau Omega 23 z Kappa 20-Delta Thu DeltL 1 -Lambda Ch Alpha 21 E SEPTEMBER COLLEGE SDENT AVE CHANGE TO ESTERFL EAFS A REA t. ~'"PP Junors-and Senors &enexpeled As Fre Cracker Attempt s Fole Reactng wth unusual vgor, over CBR~OE, MASS., TJESDAY, DECEMBER 1, 1948 LBRARY GO BOOM ltwo thousand students of the nst-.1vm, tno. 50 PRCE TEN CENTS tute took the ntatve n ther own... hands as they lad plans to blow up Harvard's Wdener Lbrary. Start- 5 j Rd Atece S rg,8 A; } - lng wth a mass movement n the M~~e n c RdM 4Z7 el Corps As Found Lurkng - Great Court the entre Junor and Senor p classes marched 1 down Mas- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~sachusetts Avenue to the lbrary n Chem. Dlept. 0 \. ; - l they vwhere were apprehended by est Branch ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~an alert groundskeeper and the 'obe, Co manded By Agan o the Be Commanded nsdous presence By subversve of groups has been revealed Cambrdge polce. ~ksue hekq Ben Khrosman, here at the nsttute. A specaln- Frecraker Used 'rbe May ncrease vestgatng commttee set up for `The buldng was to the be devastated purpose of approvng all sub- wth mmense lengths of fre *t tjbranch eace be unto thee, 0 mghty jects, nstructors and students re- cracker fuses gathered by the rng ueror of the desert" sad we vealed today n a sesson fraught leaders. Expert demoltonst, e-entered the tent of Shek All wth tenson- that the presence of when approached, announced that Khrosmnan, may hs trbe n- free radcals was conclusvely dem- the destructon,newly named would commander be exceeded n onstrated n the Chemstry Depart- only by th e atom bomb. One -went of the R.O.T.C.'s latest ad- ment. so far to say that even John Hared branch, the Camel Corps. Evdence for the accusaton w Techmen, replete wth batteres, vard's statue would have been nto thee be peace, 0 noble found n an abdoned tunp at slde rule, and sex, prepa to rocked. e," came the answer from the Walker. Fortunately for the future demolsh lbrary at Harvard. Many of the men nvolved exof the Shek's burnoose. " course of hstory n ths our natve, planed ther acton as a student e that thy desre s for some glorous, superb, magnfcent, all prank wth no real harm. The dea on ths latest of ways of war. (aontnued on Page 8) Techmen Vctms of an atom bomb was dscarded n ee down on yon cushon, and vew of the danger nvolved n prerrant, Omar En-Nemakh, may Of Evl Plot mature exploson. One member of trbe ncrease, shall pour thee C ( the expedton s quoted as sayng t yee Cl uhort To Curb Fun that all reasonable precautons were More Choce taken n the en nterests Sopranos of (Story on Page 6) safety. tradtonal coffee." ths moment, the Shek's word -- nterrupted by shrll Arabc 1800 Students Suspended se apparently uttered by tw Major Operatons BECOME AN EXPERT en n mmedate acton a neghborne was taken tent. Wll 1 on B --3 ACCOUNlTANT the las t 1 z=s M' (Contnued on Page 7). ary comnmttee suspended 1350 stu- Undentfed sources reveal that Fnagle Funds n your spare tme. dents untl June, 450 untl Febru- ONES-You want 'em, we n order to make up theshortage of Want to be an expert embezzler. ary and 225 men were Dlaced on 'em. Amazng facts about Hor- male Sopranos n the Glee Club, We tran you thoroughly n your (contnued on Page 5) es - Learn the truth about. several bartones have consented to se tme for your CPE degree. X. What can t do for you? undergo major operatons. Dr. cut After completng the requrements, aty) Try some yoursel - gve Guts, emnent surgeon, wll perform we gve you, free, a lst of companes wfesome. Feed t to the kd- the operatons n whch the upper wnere you y embeze fundolces,or a generous juppy and lower vocal chords must be totbng to lose. Wby not wrte ARE DCTATED ddo" Wth atvat - altered. tt?,wrte today to- Eugencs n- Should ths plan be unsucce t, Certfed Publc Embezzers By The Admnstraton ratd, Upthacreek, Nebrasa. (Contnued on Page 17) 8a Quenton

2 Page 2 The Tech VOL. LXV TUESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1948 MANAGNG BOARD General Manager Busness Manager. Edtor. Managng... ;..W Edtor... D. EDTOR Assgnments... D. Rener '650 Exchange.. Ass'ts... F. A. Heart '51 Ass't... F. G. H. Myers '51 News... N B Features... D. A. Grossman '50 Ass'ts. Ass'ts... M. C. Grossman '51 H. D. Lmmer '51 Sports... Photography... R. H. Ellott '50 Ass'ts. Ass'ts..... P. Gerhardt '49 J. R. Hano '50 Assocs J E.' MANAGERS AdvertUsng Feld... B. Welnsrwetg '50 Offce... Ass't...G. Bromfeld '51 Publcty S.. Rubn n.] '60 CrculaUton... Sales... D. M. Benenson '50 Ass't... S Ass'ts... W. Marcus '50 Personnel. R. E. Bagnall '50 Ass't.... Treasurer... J. A. Stewart '50 STAFF MEMBERS. K. E. Eldred '50; R. E. Glenn '50; H. Fletcher '51; T. 0. Hagan '51; Jans R. W. '51; R. H. RKeonlg '50; L. M. Lntz '49;-R. L:. Nesbltt '49; E. B. Strng Young '50. OFFCES OF THE TECH News and Edtoral-Room 307, Waker Memoral, Cambrdge, Mass. Telephones X rkland , Busness-Room 335, Walker Memoral Telephone K rkland Mall Subscrpton $3.00 per year. $5.00 for two years. Publshed every