O my Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous [25:74]

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1 Rights of the Children Before discussing the rights of your children you need to remember that your children are a gift from Allah whether they are good or bad. You need to thank Allah for this blessing. We also need to remember that we should not fight for our rights. Our rights are with Allah so BE patient! The main purpose of knowing the rights of people is so that we may fulfill other people s rights so that we are not in sin. Your children: 1) Are Zina (Adornment). They are coolness for your eye, a comfort. Many people who are desperate for children ask Allah for any kind of child as long as they have a child. This is wrong. You need to ask Allah for righteous children who will be a comfort to your eye, as in this dua; O my Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous [25:74] 2) Are Fitn (Trial) In Surah Anfal Verse 28; (ٱ b JB ه ۥ Y أ ^ ] G[ \ Y ) ٢٨ و ٱY P S X ا أT R S أQ P ٲG N M و أ و M G I J A B D F و أ ن And know that your possessions and your children are but a trial and that surely with Allâh is a mighty reward. (28) If they are good how can they be a trial for you? You have to attribute the blessing to Allah alone. You may believe that it is due to your nurturing and rules that your child is obedient. This is the test and you need to rely on Allah. How about if they are bad? You have to rely on Allah and ask him to reform your child. The trial is whether you depend on the means to reform your child or if you are depending on Allah. Remember; do not blame yourself if your child is disobedient. Ask Allah for the hearts are in his hands and he turns them and guides them. No matter how much we try we won t be able to turn people s hearts. We need to show patience and reliance on Allah. Every cloud has a silver lining. Always believe that there is something good in Allah s decree and never despair of his mercy. Sometimes, the most troublesome child ends up to be the best one out of the lot.

2 3) Belong to Allah. You do not own them. Accordingly, deal with them as if they don t belong to you and fear Allah when you deal with them. Allah has given them to you as a trust and a test. Abu Mas'ud al-ansari reported: "When I was beating my servant, I heard a voice behind me (saying): Abu Mas'ud, bear in mind Allah has more dominance over you than you have upon him. I turned and (found him) to be Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). I said: Allah's Messenger, I set him free for the sake of Allah.Thereupon he said: Had you not done that, (the gates of) Hell would have opened for you, or the fire would have burnt you. (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Oaths (Kitab Al-Aiman), Book 015, Number 4088)" This man owned the slave; we do not own our children. So, now what about beating our children? 4) Are Enemies to you. ء اP B Q ا إ ن u Q أ ز و ٲ^ ~ G و أ و M S } J ٱz v ر وھG و إ ن G N M J Y و ا q r w oq ٱM uq v In Surah Taghabun Verse ;14 ١٤ ) رG[ z P ƒر ن ٱ b F و [ وا P ا و ˆ P ا O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children are your enemies (who may stop you from the obedience of Allâh), therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (14) Your children are enemies to you, They will weaken your faith. You must be aware of them. That doesn t mean you fight them, Allah mentioned here that you should deal with them by overlooking their mistakes and pardoning them. They are enemies to you because they are a trial for you. They are enemies for your Aakhirah. Tools to help us with children: a) Allah has given us Rahma in our hearts. As soon as you have children Allah puts Rahma in your heart. The wider the variety of children you have the more Rahma Allah will put in your heart. Ex. Allah will put more Rahma in the heart of a mother of a disabled child. b) Dua Dua is the weapon of a believer. Dua for your children is accepted all the time; there is no need to wait for a special time. Don t use this weapon wrongly. Do not invoke against your children, make good dua for them. Remember that when Allah gives you the test he also gives you the means. He doesn t just leave you. The Rights of Your Children:

