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2 30-Day Kindness Challenge Workbook Published by Orange, a division of The rethink Group, Inc Charlotte Lane, Suite 300 Cumming, GA U.S.A. The Orange logo is a registered trademark of The rethink Group, Inc. All rights reserved. Except for brief excerpts for review purposes, no part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form without written permission from the publisher. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. Other Orange products are available online and direct from the publisher. Visit our website at for more resources like these. ISBN: The rethink Group, Inc. Author: Shaunti Feldhahn Lead Editors: Charlyn Elliott, Robert Carnes Contributors: Shaunti Feldhahn, Charlyn Elliott, Linda Crews, Ted Lowe Editing Team: Naomi Duncan Project Manager: Nate Brandt Cover Design: Cassie Streeter Interior Design: Angela Bouma Printed in the United States of America First Edition /01/2018

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4 INTRODUCTION Think of your toughest relationship. Think of a relationship that is good, but could be great. Think of a group of people that drives you nuts. You want to be more kind and generous in these relationships, but sometimes you re just tired, stretched, and frustrated. Besides, do small actions make that big a difference? Yes! After years of extensive research, author and speaker, Shaunti Feldhahn has concluded that kindness is a superpower. It can change any relationship, make your life easier and better, and transform our culture. But how does it work? And how can you show kindness when you don t feel like it? In her book The Kindness Challenge, Shaunti reveals three simple steps proven to make any interaction better and any relationship thrive but this is especially applicable within marriage. MarriedPeople teamed up with Shaunti to understand how kindness impacts marriage specifically. During the six-week study, you ll learn which ways of acting, speaking, and thinking will make the greatest difference for your life. Doing these simple acts not only has the power to change your spouse it has the power to change you!

5 The Kindness Challenge small group study will explore: Three simple acts that make all the difference in any marriage Why kindness is so important How the path to kindness begins with removing negativity The importance of expressing your kind thoughts in words and actions Ways that kindness can become a daily habit over time How kindness in marriage leads to benefits in the bedroom (yes, really!) Why your acts of kindness today can help transform the world This study features the stories of real-life couples who have taken the 30-Day Kindness Challenge. Learn from them and the difference it has made in their marriages. With self-assessments, day-to-day tips, a 30-day challenge, and specific kindness ideas, The Kindness Challenge can make your toughest relationships better and your good relationships great starting today. Are you up for the challenge?

6 SESSION 1: PARTICIPANT GUIDE WHY KINDNESS? KINDNESS MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND! SESSION 1 7 Welcome to The MarriedPeople 30-Day Kindness Challenge! For the next six sessions, you will learn about and experience the transformational power of kindness. We hope you gain great insight into your marriage, other personal relationships, and yourself. GETTING STARTED Awareness and action are the first steps to transformation. In The Kindness Challenge book research, we found that true awareness arrives only after you take action. Which is why this study involves not just group discussion, but actually doing the 30-Day Kindness Challenge together. (Pick the same start date; this study assumes that groups meet weekly and start the 30-Day Kindness Challenge the day after the Session 2 meeting.) Since this study offers short teaching videos, The Kindness Challenge book is not mandatory, but it is highly recommended. (Your personal learning will be somewhat limited without it). You can either read the book ahead of time or follow the suggested reading order as you go (there is more reading early on than in later weeks). Also, in each session you will see more discussion options than you can cover in any one week for a one-hour meeting time. Pick and choose what works best for your group.

7 8 30-DAY KINDNESS CHALLENGE LOOKING IN It s often said that any journey begins with just one step. And if it is a journey to change, we often need to understand the why. 1. Why do you think you might want to do The 30-Day Kindness Challenge for your spouse? 2. What do you think will be the greatest challenge for you?

8 SESSION What do you think will be the most fun about it? 4. In this week s video, Shaunti reminds us of the directive that God gives in Ephesians 4:32 (NIV): Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. As you look back on your marriage, is there a couple who comes to mind who has modeled this verse well? (Friends, family members, acquaintances, public figures?) What specifically do they do and/or say that makes them stand out to you?

