Congregation Beth Hatikvah September 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook

Transcription

1 Dear Parents, The day your child becomes a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a joyous occasion at CBH. The journey leading up to that day may seem complex at times, and you are likely to have many questions. As the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator, I am the "personal touch" available to clarify the process, answer questions, and even "hold your hand." I chair the B'nai Mitzvah committee, which is comprised of our rabbi, our Education Director Nancy Hersh, and several members of the congregation. As a group, we work to guide the spiritual, educational, and logistical aspects of the process. Over the years, we have developed many valuable resources to help you during your journey. Feel free to contact me at any time. The best way to reach me is by , kaflowitz@aol.com. I look forward to working with you as your prepare to celebrate this wonderful life cycle event.. Debbie Kaflowitz B nai Mitzvah Coordinator 1

2 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Table of Contents Introduction to the B nai Mitzvah Process 3 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Expectations 4 Setting the Date 5 The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service 6 Preparation and Timeline 7 B nai Mitzvah Lessons 11 Materials for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah 12 Attendance at Worship Services 13 Tallitot and Kippot 14 Family and Friend Participation 15 Booklets 18 Facilities 18 Your Responsibilities for Friday Night and Sat. Morning Set-Up 20 Onegs 22 Music in Bar/Bat Mitzvah Services/CBH Singers 24 The Mitzvah Project 26 Ushering 27 Parking 28 Photography and Videotaping the Ceremony 29 Flowers 29 Family Tzedakah: Honoring Your Child s Life Passage 30 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Prayer List 31 APPENDIX A: Torah Honors and Torah Readings 32 APPENDIX B: B'nai Mitzvah Service Set Up form 34 APPENDIX C: B'nai Mitzvah Project Summary Form 37 APPENDIX D: Role of the Non Jew 38 APPENDIX E: Contacts 39 2

3 Introduction to the B nai Mitzvah Process Preparing for your child to become a bar/bat mitzvah is exciting but can also be a little overwhelming. So much to learn, so much to organize, so much to do. You are not alone! Throughout the bar/bat mitzvah process, you and your family will be guided and supported by several key people: The Rabbi will meet with you monthly to guide your family through the spiritual understanding and preparation. will help your child with his/her d var torah. will facilitate most of the b nai mitzvah family education sessions. will discuss and advise you concerning family dilemma situations, such as mixed marriages, conflicts with relatives etc. The Education Director will be the point person for your child s Hebrew preparation. will provide b nai mitzvah lessons. (see below)* The B nai Mitzvah Coordinator will be your source for logistics and basic information to help the day run smoothly. will meet with you several times. will be your official hand holder. The Rabbi and the Education Director monitor the progress of your child. For a child with learning challenges, individual service requirements may be modified. Meetings and Opportunities for Learning 1. B nai Mitzvah Family Education a series of 1-1½ hour sessions, some for the child(ren) and parent(s), some for parents only and some for the children only examples of topics include the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah, writing a d var torah, understanding the prayers, components of the service, mitzvah projects, family and friend participation, and logistics families going through the same process are able to share ideas and learn ways to support each other 3

4 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook 2. B nai Mitzvah Lessons (specific details are later in the handbook) one to one private lessons outside of religious school for your child to learn his/her specific Torah and Haftarah readings once a week for approximately 24 weeks before your child s date additional fee Please note: Throughout this document the word teacher refers to the person providing these one-to-one b nai mitzvah lessons, not the religious school classroom teachers 3. Monthly meetings with the rabbi individual meetings with the child and parent(s) bonding time for the family and the rabbi discussion about the meaning of bar/bat mitzvah and the connection to Jewish identity exploration of the meaning of the child s Torah portion and guidance for the child in creating a meaningful d var torah time to discuss any individual concerns Bar/Bat Mitzvah Expectations The child agrees to: 1. complete the full year of seventh grade religious school regardless of the date of the bar or bat mitzvah service 2. maintain acceptable attendance in religious school 3. attend Friday night Shabbat services at least once a month 4. attend weekly b nai mitzvah lessons 5. attend monthly meetings with the Rabbi 6. be prepared for meetings with the Rabbi and for the b nai mitzvah lessons by completing all assignments 7. complete a mitzvah project 8. prepare and present a d'var torah for the service The parents: 1. must be members in good standing with the congregation, having met all financial obligations 2. are encouraged to offer personal thoughts and comments to their child during the service 3. must make sure their child stays on track to complete all bar/bar mitzvah preparation, according to the timeline 4

5 Setting the Date Girls and boys become eligible for bar/bat mitzvah at age 13. At the beginning of 5 th grade, families are expected to make an appointment with the Education Director to set a date. Choosing a date for your child s bar/bat mitzvah is very important. In addition to any religious or spiritual ideas that go into picking the date, there are also logistical and practical considerations, having to do with both your family and CBH. For your own family, think about times during the year that are already stressful for your child, such as midterm or final exams, sports championships, ballet recitals, etc. Then, of course, there are the schedules of relatives to consider. You should also consider the content of the Torah portions, since that is an important part of the experience. Some dates are not available due to the following: both Jewish and secular holiday schedules the rabbi s availability Please keep in mind that for summer dates, getting volunteers is a little more difficult due to summer vacations. These volunteers include ushers, additional Torah readers, the CBH Singers, lay led cantor) This will be discussed when you meet with the Education Director. New to CBH? Students must complete a minimum of 4 years of religious school at CBH or at another Jewish institution. For any exceptional circumstances, please contact the rabbi. Since our formal Hebrew program begins in third grade, students who begin later will need an equivalency plan. New students must complete one year at CBH prior to setting the date for their bar/bat mitzvah. 5

