The Herald. 35p June 2018

Transcription

1 The Herald 35p June 2018

2 The parishes of St Margaret Downham St Mary the Virgin Ramsden Bellhouse and St Peter South Hanningfield The Revd Stephen Robertson Ministry team Rector The Rectory, Castledon Road, Downham, Billericay CM11 1LD Tel: The Revd Jean Andrews Associate priests 3 Sewards End, Wickford, SS12 9PB Tel: jean@rjandrews.me.uk The Revd Miranda Seaman Copt Hall, High Street, Stock CM4 9BA Tel: seamanyoung@btinternet.com The Revd Suzy Edmundson Deacon 19 Westering, Bicknacre, Chelmsford CM3 4ND Tel: suzy.edmundson@btinternet.com Churchwardens St Margaret Downham Lee Baxter 30 Louvaine Avenue, Wickford, SS12 0DP Tel: leebaxter123@hotmail.com Joan Griggs 8 Warren Drive, Wickford, SS11 8NE Tel: griggs242@btinternet.com St Mary the Virgin Ramsden Bellhouse Beryl Clements 8 Duffield Road, Great Baddow, Chelmsford, CM2 9RY Tel: randbclements@blueyonder.co.uk St Peter South Hanningfield Vacant

3 Contents From the Rector 2 From the registers 3 Alban helping a stranger in need 4 News from St Margaret s 4 Downham WI report 6 News from St Peter s C of E Primary School 6 Ramsden Bellhouse News 9 Chelmsford Festival of Art and Culture 13 Ramsden Heath Horticultural & Allotment Society 14 Ramsden Heath Social Club 15 What s on where and when 18 News from St Peter s 20 My time at St Peter s, South Hanningfield 21 South Hanningfield Village Hall 28 South Hanningfield Parish Council 28 Puzzle corner 32 Children s pages 34 Smile lines 36 Contacting The Herald 37 The Herald is published monthly by Downham Parochial Church Council on behalf of the churches in Downham, Ramsden Bellhouse and South Hanningfield. Views expressed by contributors are not necessarily those of Downham PCC. The Herald is on sale in St Margaret s, St Mary s and St Peter s at 35p per copy. Alternatively you may purchase an annual subscription for If you wish The Herald to be delivered to you please contact Robert Andrews on or distribution.theherald@downhamchurch.org.uk The Herald can also be downloaded free of charge from 1

4 From the Rector The Pilgrim Way On 16 May, a group of 9 candidates from this benefice were confirmed by Bishop Stephen Cottrell, the Bishop of Chelmsford, in Downham Church. Thank you to everyone who helped make the event such a tremendous celebration of Christian faith and practice. On the night, everything came together, the liturgy, the music, the refreshments, and all the practical arrangements, and it was a joy just to be part of such an uplifting event. In his sermon Bishop Stephen spoke naturally, using the text of John s gospel, about the peace Jesus brings to our lives; peace between us and God, peace between us and our neighbours, and peace in our own hearts. This peace and reconciliation, which we all yearn for and the world needs so badly, is brought about through Jesus death on the cross. The bishop then spoke about how Jesus sent his first disciples out into the world to tell others about this Good News of peace. And how he sends us to do the same today! Lastly, he spoke about how Jesus breathed on those disciples, and gave to them the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit leads us to the truth found in Jesus and equips and empowers us for the journey of faith that lies ahead. The candidates who were confirmed were prepared using a booklet entitled The Pilgrim Way. The Christian life is a journey on which we grow in faith and love and understanding, and in our desire to serve God and to serve one another. What then will sustain us on this journey of faith? I want to offer two answers to this important question. The first answer is: Bible reading and prayer. At the end of the service, our Confirmation candidates were each given a Good News Bible and some introductory Bible reading notes, to encourage them to start reading the Bible and praying every day. Reading God s word to us and talking to God in prayer are fundamental building blocks for a healthy Christian life. The second answer is: Christian friends and regular Church attendance. Our Christian journey is not to be undertaken alone. When we are baptised, we are baptised into the family of the Church, and our fellow Christians become our sisters and brothers in Christ. In the Acts of the Apostles, we read that the believers spent their time in 2

