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2 My Half Notebook i

3 Publishing-in-support-of, EDUCREATION PUBLISHING RZ 94, Sector - 6, Dwarka, New Delhi Shubham Vihar, Mangla, Bilaspur, Chhattisgarh Website: Copyright, Author All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, magnetic, optical, chemical, manual, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written consent of its writer. ISBN: Price: ` The opinions/ contents expressed in this book are solely of the author and do not represent the opinions/ standings/ thoughts of Educreation. Printed in India ii

4 My Half Notebook Because Certain Bonds Can't Be Broken For Ages Shubham Saini EDUCREATION PUBLISHING (Since 2011) iii

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6 About The Author X Author, Shubham Saini, is a civil engineer by profession and has been working in a reputed Real Estate company. My half Notebook is his debut novel and a first step into the world of writing. He was born on 26th December in Karnal, a small city of Haryana. He likes to spend his free time strumming his fingers on guitar and writing songs as well. He is a die-hard fan of English songs and WWE fights. W v

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8 Acknowledgments X I am indebted to the following people for their support, also I want to thank all my dearest criticizers. The more they criticize me, the more they make me firm toward writing. Both positive and negative mouths have helped me to complete my book. No matter who you are, no matter what people tell you or talking behind your back. Remember, your words and ideas can make a difference. Do not give people chance to criticize you, because no one can make you feel trivial without your assent. Finally, I would like to express my gratitude to EDUCREATION PUBLICATION entire team, for tolerating me and providing answers of all my lame queries to me. W vii

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10 Prologue X What is LOVE a question, an answer or a puzzle? When we place a question mark after it - LOVE? - it, itself, becomes a question with millions of answer. But if you put a full stop after it - LOVE. - it, itself, becomes a one-word answer. We all have different definitions of love. For someone, love is living together with loved ones; for few, it is a loving union of two souls, whereas for others, love is to be separated from each other. There are many variations in the definition of love. Do we believe in love? Or it happens automatically? But certain bonds cannot be broken for ages. Once, I heard from someone, When two souls were destined to meet, the entire universe will find the way to unite them. One evening, I shuffled my desk and picked up a diary. Many times, I had read those three pages of that diary. It was my diary, perhaps it was my story, in three pages only, Or maybe it was not. But I decided to complete that story. But this time, there were not only three pages, but more. ix

11 I relived the past moments again. Bringing them back to my life, soon I realized that there were some moments, I wish, I could trash them forever or could throw all the sadness away. But I felt that if I do so, even the happiness would be trashed as well. There was a sickness rolling through my body. I used to feel as if my days were spent like an old sick man. Time, unfortunately, isn t enough to live on the course.so here I go. My life isn t easy to explain. I am a normal person, with common thoughts, and have led a common life throughout. I have not procured any big achievement yet. It doesn t matter, though I know my beginning is with slower pace, but even the tortoise can complete the race. Stranger becomes friends and I wasn t far behind to be added in that list. Hope is the mother of all desires, I suppose. It is November, I clearly felt the coolness in the air. The green leaves of trees were turning yellow now, and some in red and orange. All colors were glowing with the sun. It was astonishing for me. I remembered hazy blur, That morning, I woke up with discomfort and pause, when I stared at the clock, it showed 5 a.m. I felt like going for morning walk. I speedily rubbed my hands together and blown hot air through my mouth to keep them warm. I wore my wrinkled shirt, which I left on my bed last night, a heavy pent, wrapped a scarf around my neck and a velvet jacket was zipped half. It was medium dark before the dawn. Some of the street lights were on, and some were blinking due to technical fault. x

12 Weather was gloomy outside. Due to heavy fog, the atmosphere seemed pretty white Like an angel came down in the beautiful white gown. The rising sun was making the mist brightened, and the branches of the tree were afraid of the cold air. I giggled, branches suffered with Cheimaphobia. Suddenly, I waved my hand toward the sky, when I saw an air jet flying, I behaved like a kid. This gesture of mine made me recall my childhood days when I used to do the same. I was happy for no reason. Suddenly, my eyes caught a glimpse of a charming face. Her eyes were light brown. I shall never forget that face. It was an instant attraction. So, It was I - Shabby - a 21-year old. Accidentally, I became an author. Kuch manzilay chal chuka hun Manzilon ki talaash mein Main manzilon se hi puchta hun Manzilon ka rasta W - Anonymous xi