Tuesday and FTday durng college year, except darng Entered as second class matter December 9, 1944, at the Post Offce, a under the Act of March 31, 187g9. Reesented for natonal advertsng by Natonal Advertsng Servce, nc shers Rvrsentatve, 40 Madlson Ave., New York, N. Y. Nght Edtor: Sander Rubn, '50 Assstant Nght Edtor: Herbert D. Lammer, '50 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.. FDO SSUE Once each term the staff of The Tech lets tself g to brng you a Fdo ssue complete wth some of the dream about and a good deal of fantasy. Petty de as facts and style are thrown to the wnds n ths releve the routne of newspaper lfe. The fall term F tomarly devoted to the nsttute whle the Daly sprng gves a lberal translaton to the daly Bostc From here on beleve whatever you wsh and try avo -borng-lecture next perod wth The Tech. UNCLE FUDLEY'S COLUMN Not much news around the old nsttute to co these days. A few words should be sad about the su!the entre Junor and Senor classes though. Ths stb n the face of polcy to ncrease school sprt shou tolerated. am sure that the prank was conceved harmless though t was and has been grossly over the local papers. do not encourage the remannj to rse n protest but some forthrght acton s mm ohcu.ld a,c-olvcsrre;vwqh alr chcershe freedomn af act all Wdener Lbrary s never used except by Har On the courageous campagn ntated by The abolsh the use of Norma four color pencls ther progress. The admnstraton s adamant n ts attt dfference whle nterest lags n nsttute Comm ttee. ] we must abolsh ths nsdous weapon { of the brow, Our partng advce and motto for the week s SAN THE DOME.....

3 , ,,,.,.,...r.. -.:,,. -.._..-. ay, December 14, 1948 LAW-Learn t Af Home at to break laws? Do you. bk THE " TECH, -YOO DOOON SALE FRDAY; MAYBE from Turnpke to Voo Doo Offce Photo by Fletche es vce dens. Wth the usual desr e se for detals our fearless young matn e donned'a leopard skn and slun] notced that the steel beams of the nto the thrd floor offces of th, s lbrary were numbered n blue pseudo - humor magazne whcea chalk and were put n place n the fronts for the bookes and reefer buldng accordng to these numbers. r sellers. After a week of study, they were Confronted wth the scene of absolute dssoluton our upstandng ready for the fnal operaton. n young Amercan youth was tempted to flee. But the call of duty was stronger and stckng to hs post he collected the facts,from frst hand experence. Above s a photo taken wth hs hdden camera depctng usual evenng actvtes n ths den of nquty. Our reporter s seen n the mddle on the floor gatherng hs materal. He has not been seen snce as ths story was receved by wre. 1 r j Sx~arardmen ;Weld Chalk, Alter Hayden Gan Sweet Revenge For "Bowl" ncdent; Huge "H" Tops Lbrary Movng to avenge the recent Harvard Bowl ncdent, sx Harvard men succeeded n havng workers on the new Hayden Lbrary unwttngly erect a ffty foot letter "H" n yellow steel grders atop the almost completed framework of the buldng yesterday. Authortes quckly dscovered the culprts n the crowd of Techmen gathered around the buldng. Ther batteres were substandard and regstered only.87 volts. Chalk Marks Changed After extensve grllng at the Cambrdge headquarters, one of the sx captured cracked and revealed the ngenous scheme employed n carryng out the coup. They had the dead of nght ths past Sunday, th'ey "cut through the barbed wre and were upon the ples of grders wth evl leers and long peces of blue chalk," stated one of the Harvardmen, a lterature major. Return to Scene Hastly they changed the numbers on twelve of the steel beams, and ther work was done. They returned the next day dsgused as Page $ Page Techmen and watched wth satsfacton the result of ther work as the huge "H" slowly took form. HOLDAY An Adventure n Good Smokng '~~~~~~ * Ecs a_ Sx thousand three hundred and forty-two pounds of Yak butter were used. n Tanna Tuva n the year The l. MSSES LTEELD Harvard Squae Professonal Typsts - THESES-MANUSCRPTS 4 Brautle St. 'TrOWnd L Y~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 Page 2 THr~E TECH d atuesfdy, Deemtber 11, The n Tech VOL. LXV TUESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1948 NO. 50 A-NAGNG BOARD General Manager... L. Hlton '49 Busness Manager.... Maslon '49 Edtor W. Vcnus '49 Managng Edtor... D. W. Ramsey '49 EDTORS Assgnments D. Relner '50 Ass'ts... F. A. Heart '51 G. H. Myers '51 Features... D. A. Grossman '50 Ass'ts.... M. C. Grossman '51 H. D. Lmmer '51 Photography... EH. Ellott '50 Ass'ts... P. Gerhardt '49 J. R. Hano '50 Exchange... D. J. Eberly '50 Ass't.... F. Vanderschmldt '51 News... N. B. Champ, Jr. '50 Ass'ts... J. R. Sever '51 W. R. Mller '51 Sports... G. C. Bell. Jr. '50 Ass'ts. ;...L. Sartor '50 D. M. Ulne '50 Assocs...3. L. Ganger '51 E. S. Lubarsky '51 MAAGERS Advertsng Feld... B..,.. Welnsweg '50 Offce S.... Chalklnd '50 Ass't... O. Bromfeld '51 Publcty.... S. Rubn '50 Crculaton... EJ. Walz, Jr. '49 Sales... D. M. Benenson '50 Ass't... S. B. Herskovlts '51 Ass'ts....W. Marcus '50 Personnel... A. H. Harrs '49 R. E. Bagnall '50 Ass't... D. O. Cooper '51 Treasurer... J. A. Stewart '50. STAFF MEMBERS K. E. Elded '50; R. E. Glenn '50; H. Fletcher '51- T. G. Hagan '51; R. W. Hall '50; D. A. Jans '51; R. H. Ceonlg '50; L. M. Lntz '49; R.. Nesbtt '49; E. B. Strlngham '51; D. A. Young '50. OFFCES OF THE TECH News and Edtoral-Room 307, Wajker Memoral, Cambrdge, Mass. Telephones K rkland , Busness-Room 335, Walker Memoral. Telephone K rklaad Mal Subscrpton $3.00 per year. $S5.00 for two years. Publshed every Tuesday and Frday durng college year, except drrng college vacaton. Entered as second class matter December 9, 1944, at the Post Offce, at Boston, Mass., under the Act of March 31, Represented for natonal advertsng by Natonal Advertsng Servce,. nc., Cololege Publshers Representatve, 4W0 Madson Ave., New York, N. Y. Nght Edtor: Sander Rubn, '50 Assstant Nght Edtor: Herbert D. Lmmer, '50 Letters to the Edtor Dear Edtor, Dear -Edtor, am a Tech coed. What ahould My polcy -s to call a 8Pad do? spade and mnce no words. ' Hopeful paper s a spade. t tnks. Ed.: f at frst you don't succeed, R. Howard, qut. Ed.: We respect frank stately so we want to say that Mr. HBo Dear Edtor, stnks too. am a Wellesley grl. What should do? Dear Edtor, Anxous am a Radclffe student t, Ed.: Ths requres further clar- should do? fcaton. may be reached at K Doubtsf or at Walker Memoral News Ed.: Try passng t off wg Room. laugh. FDO SSUE Once each term the staff of The Tech lets tself go n order to brng you a Fdo ssue complete wth some of the news we dream about and a good deal of fantasy. Petty detals such as facts and style are thrown to the wnds n ths attempt to releve the routne of newspaper lfe. The fall term Fdo s customarly devoted to the nsttute whle the Daly Reamer n sprng gves a lberal translaton to the daly Boston papers. From here on beleve whatever you wsh and try avodng that -borng-lecture next perod wth The Tech. -Gentlemen's Talors and Furnshers.....~~~. ~~wsspaat.now O'.. N _11011 UNCLE FUDLEY'S COLUMN. Not much news around the old nsttute to comment on these days. A few words should be sad about the suspenson of the entre Junor and Senor classes though. Ths stern acton' n the face of polcy to ncrease school sprt should not be 'tolerated. am sure that the prank was conceved n jest and harmless though t was and has been grossly overplayed n the local papers. do not encourage the remanng students to rse n protest but some forthrght acton s mmnent. We should never relnqush our cnersneu reuom w af o.. ^fer all Wdener Lbrary s never used except by Harvard mnen. On the courageous campagn ntated by The Tech to abolsh the use of Norma four color pencls there s lttle progress. The admnstraton s adamant n ts atttude' of ndfference whle nterest lags n nsttute Commttee. Remember we must abolsh ths nsdous weapon of the brown baggers. Our partng advce and motto for the week s SAND BLAST ~.THE DOME THE DOME....':-.."..., ':.:'......,.?..., The complete stock of standard Own Make and. mported fne clothng, hats, and furnshngs, wth the prestge of the J. PRESSlabel, and the unmstakable J. PRESS stamp of 'somethng specal' n each producton - substantally, for clearance. now reduced All sales for cash or check-no C. 0. D.'s 82 MT. AUBURN STREET E Cor. Dunstfer HARVARD SQUAKE-CAMBRDGE : '~ ,. ;-,......,-....,

5 dlay, December 14, 1948 L THE'" TECH Page 3 /--Learn t At Home SHavad n t to la& ws are best to break, brng OWT '-1 Al 11N1 :] reatest results? Do you want ree n Crmnology. For comdetals on the best way to w lela bnal, el the best laws, wrte for our "Seven Roads to the Hot Address nqures to:. break laws? Do you know VOO DOO ON SALE FRDAY; MAYBE SxHadmen Crme - Sng Sng Cell 67, Ossnng, N. Y. RESTAURANT 640 CEZ DREYFUS Cusne Francase 1D O0 MASS. AVE., CAMBRDGE W ELot PLETE LUNCHEON 85c up 1 COURSE DNNERS 9S~ up t CHEON DNNER NaN 30 to 2:30 5:00 to 8:30 SUNDAYS 12:00 to 8:00 :al1 Arrangements, Closed Mondays ~C rhen'f1c FRENCH COOKNG r] 1% BY DREYFUS HMSELF ' *1 RMER OWNER AND OPERATOR OF DUBARRY N BOSTON. a Photo by Fletcher Vce den transferred from Turnpke to Voo Doo Offce Followng up rumors of lechery to be found n the Voo Doo offces our ntrepd reporter wth hs nose for news set out to nvestgate the DRVNG HOME OR JUST D!RVNG FOUR WAYS TO NSURE SAFE HOLDAY DRVNG 1; ALGN FRONT WHEELS AND CHECK STEERNG CONNECTONS. $ NEW FRST LNE 600x16 TRES A $17.00 Value. ONLY $ 1395, Tax ncluded 3. RENFORCED TYPE 600x16 TRE CHANS Strap Type $1.25 Each $1 095 L. COMPLETE LUBRCATON LUBRCATE CHASSS RAN & REF-LL KEAK EtN DRAN & REFLL TRANSMSSON CHECK BATTERY CHECK COOLNG SYSTEM $395 Authorzed A _~~~~~~~ B DeaTer ELBERY MOTOR CO.. nc. 360 RVER ST., CAMBRDGE (near Memoral Dr.) Phone K r - ra rmr E N vce dens. Wth the usual desre for detals our fearless young man donned' a leopard skn and slunk l nto the thrd floor offces of ths pseudo - humor magazne whch fronts for the bookes and reefer sellers. Con-fronted wth,the scene of absolute dssoluton our upstandng young Amercan youth was tempted to flee. But the call of duty was