5 learning from the apostles, taking part in the fellowship, and sharing in the fellowship meals and prayers. (Acts 1:42) As Christian disciples, we want to come together regularly and often to worship God, to learn more about our faith, and to encourage one another on our pilgrim way. Thank you again to ALL those who helped make the Confirmation Service so special. Who might you encourage to be confirmed next??? Revd Stephen Robertson Rector From the registers Saint Margaret s Church, Downham Holy Baptism May 13 Robin Susan Sellick Confirmation May 16 Tracy Dawn Boulila Maureen Lilian Iris Bradshaw Barbara Ann Leigh Jill Margaret Munting Jessica Loraine Annie Oldham Cherie Louise Rolph Libby Hannah Seaman-Young Burial of Ashes April 28 Mary (Maisie) Swift May 6 Constance Myrtle Flynn May 14 Eileen Elizabeth Weidner Saint Peter s Church, South Hanningfield Confirmation May 16 Thurston Philip William North Burial of Ashes May 15 Jonathan James Haywood 3

6 Saint Mary s Church, Ramsden Bellhouse Confirmation May 16 Wedding May 12 Derek John Hayden James Stuart Taylor & Frances Maria Morgan Alban helping a stranger in need The Church remembers St Alban on 22 June Alban should be the patron saint of anyone who impulsively offers to help a stranger in need and finds their own life turned upside down as a result. The story goes that Alban was a Roman citizen quietly living in England in the third century. Then, miles away in Rome, the emperor, Diocletian ordered a persecution of the Christians. Nothing to do with Alban except that suddenly he found a desperate priest on his doorstep, being hunted down by local soldiers. Alban decided to give the priest shelter, and within days was converted to Christianity himself, and then baptised. As if this was not brave enough, when the soldiers arrived, Alban decided to take the priest s place. He dressed up in the priest s clothes to enable the priest to escape. Not surprisingly, the soldiers then arrested Alban himself. Now a Christian, Alban refused to offer sacrifice to the Roman gods, and so was condemned to death. But the story doesn t end there, for Alban went to his execution with such holiness and serenity that one of the executioners was converted, and the other executioner s eyes fell out (or so the story goes). Alban was buried nearby, and the shrine built to his memory was soon known for its healing powers. Alban s cult extended all over England, and nine ancient English churches were dedicated to him. 4 News from St Margaret s Confirmation On 16 May St Margaret s welcomed Bishop Stephen Cottrell, the Bishop of Chelmsford, to conduct a service of Eucharist with Confirmation. This was Bishop Stephen s first visit to Downham, but as he said in his introduction he has over six hundred churches in the diocese therefore it takes time to visit every one. He was clearly delighted to visit us and to confirm nine candidates from the three churches in our benefice.

7 Bishop Stephen with the confirmation candidates and the parish clergy There is a further selection of photographs on the Downham church Facebook page Fête & Flower Festival Our Fête & Flower Festival take place over the weekend of 30 June & 1 July. Please see the advert on page 19 for times and further details. We hope to see you there. It is not too late to volunteer to help us. If you can offer any help, please contact one of the churchwardens whose details are in the inside cover of this magazine. July Family Service Because of the Fête & Flower Festival our July Family Service will take place on Sunday 8 July. There will be a normal Eucharist service on 1 July. 5

8 Downham WI report Our Spring Group meeting was brilliant, especially as we had Roger Dorkin as our speaker. He gave us an account of his life as a youngster, reliving tales of his home life. Roger s father was the village blacksmith/ farrier in Witham. Roger had the ladies laughing at some of his stories, and several members said he enjoyed the meeting as much as they did. We had so many congratulations on delicious sandwiches and cakes, and an excellent speaker. Thank you so much to all those who helped make the afternoon such a success. There were not many at the coffee morning at Jean s, but those of us who were there enjoyed the morning. Thank you Jean for your hospitality. Several members who were unable to come kindly sent a donation. PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING - THE MEETING ON 19 JUNE will be held in ST. MARGARET S CHURCH at the usual time of 2.00pm. Building work will be going on at Downham Village Hall therefore we are unable to use it. We will welcome Rev. Miranda Seaman as our speaker. Topic will be The Suffragette Movement. There is plenty of car parking space at the Church. The committee was elected en bloc, with the addition of a new member Wendy Anderson. We hope Wendy will enjoy being on our committee. Sylvia was re-elected as President. Next Committee meeting is on Wednesday 13 June at Lynn s. Sylvia News from St Peter s C of E Primary School It s lovely to be able to bring you some of the news from St Peter s School, but at the same time it s almost impossible to tell you about everything that s been happening so here are just a few highlights. This week is the week of the statutory tests (SATS); it is a tough week for all our children and especially the Year 6 who have tests each morning but they 6