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14 My Half Notebook June 2014 X I still remember some semblance of college days, It was same morning every day, nothing had changed. I was sleeping on my cozy bed. In the morning at 6 o clock, a voice rang into my ears Subha ho gayi maammu. It was the sound of the alarm and also my morning song. Behind the sound of the alarm, I heard a mediumsoft voice echoing in my ears. That was the voice of my mother. Wake up Shabby! How lazy you are? How long the alarm will be buzzing. Today is your last exam, do some revision. But I did not feel like getting up from sleep. I yawned and stared at the wall clock, it showed 6:20. My mom would not stop, until I got up from my bed. It was her daily routine. That morning had a strange appeal. It was my last day of college. As of today, something will be lost. There was an unsystematic sense. I knew well that those beautiful moments of college will no longer be experienced. I close my eyes and began to think about my last few years. Why I grew up? I wanted to remain in the past. But my reflection in 1

15 Shubham Saini the glass of the clock, made me aware that someone else eyes have watched me growing younger. It s mine itself. Mumma! I am going. Where are you? I am getting late, Will you not bless me? I m coming. I m coming. She brought Dahishakar for me as blessing. It s like a custom, before going for any important work Dahi-shakar is provided as a blessing. Dahi-shaker! Yummy, my mouth was watering. Mom said in calm voice, Give good exam. I, sincerely, wanted to thank that person who started this tasty custom. Don t make any hasty, while writing the paper, mom said. I replied in haste, Yeah! Yeah mom, now bye Raam Raam, Chacha! how are you?, I said. Raam Raam! Raam Raam, in an old voice. Chacha had a sweet shop just near my house. His behavior was sweeter than his own sweets. Chacha! Today is my last exam and also the last day of my college, I said with confidence. Chacha responded, Good luck. And if you did not have good result, I will not even lend you a samosa next time. He grinned. The people, who were standing around, also started to giggle. It was little embarrassing for me. But I know Chacha was always in the mood of cracking jokes. So I did not mind. When I reached to my bus stop. Aashish was already standing at the bus stop. Aashish was my 2

16 My Half Notebook best friend and classmate too. Our relationship was more than friendship and we call it Bhaiship. Hey Aashish, How Are You?, I asked. Aashish replied, I m fine bro in a melancholy tone. Aashish looked upset, trouble was clearly visible on his face. I did not know what s bothering him. I wanted to know why he was upset, but before I ask for anything, I felt that he was ignoring me. However, I was trying to make myself calm and stand quietly. I thought, whenever he would be in right mood, he himself will tell me everything. But somewhere I constantly kept thinking about the hassle of Aashish. I had no idea, What s going on in his mind? I assumed, there was a family problem? Financial problem? Or is it something else? Soon, college Bus had arrived. Aashish and me took our fixed seats. Aashish was just looking out of the window of the bus, without blinking his eyes. I was watching his expression carefully. Somewhere, his behavior irritated me. I sighed and asked, what happened to you? Why are you not speaking anything? If you have any problem, then you can shared it with me. By sharing, maybe your problem will be alleviated? Aashish responded, still looking out the window, Nothing Bro! I m not in mood of talk with anybody. For few moment, I was staring at him surprisingly. I stood up in anger and walked from 3

17 Shubham Saini there to the other seat, opened my book and started doing the revision. Crossing each bus stop, bus became more crowdie and noisy. All students had to whispered in the whole bus. Some students were consulting on important questions, some were praying to God for easy question paper and some were laughing loudly and so on. All these resulted in a huge uproar. My concentration was repeatedly broken cause of that noise. I started reading my book again, putting my earplugs in and muting the outer noise. After 30 minutes, the bus arrived at the college campus. I plugged out my earphones and looked at Aashish. He sat still upset, and was constantly looking out of the window. It was very hard for me to see his sadness. I realized, why I got angry on him rather than understanding his situation? I asked to myself. Soon whole bus was empty except for the two of us. There was a deep silence pervaded in the bus. I whispered rested my left hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Get up bro, 10 minutes left for the exam and we also have to figure out our examination hall. He held my hand, which was placed on his shoulder. I could see the sadness in his eyes. Sorry, Shabby, he said. Before responding to anything, the bell rang loudly in the premises, Indicating that the exam was going to be started soon. I mildly smiled and we started walking toward the campus. Soon, the noisy corridor turned into the 4

18 My Half Notebook deep silence except the sound of the passing wind through the corridor. After 3 hours, I was desperately looking for him as I wanted to know what his problem was and what was the reason that was bothering him. I searched for him in the whole campus, but I couldn t find him anywhere. Finally, I saw him sitting alone in the bus. I crept slowly toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. I didn t know what to say that could soothe his pain. I said but I asked too, I will always be with you. You can share your problem with me. Aashish nodded his head, No, you all are liars, there is no one with me. You all will leave me one by one like my dad left me. After today, you all will do the same. College over, Friendship over! At that time, I was unable to find words that could soothe his pain. Words are powerful thing in both ways written or spoken. But I didn t want to give him false hope. I wanted to be a true friend and I was there to help him in any way possible. I hugged him and whispered into his ears that I don t know where the destiny will take us. But I always pray that the day will never come to separate us. You will always find me in your bad time. Aashish wiped his tears. He said nothing but his award winning smile had answered. I know my words couldn t alter the fact but it can make him more bearable. Sometimes, some largest things sorted out with small effort, but 5