6 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service The Congregation Beth Hatikvah bar/bat mitzvah service includes: Hebrew prayers that are the core of the traditional Shabbat liturgy. These prayers can be found toward the end of the handbook.* Torah portion (Each week s portion is divided into seven readings on Shabbat.) Haftarah (the reading from Prophets) D var torah, which is a speech written and presented by your child in which he/she interprets the Torah portion and relates it to his/her own life. The rabbi will help your child with this. *Your child is expected to chant or sing the prayers on the list, using the Hebrew, not from transliteration. *Your child will learn all the prayers, even if the rabbi or someone else chants or sings some of them at their service. Within this structure, each individual service can be personalized in consultation with the rabbi. See the section about Family and Friend Participation. Friday Night While your family will be involved in Friday night services, Friday night is primarily for the congregation. All Friday night services begin at 7:30 unless it is an Easy Shabbat or a Religious School Shabbat. Both of these include a dinner prior to the service. Your family, including extended family members, can attend the dinner or just come for the service. Dinner usually begins at 6:30. Please note that there is a charge per person for the dinner. The type of service is set according to the CBH Friday Evening Service Schedule. B nai mitzvah families should not expect to be able to obtain adjustments to the schedule. The type of service may only be modified when absolutely necessary and approved by the Spiritual Life Committee. The type of service can change as new ideas are implemented. Therefore, the type of service listed on the calendar when you pick your date may not be the type of service by the time you reach your 6

7 date. It is important that you refer to the calendar on the Beth Hatikvah website ( as you get closer to your date to check the kind of service for that evening. The one service that usually doesn t change is the music Shabbat, which is held on the first Friday of every month. On Friday night your child will: lead the blessing over the candles lead the Kiddush (blessing over the wine) lead the Motzi (blessing over the bread) Birkat ha Mazon (Grace after meals-easy Shabbat only) Saturday Morning On Saturday morning, your child will: chant the Torah blessings and at least four Torah readings chant the Haftarah blessings and the Haftarah reading deliver a d var torah chant and/or lead a variety of prayers. Preparation and Timeline Preparation for the bar/bat mitzvah began the day your child entered religious school and formally started religious studies. Our families have found that the year prior to the event, the bar/bat mitzvah becomes a major focus in your family s life. Children who celebrate bar/bat mitzvah at CBH feel a great sense of accomplishment. This is truly a cause for celebration. The following timeline is provided for your convenience. Grade 5 Set date for your child s bar/bat mitzvah service Attend B nai Mitzvah Workshop 1 (Parents only) Attend B nai Mitzvah Workshop 2 (Parents and children) in the spring Attend Friday evening services at least once per month Grade 6 Attend several B nai Mitzvah Family Workshops (parents and 6 th graders) Meet with B nai Mitzvah Coordinator (Parents only) 7

8 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Attend Mitzvot of Metrowest 12 Months Prior to Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date Hebrew evaluation (Education Director will contact you) Initial parent/child meeting with the rabbi (Parents must schedule meeting) Regular parent/child meetings with the rabbi during the year prior to the bar/bat mitzvah B nai mitzvah binder is given to the child Discussion of mitzvah projects in your family and with the rabbi (Details are in the handbook under Mitzvah Projects) Deadline for approval is no later than 6 months prior to bar/bat mitzvah date. Attendance at Friday night services is at least twice a month The Rabbi will begin calling your child up to the bimah either alone or in a small group on non bar/bat mitzvah Friday nights to lead some of the prayers below to help them become comfortable leading the congregation: Candlelighting As We Bless/Barechu Shema/V ahavta Friday night Kiddush Chatzi Kaddish Aleinu Adon Olam 6 Months Prior to Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date Weekly b nai mitzvah lessons will begin Regular home practice begins Mitzvah project must be approved Student is working on their d var torah, and must have completed at least the written summary of their torah and haftarah portions. (Preferred method for submitting written work is via googledoc) 8

9 3 Months Prior to Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date Contact the Music Director of the CBH Singers if you would like the CBH Singers to take part during your Saturday morning service A complete draft of your d var torah must be submitted to the rabbi (googledoc is preferred) Deadline for the final draft will be at 6 weeks. Begin selecting English readings for your service (final selections due to the rabbi no later than 6 weeks prior to your service) Check in with Education Director to make sure your child is on track with Hebrew practice 2 Months Final deadline to request the singers Start compiling information for Honors Form. Getting Hebrew names may take more time than expected. Final copy must be submitted electronically to the rabbi no later than one month prior to your date. This sheet can be downloaded from the CBH website Start finalizing d var torah for submission at 6 weeks 6 Weeks If you are including English readings in your service, submit them to the rabbi for approval Honors List must be submitted electronically to the rabbi Begin preparing your booklet, if you haven t already done so Final copy of the d var torah must be submitted electronically to the rabbi for approval 4 Weeks Submit b nai mitzvah set up form, electronically, to the (this for is for EVERYONE, regardless of whether or not your celebration is at CBH) If you are having the singers, have a discussion with the rabbi if you want any extra songs. The rabbi will have a list of already approved songs Submit request for additional songs that are not on the song list to the music director, with a cc to the rabbi 2 Weeks 9

