FROM THE RABBIS AND CANTORS OF WESTCHESTER REFORM TEMPLE

Transcription

1 FROM THE RABBIS AND CANTORS OF WESTCHESTER REFORM TEMPLE What is Bar/Bat Mitzvah (plural: B nei Mitzvah)? For starters, it s not something you get, or something that s done to you (as in I was Bar Mitzvahed ); nor is it simply a celebration, a milestone event, or a religious service. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is really none of these things. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is something you become. Strictly speaking, it happens automatically when you come of age (in traditional Jewish terms, that s 13 years old, with some sources saying 12 for girls). At Westchester Reform Temple where every child celebrates close to the 13 th birthday, a child marks this coming-of-age through a process of study, social action, selfreflection, and religious service. And we, the congregation and professional staff, together with the child s family, rejoice in his/her entry into Jewish adulthood. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is only a beginning. It represents a commitment to Jewish learning and living, and of dedication to the welfare of the Jewish community. Most of all, it represents a commitment to continued study and exploration. In the truest sense of the word, Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a commencement of an emerging Jewish adult s religious studies. It is easy to lose sight of Bar/Bat Mitzvah s true meaning. Our colleague Rabbi Steven Kushner puts it well: There can be little doubt that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration has come to embody both the bright and dark sides of Judaism American-Style. We know the excesses. They ve been elevated to legendary lore. But we also know the power, the beauty, the wonder of it all. Indeed, were Bar/Bat Mitzvah not so filled with the potential for meaning, you would not be holding this book right now. Welcome (back) to the journey of discovery. Because Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a long process, with lots of details to manage, we have put together this handbook: to help you manage the details and not get lost in the process. We want to make the process as smooth as possible, and, ultimately, one in which the lives of the child and family are together enriched and blessed. May this step along your way carry you from strength to strength. Page 1 of 40

2 BAR/BAT MITZVAH: MEANINGS AND MYTHS Bar/Bat Mitzvah is an ancient Jewish practice. But it s not mentioned anywhere in the Bible. The practice seems to date back at least as far as the Second Century, where the Talmud notes that at age thirteen a boy becomes subject to the commandments. Further, traditional Judaism regarded the age of thirteen as the point at which a father is released from responsibility for his son s conduct. Though the practice of Bar Mitzvah has evolved throughout the ages, many believe that by the Middle Ages in Europe, a boy of thirteen would demonstrate his new status in the community by reading from the Torah scroll, leading the community in worship, and offering an original interpretation of the weekly Torah portion. These essential practices have been retained to the present day. In this century, the demand for equality gave rise to the practice of Bat- Mitzvah for girls, which in Reform (and most Conservative) communities has become universal. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is ultimately about responsibility. While the process of Bar/Bat Mitzvah necessitates the acquisition of skills such as chanting Torah and Haftarah, studying Torah, and speaking in public, these do not comprise the essence of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The key is the word mitzvah: a sacred obligation. By becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a child learns his/her responsibilities to the community and acquires the motivation and experience to respond to a noble challenge. In so doing, s/he emerges as a Jewish adult : one who has responded to the Jewish understanding of maturity. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is not a performance. It s a celebration and a commemoration of a child s effort and personal growth. The service is a religious ceremony, not a show. More to the point, the only mistake one can make at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is to lose sight of this fact. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony emphasizes the centrality of Torah in Jewish life. And so a child s primary honor at the service is to chant from the Torah scroll. Torah tells the story of our people as they emerged from tribes of nomads and slaves. It commemorates our people s early experience of God. It has served as the source of Jewish wisdom for millennia. And it unites the Jewish people, even today, as a common source of inspiration and hope. The reception which follows is a continuation of the celebration. Please try not to think of it as a separate party or event. Traditionally called a Se udat Mitzvah, or meal in honor of the performance of a mitzvah, it is a special and sacred occasion. Setting aside a portion of one s abundance to help the poor and needy can demonstrate that your celebration represents an ongoing commitment to others. MAZON, a Jewish Response to Hunger, urges the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to contribute a portion of gift money and 3% of the expense of the catering to this worthy charity. Read more on Page 2 of 40