9 are managing very well and we are now awaiting the results before we break up at the end of July. We are about to give out the scripts for the end of year play and the children are very excited about it. As yet, the children do not know which play we have chosen so it s all very hush hush. Everyone will be involved in some way but the oldest children have the main parts. This week we start Bikeability (cycle proficiency as was) too and everyone in Years 5 and 6 will be busy learning the rules of the road and how to ride safely so that they are well equipped to go out by themselves when they go off to Secondary school. It is important to learn to be safe and we are glad of the opportunity to do this Bikeability in school time. We have started preparing for the St Peter s day service and we are looking forward to the Year 6 picnic organised by the PTA, the school fête and the Leavers services to name a few. This year is especially important for us at St Peter s as it mark our 50th anniversary of being on this site. You may have noticed the golden plants outside the school and we are soon to have a tree planted to mark the occasion. Our school fête will also have the 50th anniversary theme and there are plans afoot to have a golden anniversary tea party. If anyone in the village has photographs of the school over its history, we would be very grateful - we hope to put together a CD of photos if we can collect enough to mark this special year. Another firm favourite is buddy day - all our Year 6 children have a buddy in Reception so that the little children always have a bigger child looking after them at playtimes when they first come in to school. The buddies sit with them at lunch and share lots of other activities with them. All the children really enjoy this. This term though, we have organised for the Reception and Year 6 children to go on a trip to Barleylands where they will make pizza, visit the animals and ride on the tractor. I don t know which of the children are more excited! It is a great time of year and a very busy time for staff and children but it means we appreciate and enjoy our summer break even more. Wendy Figueira Head teacher As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in schools. Anon 7

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11 Ramsden Bellhouse News St Mary s Church The first of this year s COFFEE MORNINGS to help raise funds towards the cost of the flowers for the August Flower Festival was held on 12 May. Although attendance was a little disappointing, nevertheless we raised Our next COFFEE MORNING will be held on 9 June from 10.00am to 12.00noon in the church, and hopefully better weather will bring more people in. There will be further COFFEE MORNINGS on 14 July and 11 August. STRAWBERRY CREAM TEA Saturday 16 June 2.00 to 4.00pm at Ramsden Bellhouse Village Hall in aid of St Mary s Church funds. Tickets 5 each (children under ). Available from Audrey Pegrum or Beryl Clements This month s FAMILY SERVICE to which all ages are invited, will be on 24 June at 10.30am followed by tea/coffee/soft drinks and biscuits. Ramsden Bellhouse Horticultural Society Summer Show Saturday 2 June. Exhibitors 9.00am, Visitors 2.00pm. For further details contact Mr Rusi Hodivala

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15 Chelmsford Festival of Art and Culture Chelmsford Festival of Art and Culture is a new family festival full of music, art and dance. The festival will launch in the town centre on Saturday, 23 June with a host of entertaining activities, and will include after that, a week long, city-wide programme of art and cultural events. The fun will consist of art exhibitions, music performances, a carnival parade, storytelling, circus performers, ghost walks, science, dance and art workshops, and much more. Other highlights include the Sound of Essex Festival (a youth music festival to celebrate music from schools across Essex) and the Chelmsford River Festival, including the dragon boat race. Chelmsford Festival is a community-led, charitable initiative run by local volunteers working collectively to bring the community of Chelmsford together. For more information, find us on Facebook or visit our website at chelmsfordfestival.org 13