3 The Ulama said that the Rights of the Children are divided into two sections: i) Before the Birth of the Child ii) After the Birth of the Child Rights before Child s Birth: 1) To have a good spouse. You shouldn t just choose any partner. The Prophet said A woman is married for her deen, her wealth or her beauty. You must go for the one with deen, may your hands be in the dust! (if you fail to heed) [Muslim]. Beauty and money will fade away. If you have the religion Allah will beautify you. A husband may love someone who is ugly because Allah beautified her for him. On the other hand you may find someone who is pretty, who is a good cook and who is perfect in every manner except that her husband marries another woman. Why? Because she relies on the means (her beauty)! The hearts are in Allah s hands and he makes people love and hate. Narrated `Abdullah ibn Zayd ibn Aslam, from his father, from his grandfather, who said: When I was accompanying `Umar ibn al-khattab on his patrol of Madinah at night, he felt tired, so he leant against a wall. It was the middle of the night, and (we heard) a woman say to her daughter, O my daughter, get up and mix that milk with some water. The girl said, O Mother, did you not hear the decree of Amir al-mu minin (chief of the believers) today? The mother said, What was that? The girl said, He ordered someone to announce in a loud voice that milk should not be mixed with water. The mother said, Get up and mix the milk with water; you are in a place where `Umar cannot see you. The girl told her mother, I cannot obey Him (Allah) in public and disobey Him in private. `Umar heard this, and told me: O Aslam, go to that place and see who that girl is, and to whom she was speaking, and whether she has a husband. So I went to that place, and I saw that she was unmarried, the other woman was her mother, and neither of them had a husband. I came to `Umar and told him what I had found out. He called his sons together, and said to them: Do any of you need a wife, so I can arrange the marriage for you? If I had the desire to get married, I would have been the first one to marry this young woman. `Abdullah said: I have a wife. `Abd al-rahman said: I have a wife. `Asim said: I do not have a wife, so let me marry her. So `Umar arranged for her to be married to `Asim. She gave him a daughter, who grew up to be the mother of `Umar ibn `Abd al- `Aziz. [Related in Sifat al-safwah and Wafiyat al-a'yan and cited by Ibn al-jawzi in Ahkam al-nisa' pp. 441, 442] So Allah blessed this woman s offspring. Ask Allah to bless YOUR offspring. We have exceptions however. One of Abu Jahl s son was a very important and pious Sahabah. The father was a disbeliever but his son was one of the believers.

4 Sometimes you may find that the husband is more religious than the wife or vice versa. Allah knows best, and he decreed this marriage 50 thousand years before the creation of the heavens and the earth so accept. 2) When you have sexual relations say the dua. Why is this right of your child? If you say the dua Allah will protect your child from Satan. Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (Radhi Allah Anhu): The Prophet (Sal Allahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, "If anyone of you on having sexual relations with his wife said (and he must say it before starting) 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring." Sahih Bukhari - Hadith No. 143 Second Part: Rights of the Child after he is Born. 1) To thank Allah for the blessing. When you thank Allah he puts the Barakah in your child, which is why this is one of the rights of your child. 2) To choose a good name for your child. It is the fathers right to give the name however it is also ok if the father and mother choose the name together. A good name is something that has a good meaning. Remember that your child will carry this name for the rest of his life. Don t just pick random names. Think of a nice, light name which has a positive meaning. 3) Aqeeqah. To slaughter on sheep for a girl and two sheep for the boy. 4) To chew on a date and give the baby. This is Sunnah. 5) To shave the baby s hair. This is Sunnah and it s recommended for the boy. 6) Circumcision. This is obligatory for the male but it is only recommended for the female. How to bring up a child: Husna Tarbiyyah Bringing up a good child is beneficial for the whole society and will be a Sadaqat Jaariyah for us. The righteous child will make dua for you even after your death. Nurturing them is different as they grow older. The best time to teach a child is during the ages 2 to 5. The child during that age is similar to a sponge, she will absorb everything. If you pray she will pray, if you say bad words so will she, etc. Rely on Allah to guide them and nurture them especially during the time they are teenagers where they become the most rebellious.

5 How should you nurture them? By preparing the outside environment for them and giving them emotional support. Show them love otherwise someone else will and they may be bad influence. Play with them and deal with them with compassion. Do not exceed the limits an spoil them by giving them too much. Do not argue with your husband in front of them for most psychological problems root from a young age. Preserve their childhood. Teach your children that they are in this life to perfect their Aakhirah. Their personality = Their nature + Your Nurture Mothers should work with this equation. You need to know the best way to deal with your child. Every child has an inborn character, nature. You should deal with them according to their nature. First ask Allah s help, because their personality is in his hands. Use the means and their inborn character. E.g. Some kids are born to be impatient or calm and when they grow other characters will develop. You need to know each child and deal with him accordingly, like if he is sensitive do not shout at him. Some of the natures of the child can be bad. Both characters, whether good or bad need nurturing from us with Allah s help. Remind your child that his good character is from Allah alone. You excessively praising him can make him arrogant. Do not label your children and define their bad character for it will make it worse. Labeling reinforces a bad character and worsens it. Correct your kids using the Qur an and Hadith. The Correct Nurturing: Surah Luqman Verses 12 to 19: *Be grateful to Allah and he will bless your nurturing. *Luqman advises his son not to commit shirk. You need to strengthen the relationship between your children and Allah. You are the best person to do that for your children. *You need to teach your child the rights of the Parents. These rights however are not limited to the Parents only but extend to Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, etc. *Teach your child to choose good Friends. In life you need a companion, and your Companion will have a great influence on you. Luqman advises his son to choose a