3 To this end, WRT encourages your participation in many of the mitzvah opportunities associated with B nei Mitzvah that our own congregants, together with our clergy and staff, have initiated, including FAVORS FOR HUMANITY, COLLECTING & CONNECTING, and FOOD RESCUE. More information about these exciting initiatives can be found in this Handbook. Bar/Bat Mitzvah s meaning will endure only if it leads to further Jewish growth and study. Becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a process that can remain with us throughout our lives. We state firmly that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is validated by a commitment to continue religious education at least to Confirmation (10 th grade) and ideally in Post-Confirmation to High School Graduation (12 th grade). Our Mercaz program for 8 th -12 th grade is vibrant and popular, with a winning mix of learning and social connection that helps our students thrive and mature academically and Jewishly. Without this commitment to continue Jewish learning and exploration, what will the ceremony really mean? Page 3 of 40

4 PREPARING FOR BAR/BAT MITZVAH: A FAMILY JOURNEY SCHEDULING THE CEREMONY The process of Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Westchester Reform Temple formally begins in the fall of the child s Fifth Grade year with the scheduling of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. The clergy and educational staff will begin meeting after the High Holidays to arrange the schedule for your child s Bar/Bat Mitzvah year. Our aim is to assign a date that is closest to your child s birth date (though, especially with children with summer birthdays, this is not always possible). In late Fall of the Fifth Grade Year (before Winter Break), parents receive a letter from our B nei Mitzvah Coordinator indicating the assigned date. Dates are assigned based on year of birth as opposed to grade in school. Nearly all services are shared by two children because of the large number of candidates each year. In fairness to all, we cannot give May or June dates to children born in the winter months, much as we would like to promise everyone a warm Spring day. No dates are scheduled in July or in most of August. Our earliest date is the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend. Therefore, children born in the summer months will probably be scheduled in May, June, September, or October. Date changes will not be accommodated in the year prior to the ceremony. If there are any circumstances or information that you would like to be considered when assigning your child s date, a request should be made, in writing, on the Date Preference Form you will have received, by the indicated due date. More information about date scheduling can be found below in this Handbook. You cannot underestimate how valuable this information is to us when scheduling a date. SHARED ( DOUBLE ) B NEI MITZVAH SERVICES The number of students celebrating B nei Mitzvah at WRT in many years exceeds 100. We are blessed to have so many celebrations in our midst! However, the large number has necessitated that nearly all of our students share their service with another. On December 15, 1998, the Board of Trustees approved a recommendation of our B nei Mitzvah Committee that we would add Saturday afternoon services to accommodate the large number of students, instead of trying to accommodate more than two students at a morning service. Afternoon services are also typically shared by two students. You may expect to share your Bar/Bat Mitzvah service with another student and his/her family. Page 4 of 40

5 We work hard to match students appropriately and take into consideration not only a student s potential for mastery of Hebrew and Torah readings, but also study skills, residential location, school system, age, grade, interests, friends, and so forth. We strive to create the best possible match between two students. Our paramount aim is to create a service that is shared equitably, with both students feeling joy and satisfaction in their accomplishments. Because of the many sensitivities that must be recognized in pairing students, WRT entrusts this task to the B nei Mitzvah Coordinator and the professional staff of the Religious School in consultation with the Clergy. Occasionally we reach the conclusion, in consultation with our educational staff and parents, that a student s special needs will be met best by a single service which is not shared with another family. We do not regard the assignment of such a service as any kind of preferential treatment; we offer such an option only in rare special circumstances and a single service on the calendar should be interpreted as having been selected with thoughtfulness and deliberation. Know that we will work hard to create with you a moment of lasting significance, holiness, and beauty for each family, individually and together. In this Handbook you will read about the specific ways in which we divide service honors and responsibilities equitably between the two students and their families. SIXTH GRADE SHABBATON During the winter of the child s Sixth Grade year, all WRT 6 th graders and their parents spend a weekend of study, community building, and spiritual preparation to begin the process of becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. From Friday evening until Saturday evening, we spend a Shabbat in each other s company, learning, praying, engaging in discussion, and preparing for a milestone year to come. You will receive your Bar/Bat Mitzvah Torah portion packet at this Shabbaton. Students are required to attend with a parent (or both) in order to be eligible for Bar/Bat Mitzvah. More information will be sent home to you as the Shabbaton approaches. B NEI MITZVAH FAMILY MEETING Beginning at around eight months to a year prior to your Bar/Bat Mitzvah date, parents and children will meet in a large group with one of the rabbis to discuss the particulars of planning and preparing for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. At this meeting you will review all of these guidelines. We will hold these group meetings occasionally throughout the year. Page 5 of 40