16 Ramsden Heath Horticultural & Allotment Society Plant Sale Our Plant Sale on Saturday 5 May was, once again, a great success. There was concern ahead of the event that we wouldn t have enough plants to sell after the bad early Spring weather. We need not have feared; as always our members rose to the challenge and supplied us with an amazing selection of different plants and vegetables, resulting in a profit of over 230 which goes towards Society funds. A queue stretching the whole length of the car park had formed ahead of the opening time, giving us an early rush followed by a steady stream of people right up to closing time. The very few plants we had over were taken to the allotment site and placed outside the Trading Hut for anyone to take. Thank you to all our members for helping us to raise funds for our Society. Dates for your diaries SUMMER BUFFET - Our annual Summer Buffet will be held on Saturday 2 June from 7.00pm at the Christian Growth Centre. Food is provided by the Society and we ask you to bring your own drinks and a glass to drink it from. The cost of the evening is the same as last year, 8. To book your place please contact: Pearl Lemar. Telephone , pearl.tiplers@gmail.com JUNE MEETING - Thursday 7 June. We welcome an old friend of the Society, Russell Bowes. This time his topic is entitled The Capable Mr Brown. We all know his name, but what do we know about Brown s family 14

17 life, the people he worked for and what else was happening in England at the time? Where did the new style of landscape gardening he is famous for come from? Did he invent it? Come along and find out. ALLOTMENT EVENING - Thursday 5 July. Following on from our previous successes, we are once again holding our evening around the allotments with drinks at the Trading Hut. Wander around and see what s going on at the allotments, get some tips and advice from other allotment owners who knows, maybe even some free samples and enjoy a drink and nibbles by the Trading Hut. Keep your fingers crossed that we can follow our tradition of good weather. If it pours with rain the evening will be cancelled. SUMMER OUTING Sunday 2 September to Capel Manor Gardens. This trip is now fully booked, but Sue Lowing will take names to go on a waiting list should there be any cancellations. Please contact: Sue Lowing. Telephone: susan.lowing@btinternet.com Ramsden Heath Social Club Our events take place at Ramsden Heath Village Hall in Dowsetts Lane Our next bingo sessions in the village hall will be on Friday 1 June, Friday 6 July and Friday 3 August. 15

18 There are still some seats available for our coach trip to Arundel or the Amberley Museum and Heritage Centre. The pick-ups will be at Halls Corner, Wickford and The White Horse, Ramsden Heath. Tickets, which are for the coach fare only, are 18 for members, 21 for non-members and for youngsters (usually the under 16s). There are many things to do at both places. At Arundel there are trips on the river as well as the Castle to visit. Amberley Museum and Heritage centre is set out like a village with buildings around a village green. There is even a vintage bus and a miniature steam train which run round the site. Entry to Amberley is at your own cost but as we have a group entry, one of the committee will collect the entry money on the coach ( 11 for adults, 10 for the over 60 s and 6 for children). There is a cafe on site. If you would like to book a seat, please call Pauline on Our last event before the summer holidays are upon us is a quiz on 14 July. We had a very good turnout at our last quiz in February and it would be good to see the hall full again. We let quizzers bring their own drink and nibbles as this keeps the ticket prices down and allows for personal choice. Tickets will be 3.00 for members, 5.00 for non-members and 1 for children. Our new season starts in September with bingo on the first Friday of the month as usual. Our AGM, with an event attached is on Friday 21st. As readers will know the club strives to put on a range of events throughout the year for families and adults. We have a very small committee and would welcome anyone who would like to join us and help shape events in the future. If you would like to know more please contact one of the Daves on the numbers given below. For tickets, or to join the club please contact Dave Quinney ) or Dave Charlton Community Coffee Morning at the Christian Growth Centre (on the corner of Park Lane) Heath Road, Ramsden Heath 10.00am noon Monday 11 June Saturday 16 June Why not come and join us for a friendly chat a nice cuppa and homemade cake. Everyone is welcome 16

