B NAI MITZVAH MANUAL

Transcription

1 Jewish Community of Amherst 742 Main Street Amherst, MA B NAI MITZVAH MANUAL Revised May 2013* A Guide For Parents * Please note: Each year there may be policy and budget-related changes. For the most current information, please check with the office as you are planning your simcha.

2 Introduction for Parents Bar and Bat Mitzvah is a state of being, not an event. Every Jew over the age of thirteen (some count twelve for girls) is automatically a bar and bat mitzvah for the remainder of his/her life. Being a bar/bat mitzvah means having individual rights and communal responsibilities; that is, a Jew who is at once entitled and obligated to do mitzvot. For parents, the celebration of bar/bat mitzvah is usually more significant than we ever could imagine! It symbolizes our hard work, wishes, dreams and hopes for our children, as well as the realization that our children are not simply extensions of ourselves. They are unique individuals who will become increasingly more separate and autonomous. The day of that first aliyah, when we celebrate this passage from childhood, is a very poignant one. By choosing to celebrate this passage at the JCA, you are saying to your child and yourselves that you want to experience this simchah as part of a religious community. This is also the JCA s goal. The requirements, suggestions and information expressed in this booklet are designed with this goal in mind. Our intent is that you and your child s experiences with becoming a bar or bat mitzvah be truly a religious and personally meaningful one. For a thirteen year old, having an aliyah to the Torah represents only the first of many mitzvot he or she will do as an adult in the congregation. Our celebration is traditionally tied to this very first mitzvah. Our children systematically and religiously prepare to participate in a confident, joyous and proud way. Your children have a journal to help guide them through this journey. The skills that students need to master for their first aliyah are outlined in this handbook. As you turn this page, you are opening the door to what we hope will be a wonderfully meaningful time in the religious life of your family. In addition to the basic skills needed for this public appearance, through the course of your child s religious school education he/she has been studying and practicing mitzvot ranging from how to light candles to giving tzedakah and caring for God s world. In the year preceding bar/bat mitzvah we hope that your entire family will experience a renewal of your Jewish commitments through active participation in mitzvot.

3 Personalizing Your Simcha Aliyot One of the most meaningful and traditional ways of personalizing your simcha is by inviting family members and honored guests to open and close the ark, to lift and wrap the Torah (hagbah and galilah), or to receive an aliyah. One aliyah and hagbah (lifting the Torah) are chosen by the congregation, the rest are reserved for the bar/bat mitzvah family. On Saturday mornings, seven aliyot plus the maftir aliyah are distributed. Parents of the child usually are given the aliyah immediately preceding the maftir aliyah. In this way they remain on the bimah when their child is called to the Torah. Individuals called to the Torah for an aliyah should be able to accurately recite the brachot (blessings found in Section II of this packet). Leading the Service and Reading Torah The Ritual Life Committee and the rabbi arrange service leadership, including scheduling lay cantors (Shaliach Tsibur) to lead services and for persons to read Torah from among members of the JCA community. However, each bar/bat mitzvah is encouraged to lead parts of the service in consultation with their tutor and the rabbi. If the family wishes to request a particular JCA community member either to lead services and/or read Torah, they must contact the Ritual Life Committee no later than three months prior to the bar/ bat mitzvah date. Likewise, if the family wishes for other family members to participate by either leading services or reading Torah, arrangements must be made with the Ritual Life Committee no later than three months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date. The rabbi or the Ritual Life Committee may well request that the bar/bat mitzvah tutor supervise this participation. Otherwise, at three months prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date, the Ritual Life Committee will assume the responsibility for making all the Cantorial and Torah reading assignments. Friday Night Prior to services, whether at the JCA or at home, we encourage you to begin your celebration with your family together for Shabbat dinner. Have your child light candles, begin to recite kiddush and say the motzi.

4 An important part of the bar/bat mitzvah process includes your joining the community at Friday night services with the bar/bat mitzvah leading kiddush (blessing the wine). Your being there helps teach your child the profound significance of making a minyan, so others can say kaddish. Invitations Many families choose to individualize the invitation by choosing a favorite Hebrew verse which reflects some kind of blessing for the child. It might be something about a name, a favorite sentence from the Torah or Haftarah portion, or a phrase from Hallel/or Pirkei Avot. It is also possible to engage the services of a calligrapher or family artist, to handdesign your invitation. Of course, you are welcome to do the calligraphy and design yourselves! Consistent with our value of community, we expect that all your child s JCA School classmates will be invited as guests. We are aware that cost is a factor in limiting invitations. However, this is an opportunity to be expansive and generous even to those children who are not as popular or with whom your child is not so friendly. It may really make a difference for a child s self esteem and future comfort level in a Jewish community setting. If the financial aspect is problematic, please speak to Rabbi Weiner. Also, remember teachers are your partners in Jewish education. We encourage you to invite your child s JCA school teachers as a sign of respect and gratitude. Family Heirlooms This is a wonderful opportunity to pass on to your child a family siddur, tallit or other Jewish artifact, which has particular meaning for your family. Talk to the rabbi about an appropriate way to do this. Parent Blessings Parents have the option to offer a brief blessing to their child at the end of the service. Following are some sample Prayers: Dear God, we thank you for the gift of this child to raise, this life to share, this mind to help mold. This body to nurture, and this spirit to enrich. Let us never betray this child s trust, dampen this