6 Companion who is always returning to Allah. Do not encourage your child to be friends with someone because of their family status or because they are good at a math, but choose someone who is religiously aware. You help your child choose good friends by not forcing them but showing them. Do not put stereotypes in children. One who always returns to Allah means that whenever he makes a mistake he feels guilty and asks for forgiveness. A man is on the religion of his friends. * This is regarding the Day of Judgment when you will be question about what you did during this life. Allah mentioned the Day of Judgment here to remind you that he will ask what you did and why you did. Train your children for the time when Allah will ask them by asking them why they did something wrong. This is very important because they need to be guided. Bring out the motive Why did they do it? Let your children express what they have in their heart otherwise if they suppress it, it will accumulate and cause psychological problems in adulthood. Teach them through their experiences. For Example: Your son used to wear a T-Shirt happily. He saw a worker wearing the same T-Shirt and he didn t want to wear it again. You never made a point of asking him WHY. You need to teach your children that they will return back to Allah and not their mother. Allah will account them for what they did. This Ayah talks about her perfect Allah is and how only he can provide for us. We always want something. This Ayah is about training your child about provision, that only he can provide for us. Allah is describing a scene so we can visualize it. In these scene there is a mustard seed which is an extremely small seed. It is in a rock which is somewhere in the heavens or earth. Allah is able to bring it out, something extremely tiny. In this way Allah is able to give you and provide something you want which neither your parents nor any human being can give you. When you teach your children this you are making a connection between them and Allah. We tend to teach our children that provision comes from people but we should teach them that Allah can give them anything, even things they may want which may seem impossible to get. Teach them that even though Allah is able to bring the impossible it doesn t mean he will give it to you now. Children love heroes. Teach them that Allah is the most powerful and he can bring it to you. Teach them to ask Allah to give them what they want even if you can afford it. Teach them to rely on Allah and not to rely on the people. The previous verses mentioned Aqeedah, rights of the Parents and Provision. Notice how these advices came before the mention of the prayer. If you don t solve the problems it causes an imbalance, thus prayer is the best when you are troubled. This Ayah mentions the first Amal. We cannot live without prayer. Prayer is at a fixed time. Parents nowadays get upset when children are late for school, but if they are late for prayer they ignore it! Your priority should be that your child goes to paradise, how can your child go to paradise if he doesnt pray?

7 Be patient and your child will be patient. Teach your children patience, if someone insults them do not insult them back; Patience is more befitting. Patience is the best deed which opens abundant rewards for the person. One need which has unlimited reward with no hisab is Patience. Patience brings you back to Allah and is a way to get more good deeds. The Sabireen may not be doing many good deeds but will have a mountain of patience. Do not teach your children to fight for their rights or take revenge. Teach them to seek their right from Allah. Do not teach your children to walk proudly and look down on people. Teach them that modesty and shyness is good. Teach them in a manner which will make Allah the child s main concern. For example don t say to your child If you are proud no one will marry you instead say Allah does not like the proud ones. Your child s main concern should be that they want Allah to praise them. The manners are mentioned last in these verses of advice. Being moderate in your walking is reflected in your personality. Lower your voice, do not scream and shout. Remind your child to lower his voice every time he speaks loudly. Some personalities are loud, so you should teach yourself first. Words of Advice: 1) When talking to your children sweetly talk to him with nice names. 2) Manners and Akhlaq will come however Aqeedah comes first for it will save you from the hellfire. Tarbiyyah does not mean etiquette. Education is important but it will not take them to Jannah. We should not allow our kids to sin thinking that when they grow older they will know or learn. You must take all the means to save your child from hell. Do not use your money to send your kids to hell. 3) Teach your children about avoiding shirk. Make your child hate shirk. Feed them Allah s names and attributes. 4) Put the love of Allah in their hearts. Give them hope and fear. Ask Allah to make it easy for you to convey this to your children. 5) Use repetition when your kids are younger, however when they become teenagers use wisdom and be diplomatic. 6 Steps to Nurture Your Child: 1) Learn THEN teach. 2) Rely on Allah. 3) Do it for the sake of Allah 4) Be an example so that your child will follow yu

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