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20 Sunday 3 June - Trinity 1 What s on where and when 10.00am St Peter s South Hanningfield Holy Communion 11.00am St Margaret s Downham Family Service 6.30pm St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Evening Prayer Tuesday 5 June 10.00am St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Prayer Group Sunday 10 June - Trinity am St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Holy Communion 11.00am St Margaret s Downham Sung Eucharist 6.30pm St Peter s South Hanningfield Evening Prayer Tuesday 12 June 10.00am St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Prayer Group Sunday 17 June - Trinity am St Peter s South Hanningfield Family Service 11.00am St Margaret s Downham Sung Eucharist 6.30pm St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Holy Communion Tuesday 19 June 10.00am St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Prayer Group Sunday 24 June - Trinity am St Peter s South Hanningfield Holy Communion 10.30am St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Family Service 11.00am St Margaret s Downham Sung Eucharist Tuesday 26 June 10.00am St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Prayer Group Sunday 1 July - Trinity am St Peter s South Hanningfield Holy Communion 11.00am St Margaret s Downham Sung Eucharist 6.30pm St Mary s Ramsden Bellhouse Evening Prayer Please note: Because of the Flower Festival at Downham, the normal Family Service will be moved to Sunday 8 July. 18

21 Summer Fete and Flower Festival St Margaret s Church Castledon Road, Downham, CM11 1LG Saturday 30 June from 1.00pm Stalls, games, BBQ, refreshments, entertainment The Flower Festival will continue Sunday 1 July from 2.00 to 4.00pm Cream teas will be available 19

22 News from St Peter s Annual Parish Meeting and PCC Meeting 23 April These meetings were held in the church this year as the Village Hall was already booked. Although these meetings had been well advertised in several editions of The Herald, it was disappointing that only two persons, other than existing members of the PCC, were interested enough to attend. There were no nominations for the position of Churchwarden, especially as Margaret Radford had decided not to seek nomination after standing for eleven years, the last four as the sole Churchwarden. The following were elected on a unanimous vote. Churchwarden 2 Vacancies Deanery Synod Representative Vacancy Secretary Pauline North Treasurer Derek Greasley Electoral Roll Officer Pauline North Council Members Brian Hancock Zanda Andrews Roy and Margaret Radford Maureen Parry The following had agreed to continue in role :- Independent Examiner John Reynolds Tree Warden South Hanningfield Tree Surgeons St Peter s Day Service Thursday 28 June at 6.00pm This annual service is one to which we welcome pupils, parents and families, and teaching staff from St Peter s School, West and South Hanningfield. This is always an enjoyable service with lots of pupil participation. Please try to join us. There will be time after the service for refreshments and an opportunity to chat to pupils and teaching staff. Annual Flower Festival 1 to 3 September The theme chosen for 2018 is TURN ANOTHER PAGE We are sure this will give our arrangers plenty of scope, and yet again stage a Flower Festival of the highest standard. 20

23 Just another reminder that we are still looking for help with the following: Sponsorship to help with the purchase of flowers Raffle Prizes Cake making Organising a stall or game Erecting and taking down tentage Car parking duties You can contact Margaret or Roy Radford on with any offer of help, or contact any member of the PCC. My time at St Peter s, South Hanningfield Margaret Radford reflects on her time as churchwarden of St Peter s South Hanningfield. I was born at Poplars Farm, Warren Road, just outside the South Hanningfield village boundary in When I was 11, my father decided to give up farming, and became the Village Shopkeeper and Postmaster, in premises directly opposite the Old Windmill Pub. I married Roy in 1962, and we moved away, initially to Chelmsford, and later to Great Baddow. In the early nineties when Roy was working on a contract in South East Asia, I was persuaded by the Revd. David Atkins and Robin Patmore to come back and worship at St Peter s. Robin and I had been at South Hanningfield Village School together, and Roy and Robin had studied at King Edward V1 Grammar School at the same time. I soon found myself very much involved in helping to organise social and fundraising events, in company with the then churchwardens, Norman Gardner and John Hunt, together with Robin and Helen Patmore. I was co opted onto the PCC at the next AGM, so I have been involved with St Peter s for a total of 45 years, 19 before my marriage and 26 since I came back in In the late nineties, Norman Gardner desperately wanted to retire as churchwarden, and asked if I would replace him, but I had major surgery in 2000, and was really unwell for several years. Norman soldiered on until I eventually felt well enough to take over in By that time, Robin Patmore had already taken over from John Hunt, and was a great help to me in the early years. We ran as a great team, with help from Helen and Roy at all times. Robin s premature death left me as the only churchwarden, and I have carried on alone for 4 years until this year. The passage of time, the fact that 21