10 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook All Torah readers who are not on the CBH list need to chant their reading to the rabbi either by phone, in person, or skype Submit Oneg Sheet to the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator If you want the Event Key for the week of the bar/bat mitzvah, make arrangements with the office administrator Finalize booklet and take to printer, if not already done Your CHILD should fill out the B nai Mitzvah summary sheet and it to the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator During the Final Week Run through of the service with the rabbi (Plan to schedule 2 hours for this. At least one parent must be present) Pick up Event Key, if pre-arranged Friday Evening: Bring the following to services Water bottle for your child 2 challot for Friday night and 2 challot for Saturday morning Your kippot if you purchased your own Your booklets The booklets and your own kippot are put out AFTER the service on Friday, so they are ready for Saturday morning. If you put them out on Friday, people walk off with them on Friday night and forget to bring them back on Saturday. Saturday Morning Water bottle for your child You or your designee should put the 2 challot and the refilled Kiddush cup on the bimah. The candlesticks are not needed for Sat. morning. Bring copy of the haftarah, d var torah, and parent speeches By Tuesday (Check first to make sure the building is open) Remove all food from the CBH kitchen If you used the cloth tablecloths, take them home to wash Return the event key if you borrowed it 10

11 At some point afterwards thank the people who helped you. Below are some suggestions Donations: Families are encouraged to give a donation to CBH and a separate donation to the Congregation Fund in the "Rabbi s honor." Both checks are made out to CBH, but since the money is accounted for separately, please specify which one is a general donation and which goes to the Congregation Fund in the Rabbi's honor. Send the checks to CBH c/o the treasurer. Tribute Cards: Both gold and silver tribute cards are available for purchase. You can order them on-line. The person in charge of tributes will write your message on the card and send it out. Additional people to thank A list of additional people to thank and suggested ways to thank them are in the handbook under Family Tzedakah B nai Mitzvah Lessons The prayers for the bar/bat mitzvah service are learned in religious school because they are the same for all children who have a Saturday morning service. However, each child s Torah and Haftarah portion is different, so it can t be taught in a group. Therefore, as part of our bar/bat mitzvah preparation, all children receive one-to-one b nai mitzvah lessons. During these lessons, your child learns the specific Torah and Haftarah readings for his or her date and how to chant them. The prayers are also reinforced, so your child is prepared to lead the service. Typically, these lessons begin six months prior to the service date. However, this can vary due to your child s progress and scheduling, especially summer schedules. Discuss your child s needs with the rabbi and the Education Director one year prior to the bar/bat mitzvah date. 11

12 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook The Education Director provides the b nai mitzvah lessons. If needed, the Education Director can provide you with the name of a teacher who specializes in students with special needs.. Each family is responsible for the cost of the b nai mitzvah lessons, which is in addition to religious school fees. The fee for these lessons will be communicated annually to all Religious School parents. To help you budget for this fee, there are three payment options. 1. One check at the beginning of the lessons 2. Two installments: Half at the beginning of lessons, with the second half due three months into the lessons 3. Three installments: 1/3 one year out, 1/3 paid at the beginning of the lessons and then 1/3 three months into the lessons You will be given a form to fill out, choosing which schedule of payments you would like. The form should be returned to the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator at least one month before you begin lessons. If you choose to pay by credit card, we ask that you add 3% to the fee as a voluntary contribution to cover our costs of processing credit card payments. You will receive bills for these lessons from the treasurer. The bill will need to be paid at the beginning of the month in which they are due. In cases of financial hardship, please discuss it with the president or the treasurer. Materials for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Required 1. Prayer Book(s) A copy of our Siddur, Kol Haneshamah (for Sabbath and Festivals), which is purchased by the family and presented to the child in 6th grade 2. A recording of all the Torah readings for your child and other Torah readers recorded by your child s b nai mitzvah teacher. The Education Director includes the time for making these recordings in the cost of the lessons. 12

13 If you are using a b nai mitzvah teacher who specializes in special needs, please talk to the Education Director about having that teacher make the recordings. 3. A recording of the Torah blessings is available on the CBH website under B nai Mitzvah. 4. Texts pertaining to the Torah and Haftarah parashah (portion) will be provided to each family before their one year meeting with the Rabbi Recommended: Chumash, a book that includes the Torah and Haftarah in Hebrew and English. Our synagogue uses Etz Hayyim, published by JPS. Talk to the rabbi if you have any questions. Attendance at Worship Services Friday Night Service Attendance Attending services is an integral part of the journey of becoming a bar/bat mitzvah, and, we hope a meaningful experience for your family. We strongly encourage your family s participation in Friday night services as often as possible. By sixth grade, children should attend Friday night services twice a month or more. When attending a Friday night service, we encourage you to sit with your children and encourage them to follow along in the prayer book and to participate actively along with the congregation. As mentioned in the timeline, the Rabbi will begin calling your child up to the bimah either alone or in a small group on non bar/bat mitzvah Friday nights to lead some of the prayers below to help them become comfortable leading the congregation: Candlelighting As We Bless/Barechu Shema/V ahavta Friday night Kiddush Chatzi Kaddish Aleinu Adon Olam 13

