Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Shir Hadash: A Family Handbook

Transcription

1 Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Shir Hadash: A Family Handbook (Fall 2014) Mazal Tov on your child s becoming bar or bat mitzvah. At Shir Hadash, we recognize that becoming bar or bat mitzvah is more than attaining the age of majority in the Jewish community. It is also the opportunity to demonstrate one s ability to take on the responsibility of community leadership. This booklet contains guidelines for celebrating a bar or bat mitzvah at Shir Hadash and anticipates many of the questions that you may have. Please feel free to call Rabbi Weiner-Kaplow with any additional questions. Contents: A. Initial Planning B. Requirements for Eligibility C. Selection of Dates D. Preparation for Bar/Bat Mitzvah E. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Inclusiveness Project F. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service G. Service Supplements-Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklets H. Mitzvah Project I. Costs J. Planning for the Actual Day A. Initial Planning: As your planning begins, please meet or speak with the rabbi to discuss your questions regarding, 1) the educational (tutorial) program for bar/bat mitzvah preparation, 2) the nature of the seudah (the traditional celebratory refreshments or meal following the service), and 3) other special ways to make the service and celebration unique and meaningful for your family. Since each bar/bat mitzvah service is individually planned by and for the bar/bat mitzvah student and his/her family, please expect to spend from 8 to 12 months preparing for the service, depending on the individual situation. Please note that now that Shir Hadash has its own beautiful synagogue building, all future bar/bat mitzvah services will be held in our facility. SHIR HADASH OFFICE FAX INFO SHIR-HADASH.ORG 200 W. DUNDEE ROAD WHEELING, IL

2 B. Requirements for Eligibility: Bar/bat mitzvah student should meet the following basic requirements: 1. The child must be raised as a Jew and recognize Judaism as his/her own religion. 2. Knowledge of Jewish holidays, observances, liturgy, history, and civilization (generally, this means at least 3-4 years of study in a synagogue religious school or approved course of study). 3. Hebrew reading proficiency matched to student s propensity. 4. Knowledge and experience of Friday/Saturday Shabbat services. Service Attendance: It is important that students attend six shabbat services, four of which should be at Shir Hadash, during the year before your bar/bat mitzvah. Of the four Shir Hadash services, at least two or three should be a Shabbat morning bar/bat mitzvah service. NOTE TO PARENTS: It is critical that parents attend at least one Shir Hadash bar/bat mitzvah service prior to your child s service so that you can better understand the service. 5. The child will have attained the age of 13 on or before the date of the bar/bat mitzvah service. 6. The family must be a member in good standing of Shir Hadash, i.e. paid in full for current year s fees or up to date with established payment plan, as determined by the treasurer. C. Selection of Dates: Date selection will occur annually for bar/bat mitzvah services up to 3 years in advance. If the service for your family will happen sooner, contact the bar/bat mitzvah coordinator or the rabbi immediately to schedule a date. D. Preparation for Bar/Bat Mitzvah: The responsibility for the following arrangements rests with the family: 1. Attend the 5th, 6th, and 7th grade B nai Mitzvah Parent Education meetings. 2. Attend any additional orientation meetings with the rabbi (approximately one year before the service) to go over these guidelines and any group or personal concerns. 3. Attend the 7th grade of the Shir Hadash Religious School (or another approved study program) for the entire school year. 4. Attend special meetings and rehearsals with the rabbi as arranged between your family and the rabbi. 5. Arrange special tutoring with a Shir Hadash recommended tutor. 6. Select a Mitzvah Project this is an opportunity for the bar/bat mitzvah student to take action in helping to repair the world. The project should be based on 1) skills of the student, 2) what the student likes to do, and 3) a cause that is of great importance to the student. A great resource for lots of mitzvah project suggestions can be found at Page 2

3 E. Service Attendance Requirement As a part of the study and preparation required for a positive and successful bar/bat mitzvah experience, students should attend at least six Jewish worship services in the year prior to the bar/bat mitzvah service. Four of the services should be at Shir Hadash and two or three of those should be Shir Hadash bar or bat mitzvah services. The two remaining services can be at other synagogues. Following each service attended, students should fill out a Service Attendance Form (included in the bar/bat mitzvah information packet) and give to the rabbi for review. In addition to students attending services at Shir Hadash, it is very important for parents to attend services, especially bar or bat mitzvah services, as well. F. Inclusive Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ceremony Universal Instructional Design - The Centre for Applied Special Technology at the University of Minnesota states that the basic premise of universal instructional design is that curriculum should include alternatives to make it accessible and applicable to students with different backgrounds, learning styles, abilities and disabilities. Inherent in the concept of Universal Instructional Design is the value that all children deserve equal access to the regular curriculum. The universal in universal design, however, does not imply that one size fits all; instead, it stresses the need for flexible, customizable content, individualization of requirements, assignments, assessments, and activities. Thus, at Shir Hadash, each bar/bat mitzvah ceremony is unique and personalized according to the skills, interests, learning styles, talents and abilities of the individual student. There are many ways to express the power and meaning of becoming bar/bat mitzvah through personal, unique and creative elements and talents. These can be discussed and developed with the rabbi as part of the service preparation. Please see the Shir Hadash Bar/Bat Mitzvah Inclusiveness Project materials to better understand how the process of personalization occurs. Elements of the Service: The more common traditional elements that can be included in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah are: (a) Blessing for putting on the tallit (b) Birchot Hashachar/Morning blessings (c) Baruch She amar (d) Barechu & Yotzer Or (e) Shema & V ahavta (f) Avot & Gevurot (g) Blessings before and after the Torah and Haftarah reading (h) Ashrey (i) Kiddush (j) Motzi (k) Read or chant 3 to 5 aliyot of Torah (12-15 verses) in Hebrew from the Torah. (l) Read or chant 7 to 10 verses of Haftarah in Hebrew. Page 3

