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2 Illusions And Delusions i

3 Publishing-in-support-of, EDUCREATION PUBLISHING RZ 94, Sector - 6, Dwarka, New Delhi Shubham Vihar, Mangla, Bilaspur, Chhattisgarh Website: Copyright, Author All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, magnetic, optical, chemical, manual, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written consent of its writer. ISBN: Price: ` The opinions/ contents expressed in this book are solely of the author and do not represent the opinions/ standings/ thoughts of Educreation. Printed in India ii

4 ILLUSIONS AND DELUSIONS Stories of the heart, soul & mind by Pragya Singh EDUCREATION PUBLISHING (Since 2011) iii

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6 Dedication To all the fabulous people who picked this book this one s for you, especially those of you who ve seen more bad times than good. Times that are dark, ugly and totally disillusioning. The kind that make you want to give up on everything people, life, God. Everything. The funny part there will always be those who ll call you so damn lucky, blissfully unaware of the battles you wage, every single second of every single day of your life. I know you ve felt that this world can be hateful, malicious and even monstrous towards a tender heart. That there s no such thing as control over your life. Bad people, terrible things do happen to good people, all the time. And vice versa. Which makes you shout out to the guy (or girl) up there and ask Why me? v

7 With time though, you get used to the curveballs life throws your way. But then comes the wrecking ball, you have no idea, how to escape. And there you are still and helpless, with no other option but to give in. Well aware of the devastation that s going to be caused. Simply waiting for it to pass. Now no one said that life was going to be easy. Or fair. But when you see the law of attraction working against you, all the time, you tend to get shattered. Yet, as long as you have even one person to fall back on and a little glimmer of hope, you gladly paste a smile on your face and keep going. I know it s been a long and dark night. And that you ve cried yourself to sleep, countless times. You re hurting. Bad. But you re good at hiding your scars. Though every time you look at them in solitude, you go through the same excruciating pain they came with, all over again and realize that the wounds under them, never really healed. You ve been a hopeless dreamer, only to be woken up abruptly, to the rude reality of life. You ve loved deeply and suffered its loss. vi

8 Your delusions have gone away and taken your innocence along with them. And sometimes, when no one s looking, you retreat to your little world of illusions, just so you can feel whole again. You are scared and your fears are very real. But you look them in the eye anyway and move on. The world seems to close in on you, every now and then. But you try to pick the pieces of your broken self and walk ahead with your head held high. You ve been brave for far too long. And I want you to know, that it s okay to breakdown, this once in a while. Here s to your remarkable resilience. Your ability to hope and love despite being wronged, a thousand times. As for me, I had never known life to be easy or kind. But at the time of writing this book, it showed me a side so ugly that I was shaken to the core. I was going through what can only be described as below rock bottom of my life and nothing seemed to make sense to me anymore. vii

9 These stories provided me the much-needed escape from the reality that looked me in the eye, every now and then, and threatened to take away every bit of optimism I had left in me. They helped me keep sane in those dark times, allowing me to experience alternate realities, quite different from mine. And now that it s completed, just the thought of holding it in my hands makes me smile. Genuinely. From the bottom of my heart. And I do hope, it leaves you with a little something too. So if you feel stuck in the darkest pits of life, as you read this, just remember that you are stronger than you think. And that you re not alone. There are many others who are going through struggles unknown. And just like you, they are marching ahead, fighting their demons, one nightmare at a time. viii

10 Acknowledgements To mom and dad I ll always love you, despite our endless disagreements. Mom, thanks for your unconditional love and for just being who you are in spite of everything life has thrown your way. You are perseverance personified, and just the thought of all that you ve done for us and still do fills me with immense gratitude. Special thanks to my sister Gargi for her quirky idea starters, terrific inputs and valuable insights. Also for never giving up on me and having my back, come what may. You believe in me, even when I don t, and I can t thank you enough for being in my life. You are my soul sister and my rock, and I can t even imagine being in this crazy world without your support. Not to forget, my cutiepie, my little sister for loving everything I write and ix

11 reading my work with so much enthusiasm. You are happiness. Keep spreading smiles and stay blessed. To the almighty, for making sure that the well of creativity never runs dry be it the ideas I need for those ads(and other creative briefs) that require me to magically come up with something out-of-thebox within unrealistic timelines or for my books. And last but not the least, everyone who picked this book many thanks to all of you for showing interest in my work. I hope you can relate with these stories on many levels and that you find them worth your time. x

12 Contents S.No. Contents Page 1. Introduction 1 2. Tequila shots 5 3. Happiness is Illusions and delusions The curious case of Rahu L Zombie nights The girl of my dreams Ties that bind That unusual story Author s note 135 xi

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14 Pragya Singh Introduction I have always been intrigued by the human condition. People, with the manifold complexities of their minds; their circumstances and experiences (or their lack thereof) that make them who they are; their life choices, inhibitions, triggers, and motivations it s an infinite universe, I often find myself getting lost into. I love watching them, noticing their subtle nuances and distinctive quirks (without creeping them out, of course). Lively banter, fragile egos, hysterical strength, mad hope, misdirected rage you d be surprised at what you can witness, sitting on a park bench or at a coffee table, all by yourself. Loosely based on these observations and a good deal on the ceaseless chatter of my noisy mind, the stories in this anthology are about what I have seen or felt, and what I have not. 1