14 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Please attend all the Friday night services when one of your child s classmates is becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. It is an important part of our CBH community and an opportunity to share a positive experience and support your child s classmates and their families. Shabbat Morning Services (Saturday Morning) It is helpful for you to see Beth Hatikvah b nai mitzvah services before your own child s bar/bat mitzvah service. Attending these services will give you first-hand knowledge of the procedures, as well as ideas to personalize your own service. All services are noted on the on-line CBH calendar. In seventh grade, your child is required to attend all b nai mitzvah services of their grade as part of their religious education. Please join your child at these services both to acquaint yourself with the service and as a sign of support for families in your child s class. This also supports the community by adding our voices and our presence. Tallitot and Kippot The bar/bat mitzvah child traditionally wears a tallit and kippah. Tallit Available at several local Judaic stores, the Lower East Side, Brooklyn, on the internet Please purchase Tallit clips, so the tallit does not slip and create a distraction for your child Some children wear a tallit handed down from someone in the family Kippot You have two choices: 1. Buy your own in honor of your child s bar/bat mitzvah Available at several local Judaic stores Internet sites used recently by members of CBH include:

15 -- You can buy seconds in lots of 40 and some made of recycled materials - fair trade, crocheted kippot 2. Use the CBH supply many people do this We have a large supply of kippot. However, you will have a mix of colors and most will have a different child s name in it. Please bring bobby pins or some kind of clips for the kippot. It is also customary for anyone having an Aliyah or reading from the Torah to wear a tallit and kippah. Tallitot and kippot are available as you walk into the sanctuary and on the bimah. Family and Friend Participation You are encouraged to personalize your service and honor family and friends by having them participate. While some opportunities are appropriate for any of your guests, others are reserved only for those of the Jewish faith or for those with specific skills. A section of the CBH policy on the Role of the Non-Jew that specifically applies to bar/bat mitzvah can be found in Appendix F. For the entire policy go to A. English Readings (appropriate for anyone) Family and friends can participate with English readings and songs throughout the Sat. AM service. The more thought you put into choosing special readings for your family and friends, the more meaningful and personal your child s service will be. Guidelines for choosing readings: You may choose up to 5 English readings. Keep in mind the more readings you choose, the longer your service. If you are having the CBH singers, as well, you should definitely consider fewer English readings. One line quotes are discouraged because it takes longer to come up and then sit down than it does to say the line Readings must be submitted to the rabbi at least 6 weeks before the service 15

16 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Resources for readings Prayers and commentaries throughout the siddur and other readings from the back of the siddur Excerpts from literature or speeches Poetry Booklets from previous bar/bat mitzvah services (the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator has copies you can borrow.) Quotes from people, both real and fictional (Albert Einstein, Ann Frank, Harry Potter, and Albus Dumbledore have all been quoted) Have the readers you have chosen to honor suggest readings. Consider themes, such as social justice, peace, coming of age, nature, family community, or freedom The website: Go to Religious School, then B nai Mitzvah and then click on readings. The readings are organized by theme. There are more themes than mentioned above. Feel free to use any of the themes. Once your readings are approved: Assign and distribute them Add them to your booklet-include the reader s name Insert the name of the reader and the page number of the Siddur or supplement into the service outline and return it to the rabbi. B. Torah Honors (Reserved for Jewish participants) 1. Opening/closing the ark (an appropriate honor for younger family members) 2. Dress Torah (Gelilah) 3. Lift Torah (Hagbah) This person needs to be strong enough to hold the Torah overhead while it is open enough to show at least 3 columns. 4. Aliyot (Torah Blessings) Before and after each Torah reading, a blessing (aliyah) is chanted. There are 7 aliyot at a Saturday morning service. For this honor, you must be Jewish and over the age of 13. Assigning the aliyot The bar/bat mitzvah child chants the last aliyah. The next to the last aliyah is traditionally reserved for the Jewish 16

17 parent(s) of the bar/bat mitzvah child. The remaining 5 aliyot are yours to assign as honors to your guests, either alone or in a small group. If you need suggestions of people to do an aliyah, talk to the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator A recording of these blessings is on the website under b nai mitzvah and also available from the Education Director on CD or by . Family members should be urged to practice in advance. This is to preserve their comfort, as many people believe they know how to do it but don t remember it or get nervous once they are in front of the congregation. Please note that the Reconstructionist blessing is different from the traditional blessing. If any of your guests is more comfortable doing the traditional blessing, please discuss this with the rabbi ahead of time. C. Torah Readers Reading from the Torah takes a specific skill level. It involves much more than just being about to read Hebrew. There are no vowels and the calligraphy is often different from the prayer book. It is chanted according to a traditional trope or musical chant. Since Torah reading is such a sacred moment for us as Jews, we are careful to make sure that only skilled Torah readers come forward to chant from the scroll. Traditionally there are seven Torah readings on Shabbat. The Education Director will determine the number of readings your child will chant. Some parents find it meaningful to chant Torah at their child s bar/bat mitzvah service. If you would like to do so, please contact the rabbi. The B nai Mitzvah Committee assigns any additional Torah readers you need from an approved list and ensures they receive the materials they need. If you have any questions about older siblings or someone who is not on the approved Torah list, please discuss this with the rabbi. This conversation should happen during your first individual meeting with the rabbi. Torah honors and Torah readers form Can be found in Appendix A or under b nai mitzvah on the website 17