4 (m) Write and deliver a dvar Torah/speech offering a personal understanding of the Torah portion. These service elements can be shared during the service in many ways. Some examples are indicated below. - Lead prayers and/or other readings alone or with family members or friends (circle of friends and or family members). - Choreograph or perform an interpretive dance piece based on the Torah portion. - Compose or perform a musical interpretation of some or all prayers. - Write or perform a dramatic skit interpretive of the elements in the service. - Illustrate a picture or comic book storyboard based on the Torah portion. - Build a model or diorama based on elements described in the Torah portion. - Create a mitzvah project connected to Torah or Haftarah reading themes. - Share a personal understanding of the Torah portion through a dvar Torah art project, music piece, photo display, or a speech, G. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Service: The family must contribute to the planning of the service by meeting with the rabbi. Following are some basic criteria for the service: 1. The bar/bat mitzvah student will share in leading the service as planned by the family and rabbi. 2. During the Torah reading, please save the first aliyah (Torah blessing) for the congregation; the final aliyah is for the bar/bat mitzvah student. Other aliyot may be given out to individuals, couples or small groups - Torah service honors should be given to Jewish adults (male or female) of bar/bat mitzvah age or older. The Torah blessings will be available during the service in large-print Hebrew letters, English transliteration, and translation. 3. Those present who are not Jewish may participate in the service by reading selected English passages from the bima (pulpit). However, Hebrew prayers and Torah service honors and aliyot are most appropriate for members of the Jewish people. 4. The student is expected to understand the significance of his/her training, the ceremony, the meaning of the Torah and Haftarah portions in order to make a dvar torahspeech/presentation of Jewish significance at the service (The rabbi will help the student develop ideas for the speech/presentation, however it is very important for the parent to be involved in the process and to help the student compose/edit the presentation). Please let the rabbi review the presentation at least one month before the service. 5. Following the service, it is customary to celebrate with a kiddush - refreshments for everyone. Please consult with the Building Use Policy regarding the serving of food and beverage. 6. Appropriate Attire: Boys typically wear suits or slacks & sports coat and girls typically wear skirts or dresses to the service. There are no colors that are off-limits in the synagogue for religious reasons it s more important to be appropriate, meaning (for girls) nothing too short, too tight, too revealing or provocative, etc A safe guide is to see that knees, elbows and shoulders are covered. Have a shrug handy in the case of uncovered shoulders and elbows. Page 4

5 Also, since the bar/bat mitzvah students will be on their feet for much of the service, please wear appropriate, practical and comfortable shoes. H. Service Supplements-Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklets: Though not required, creating a bar/bat mitzvah booklet is a great way of personalizing your service. In addition to the prayer book text (Hebrew songs and prayers), the booklet contains the Torah and Haftarah portions as well as English readings and graphics that your family selects: 1. Begin to collect readings, poetry, songs, etc., six months before the bar/bat mitzvah. Please make an appointment with the rabbi at least 3 months before the service to discuss your selections. The rabbi will provide you with the Torah and Haftarah portions (Hebrew and English) for inclusion in the booklet. 2. Look at other bar/bat mitzvah booklets for ideas. Speak with a graphic designer and/or printer for layout suggestions. 3. When complete, the cover should include the name of the bar/bat mitzvah student, English and Hebrew dates, Rabbi s full name, President s full name, Shir Hadash Synagogue, Wheeling, Illinois. The cover may include an appropriate graphic illustration. 4. Remember to number the pages of the booklet. The booklet should open like a Hebrew book, i.e. right to left. 5. Please show a copy of the paste-up, final draft to the rabbi for review before printing. Make more copies than you need (for unexpected guests and for use by Shir Hadash as examples for future b nai mitzvah). 6. Three copies should be given to the rabbi at least one week before the service. I. Mitzvah Projects 1. Designing and conducting a mitzvah project is a great way for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student to help contribute to tikkun olam repairing the world through acts of goodness and lovingkindness. 2. Selecting a project should take into consideration: the project is of great interest to the student, the tasks involved are enjoyable to the student and draw on the student s skills and talents, the initiative or organizations helped by the project are somehow connected to the Jewish community here in America, Israel and/or throughout the world. Check with the rabbi for lots of ideas and examples as well as final approval. 3. The student might consider how to work the project into the service or celebration afterwards. Some examples include: a mention or description in the dvar torah/speech, creating a display poster presentation, handing out brochures or promotional materials, and incorporating the concept into the party centerpieces. 4. Mitzvah projects often make great news. If you would like to submit information for possible media attention, please fill out the Mitzvah Project Hot Sheet and return it to the rabbi. Page 5