15 Illusions and delusions Part happy, part sad, part real and part surreal their subjects are myriad. Broadly dealing with the illusions and delusions our hearts and minds trick us into believing though. Some pieces are written just to tickle your funny bone, while others are meant to make you sit back and ponder. About life in general and people in particular! I went from happy to sad to contemplative and manic as these stories unfolded on blank word documents. And if they manage to stir up, even a fraction of these sentiments in you, I ll feel fairly rewarded. 2

16 Pragya Singh How strange when an illusion dies. It's as though you've lost a child. Judy Garland 3

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18 Pragya Singh TEQUILA SHOTS F ew things are capable of grabbing my attention and a gawky appearance is not one of them. Understandably, my eyes darted off, soon after landing on Manav, the very first time. There was nothing particularly enticing about what I saw after all a weathered face with a boxy chin (buried under days growth of stubble), meandering from a clunky head, full of fuzzy, shoulder length hair (striated with streaks of grey) that bobbed clumsily to the music, every now and then. Ignoring his presence next to me, I turned around, and the slice of lime I was holding, slipped out of my grip. Tumbling onto the counter, it landed near him. Hi, is this your first time? he said, passing it back. I shrugged, not interested in dignifying it with a response. 5

19 Illusions and delusions Even in the hazy dancing lights of that dimly lit club, I could make out the obvious contrast between the colour of his skin and his indigo-stained, white, button-down shirt, rolled carelessly at the elbows. Quite an unsightly choice of clothes for someone like him, I remember thinking. At the risk of coming across as self-obsessed, I have no qualms in admitting, that I m quite wellturned-out. My tall height, chiseled features and slender figure, never fail to invite admiring glances from people around. Not to say that I m perfect. But I do know how to enhance my assets and hide my unflattering bits with elan. So even though, I have a dusky complexion myself, I always choose such ensembles, that make all those fair and lovely lasses at my workplace, wish for a tan. Call me vain if you may, but clumsiness is a quality I abhor in people. Because at the end of the day, I believe, you are what you project yourself to be. 6

20 Pragya Singh Besides that, I think I m quite sorted too, knowing pretty much, what I want from life and how to get it. I bet it is, he continued. My obvious hints didn t seem to be working out. Never mind, there s always the first time for everything. Oh really? And what makes you qualified enough to judge that? I said, in spite of myself. He grinned ear to ear, turning towards me. My eyes were drawn to the huge zit on his chin, red and swollen with what looked like repeated, failed attempts at being popped. He made no effort to mask it, leaving it out there, raw and exposed. Quite a way to gross people out, I cringed. Oblivious to my inherent disgust, he looked pretty amused and replied, Umm nothing in particular. Just the way you were holding the lime that was quite a giveaway. It s supposed to be held in the same hand as the salt. It was the first time I was going to give tequila a shot. I had often thought about it before, but couldn t ever muster enough will to do so. In fact, I 7

21 Illusions and delusions kept procrastinating over it, for a long time since it was served, that night as well. And that could ve been a dead giveaway for him too. Except, he happened to walk in, just a while back. Ughh I shoved the piece of lime into my other hand and without losing another second, downed the golden fluid in that tiny, misleading glass, in one go. Ouch, you forgot to lick the salt it s gonna burn a little. But never mind, have this pineapple juice here, he said. And the next time you have it, just remember lick the salt, down the tequila, and then bite the lime. That s how the drill goes, you know. Look, Mr. whoever you are, it s none of your business telling me that. I don t need your help, I croaked, hiding the unbearable acrid sensation that enraged my mouth and throat. My entire food pipe was burning actually. Oh, I didn t mean to be patronizing. I just uh spoke out of concern, he droned on. 8

22 Pragya Singh I waved at Alisha who was dancing merrily in her little black dress, a tad too tight for her busty frame. She should have gone for a bigger size. But the last time I told her that, it ended up triggering unstoppable waterworks. How her dieting and Pilates regimen hadn t yielded the desired results, she had moaned. And no amount of comforting from my end, or telling her that she was a beautiful, full-bodied diva, helped. So I decided to simply nod, when she asked me, if the dress fitted her fine, that night. Disrupting my thoughts, yet again, he said, Take it easy, okay? And umm just wait for a while before the next one. I watched as he tapped the bar counter with his glass, before taking a long swig of his drink. I couldn t really tell from the look on his face, if he was mocking me or showing real concern. But in the heat of the moment, or maybe just to prove my point (whatever it was), I downed the second shot too, repenting it, minutes later. 9

23 Illusions and delusions He cocked an eyebrow at me. Mm that was I uh hope you re okay. Either my not-interested look didn t strike him as peculiar or he deliberately ignored it. I simply looked away in a bid to act indifferent. Hello? I am talking to you Miss Rudeness! I heard a squeal directed towards me. How dare he call me that? I am not obliged to respond to his blabber. Look mistaa whoever you aa The drink had kicked in already. Donch yaa ged it. I am not interested. Hey, hey I m sorry if I gave you the impression that I am uh interested in whatever it was that you meant. I was just trying to have a friendly conversation. Really? Do I look like a tvoo yea ol to you? You re really getting me wrong. And I m sorry if I offended you. He turned around to make an exit, and I felt I may have over-stepped a bit. 10

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