18 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Complete and send to the rabbi electronically no less than one month in advance The rabbi will add the names of the additional assigned Torah readers. Booklets Families prepare booklets for their guests. These booklets include two parts. Part 1 Explains the service and provides information about Beth Hatikvah Both are especially helpful for people who are not familiar with Beth Hatikvah or the rituals and significance of a bar/bat mitzvah service. A template for the first part of the booklet can be found on the CBH website. First go to Religious School and then B nai Mitzvah. You will see the traditional template and a shorter template under Resources. Part 2 Includes the English readings from sources other than the Siddur Some families have personalized their booklets by including: information about the child s mitzvah project listing of people reading from the Torah and being honored by an aliyah other participants in the service, such as gabbai, hagbah, those opening and closing the ark people to thank who have helped during the process. (See section Family Tzedakah: Honoring Your Child s Life Passage ) The B nai Mitzvah Committee Chair has samples of previous booklets for you to borrow. Facilities Use of the Sanctuary/Service Set-up Form The sanctuary is reserved for you as soon as you have your date. However, you have several choices regarding the set up of the sanctuary, the use of the platform, additional microphones, etc. In 18

19 order to have the arrangement that matches your needs, EVERY FAMILY MUST fill out the service set-up form and it to the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator at least one month before your child s service. She will then pass it one to the Facilities Chair. The form can be found in Appendix B of this handbook and on the website under facility usage. Please note that facilities is one of the categories under About CBH. This form also gives necessary information to the B nai Mitzvah Committee Chairperson, who will organize the ushers according to your setup. Use of the building for the celebration If you would like to use space at CBH for a celebration for invited guests only, such as Friday night Shabbat dinner for your family and close friends, a luncheon after services, or an evening party at CBH, first you MUST READ the following things on the website. Scheduling Events Life Cycle Event Pricing Event Request Catering directions and information Next, you MUST Have a discussion with the Facilities Chair if you need the teen lounge on a day when RS is in session. Be sure the Education Director is also notified. Reserve the space using the Event Request form and pay the fee(s) for the space you want. Please this form to the Facilities Chair. If you have further questions, the Facilities Chair. Access to the building The office administrator is part-time. Therefore, the family must coordinate all deliveries and access to the building with the office administrator. Please let your vendors know that they cannot have access unless it has been pre-arranged. We don t want people showing up at the building and then not being able to get in. This applies to the family, as well, on the days prior to receipt of the special key -- see below. 19

20 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Special Event key Available to families at the beginning of the week of the bar/bat mitzvah Contact the office administrator to get the key and coordinate returning the key. You may NOT give the key to a vendor or anyone who is not a CBH member for access to the building. If a vendor or party planner is just dropping something off, such as flower arrangements or food, arrange a time with the office administrator. The family does not need to be there. If a vendor or party planner is staying longer, such as taking measurements, looking at the set-up of the synagogue, figuring out where tables will go, an adult member of the family must accompany and stay with vendors or anyone who is not a CBH member for the entire time they are in the building. Please make your vendor aware of these time constraints. Your Responsibilities for Friday Night and Sat. Morning Set-Up Before Friday night Make sure there is wine in the refrigerator or in the large pantry closet. Check to see if there is a supply of paper goods you need. Before services, the following things need to be put on the bimah: Kiddush cup with fresh wine Two challahs placed next to the Kiddush cup and covered. Use the CBH cover or your own. Fresh candles in the candlesticks and matches Candles can be found on the bimah under the ark. Taking care of the Kiddush cup, the candles, and the challah is a good job to give to your oneg partner family. 20

21 AFTER Friday night services/oneg you need to organize some things for Sat. morning. The B nai Mitzvah Coordinator will help you if she is there. On the round tables outside each entrance to the sanctuary put: kippot and a container of bobby pins booklets tallitot We have tablecloths or you can use your own. From the bimah Wash the Kiddush cup and challah plate. Leave both in the kitchen, so they can be used for Sat. If the candles are still burning, leave them. If not, clean the wax from the candlesticks and the plate and leave them in the kitchen. If Miguel has put up the two foyer tables for the Sat. AM oneg, put tablecloths on them. Plastic ones are in large rolls in the pantry closet. Cloth ones are in a box on the floor in the sliding door closet in the kitchen hallway, nearest the big supply closet. Cloth ones MUST be taken home and washed. Saturday Morning On the bimah: Kiddush cup with fresh wine Two challahs placed next to the Kiddush cup and covered. Use the CBH cover or your own. Check to see that kippot and tallitot are on the bimah for people to use during Torah readings and aliyot. Remove candles and matches from the bimah and leave them in the kitchen. if time, clean the wax from the plate and candlesticks It is helpful to check that there are paper towels and toilet paper in each bathroom. There should be moveable carts with prayer books at the side entrances to the sanctuary. 21