24 we live outside the parish, and a serious warning from my consultant, led to my decision not to seek nomination in It has been a pleasure to play such an active part in both the Church and the village over many years. I have experienced many happy occasions, and quite a few challenges, but the biggest challenge is now. Please give the matter your full attention and thoughts, for surely no one would like to see the closure of this church that has stood as a focal point for the village since circa 1180 AD I fully intend to still support St Peter s whenever possible. Margaret Radford 22

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29 Difficulty cutting your toenails? Painful corns, and hard skin? CALL NOW! Billericay Foot Health Care Toe Nails cut, painful corns and callus removed and much more Julie Munnings MCFHP MAFHP Registered Foot Health Professional Home visits can be arranged for less mobile patients 27

30 Regular Activities 28 South Hanningfield Village Hall Pilates - beginners welcome Wednesday morning 9.30 to 10.30am Contact Sam on First session free (call to book) South Hanningfield Womens Institute Second Wednesday of each month at 2.00pm contact Yvonne on or just come along. Upholstery Class Friday morning 9.30am to 1.00pm contact Fiona on or Dance Trix - Children s Ballet, Tap, Modern & Jazz for over 3yr olds Saturday morning 11.00am to 1.00pm Contact Katie on First class free South Hanningfield Parish Council I am writing to advise that the Family Picnic Day scheduled for Saturday 23 June is now cancelled. Unfortunately we only received one offer of help that day from a resident of Ramsden Heath. In order for us to take this forward next year, is there anyone willing to offer one hour of their time during the day to help please? I look forward to hearing from you. This year s Annual Parish Meeting went very well. Guest Speaker Katy Seymour gave a very informative talk regarding her role as a Voluntary Community Special Constable. Thank you to those residents who attended. If anyone has any issues they wish to report, you can now contact us via the South Hanningfield Parish Council Facebook page. There are currently vacant allotment plots available. So if you are interested in taking one of these over, it is only for the year. Please contact me if you are interested. Regretfully we are currently having problems with youths damaging playground equipment. If anyone hears or sees anything, please let either myself or one of my Councillor s know. The Parish Office will be closed from 7 June and will re-open on 19 June. If you need to contact the Parish Council during this time, please refer to the website or notice boards for Councillor contact details. Julie Moule Clerk to South Hanningfield Parish Council

31 SOUTH HANNINGFIELD VILLAGE HALL AVAILABLE TO HIRE BY THE HOUR OR DAY SUITABLE FOR WEDDINGS, CHRISTENINGS, BITHDAYS, PARTIES, CLUBS AND SOCIETIES WE HAVE A FEW SPACES TO BE FILLED FOR REGULAR ACTIVITIES Phone for more information (up to 7.00pm please) 29

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34 Puzzle corner Across 1 Evil (Genesis 6:5) (10) 7 Musician called for by Elisha when he met the kings of Israel, Judah and Edom (2 Kings 3:15) (7) 8 The request that led to the institution of the Lord s Prayer: Lord, us to pray (Luke 11:1) (5) 10 We are hard pressed on every (2 Corinthians 4:8) (4) 11 Fraud (2 Corinthians 6:8) (8) 32