5 child s hope, or discourage this child s dreams. Help us, dear God to help this precious child become all you mean her to be. Let your grace and love fall on her like gentle breezes and give her strength and peace and patience for the journey ahead. My dearest May God help you and protect you. May your heart continue to open to boundless love May you align yourself with the natural flow of life and walk this earth as on walks in an orchard thankfully picking fruits from generous trees. May you be blessed by the light of the Great spirit My wonderful daughter May you live to see your world fulfilled May your destiny be for worlds still to come, and may you trust in generations past and yet to be. May your heart be filled with intuition and your words be filled with insight. May songs of praise ever be upon your tongue and your vision be a straight path before you. May your eyes shine with the light of holy words and your face reflect the brightness of the heavens. Talmud, Berachot 17A

6 Regarding the Participation of Non-Jewish Family Members and Friends in Bar/Bat Mitzvah Services at the JCA At our bar and bat mitzvah services, it is awesome to watch our young people proclaim their identity as Jews, to read and interpret Torah, and to accept the centrality of Mitzvah sacred obligation in their lives. We pray that this awareness will every day govern their actions towards themselves, the Jewish community, and the world. Celebrating the JCA s b nai mitzvah is important to the whole congregation, but to their families it is of unique significance. We have long been a Jewish congregation with many non-jewish members. In our bar-bat mitzvah services, we offer kavod respect in many directions simultaneously: to Torah, to the traditions of our people and our community, to our b nai mitzvah, and to their families. As a Reconstructionist congregation and in our own right as the Jewish Community of Amherst, we accept the challenge of giving kavod on so many levels at once. Regarding the participation of the Jewish and non-jewish family members of our b nai mitzvah, we take our example from Torah, as the angel assures Hagar that God is with Ishmael ba asher hu sham right where he is. We acknowledge all members of the JCA and their friends and families, where they are in their lives, and we respect their identity as Jews or as belonging to other peoples or faith traditions. Certain components of our worship services are reserved for those who identify themselves uniquely as Jews and thereby have a special relationship to Torah and to our religious traditions. Likewise, many components of the service can be led or fulfilled by members of other peoples and faith traditions. During bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, we especially invite the participation of the child s non-jewish relatives. The ultimate distribution of participation opportunities among Jews and non-jews alike, within the very basic parameters outlined below, is left to the discretion of our rabbi. Rabbi Weiner is happy to respond to any questions or feelings that arise around this or any aspect of your child s bat or bar mitzvah celebration. Those actions defined as Mitzvot that compose the rituals of lifting (Hagbah), dressing (Glilah) and reciting a blessing over the Torah scroll (Aliyah), should be performed by b nai mitzvah, Jewish women and men age 13 or older. Similarly, the Barechu (call to prayer), the recitation of the Shema, Kaddish and blessings invoking God by name, should be voiced by the Jewish participants in the service.

7 Opening and closing the ark can be performed by anyone of any age as a symbol of their respect for Torah and of our awareness that engagement with Torah is facilitated by everyone in our lives. Poetry and prayers read in English can be contributed by members of any faith tradition, who are willing and able to take on the momentary responsibility of leading this Jewish congregation in prayer or spiritual exploration. The texts may derive from almost any culture or tradition, but we ask that God not be referred to, or addressed by, a name particular to another faith. The selection of any prayers or poetry must be done in collaboration with Rabbi Weiner, who is responsible for establishing the outline of the service that day. An Aliyah being called to bless God for the gift of Torah is the most significant ritual engagement of any Jew with the Torah. The parents of the bar or bat mitzvah are, of course, invited to the bima to witness their child s aliyah. When the Jewish parent is called for her/his aliyah, the non-jewish parent should in most circumstances come up, also. Only the Jewish parent fulfills the Mitzvot of wearing a Tallit and reciting the blessing. Offering your child a blessing at this time is unique: When else can you have a whole congregation offer an Amen to your prayer? We rejoice to invite the bat or bar mitzvah s parents, of whatever people or faith tradition, to offer a blessing to their child at the end of the service, again asking only two things: that they speak briefly and maintain the flow of our Shabbat service; and that they not refer to, or address, God by a name particular to another faith. Rabbi Weiner can assist you in structuring the blessing you want to offer.