22 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Onegs IMPORTANT: Please consult the kashrut policy. Friday Night It is the custom in our congregation that the bar/bat mitzvah family provides the Friday night oneg in honor of their child. This Friday night oneg follows the CBH guidelines of the usual onegs on Friday night. You can make it as simple or elaborate as you wish. Even though your family is responsible for this oneg, we urge you to pair up with another family in your class and do the onegs for each other. These partners are arranged on your own. If you need help finding a partner, contact the B nai Mitzvah Committee Chair. Just be sure that you and your partner family have a clear understanding of the responsibilities of each family. If you need suggestions of what partner families have done in the past, talk to the B nai Mitzvah Committee Chair. Please note that if your Friday night service falls on a Religious School Shabbat dinner, the religious school organizes the oneg. However, you should touch base with the person in charge to let them know you will help set up and clean up and can bring a dessert if they need you. Also check to see if they want you to bring two challot. If your oneg falls on an Easy Shabbat, your family is responsible for the oneg, and you should coordinate with the person in charge of the Easy Shabbat. Saturday Morning It is the custom in our congregation that the bar/bat mitzvah family provides a small, Saturday morning oneg. This is a way to celebrate your simcha with your CBH community. 1. Request two tables to be set up in the foyer on the b nai mitzvah set-up form. Put the tablecloths on Friday night. One less thing to worry about on Sat. AM 22

23 2. The foyer usher can do the following: Put paper products on the foyer tables Put pre-plattered food on the tables. Put drinks on the tables and pour some into cups. Accept delivery of any platters you have ordered from a store. Ushers are NOT available to transfer food from boxes or packages to plates. For both Friday night and small Saturday morning onegs, you can use CBH paper products and tablecloths. Paper products are in the large walk-in pantry closet in the kitchen. Before your date, you should check to make sure there are enough paper goods and plastic utensils. The Food Sat. Morning Often people provide too much food on Sat. morning. We have found that some cheese and crackers and fruit are sufficient. Some people add a plate of sliced challah. You can also re-plate leftovers from the Friday night oneg. However, we discourage families from serving all sweets on Sat. morning since guests are often heading to a luncheon or going home to eat lunch before an evening party. The oneg food that is delivered: Must be on platters Should be delivered between 11 and 11:15 Should be delivered at the FRONT DOOR, please advise the people delivering Contact the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator if you have questions. Food that is not delivered from an outside source: Should be brought Friday night and labeled with your name Should be put on platters by you before Sat AM Be sure the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator knows exactly what food is to go out for Sat. AM and where it is. If you are having your celebration at CBH with a cocktail hour before a luncheon, an additional oneg is not necessary, provided you include everyone present at the service in the cocktail hour. 23

24 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook The B nai Mitzvah Committee Chairperson will try to find someone to clean up your Sat. AM oneg, but sufficient advance notice is needed. You need a back-up of your own in case nobody else is available. All food from both the onegs and celebrations must be removed from CBH by Tuesday. NO LEFTOVERS MAY BE LEFT IN THE KITCHEN. Summit Helping Its People (SHIP) will accept donations of leftover food, even if it has been set out on a buffet. The B nai Mitzvah Coordinator can arrange for pick-up of food at 12:30, after the oneg or later for a luncheon. If you want to make other arrangements, let the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator know. Music in Bar/Bat Mitzvah Services/CBH Singers 1.Scheduling CBH Singers Friday Night The CBH singers will participate only in the services that are scheduled music services, usually the first Friday night of the month. Shabbat Morning Upon request the CBH singers will do their best to provide musicians/singers to enhance the music in the service, based on the availability of the volunteers. You must request the Singers at least 8 weeks, but not more than 12 weeks prior. Once the request has been made, Andy Kaplan will let you know if enough people are available. Any singers that participate in a service will try to stay for the entire service, but some may need to arrive late or leave early. If this happens, they ll make it as inconspicuous as possible. The bar/bat mitzvah family is not obligated to invite the singers to any other events, receptions, or parties they may have. However, a donation to CBH in honor of the Singers is suggested. For guidance on the donation, see Suggested Donation listing on the CBH website. 24

25 2. Selection of Music There is a standard liturgy for a Shabbat morning service. Some of the prayers will be led by the bar/bat mitzvah child, some by the cantorial soloist, and some by the CBH Singers if they are participating. Please discuss the selection of songs with the rabbi. The Singers will have a repertoire list available, which is updated periodically. A few pieces will require more than the minimum group and will be noted on the repertoire list. The Singers will consider special requests for new or alternative pieces that aren t on the list if they are approved first by the rabbi and Andy Kaplan. However, they may not be able to honor all requests. Other Songs: You may consider including other songs (such as Jewish contemporary songs or folk songs with a theme) for your service according to the following guidelines: Additional songs add length to the service. The typical rule of thumb is that one additional song is enough, and anything more needs to be carefully balanced with other choices for readings, in consultation with the rabbi. The rabbi in consultation with Andy Kaplan approves any outside songs for the service and may decline some requests based on the song s theme, the balance of the service, and the ability of the singers to learn a new song at that time. This conversation should also begin at least two months before the service. Conversations about additional songs should begin at least two months before. 25