6 J. Costs: 1. Regarding the payment of synagogue fees (dues & school tuition): The family must be a member in good standing of Shir Hadash, i.e. paid in full for current year s fees or up to date with established payment plan, as determined by the treasurer. 2. Fees for tutoring are payable directly to the tutor. 3. Please consult with the Building Usage Policy regarding fees for use of the building and requirements for food served following the service. 4. Although donations to our Shir Hadash funds are not required, we encourage you to follow the traditional Jewish custom of expressing your simcha (joy) with a charitable contribution to our Tzedaka funds. K. Planning for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Day: A Timeline One Year Before 1. Get an assessment from the religious school of your child s Hebrew reading proficiency correlated with propensity. Determine when to begin studying with a tutor. 2. Contact and contract with a tutor and begin tutoring when deemed appropriate. 3. Contact the rabbi with any questions or concerns about your child s preparation for the service. Six Months Before 1. Develop plans for and begin working on child s mitzvah project. Contact rabbi if you need suggestions. Four Months Before 1. Meet with rabbi to plan service and develop strategies for preparing a dvar Torah speech and/or presentation (dance, music, artwork, etc.). Student should attend this meeting. 2. Set date for bar/bat mitzvah rehearsal. One Month Before 1. Student should complete learning all new material one month in advance. The final four weeks are then used for polishing and preparation for the service leading experience. 2. Send copy of dvar torah speech and/or presentation to the rabbi for review. 3. Send to rabbi bar/bat mitzvah service outline with names for honors and reading selections filled out. 4. Parents should prepare a brief statement/speech to share with their child during the service. Statements focusing on the child s talents and skills that will guide him/her towards becoming a fine adult are most appropriate. Page 6

7 One Week Before 1. Rehearsal set date & time with rabbi. The Night Before At the Friday evening service prior to the bar/bat mitzvah service, there is an opportunity to honor and bless the student. We strongly encourage all bar/bat mitzvah families to attend. If you would like to honor Shir Hadash friends with readings during the Shabbat evening service, please notify the rabbi. Note: In some cases, the service prior to the bar/bat mitzvah is one week earlier. Your family and friends are encouraged to attend the Friday evening services immediately preceding your bar/bat mitzvah. The rabbi will notify you with parts in the service for the bar/bat mitzvah student, family and Shir Hadash friends. The Day of 1. Arrive at least 1 hour early in order to check on last minute changes, prepare the Kiddush refreshments, confer with the rabbi, etc. 2. All persons with parts in the service should arrive 30 minutes early - i.e. readers, Torah blessers, Torah lifters and holders, etc. 3. Bring a challah bread for the motzi blessing at the conclusion of the service. Shir Hadash will provide a small bottle of grape juice for the kiddush blessing. 4. Ushers (6 recommended, divided into 3 teams of 2): Each team is assigned a one hour time slot. Their responsibilities include handing out prayer books, seating people, and maintaining order at the door and in the hallways and washrooms, etc. See instructions page in the bar/bat mitzvah packet. 5. Kiddush arrangers should come 1 hour early to set up. 6. Please tell your guests that the service begins promptly. Have invitations state a starting time that is 15 minutes before the actual intended starting time (for example, please tell guests to arrive at 9:30 am so that we can begin no later than 9:45 am). 7. Photographers must arrive early enough to be finished with pictures 30 minutes before the service. Picture taking is not permitted during the service. 8. Videographers must arrive early enough to set up with a stationary tripod in the rear of the sanctuary. The camera may not move during the service nor should the videographer be standing by the camera during the service. The recording must be made with available light. 9. We encourage the wearing of kippah and tallit by the bar/bat mitzvah. 10. A word about Candy Tossing: Showering your child with candy following the Torah service is permitted at Shir Hadash with the following safety considerations: All candy should be individually wrapped and soft-gel in nature (Sunkist or Brach Gels are most appropriate). Candy is to be distributed by four to six ushers following the Bar/Bat Mitzvah speech at the direction of the rabbi. Only those seated in the first few rows should receive candy to toss. While children, especially teen-agers, should not be given candy to throw, they may come up following the candy shower to help collect the candy, share, and eat. 11. A straighten-up team will assist with resetting the chairs, collecting prayer books, etc. 12. Enjoy! Mazal tov! Page 7