8 Vocabulary and Explanations for Synagogues and Torah Service Bet ha-knesset Siddur Bimah Aron ha-kodesh Ner tamid Menorah Aseret ha-dibrot Yad Keter Rimmonim Aitz hayim Hazan Gabbai Layn Daven Parasha Haftarah house of assembly a synagogue the Jewish prayer book, order an abbreviation for seder tefillot ( order of prayers ); our siddur covers over 3000 years of prayers and is similar to an autobiography of the Jewish people. Rav Amram wrote the first order of prayer (although not the prayers themselves) around 900 CE in Babylonia. First printed prayer book in At the JCA we use Kol Haneshama, published by the Reconstructionist Press. platform in the synagogue where the Ark stands holy ark holds the torah scrolls; traditionally on an eastern wall, facing to Jerusalem eternal light symbolizes the light kindled in the ancient Temple by the kohanim (priests); hung over the ark in a synagogue the 7 winged candelabra, most ancient Israelite symbol (the Maccabees popularized the Star of David) the Ten Commandments, often used in the décor of a synagogue hand silver or gold (not the base metal used in weapons) or wooden pointer used to follow the place in the Torah scroll crown crown of silver on top of the Torah. Torah is a crown for Israel. pomegranate decorations on the aitz chaim of Torah tree of life the wooden handles of the Torah scroll cantor, leads singing during a service clerk two people who stand at the Torah reading table; one who calls up the aliyot honorees and the checker who corrects the Torah reader if an error in reading is made. (Yiddish) to chant the Torah portion (Yiddish) to pray portion weekly section of Torah read in synagogue; also sidra or sedra conclusion or dessert reading from the Prophets after the weekly Torah portion; this tradition probably began around 165 BCE when Antiochus outlawed reading the Torah in Palestine so a selection with a thematic tie to the parasha was chanted; different cantillation than the Torah trop. Despite similar in sound, the words Torah and haftarah are not related.

9 Trop Minyan Kavannah Tefillah Shaharit Minchah Ma ariv cantillations; specific patterns of notes sung to a certain symbol written above or below the Hebrew letters in a printed text (but not in the Torah scroll). There are different notes for the same symbols depending on which holiday the Torah is read; the haftarah also has a different, although similar, note pattern. prayer quorum of ten Jewish post-b nai Mitzvah age adults needed to read the Torah and recite certain other prayers (like kaddish, bor khu). Traditionally 10 men, though today most non-orthodox communities count both men and women. personal inspiration in prayer, intentional devotion necessary to pray prayer from the Hebrew verb l hitpalel meaning to judge oneself dawn shahar in Hebrew; morning service in the synagogue afternoon service in the synagogue; named after a sacrifice in the Temple erev is evening in Hebrew, evening service; also called arvit The 3 oldest sections of the service: Shema (and its blessings), Tefillah (amidah), Torah (study) amen yashir koah abbr. of el melekh ne eman God (is) the trustworthy King; acknowledgment that the listener believes in what was said; emunah is faithfulness in Hebrew may your strength be increased greeting said to one who participates in the service thus having an honor; yashir kohakh (f) response to the greeting can be yashir koah (kohakh) or barukh tehiveh (b rukha t hivee) There are 3 types of blessings (berakhot) birkhot ha-nehenin praise in gratitude for pleasures of the senses, e.g., motzi birkhot ha-mitzvot recite prior to performing a commanded act (mitzvah) e.g., lighting shabbat candles birkhot hodaah praise for supplication, e.g., m kadesh ha-shabbat who sanctifies the Sabbath. noten hatorah who gives us Torah. Hagbah Gelilah Maftir Kippah Tallit lifter person who lifts the Torah scroll (magbi ah, magbihah) wrapper person who wraps the Torah and dresses her (golel, golelet) person who reads the haftarah portion skull cap; yarmulke; sign of respect to cover the head; popularized in the Middle Ages prayer shawl with fringes (tzitzit) on 4 corners worn during daytime prayer. The only exception is wearing a tallit for Kol Nidre, the eve of Yom Kippur.