stronger and stckng to hs post he collected the facts from frst hand experence. Above s a photo taken wth hs hdden camera depctng usual evenng actvtes n ths den of nquty. Our reporter s seen n the mddle on the floor gatherng hs materal. He has not been seen snce as ths story was receved by wre. HOLDAY An Adventure n ( Good Smokng Alter Hayden Gan Sweet Revenge For "'Bowl" ncdent; Huge "'H" Tops Lbrary Movng to avenge the recent Harvard Bowl ncdent, sx Harvard men succeeded n havng workers on the new Hayden Lbrary unwttngly erect a ffty foot letter "H" n yellow steel grders atop the almost completed framework of the buldng yesterday. Authortes quckly - dscovered the culprts n the crowd of Techmen gathered around the buldng. Ther batteres were substandard and regstered only.87 volts. Chalk Marks Changed After extensve grllng at the Cambrdge headquarters, one of the sx captured cracked and revealed the ngenous scheme employed n carryng out the coup. They had notced that the steel beams of the lbrary were numbered n blue chalk and were ~>:t n place n the buldng accordng to these numbers. After a week of study, they were ready for the fnal operaton. n the dead of nght ths past Sunday, they "cut through the barbed wre and were upon the ples of grders wth evl leers and long peces of blue chalk," stated one of the Harvardmen, a lterature major. Return to Scene Hastly they changed the numbers on twelve of the steel beams, and ther work was done. They returned the next day dsgused as Techmen and watched wth satsfacton the result of ther work as the huge "H" slowly took form. Sx thousand three hundred and forty-two pounds of Yak butter were used. n Tanna Tuva n the year The. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ - _ Harvnx aquam-w Professond Typsts THESES-MANUSCRPTS 4 mattl.e St. TnOwt 749 *

6 Page 4 Camb. Polce Fnd Vce Den Behnd Stacks Detectves Dscover Strppers Gvng Show to Professors Specal nvestgators of the Cambrdge Polce department today nformed offcals of the nsttute that the stacks n the Central Lbrary have been hdng a vrtual "den of ntrgue and vce." Ths news came as no surprse to many men of Technology who long understood the reason for the restrctons placed on undergraduates' use of the stacks. Unnformed sources say that word leaked out that somethng "fshy" was gong on behnd the sordd and ntellectual atmosphere of the lbrary. These sources sad that Mnton Twnch, '52, may hs trbe ncrease, who was angered at the fact that he could "not go behnd the stacks," broke the rules last Monday afternoon and when the lbraran wasn't lookng, dashed through the door, on the heels of a Course Sx graduate student. He followed the student and came upon a collecton of Damsels from the Old Howard puttng on a specal performance for members of the E. E. department. After pausng to see the clmax of "Drty Gerte's" act, he dashed out and rushed to phone polce. Offcals arrved wthn a few mnutes and gong under the pretense that they wanted to look at some old ssues of "Popular Scence" were admtted to the stacks. Followng the sounds of vgorous applaudng comng from deep wthn the Bology Secton, they broke upon the group watchng the specal performance. Arrests were made, and as a result forty professors were placed n the Cambrdge Jal, whle Polce offcals remaned co see the show. l THE TECH HAMBURG CORP. DELCACY Commttee s nvestgatng the hgh prce. Photo by Fletch Walker Dnng Servce Merges Wth Petrfed Hamburg Corp. n our last nstallment of the Dnng Servce seres, our readers wll remember the nference that the cafetera mght change hands n the near future. Well, ths week, we really have some news for the local gourmets. Last Saturday, at a meetng n the exclusve Pg Sty Room of Walker Memoral, the Dnng Servce Board of Drectors completed a merger wth the Petrfed Hamburger Corporaton. n an exclusve ntervew wth The Tech, Cornelus Q. Sausage, Presdent of the Hamburger Syndcate, solemnly announced that, "Youse guys don't have to eat ths slop no longer. The Petrfed Hamburger, n the nterest of publc health and servce, has come to de rescue." Courts To Coops Pctured on ths page s one of the many tasty delcaces on the new menu, to go nto effect as soon as the tenns courts adjonng Walker can be converted nto pg pens and chcken coops. Accord a -- -Tuesday, December 14, { to serve the meal pctured on page for- around $.75. After transton from chcken chop 6 to roast pg, the prces wll tendl drop, t s expected. Also nclud n the meal wll be the pre-dx cocktal, coffee, and dessert, = after dnner fruts and mnts. Other dshes to be naugurated the Petrfed Hamburger Corpo ton wll nclude stuffed pleasa ; szzlng tenderlon steak, and r- :duck. Although these meals be slghtly hgher than the ro duck, every effort s beng made serve them for under $1.00. Techmen are soon to receve the above setup for $.75. The nsttute Chesterfeld Camels er Lucky Strke Phllp Morrs Old Gold Pall Mall Ralegh Ds -- Allson Tobacco Co, P. O. BOX 1006 WLMNGTON, DELAWARE CGARETTES Tareyton per eart. Prem;.m brands slghtly hgher. Add ng to Sausage: "t won't be n10 per carton for shppng and kand6 Mnmum order -fve cartons. EbL trouble at all to put a few pgs Ll your card for gft wrappng. them tenns courts. They're a nal ural; t's a perfect setup." Le. S399 State of Dela. DepL 51 Allson Tobacco Co,. New Prces Lower -P. O. BOX #1006 The new Dnng Servce expec WtsLMNGTON, DEL. 1ts, -. The Smlth rouse 500 Memoral Drve No extra charge for pck-up and delvery n all ctes and oprncpal towns. VuluceL.: frae up to $50.00 Famous Foods For Ffty Years MOMM&,m P`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-