26 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook The Mitzvah Project As a community, we want to instill in our children the Jewish values of tikkun olam (repairing the world), tzedakah (charity or righteousness), and gemilut chasadim (acts of loving kindness). During their year of preparation, our B nai Mitzvah students complete a project that represents these values. The child is expected to take the leadership role in selecting and executing the project. Some children have found this to be so meaningful and empowering that they have continued their projects long after becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. We encourage families to participate with their child. Many families have found this to be one of the most rewarding parts of the B nai Mitzvah experience. To help with selecting the B nai Mitzvah project, our children are encouraged to attend the Mitzvot of Metrowest program that is annually offered by the Metrowest Partnership for Jewish Learning and Life. The child will explore Mitzvah Project ideas with the rabbi, who grants final approval. We want to inspire all of our members to engage in tikkun olam. One way of doing this is for children to share their mitzvah projects. Some ideas for sharing a project are listed below. Speak about your project at a Friday night or Saturday morning service. Publicize the work of the organization by creating a display, such as a poster, picture, or brochures or business cards from the organization There are four categories of mitzvah projects: 1. Community service 1. Twinning with a Holocaust survivor from the Holocaust Council of Metrowest 2. Fundraising 3. Advocacy 26

27 Examples of projects that our students have done: Community service Working with disabled children and teens, through agencies, such as Bright Horizons and Friendship Circle Delivering/preparing food for the hungry, through agencies such as Jewish Relief Agency, SHIP, and Bridges Baking Challah for the CBH community Twinning with a Holocaust survivor Pairing with a Holocaust survivor to learn the survivor s story and share it with others. Fundraising/Collections Making/selling items such as bracelets, dog biscuits, challah, and chocolate, to benefit various organizations and charities. Collecting items such as eyeglasses, library books, bicycles, etc. An advocacy project Researching an issue, such as Fair Trade chocolate, women s rights in other countries, and the Gender Wage Gap, and raising awareness through a presentation The Bar/Bat Mitzvah child may serve as the speaker at the event or serve as a moderator for an outside speaker or panel. Other forms of advocacy may include letter writing campaigns, attending rallies, organizing petitions, etc. There are more examples of previous projects on the CBH website. Go to Members Only and scroll down to the Mitzvah Project section. B nai Mitzvah Project Summary Sheet This sheet, which is located in Appendix E, needs to be completed by each child. This sheet will be added to the member s only part of the website, so children can look at past projects to get ideas. Some of the information can be filled in at the beginning of your project. Other parts will need to be filled out after the project is finished. Please the sheet to the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator. Ushering In order for our guests to feel comfortable in our service, we assign ushers to welcome guests and attend to any needs during the service. The Education Director assigns the ushering dates. 27

28 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Ushering is for Sat. AM only. Each family must provide two adult ushers. You will usher twice, hopefully before your child is in 7 th grade. The B nai Mitzvah Coordinator will Give you specific details before the date of your assignment Give you instructions about what to do if you have a conflict on your assigned date or you can only provide one adult. Parking 37-space CBH parking lot spaces, however, some are taken by RS faculty and parents approximately 64 legal parking spots on either side of the street outside the synagogue, however, people also park there for nearby stores two marked handicapped parking spaces in the CBH lot two wheelchair accessible ramps, one from the parking lot to the back door and one from the driveway (close to the beginning) to the front door. Please let the Facilities Chair or the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator know if you need additional spaces reserved for handicapped parking. Schechner Lifson, owners of 4 Chatham Rd., will allow CBH congregants to utilize its 85-space parking lot during nonbusiness hours if there is not enough on-street parking. The best way to get people who have trouble walking into the building is to drop them off in the front on the side where the ramp is and then go park. If you need someone to meet them at that ramp, please let the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator know ahead of time. On days when religious school is in session, please advise your guests to use the front door. The back door accessed from the parking lot is for religious school students. 28

29 Photography and Videotaping the Ceremony Still pictures Photos may be taken in the synagogue immediately after the service on Shabbat morning. This is the only time the rabbi is available to take pictures. The rabbi MUST be present if you are taking pictures with the Torah. You may not take photos before the service or during the service. If you would like to take formal photographs on an alternate date, you must arrange this with the CBH Facilities Coordinator or the office administrator. Keep in mind, you will not be able to take the Torah out of the ark at these times. Flowers There is no expectation for the family to decorate the sanctuary with flowers. If you want to add flowers, they should be placed out of the way of the Torah processional and bimah. Many people just put some small arrangements where the glass is behind the bimah. Beth Hatikvah has many different shapes and sizes of vases, as well as a set of mason jars that you can borrow. Please contact the B nai Mitzvah Coordinator for more details. Flowers should be removed within a few days or they begin to rot. Please wash, dry, and return any CBH vases you use. 29