6 REQUIREMENTS AND EXPECTATIONS ELIGIBILITY The celebration of Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Westchester Reform Temple is a privilege afforded only to members in good standing. A member s account must be current, with payment received for all membership dues, tuition fees, and the appropriate B nei Mitzvah fee for the year. Only students enrolled in the Religious School by third grade, continuing through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah year, having successfully met all academic and attendance requirements are eligible. For students with other academic backgrounds or circumstances, eligibility for Bar/Bat Mitzvah will be determined in consultation with the Clergy and Director of Lifelong Learning. Only students deemed age-appropriate will be considered for Bar/Bat Mitzvah (typically, within a month or two of age 13, or older it s never too late!) FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS In addition to obligations of membership at WRT, there are various costs incurred by the Temple specifically pertaining to Bar/Bat Mitzvah which require coverage. The B nei Mitzvah fee covers twenty sessions with a private tutor, making a DVD of the service, and any books and other materials. It also covers refreshments for the Oneg Shabbat on Friday night. Payment of this fee will confirm your child s date. B RIT TEFILLAH: A COVENANT FOR SERVICE ATTENDANCE Westchester Reform Temple requires all Hebrew school students (grades 3-7), accompanied by at least one parent, to attend worship services throughout the year. We require this for the following reasons: To improve familiarity with the service for both students and parents. The more you are present, the more you will feel comfortable at services. Because communal prayer is the primary expression of Judaism. Bar/Bat Mitzvah ought to take place not as an isolated event, but in the context of community worship. To improve familiarity with the liturgy, customs, and music of WRT. As a modeling experience for a child s own Bar/Bat Mitzvah. To foster connections with the extended WRT community. ALL students in their Bar/Bat Mitzvah year are REQUIRED to attend High Holiday services. CONTINUING EDUCATION As Jewish education is a life-long process, students are urged to continue in our Religious School in the Mercaz Program from grades 8-12, celebrating Confirmation in the 10 th grade year and culminating in High School Graduation at the end of 12th grade. The majority of our students DO continue after Bar and Bat Mitzvah and our alumni report how valuable these years of study and social interaction proved in the shaping of their Jewish identities. MITZVAH PROJECTS LO TA AMOD During the Seventh Grade year, each student will participate in an extended community service project of ongoing significance to him/her. Participation in this project is a required component of Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and entails a commitment of no less than eighteen (18) hours Page 6 of 40