7 c ' _ Uesday, December 14, 1948 _~ THE ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Pr TEC H Page 5 TECH tpayng,thletes HUGE SALARES ACUSE 1h (Contnued from Page 1) robaton. n a statement to The ech, a spokesman for the commt-,e explaned ths acton. "The unshment was meted out n strct cord wth the 6, 2, 1 rato establed n prevous escapades." He ncluded, "Precedent s the bass all law and justce." n an open letter to the press, the nstraton admtted that the tuber of students n the gradug class would be consderably LARRY'S BARBERSHOP ANNOUNCES THE ADDTON OF A SXTH CHAR 0 ELMNATE WATNG LOCATED ACROSS MAN M..T. ENTRANCE PEN DALY 8 A.M...6 P.M. %ftcs:? ' QbkQ} -@,[, w -ta AtMC? SEW FORMULA WTH VRATOL* works wonders n the 1 ooks of your har. t looks natural... t feels natural... nd t stays n lace! Try a bottle. O ~~~ Th rhpecal compo:,ud gu;, s.st re... feps har n place wthout stfness. o reduced n the next two years. The text went on to say that the problem would be worked out to the advantage of all concerned snce the scarcty of supply would shft the demand curve to the rght rasng the average wage of the few men left and gvng a wder choce of occupaton. Dssatsfacton Expressed There has been consderable opnon expressed around the nsttute concernng the severty of the punshment. Many students beleve that no consderaton was gven the future course of the poor scholars that had gven the best years of ther lves to Technology only to receve such rough handlng for a student prank. Other punshments were suggested, such as cuttng the men off from eatng at Walker. The oldnary mud snapper lfts thrty tmes the weght of the Empre State Bldg. n the course of ts normal. r 44, Jaep~k 4.k M.4! (t &M,9# 1 atom* Jean! a~~~~ ~ ab a YB a ~ 9 C~ 9 n a sensatonal expose whch rocked ntercollegate athletc crcles, t was revealed last nght that M..T. has been handng out huge athletc scholarshps to ts sports stars for the past few years. The charge was made, by Dave Hegan, columnst for a local newspaper, and was admtted by M..T. offcals. Accordng to Hegan, who s wdely known for hs sensatonal exposes, the nsttute pays outrght stpends of as much as $2000 yearly to ts stars of the grdron, damond, and basketball court. n addton, athletes are pad hgh salares to perform such dutes as runnng around the block, sweepng the Voo Doo offce after beer partes, etc. Scholastc standards for athletes are also drastcally reduced, t was learned. After prep school and hgh school stars have been lured to the nsttute, they are enrolled n Course V, Tech's easest course, are personally suppled wth bbles for all ther courses by Professor Mueller, and are gven "sneak prevews" of all quzzes. Snce all the professors n the Physcs Department are rabd sports fans, they are especally lenent n awardng grades to athletes. Harvard s ndgnant The general reacton to the sensatonal dsclosure by Hegan was a wave.of ndgnaton, especally among rval colleges. J. W. Bgham, drector of athletcs at Harvard Unversty, was reached at hs home and made the followng statement: We toose your poaato... whle pleosag your purne... wth delcously prepared foods, hgh n nutrton valoe. For qualty meals...you'll dne where you see the famlar WALTONS sgn l "No wonder Tech's teams have been beatng us so consstently!! Ths s an outrage!! We belong to the vy League and have to observe the unon scale for salares set up by the vy League. M..T. s engagng n unfar labor practce by exceedng the unon scale." M..T. offcals, whle admttng the charges, clamed that they were forced to take ths acton on athletcs, due to heavy pressure on the part of alumn and of the corporaton. Athlete's Reacton A typcal Tech athlete, J. "Muscles" McGurk '50 (Heght 6' 4", weght 248 lbs.), made the followng comment: "Daah... dunno why they're.rasng such a fuss.. t's all a matter of competton. was offered scholarshps by Penn, Wellesley, and the Massachusetts School of Embalmng, but chose Tech because they pay the most, and besdes, wanna get a good. scentfc edjucaton. "'m don' great n my schoolwork. All the perfessers are very helpful. On my last report card had a 4.79 cum. By the way, can anyone tell me what an ntegral s?" The ultmate dsposton of the case s uncertan. However, t s rumored that Tech wll be dropped from the schedules of vy League teams because of professonalsm, and wll be forced to get competton from Notre Dame, Mchgan, and other teams n ts own fnancal class. Rocket Group To Shoot Moon Shp Frosh Wll Be Frst Man To Reach Satellte Just ths week the M..T. Rocket Sassety (Not to be confused wth the Rocket Research Socety) announced the completon of ts plan to shoot one of ts members to the moon ths Saturday. The Sassety, a Buldng 22 organzaton, has chosen Charles Heplewhte, '52, may hs trbe ncrease, as the lucky one who wll be the frst to set foot on the satellte. The launchng wll take place at twelve noon, rght outsde of the barracks, where a small steam (Contnued on Page 6)