30 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook Family Tzedakah: Honoring Your Child s Life Passage Tzedakah, the act of giving, is a central theme in Jewish life. It is a Jewish custom to give Tzedakah at life cycle events, such as becoming a bar/bat mitzvah. We recommend that families consider a personal way to make this occasion even more meaningful. Donations Families are encouraged to give a donation to CBH and a separate donation to the Congregation Fund in the "Rabbi s honor." Both checks are made out to CBH, but since the money is accounted for separately, please specify which one is a general donation and which goes to the Congregation Fund in the Rabbi's honor. If the singers were a part of your service, it is nice to make a donation in their honor Send the checks to CBH c/o the treasurer. In addition, families may wish to show appreciation to other people who helped make the day possible. Thanking people who helped you Send a CBH tribute. This can be done on-line. Click on Send a tribute on the right side of the home page. The people you might want to thank include your oneg partner teachers/tutors ushers Torah readers gabbai For other ideas, check with the Board President. 30

31 Bar/Bat Mitzvah Prayer List Supplement Tallit Blessing Sat. am Page 5 Hadlakot Nerot Fri. pm Page 119 Kiddush Fri. pm Page 247 Barchu Fri. pm & Sat. am Page 277 Shema/V ahavta Sat. am Page 291 Mi Chamocha/ Sat. am Tzur Yisrael Page Avot Sat. am Page 299 Gevurot Sat. am Page Kedusha Sat. am Page 383 Ein Camocha/ Sat. am Av Harachamim Page 385 Vayehi Binsoa Sat. am Page 393 Service Holding Torah Sat. am Page 399 Torah Blessings Sat. am Page 405 Chatzi Kaddish Sat. am Page Haftarah Blessings Sat. am Page 441 Etz Chayim Sat. am Page 433 Yehalelu Sat. am Page 443 Eyn Keloheinu Sat. am Page Aleynu Sat. am Page 459 Adon Olam Sat. am Page 433 Yehalelu Sat. am 31

32 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook APPENDIX A: Torah Honors and Torah Readings Bar/Bat Mitzvah of: NAME Bar/Bat Mitzvah Date: Date Open Ark Aliyah One Aliyah Two Aliyah Three Aliyah Four Aliyah Five Aliyah Six Aliyah Seven ALIYAH # ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN Lift Torah (Hagbah) Dress Torah (Gelilah) NAME(S) Parents of Bar/Bat Mitzvah Insert name(s) here Bar/Bat Mitzvah child Insert name(s) here TORAH READER NAME HEBREW NAME(S)* HEBREW NAME* 32

33 Instructions for Hebrew names The Hebrew name includes: Given Hebrew name(s) ben (son of) or bat ( daughter of) father s and mother s Hebrew names, if known Examples: Miriam bat David v Golda Yosef Shmuel ben Sarah Individuals are called up by their Hebrew names for only the: aliyah (reciting the Torah blessings), hagbah (lifting the Torah) gelilah (dressing the Torah) These are the honors in the Torah service. Hebrew names are not used for Torah readers (since this is not an honor, but a function of the service.) 33

34 Congregation Beth Hatikvah September, 2015 B nai Mitzvah Handbook APPENDIX B: B nai Mitzvah Service Set-up 2015 NOTE: THERE IS NO ROOM USAGE FEE FOR THE SERVICE OR FOR A SMALL ONEG AFTERWARD. If you would like to use CBH for a larger Kiddush or luncheon, please talk to the Facilities Chair. There may be additional fees and a form to fill out. If you would like to use CBH for any celebration that is for invited guests only, you will need to reserve the space by filling out an EVENT REQUEST FORM 1. Your Name: 2. Bar or Bat Mitzvah Name: 3. Home Phone: Work Phone: Cell Phone: Address: 4. Date of Event: 5. Total # of friends & family (not including normal CBH attendees): Friday Sat. 6. ROOM CONFIGURATION Friday night service (Check space desired) Sanctuary alone (front wall closed) 120-person capacity Sanctuary/social hall (front wall open, back wall closed) 220-person capacity Sanctuary/social hall (front wall open, back wall open) 320-person capacity 34

35 Saturday morning service (Check space desired) Sanctuary alone (front wall closed) 120-person capacity Sanctuary/social hall (front wall open, back wall closed) 220-person capacity Sanctuary/social hall (front wall open, back wall open) 320-person capacity Chair configuration: There are 2 standard setups, please check which one you want. If you want a chair set-up that is not listed, you must contact the Facilities Event Coordinator and provide a diagram Theatre style (3 sections of chairs (5-10-4), 2 aisles along each side of middle section) Center aisle setup (2 sections of chairs (10-9) with a center aisle) 7. PLATFORM ($250 fee applies): Standard dimension is 20 wide by 8 long and 13 high (any other platform setup must be discussed with facilities chair) 8. MICROPHONES: a. The podiums have built-in microphones, so your child will be heard. b. A microphone will be set up for Saturday morning English readings in the front facing the congregation. c) Additional microphone(s) for music or any other additional need: (circle & fill in information): Friday /Saturday Number: Location(s): 9. FRIDAY ONEG (check space desired) Note: The B nai mitzvah family or their oneg partner, is required to provide food, drink, set-up and clean-up for the Friday night oneg. Standard set-up for Friday night is two serving tables. Front lobby Back of social hall (if wall closed) 35