19 Shubham Saini sometime, some smallest things would be hard to sort out with your best efforts. W 6

20 My Half Notebook July 2014 X After exams, I used to go at my elder brother s office. There, I used to work on the salary and saved that money for my NGO. It was my dream to establish my own NGO since last 3 years. I also served on the weekends too. It was my determination which took me toward my dream. Work no matter what, if you have will for work. One evening, I got a call from an unknown number. I picked up and the news I heard, it ripped my heart out. HELLO! Who is this? A frightened voice came from the other side which made me realized that there was something wrong. The unknown caller spoke something that ripped my heart out. I winched and fell on my knees. For the coming few minutes, I couldn t feel any movement in my body. Unknown caller said, Aashish is admitted to the hospital and constantly taking your name. You just have to come here quickly. 7

21 Shubham Saini I broke my silence and demanded, Which hospital are you in and what happened to him? The unknown dialer said, Aashish s elder brother was no more. He died last evening, and Aashish could not stand the shock of the death of his brother. So immediately we brought him to the hospital in an unconscious state. Today, when he regained his consciousness, He was frequently uttering your name. that s why we called you. You come quickly at Amritdhara hospital. Without wasting a single second, I reached the hospital and parked my bike at the parking area, and inquired about Aashish. I had been looking to find his room. I took the elevator to the third floor. My fear and anxiety was increasing as I was getting closer to his room. Finally, I found his room. He was lying on the bed and white sheet covered his half body, his eyelids were half-closed and tears were rolling down through his cheeks, needles were driven into his right hand. I swallowed hard to oppose myself from crying. I thought he was still in the state of oblivion. I held his left hand sobbing, and sat on a chair next to his bed. Soon, I felt that Aashish was squeezing my hand firmly. I shook my head, his eyes flickered. When he looked at me, he began to cry loudly. He was weeping bitterly, I held his hand tightly, and with the other hand, I kept caressing his cheeks. I was wiping his tears constantly. I ve never seen him in such a condition before. I was perfectly understanding that he was going through a difficult stage of life. 8

22 My Half Notebook Aashish said sobbing, Everything is over Bro! First, dad left us alone and now big brother too. I have been all alone, what shall I do now to live alone, I also want to die. I don t have so much courage to handle this grief anymore. Aashish was uncontrollable. I somehow gathered my courage to speak and said, Aashish, every day we see somebody dying, every day we see somebody s funeral. However, we don t think about our death. Do you know why? Because the body dies but not soul. The soul is immortal. Your brother is nowhere, he s with us. Look Bro, Sun always shines but alone. I wanted to remind him that the purpose of life is just to go on. We find, we celebrate, we lost, we mourned, but as long as we lived. Suddenly, I noticed Aashish s mom coming. I held his mom s hand and said, Have you ever wondered of what kind of pain, your mom is going to suffer? Her pain is much more than yours, she already has lost his one son, and now doesn t want to lose another. Just to move forward in life. Sometimes indeed, we have to compromise with ourselves. Have to hide misery behind the smile, even have to cry alone. Don t expect someone s shoulder. Just looked at the doctor, we all have no idea of what kind of difficulties he has faced in his life, what kind of darkness he has hid behind his white coat. Instead of crying, he has come to the hospital for our treatment so that we do not have any kind of problem. We all don t know, what kind of compromises he had made. 9

23 Shubham Saini Life is not about to do something big, it s all about, how much effort you were putting in that work. That s matter. A profound silence hung in the room. Aashish turned his face to the other side, opposite to me. After sitting there for few minutes, I departed. I thought that the problems arise in our life, is planned in advance, or had already been written in our fate. I heard some people talking such things. The next day, I went to the hospital. And I broke into a huge smile. I stood outside the door, When I saw, Aashish ate from the hands of her mom. There was no pain in his eyes, but there was a glint of hopes, I think. That scene would touch millions of hearts. I was filled with enthusiasm; I wanted to write those beautiful moments into the book of my dream. Excuse me! I heard a deep heavy voice from behind. I turned around. He was a doctor. I was way ahead of him to go. Doctor entered into the Aashish s room and I followed him. Doctor began to check his reports and wrote something on his clipboard. I was trying to see what he was writing. But his handwriting was beyond my level of understanding. Aashish stood from his bed and walked a few steps toward\ me. I was peeping into his eyes and he hugged me tightly. Oddly, I felt so relaxed, because it was something, which never had happened before. 10

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