8 Page 6 THE TECH - Tueaday, ecember 14, 1g FEMME FATALE FXES Student s San Afte n a surprse move the dscplnary commttee announced today the confesson of the secretary held n connecton wth the slayng of Thomas L. Llton, '49, last Thursday. The confesson was gven to your reporter although the name of the woman, descrbed as snuous, sultry, and appealng was wthheld. Ths acton clmaxed a week of suspense durng whch the gult of the grl was hotly debated. Despte the pcture taken by The Tech's sterlng 'photographer who was, as usual, on the spot, there was consderable doubt expressed n hgh crcles FACE 13th Kss n the statement the unknown sren admts slayng the well known student after the thrteenth kss because, "... he was too much for me." The tearful wtness clamed n her testmony that Mr. Llton had promsed her a full year's subscrpton to The Tech, although ths departrnent dsclams any credt, n return for runnng away to 'New Hampshre wth hm. After the thrteenth kss Mr. Llton s sad to have reneged on hs promse and offered Voo Doo nstead. At ths nsult he was knfed to death. Moon (Contnued from Page 5) shovel s beng mprovsed as a launchng platform. Gunpowder Used for Takeoff The rocket tself wll consst of a large keg of gunpowder to provde the ntal acceleraton, whle a battery of -two hundred,thrty-sx jato unts lashed together wll carry Heplewhte the rest of the dstance. Deacceleraton wll be accomplshed once Heplewhte has reached hs objectve by a large umbrella. The sassety had an nauspcous begnnng last year wth experments nvolvng gunpowder and empty carbon doxde capsules. There are several charred holes on the second floor of Buldng 22 to testfy to the success of these experfnents. No Round Trp The presdent of the sassety, who refused to dvulge hs name, stated that they were not yet sure how they would get Heplewhte back once he landedl on the moon. He sad, however, that he hoped the club would have somethng worked out before too long. n any case, Heplewhte wll be provded wth a large bottle of lqud ar, despte the fact that the club gave a rousng vote of confdence to the theory that the moon has ar. Heplewhte was voted 'The man we would most lke to see shot to the moon" by the Senor class of hs hgh school last year. Fun (Contnued from Page ) Recently several Technology Ber retares have fled complants wly nsttute offcals, clamng 0L femnne loveles have been chas (lterally) by students. One g was forced to run from Buldng to Buldng 3 shoutng "Help! about to be crmnally assaulted; before losng a potental assala n the crowd. Ths above mentoned event p cptated a meetng of the Corpora ton at whch a radcal decson made concernng ths ncdent - was decded that the feraa starved Technology students m1 be fed KNO 3. However, Federal laws prohl saltpeter from beng added to ar food that s sold. An mpossw soluton to ths problem came for the saltpeter must be put n fo that wll be gven away. Perhaps our readers have not recently that salad has been serv to the patrons of Walker Meno0 free of charge. Featurng New Ralegh and Schwm Also ued bs Bcycle at kw pre BOSTON CYCLE C0, - 57 Dover St., Boston [ _ " Y A CHRSTMAS GFT THRAlT WTLL LAST A WHOLE YEAR SUBSCRPTONS TO.ALL4 MAGAZNES AT THE LOWEST RATES c L c r r 59 MASSACHUSETTS AVE., BOSTON MPORTED and DOMESTC WNES - LQUORS AND ALES Across the BRDGE at Commonwealtn Ave. TEL. NMKORE OPEN DALY 9 A.M. TO P.M. - Free Delvery Servce We Have On Hand BUDWESER, PABST BLUE RBBON, SCHLTZ BEE2Sb PCKWCK ALE -* ' L -- Y- L- A SPECAL GREETNG CARD WLL BE PROVDED TO NOTFY RECPENTS T ECHNOLOGY STOR a PATRONAGE REFUND TO 1._MBERS c a a a e a m l~

9 . day, December 14, 1948 THE- TECH (Contnued from Page 1) hnk nothng of.t," explaned ek All, "t s,but my frst wfe 0 s angered at my thrd wfe, ay my trbe ncrease, about a matrof lttle mportance. My wves e restless, for they have not ough to do. shall soon have to somethng to make them tred, that peace shall regn once more the household. "As was about to say, the new urse shall cover the subjects of sert warfare and thle care and,ntenance of camels. t had been t by the men who -are n charge R.O.T.C. may ther trbes nase, that the scholars at M..T. not have suffcent choce of nches offered to them." Small Herd t that moment, there was a ler, and shrller, outburst n the ghborng tent. Some three fele voces could be dscerned ths e, but the Shek merely shrugged shoulders, sayng, "Be not ds- V PPES ' OF CHARACTJER The mprnt, 'John Surrey," on a ppe s a hallmark of superb craftmaonshp. We offer a fne selecton of popular shap and styles. _ ---- DON'T BE A "'STUFFY STUDE" Make