10 JCA Donation Opportunities As a member of the Jewish community, you may or may not be aware of the traditional practice of giving to your synagogue on the occasion of your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah. At this time, a donation of $100 - $300 is suggested. You can choose to allocate the contribution to one or more of the funds listed below. Enclosed is a check for $ (payable to the JCA), which is my donation on the occasion of my child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Please indicate below your child s full name and how you would like your donation to be worded for the JCA newsletter. I would like this donation to be allocated as follows: $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ General Fund Youth and Family Programs Cemetery Oneg/Kiddush Prayerbooks/Torah Repair Tzedakah World Jewish Concerns Rabbi's Discretionary Fund Adult Education

11 ETIQUETTE, SHABBAT & KASHRUT REQUIREMENTS Please read the following pages carefully. Complete the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Kiddush Form and send it on to the JCA office two months before the event. Your child becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah marks a milestone for your family. It is also an event full of meaning for the entire JCA community. Because the event takes place in the context of the community s religious life, you and your youngster bear a variety of responsibilities to the synagogue and its constituent parts. Below is a list of responsibilities of the B nai Mitzvah families. Timely and organized communication with the JCA office will help ensure smoother execution of set-up for all events. Please call if you have questions. We encourage you to work with the Event Coordinator. SHABBAT OBSERVANCE * These policies are currently under consideration by the rabbi and Ritual Life Committee and are subject to change. Please check with the rabbi. Please respect the JCA s policies regarding Shabbat observance which include: a) Photography While no photography (still or video) may be taken at the JCA on Shabbat, arrangements can be made with the office for a special sitting on a different day. b) Recording No audio or video recording may be used anywhere, including the grounds, on Shabbat. c) Music No music or dancingduring the Kiddush. Music and dancing can begin after 2:00PM during a luncheon party. d) Deliveries Flowers are usually arranged by the family in the sanctuary and social hall. We prefer all deliveries be completed before 2 PM on Friday or just before the time of the service. The family should also make arrangements to take the flowers after the Saturday service. e) The JCA building is a smoke-free environment at all times. In addition, Shabbat attendees should not smoke anywhere on the grounds. f) For planning a luncheon party, details should be managed in collaboration with the Event Coordinator. ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS A number of our members have allergies to perfumes, colognes and other fragrances. Please instruct your guests to minimize the use of these products when attending services. KIDDUSH The kiddush is a part of the service creating an environment that promotes sharing among community members. When a kiddush is provided by a Bar/Bat Mitzvah family, it is an expression of the joy of the day and recognition of the support the family has received from the community as their child has become Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

12 The Bar/Bat Mitzvah family sponsors the kiddush. This is open to all congregants and your guests. The kiddush lasts about an hour after the formal part of the service. SATURDAY MORNING KIDDUSH Family responsibilities: The family is expected to provide the following: 1) kosher wine/grape juice 2) challah 3) hot and cold beverages 4) food (e. g. cheese, crackers, hummus, veggies, salad, bagels, etc.) See the Kiddish Shopping List for a more extensive list of menu suggestions. All food must be prepared in advance and arranged on platters or in bowls ready for serving. Bagels must be pre-sliced. The family can use JCA dishes and trays and may use the JCA kitchen during the week. All foods must comply with JCA Kashrut (kosher) policy (see below). 5) Paper and plasticware: plates, cups (hot and cold) napkins, forks knives, spoons. 6) Plastic containers and bags for leftovers. 7) Centerpieces for tables: optional Contact Events Coordinator for more details. JCA responsibilities: The JCA will provide the following: 1) Enough serving tables to accommodate the number of guests in an arrangement that facilitates the ability of guests to serve themselves quickly. Six round tables with seating for 48 people, which we feel is reasonable for guests and congregants. If you are anticipating a higher attendance, please consider arranging to have more tables (up to a total of ten). See Events Coordinator for more information about extra tables. Tablecloths for all serving tables and 6 round tables. There is an additional charge for extra tablecloths. Alternatively, you may supply your own tablecloths. 2) Kitchen assistants who will place tablecloths and any centerpieces you provide, take care of wine and challah placement, make coffee, put food and beverages out on serving tables, clean-up and pack up leftovers and close-up building. Other Considerations: 1) KASHRUT: The JCA kitchen allows for serving vegetarian, fish and milk products only. Check all packages of prepared foods to make sure they DO NOT contain animal fat, animal or shellfish broth, or gelatin. To be on the safe side look for packaged goods with a K or U (or other kosher symbols). If you are having a caterer prepare food make sure they get a full description of the JCA kosher policy available by contacting the Events Coordinator.