35 13 His troops advance in force; they build a siege ramp against me and around my tent (Job 19:12) (6) 15 Where Rachel hid Laban s household gods when he searched his daughter s tent (Genesis 31:34) (6) 17 Now about spiritual gifts, brothers, I do not want you to be (1 Corinthians 12:1) (8) 18 Nomadic dwelling (Genesis 26:25) (4) 21 As for man, his days are like, he flourishes like a flower of the field (Psalm 103:15) (5) 22 Or I live (anag.) (7) 23 Those guilty of 1 Across (Romans13:4) (10) Down 1 God so loved the that he gave his one and only Son (John 3:16) (5) 2 Away in a manger, no for a bed (4) 3 Mob ten (anag.) (6) 4 Each group made its own gods in several towns where they settled (2 Kings 17:29) (8) 5 Began (Luke 9:46) (7) 6 Speaking very softly (John 7:32) (10) 9 Workers Ruth joined when she arrived in Bethlehem with her mother-inlaw Naomi (Ruth 2:3) (10) 12 Put in jail (Acts 22:19) (8) 14 Aceturn (anag.) (7) 16 Discharge (Acts 21:3) (6) 19 All these come from inside and make a man unclean (Mark 7:23) (5) 20 Let us rejoice and be glad and him glory! (Revelation 19:7) (4) Answers on the inside back cover We must lay it down as an elemental principle of religion that no large growth in holiness was ever gained by one who did not take time to be often alone with God. Austin Phelps 33

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38 With June weddings in mind Smile lines Marriages are made in heaven. (Alfred Tennyson) Judge: Have you ever been cross examined before? Accused: Yes, your honour, I am a married man. At her wedding the bride tripped and fell into the arms of the vicar. That s the first time I ve held a fallen woman, he quipped. To which she retorted: It s the first time I ve been picked up by a vicar! Children s attempts to describe married relationships: Christians can have only one wife. This is called monotony. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. Holy acrimony is another name for marriage. Lot s wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire by night. Bishops comments on curates If you ve ever been exasperated with a priest, spare a thought for bishops, who have to work with hundreds of them. Here are some assessments of clergy, made by bishops whose patience was perhaps wearing thin. Mr Smith believes his last parish made him a scapegoat, as did his three previous parishes. Mr Brown would be out of his depth in a church car park puddle. Miss Green has delusions of adequacy. Mr White, having reached rock bottom, has started to dig. His last parish would follow him anywhere if only out of morbid curiosity. Baptism A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year-old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant s head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby? 36

39 Contacting The Herald Contributions to the July edition Copy for the next edition of The Herald should be sent by to Robert Andrews at by Friday 22 June. Please send files in.doc,.docx or.rtf format. Because we wish to maintain a common house style please keep any formatting to an absolute minimum and do not embed photographs or other artwork. If you wish to include photographs or other artwork they should be sent separately in.jpeg or.pdf format. If you are unable to use or are unsure about file types please telephone Robert on , but be aware that the telephone line has BT Call Guardian installed to deter nuisance callers, therefore you may have to announce your name and press the # key in order to be put through. Advertising in The Herald All general enquiries about advertising should be addressed to Mike Roome on or advert.theherald@downhamchurch.org.uk Advertising rates are currently Full page 100 for 12 insertions Half page 60 for 12 insertions Quarter page 40 for 12 insertions We will accept one off or limited run insertions on a pro rata basis If you have existing artwork your advertisements should be ed to advert.theherald@downhamchurch.org.uk preferably in.jpeg or.pdf format. If you wish us to produce artwork for you this can be arranged for a small one-off fee. Answers to the Crossword puzzle ACROSS: 1, Wickedness. 7, Harpist. 8, Teach. 10, Side. 11, Impostor. 13, Encamp. 15, Saddle. 17, Ignorant. 18, Tent. 21, Grass. 22, Olivier. 23, Wrongdoers. DOWN: 1, World. 2, Crib. 3, Entomb. 4, National. 5, Started. 6, Whispering. 9, Harvesters. 12, Imprison. 14, Centaur. 16, Unload. 19, Evils, 20, Give. The Herald is printed by Images, 11 Runwell Road, Wickford, Essex SS11 7PS 37

40 Independent Family Funeral Directors & Monumental Masons Serving the Community since 1840 Prompt personal attention day or night Funerals carried out in all districts Pre Arranged Funeral Plans available Ample on site parking Horse drawn funerals Woodland burials Green Funerals Private Chapels of Rest Dove release Home visits by appointment Funerals tailored to your requirements Memorial Headstones, additional inscriptions and renovations 32 London Road, Wickford, Essex SS12 0AN