a date wth your best gal and take her to the Ffe & Drum Room for an evenng she'll never forget. Wonderful food. Romantc dance musc by Jmmy McHale and hs orchestra. Songs by Shery Lyndon. Never a cover or mnmum! l turbed, t s merely my second wfe who s argung wth mgy fst and thrd wves on the methods of preparng some dsh. My wves are restless for they have not been actve.of late. ' shall soon have to do somethng to pacfy them. But we dgress. "A small herd of camels has been purchased and s expected to arrve soon.. They wll graze on Brggs Feld. t s for Eths reason that we have placed, upon portons of the feld, sgns readng 'Keep off the grass.' We trust that, due to other local condtons, the otherwse overwhelmng odor of the beasts wll not be notceable." Expects Response Sd Abdul bn Shlemel, may hs trbe ncrease, shall be Keeper of the Herds and we expect a good deal of response from the students. Furthermore... Once more a great burst of nose came from the. next tent. The Shek arose and explaned: "My fourth wfe has arrved, and fear matters may get out of hand. shall return mmedately, but fear that must absolutely do somethng to pacfy my wves, for they have not had suffcent actvty of late. Excuse me." The Shek strode out of the tent, and almost mmedately the noses ceased. However; the chef had not come back after a full hour, so we decded to leave; May hs trbe ncrease. Kcklund 6650 UNVERSTY STATONER CO. O0ce and. Seh $ol uppl : 311 Madsakutu Av, Clrbf -BesPs~ n, -_-_g E.E. nstructor Vctm Of Brutal Slpstck Stayng ll On Thursday, December 9, the nude body of A. B. Edgarson, an nstructor n the Electrcal Engneerng Department, was found n the basement of Buldng 2. A horrble gash had been nflcted on hs head -by a long, -thn object, probably a slde-rule. He was found at eght o'clock on Thursday mornng by E. D. W1lcox, a jantor., The vctm,was found lyng face down n a large pool of blood, reportedly hs own. The polce were summoned nmedately and 'two hours later Captan Wllam C. Curley of the Cambrdge Cty Polce took charge of the nvestgaton. A Detzgen Dd t After a careful examnaton of the body, Captan Curley announced that the murder weapon was ".. probably... a... slde-rule.. " Captan Curley stated' that the murder weapon was defntely not the crcular type of slde-rule, but was probably one of the wooden or metal oblong types. He ruled out the Assocated Tutors model, sayng that the mpresson of a LL2 scale was found on the vctm's head. "A... Dletzgen... s a.. lkely suspect..." Captan Curley was heard to say. nstructors, Take Heed! A coroner's nquest s scheduled for Frday, December 17. The Coroner, Terrence S. Curey, was reached at hs home at 268 Beacon Street and gave hs vews on the possble motves of the murder. Mr. Curley remarked that snce the vctm was from Tech, and an nstructor besdes,"... the murder could not have 'been a crme of passon..." Page 7 Course Ffteen To Be Brought Up-To-Date Currculum Smplfed; Convertble Requred For Junors' Admsson New attempts are beng made to "humanze" Course Ffteen. After many complants had been receved by the department heads, t has fnally been decded to "clean up the mess." One of the strongest grpes was the fact that members enrolled n XV had to attend classes on Wednesday and Frday. Offcals stated that the stuaton would be remeded mmedately, and t s hoped to eventually elmnate ALL classes. A new requrement for entrance nto.the course has been establshed. From now on, those who wsh to complete the academc requrements for Course Ffteen must show evdence of havng studed less than two hours out of class a week. t has been rumored that before beng allowed to contnue to ther Junor year, men must also clam possesson of a convertble. However, the department heads dd not specfy what make or- model convertble..... Professor J. Q. Empthed, may hs trbe ncrease, Sophomore Regstraton offcer, stated that the present Course n Producton, wll be placed wth , enttled "Reproducton." Sad Professor Emntled, "'m all for extracurrcular actvtes, and thnk that wll help the boys along." t was decded to replace M21 by a "much more nterestng course" usng the new text by Henry Barnyard Phlops enttled, "Mathematcs for Frst Graders Made even Easer." The troublesome 8.03 s to be replaced by a novel course enttled, "How to Replace a (Bown Fuse," and ths course also features a new Francs Gsmo Zlch. The answers to the even problems wll be ncluded by the wlth-..: HOTEL VENDOME Commonwealth Ave. at Dartmouth St. PMBWP --l-y 11 n0. ~ = Ba~ a~, 1