13 Serving meat can only be arranged by having the kiddush catered by a kosher caterer. No meat can be brought into the kitchen. If you are planning on serving meat you and the caterer must work closely with the Events Coordinator to insure all rules are followed. 2) SERVING LIQUOR (WINE, BEER, SPIRITS). If you want to serve alcoholic beverages in addition to the ritual kosher wine you must provide evidence of liquor liability insurance and hire a TIPS trained bartender to serve drinks. These arrangements can be made with the Events Coordinator. 3) DECORATIONS: We advise that you keep decorations to a minimum. You will save a lot of time pre- and post-kiddush. Glitter and confetti are NOT allowed. 4) ACCESS TO THE JCA: You may want to bring or pick up food, flowers, etc. or can only be able to arrange delivery after JCA hours. With a $50.00 deposit, you may borrow a key from the JCA office which will open the front and kitchen side door. The check will be returned to you when you return the key. Please make every effort return the key the following week. 5) CHOOSING A CATERER: Only a JCA approved caterer can be engaged to prepare meals and serve on site. The Events Coordinator has a list of local approved caterers. If you want to use a caterer not on the list, the Event Coordinator will need a 4 month advance notice in order to complete the approval process. 6) CLEANUP AT THE END OF THE KIDDUSH: Close to an hour after the start of the kiddush the kitchen assistants will politely notify the guests that the kiddush is over and request that they start preparing to leave the building. This is also a good time to remove leftovers from the kitchen. 7) KIDDUSH TIPS AND INFORMATION: We value the creativity and effort of the families in our community. Each experience provides valuable information to those currently involved in planning their child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah, kiddush and party. You are welcome to use our current files to help you plan. After the excitement of the celebration subsides please take a few moments to complete the questionnaire in this manual. This is especially helpful for families celebrating this experience for the first time. SATURDAY EVENING AND WEEKDAY KIDDUSH Family provides light refreshment for community and guests after services. Review above information for Saturday Morning kiddush: JCA Responsibilities and Other Considerations. KIPOT Families often purchase kipot (yarmulkas or head coverings) for guests to commemorate the occasion. This is optional and may be arranged through the Israel Book Shop ( or in Brookline. We encourage you to take kipot after services.

14 SERVICE BOOKLETS Some families prepare and print a brochure to explain the service and welcome guests unfamiliar with the service. Samples of these brochures are available in the office. The text of the brochure must be approved by the rabbi prior to printing. REHEARSAL WITH TUTOR Every family should arrange a series of rehearsals with their child s tutor. The final rehearsal should occur the week prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Photography is permitted at the rehearsal. CHILD CARE Child care is sporadically available Saturday morning. If there will be many small children in attendance, we suggest the family arrange for help in caring for the children on the Shabbat of their Bar/Bat Mitzvah from 10am 12:30 pm.

15 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Kiddush Form Rev Child's Name Date of event Parent(s) Home Phone # Address Bus. Phone # Cell Phone Friday Night I will be inviting guests to the Friday night service: Yes No How Many (You are not responsible for providing refreshments for the Friday night oneg) Saturday Morning How many people do you expect? (your guests plus 35 members who regularly attend service) Day and Time food arriving: Day and Time florist arriving: I would like to use the kitchen to prepare platters of food: Day and time (If applicable) Name of Caterer Phone # Will the caterer be providing staff to serve the food? Yes Just delivering Need use of oven on Saturday? Yes No Using JCA's linen tablecloths? Yes No Serving Set-up The Social Hall will be furnished with enough serving stations so that people can select their food relatively quickly. (75 people or less 1 serving station; up to 120 people 2 serving stations; over serving stations.) Please provide the appropriate number of duplicate platters of food. With large numbers of people, it sometimes works better to have a separate dessert table. If you would like, this can be arranged. I would like a separate dessert table Yes No Seating Set-up The Social Hall will have 6 round tables seating 8 people each. Consider the comfort of your guests and JCA members. If you are having a large number of guests (over 100) please arrange for more round tables. You can set them up on Friday and provide disposable table cloths for no charge or pay to have the custodian set them up and use JCA linens.

16 I want to have extra round tables for my guests. How Many? I will do the setup Custodial setup I will supply my own tablecloths I will reimburse the JCA for use of extra tablecloths See Kiddush Shopping List on following page for required and suggested kiddush items. Contact Events Coordinator to discuss the information on this form or if you have any other questions or concerns. Please send this completed form* at least 2 months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date to the JCA office: Jewish Community of Amherst 742 Main Street Amherst, MA If you are having the kiddush catered and want to use a caterer NOT on the approved list, a four-month advance notice is required. See Saturday Morning Kiddush: 5) Choosing a Caterer. *Please note that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee of $450 is due 6 weeks prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah date.

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