Temple Beth Shalom. Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Parent Handbook. Temple Beth Shalom 1461 Baltimore-Annapolis Blvd. Arnold, MD 21012

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1 Temple Beth Shalom Bar/Bat Mitzvah Parent Handbook Temple Beth Shalom 1461 Baltimore-Annapolis Blvd. Arnold, MD Telephone: (410) Fax: (410)

2 TEMPLE BETH SHALOM BAR/BAT MITZVAH PARENT HANDBOOK CEREMONY DATE ASSIGNMENTS In order for us to provide you with the greatest flexibility in date selection and provide students with ample preparation time for their ceremonies, bar/bat mitzvah candidates are grouped yearly by birth date from July 1 through June 30. Each family may request their preference from available dates provided as part of the application process. Dates that are not on this list indicate events already scheduled on the synagogue calendar as holidays, special services or programs. The most common date for the service/ceremony is the Shabbat closest to the bar/bat mitzvah s thirteenth birthday. Any day after the birthday is acceptable, as long as it is available. A date before the birthday is possible, but generally should not be more that one month before the birthday. Priority will be given to a bar/bat mitzvah with a birthday closest to the Shabbat requested. After the applications for the group have been processed, you will be notified in writing of the date scheduled at least 18 months prior to your ceremony. REQUIREMENTS 1) Religious School Attendance Lifelong learning is a core Jewish value. While tutoring can prepare a bar/bat mitzvah candidate to lead a worship service, ongoing religious education is essential for the development of a mature religious identity. Regular attendance in religious schools for a minimum of three years leading up to the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is required. It is expected that attendance at religious school will continue through confirmation and Jewish studies will be an ongoing part of every Jewish person s life. 2) Service Attendance Tefillah (prayer/worship) is a central part of our Jewish heritage. Attending services at Temple Beth Shalom is, accordingly, not only part of Jewish living, but also an important part of the educational curriculum for our religious school students. Attending services here helps our students to become familiar with the practices and customs of Reform Jewish worship, and helps prepare them to lead a service. The following are the service attendance requirements of the Temple Beth Shalom religious school. Attend 4 services during the 4 th grade Attend 6 services during the 5 th grade Attend 8 services during the 6 th grade Attend 10 services during the 7 th grade 3) Ushering At Temple Beth Shalom our congregation is a family in which we support one another both in times of need and during moments of joy. Your involvement in Shabbat services as an usher is a critical part of helping our members and their guests feel welcome and a part of our family. Each bar/bat mitzvah family is requested to usher at the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony immediately preceding your family s 1

3 service. Additionally, each family is encouraged to usher at one more service during the six months prior to the service. This will be arranged at the beginning of your tutoring process. The congregation is reliant on you to usher on the date you have chosen. If you cannot fulfill your obligation, please make arrangements for a substitute and let the temple office know of the change. At that time you will need to make arrangements for another service at which to usher. 4) Financial Obligations The Talmud teaches: Ayn kemach, ayn Torah; without financial support, learning ceases. You will be billed the current bar/bat mitzvah preparation fee, which must be paid before your first tutoring session in order to initiate the bar/bat mitzvah preparation process. You must also be current with your other financial obligations with Temple Beth Shalom. What the fee covers: Vouchers for 20 one-half hour tutoring sessions. Tutoring materials Your Bar/Bat Mitzvah Parashah and Haftarah with Commentary bar/bat mitzvah "Blue Book," containing additional educational materials Gates of Prayer for Shabbat and Weekdays (with your personalized dedication bookplate) What the fee does not cover: Vouchers for extra tutoring sessions. Extra vouchers may be purchased from the temple office. (Please see the section on Tutoring in this handbook.) Replacement Blue Book (a replacement may be purchased for $36) Ceremony flowers Saturday Kiddush or Friday Oneg Shabbat CLERGY The congregation will have a Rabbi and a cantor in place for all b/nai mitzvah ceremonies. If you have a personal relationship with outside clergy and wish them to participate in your child s bar/bat mitzvah ceremony, please contact the Rabbi who can make these arrangements. MEETINGS 1) First Meeting with the Rabbi Six to eight months prior to the date of the ceremony, and after your bar/bat mitzvah preparation fee has been paid, your family will meet with the Rabbi to discuss your child s ceremony and the process of assigning the Torah portion. This meeting will include a discussion of: The meaning and religious significance of the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony and preparation for you and your child The tutoring process and the assignment of your child s tutor (We try to honor requests.) The service The bar/bat mitzvah s D var Torah (speech) An opportunity for you to ask the Rabbi any questions you may have. 2

4 2) D'var Torah (Speech) Meeting Approximately one month prior to your child s bar/bat mitzvah ceremony, a meeting with the Rabbi, parents, and bar/bat mitzvah student will comprise a discussion of: The Torah portion and ideas for D'var Torah (speech) Torah passing from generation to generation Aliyot assignments (Torah Blessing honors) Salkin prayer The role of family members during the ceremony including the participation of non-jewish family members An opportunity for your personal remarks to your child THE REHEARSAL On Wednesday at 8pm the week of your child s bar/bat mitzvah ceremony, the Rabbi will guide you and your family through a rehearsal of the relevant parts of the Shabbat service and will explain your role in the Friday evening service leading candle, wine and challah blessings. Feel free to dress casually, and please bring any questions you have. ceremony. Tutoring should occur on a weekly basis for the next five months. This schedule will allow your child four extra weeks to prepare on his/her own or receive additional tutoring if it is needed. The tutoring sessions will include an evaluation of the student s current abilities, necessary instruction and several opportunities to read from the Torah scroll. KIDDUSH/ONEG SHABBAT It is customary for the family of the bar/bat mitzvah to sponsor the congregational Oneg Shabbat following the ceremony. These refreshments may be catered by family or approved professionals. To contact the synagogue Sisterhood about catering, please call Eve Secunda at The oneg is in addition to any private event you may wish to host. Temple Beth Shalom s social hall is the perfect place to host a private celebration following the ceremony. Please contact the Temple office for information. THE SERVICE During the Shabbat service the bar/bat mitzvah will lead the congregation in worship from the V ahavta through the silent prayer, chant from the Torah and Haftarah, and chant the blessings before and after those Biblical passages. TUTORING To successfully prepare your child for this simcha, he/she should begin meeting with the assigned tutor six months prior to the 3

5 MISCELLANEOUS Guests: Please call the temple office at least ten days prior to the ceremony with the number of guests you are expecting to attend the service. For your guests comfort, the Temple Beth Shalom facility is equipped with a family room intended for families with small children to occupy with adult supervision. From the family room, one can see and hear all aspects of the service. Flowers: Since the time of the building of the first temple in Jerusalem, beautifying mitzvot has been an important part of our tradition. One way we do this during your child s bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is with a flower arrangement on the bema. While some families have used tzedakah baskets in place of flowers, such arrangements are more appropriate for table centerpieces than they are for the bema. Flowers for the service must be delivered by 3PM Friday for all ceremonies. Photography/Video: While still photography is not permitted during the service because of the disruption it creates, video equipment may be mounted on our standard mount. Kippot: The congregation provides kippot for those worshippers who choose to wear them. If you would like additional kippot, please feel free to bring them and place them in our kippah box. Booklets: Many families choose to create a service guide for friends and family. We encourage you to consult with other members of the congregation who have prepared these in the past. Other families are typically helpful in sharing information and tips. Additionally, Temple Beth Shalom provides a template for creating such a document. If you have any questions not answered in this handbook, please do not hesitate to contact the synagogue. And mazel tov from all of us at Temple Beth Shalom on your upcoming simcha. 4

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