10 Page 8 Shortage of Drt At Tech Revealed Dyng Jantor Exposes Thrty-Three Year Lack Now t can be told!! On hs deathbed, Vladmr Pustokovtch, Master of Santatlon, Harvard '14, and for thrty years a jantor at the nsttute, has revealed the sordd secret of M..T. There s not enough drt to go around. "Snce 1915, when the nsttute moved to ts present locaton the shortage has been hdden by manpulaton of holes, dtches and projects." Vladmr gasped out the damnng truth as he lay awatng the end n hs feld unform, the M..T. Medal of Heroc Herosm (receved for nght duty n the Creep Lab), gleamng on hs breast. Holes Were Hdden The present wave of buldng, contrary to the propaganda beng crculated, arose from the necessty of demolshng the Shoe Exhbton buldng, where for many years the old antquated holes had been stored!! The Senor House and Lbrary provded enough drt to make the dscrepancy unnotceable. To cover these two new excavatons holes and dtches were dug n the parkng lot and reflled wth cement and old ppes; and the 12 MEV generator begun. (Authortes have now dscovered that there s no market for 12 MEV so that the macl±,; s to be used to charge batteres n student cars.) Delrous towards the end, Mr. Pustokovtch recalled "the good old days" when the nsttute, wth ts network of canals, was known as the Vence of the Northwest. Remnants of the quant covered brdges whch connected departments stll stand between Buldngs 4 & 12; 12 & 24; and 24 & 22. Eastgate To Save MALT. b He's gone. Two Voo Doo reporter are gong through hs pocket. $ searchng for old jokes (and extral cash). t s fortunate that ths came when t dd. Two more year. and the whole horrble secret woulcs have been oblterated by the dr d from the new apartment house anc the mud that s now beng fevershly pumped up from the Charles Rest n Peace, Vladmr! You: r years of tol as a jantor and parttme Englsh teacher have beer avenged. The average age of the procull. r., mus abstrcan of Tanganylka s fou months sx days, Aseventy-two mn, utes. THE TECH Lbrary Rveters Wll Be Stopped Machne Gun Attack Planned From Dorms Are you shaken out of bed each mornng by the chatterng of the lbrary rveters? Your tortures are almost over. At present, the NKVD s hard at work makng sure that your beauty sleep s not dsturbed. f you could get to the top of the dorms (you can't unless you're a Cardnal member of the NKVD), you would see four 50 calber, Vaselne cooled, machne guns; eght 30 calber, gnger-ale cooled, machne guns; fourteen mortars (to be used wth four slug ammunton); and a suffcent supply of ammunton to make everybody, except the rveters, happy. But the center of the attack wll come from the roof of Walker Memoral. t s rumored that a new secret weapon wll be placed there. Could t be the 8.01 rfle? An electrc eye wll be set up n Buldng 2 and n Walker Memoral, so that f there s any movement on the steel structure, all hell wll break loose. n ths manner you mght be awakened rather abruptly on one sunny mornng, but after that you may sleep n peace through all your 9:00 amn. Humantes classes. The genus responsble for ths bran-storm s Nchol Kensacobovtch, may hs trbe ncrease, '51, who t s also rumored, had hs share of batteres n the H-Y plot. He has pledged not to fal n ths new endeavor. Good luck to you, 'Cobovtch.' ONLY ONE COST 20 CHECKS FOR $2 SPECAL CHECKNG ACCOUNT KENDALL SQUARE OFFCR HARVAR TRUST COMPANY MEMBER FEDERAL DEPOST NSURANCE CORPORATON 1 Reds (ontnued from Page 1) powerful, representatve, free enterprse democracy one of the patrons, name wthheld on request, of the dnng servce ate the turnp and found the revealng documents. The affar takes a serous turn when consdered along wth other evdence of subversve actvtes by the communstc agtators tryng desperately to overthrow the Grand Old Flag that stands for freedom. n these days of strfe aganst our Free Enterprse System that has provded more for everyone than any subversve red-socalst doctrne can, t s mperatve that the scentfc nsttutons stand four square for the cause of lberty. Although the nature of the "free radcals" whose presence at the nsttute comes as a shock to those who love t was not dvulged, t s to be consdered detrmental to the welfare of Technology, the country, may t stand forever, and the world now engaged n the struggle between two dametrcally opposed systems. The chemstry depart TCHY (So are we) Releve tchness caused by thngs that cause tches. Use our tch remover, contanng the ant-tch ngredent, Scratcho. Makes you feel untched. Do you have to scratch at embarrassng tmes. Does your grl have to scratch you. Don't scratch when you're tchy, use tch-go, contanng Scratcho. TCH-GO, Box 67 3 Ames Street, Cambrdge n Tuesday, December 14, l mant could not be reached fl statement but usually rela sources nform your reporter q t s grdng tself for battle to ell out ths subversve movement SURGERY MADE FASY-L. Meat Cuttng At Home. Do aften wonder how your But carves meat? Do you want to ca your meat? Practce on y 4 frends n the prvacy of your home. Try the easy Home Buteh Course. Ask for Kt D-21, Cut. nc., Cambrdge, Mass. CAFE BE Real Honme-Cooked Fa Reasonably Prced Luncheons and Dnue Vst Our Lounge Bar A165 Massachusetts Avenue, Bo AFTER THE BALL WAS OVER We are the proud posses0a one lady's hand bag, two unf argyle socks, one lady's sl8p no name, and an ndvdual ng to be Joseph Staln who rel to get out of the bath tub. over from the last party the o of these tems may clam su8 proper dentfcaton at 350Be St. REWARD! One can of beer to whoeve fnds the Canada Dry Gnge l Ale ad that was supposed tc go n ths space.