9 10 30-DAY KINDNESS CHALLENGE 5. In Luke 10: 25-37, an unidentified Jewish expert in biblical law has a discussion with Jesus. He understands that we are to love God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind, and our neighbors as ourselves. But, he asks Jesus, who is my neighbor? Jesus answers with the parable of the Good Samaritan. A Jewish man is robbed, beaten, and left for dead. Several good men (and fellow Jews), pass by but do not help. Yet, a Samaritan stops to help. (Remember, Jews and Samaritans viewed each other as unworthy and sworn enemies.) Through the story, Jesus explains that our neighbor is anyone who needs help and we should show kindness unconditionally. a) How were the good men unkind to the injured man? More importantly: Do you think that they considered themselves to be unkind? How might we, in our day-to-day lives, similarly justify unkindness toward our spouse through our actions (or inactions), our words (or silence), or attitudes?

10 SESSION 1 11 b) Do you think it is possible to be either the passer-by or the Good Samaritan to our spouse? If you are willing, give an example of a time when you either were or were not a Good Samaritan to your spouse, and what came from it. c) Did the Good Samaritan model kindness in order to get a reward from anyone? (The injured, God, or anyone else?) How can we be kind to our spouse without keeping score or expecting anything in return? How could this be a potential game changer for your marriage?

11 12 30-DAY KINDNESS CHALLENGE LOOKING FORWARD PREPARING TO EMBARK ON THE 30-DAY KINDNESS CHALLENGE! Decide: Are you doing the 30-Day Kindness Challenge as a group, starting the day after your next meeting? That is MarriedPeople s recommendation, but if that doesn t work, pick whatever start date works for you. (Just be aware that the video teaching will follow the suggested format.) Sign up for the Challenge: at com/marriedpeople. When prompted, pick the start date that your group has selected. Consider: Would you like to create a bonus gift for your spouse? If so, consider recording your daily words of affirmation and present them as a special gift journal once the 30 days are done. Your journal may be a handful of index cards, a single sheet of paper that you write on daily, a small writing journal, or whatever you prefer. (Please note: Some people process or handle things in other ways, so your spouse may or may not choose to create a gift journal for you. And that s ok!) Decide: How you will record your actions, observations, and any tips along the way? A notebook? On a mobile device? Ensure that your recording method is easily accessible during the course of your everyday activities.

12 SESSION 1 13 Complete: The Pre-Challenge Kindness Quotient Assessment (optional) Read Chapter 6: Nix the Negativity of The Kindness Challenge Read Chapter 5: Think You Know How To Be Kind? Think Again (optional) KINDNESS REQUIRES HEROIC SELF-SACRIFICE, NOT SELF-PROTECTION. -SHAUNTI FELDHAHN, THE KINDNESS CHALLENGE AND THE SECOND (GREATEST COMMANDMENT) IS...LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. -MATTHEW 22:39 (NIV)

13 About INTRODUCTION Shaunti Feldhahn Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 23 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide. Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, is catalyzing a movement of kindness across the country and beyond. Shaunti s findings have been featured on The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and The New York Times. Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, live in Atlanta with their teenage daughter and son, and two cats who think they are dogs.

14 About MarriedPeople MarriedPeople is the marriage division of Orange, a comprehensive curriculum strategy for churches that focuses on influencing the next generation for Christ. MarriedPeople exists to help churches help marriages by providing resources, training, and community. This is done through small group studies, marriage events, our blog and podcast. To learn more, visit MarriedPeople.org.

15 WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT CAN IMPROVE ANY MARRIAGE? THE ANSWER : KINDNESS After years of extensive research, Shaunti Feldhahn has concluded that kindness is a superpower. It can transform your marriage (sex life, business, in-law dynamics, communication, parenting). But guess what? We are not as kind as we think we are! MarriedPeople partnered with, author and researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn to create the 30 Day Kindness Challenge small group study, based on her book of the same name. In this small group study, you will learn the ways you are negative without realizing it, how targeted kindness will transform your marriage, and how to be kind when you really don t feel like it. Are you up for the challenge? The 30-Day Kindness Challenge is a six-session small group study. Session 1: Why Kindness? Session 2: Nix the Negative Session 3: Practicing Praise Session 4: Carry Out Kindness Session 5: Kindness in Practice Session 6: Kindness is a Superpower 2018 The rethink Group, Inc. All rights reserved.