7 of service, spread over weeks or months, corresponding to the number which in Hebrew reads life. This component of Bar/Bat Mitzvah is called Lo Ta amod, after the Bible s commandment You shall not stand idly when your neighbor is in distress. At the end of a student s Sixth Grade Year, s/he will be invited to a Lo Ta amod Sharing Day, where seventh grade students will present opportunities in and around Westchester County for volunteer service. Students can sign up then and there, or can propose their own projects which must be approved by our staff. There are plenty of options to choose, and we ll happily explain the ins and outs of the process at the Lo Ta amod Mitzvah Project. Your progress with your Mitzvah Project will be tracked through a journal to be checked by your Religious School teachers, with appointments with WRT s Educational Staff, and by sharing your progress with the Rabbis in your D var Torah. We urge you to choose something you and your family care about. This could mean work in a nursing home, residential facility, or hospital; a research-based project; an animal-care related project; helping at a shelter; adopt an elderly neighbor ; and so forth. More information will be available at the Lo Ta amod Sharing Day in the spring. REMEMBER US: A HOLOCAUST B NEI MITZVAH PROGRAM Remember Us is a simple program, utilized nationally, that will deepen your child s experience of Jewish memory and enable him/her to take on a meaningful role in perpetuating it. Read over the guide that is available in the Religious School Office and inform Suzanne Saperstein that your child would like to participate in this program. Materials will also be distributed at your Group Family Meeting. Your child will receive the name of a Holocaust victim and an invitation to participate. Your child will be invited to remember the deceased child in any way he/she chooses. Your child will be encouraged to do a mitzvah in the name of the child whose memory he/she carrying. It is suggested that your child mention the name and memory of the remembered child on the bimah during the Bar/Bat mitzvah ceremony. Your child has the opportunity to say Kaddish for the remembered child. BENEFITS TO YOUR CHILD: Your child learns that she/he has a significant role to play in preserving Jewish memory. Your child s task of remembering blossoms when it is nurtured. It is a life-affirming way for your child to relate to the Holocaust positively. Your child has the opportunity to grow from a learning experience to Jewish commitment. Page 7 of 40

8 The communal act of remembering from the bimah will be a powerful experience for your child, your family and the congregation. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Your child will receive a certificate acknowledging their act of remembrance. The certificate will recognize your child as a shomer zikaron a guardian of the Jewish memory. Lauren Haller (lphal@optonline.net) or Suzanne Saperstein, B nei Mitzvah Coordinator, will answer any questions. D VAR TORAH WORKSHOP A D var Torah (literally, a word of Torah) is not a sermon or a term paper. It is, simply, the identification of a question about or feature of the Torah portion followed by a straightforward and thoughtful response. It is a single idea, based on the text of the Torah, and applied to the congregation and the speaker s personal experience. Every student is assigned to a D var Torah Workshop, which is a 6-session weekly program. You will be notified of your start date by Suzanne Saperstein (in the WRT Office), a few weeks before your classes begin. Attendance at the D var Torah Workshop is very, very important. A missed session cannot be made up in private except for emergency circumstances. Each week you ll receive a brief writing assignment; the end result will be a complete rough draft of the speech you will deliver at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah candidate s participation in our 6-session D var Torah Workshop with his/her rabbi instructor, s/he will compose a thoughtful D var Torah based on the student s Torah selection. In class, you will have the opportunity to examine the Torah and relevant commentaries. Your instructor will review the student s writing (with a writing assignment due each session) for grammar and content, and practice delivering the speech from the bimah. While these sessions are important, we urge students to study and discuss the Torah reading and the D var Torah with their parents. On the other hand: parents are not to write the D var Torah for their children! We want each student to express his/her own thoughts in his/her own manner of expression. To that end, we require that parents attend the first of the classes; this first class we hold on a weekday evening. The remaining five classes take place during Religious School hours on Wednesday afternoons. Students must make every effort to attend all D var Torah Workshop classes for the full duration of each class. At the first session with parents, your teacher will review class expectations and assignments. Page 8 of 40

9 Again, Suzanne Saperstein will contact you to let you know about the dates of your enrollment and instructor. She is available to answer any questions about the D var Torah Workshop. her at suzanne.saperstein@wrtemple.org or call the Temple office. D VAR TORAH FOLLOW-UP SESSIONS After your 6 sessions in the Workshop, Suzanne Saperstein, will contact you to set up two final meetings to produce a final draft of your D var Torah. You will meet with one of the temple s rabbis to work on final phrasing and delivery. You will be asked to bring your typed draft of the D var Torah, as well as all of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah materials to your meetings with the rabbi. You will also be asked to a copy of your draft-in-progress to the rabbi so that he will have a chance to look over your work, and so that we can save your remarks electronically for easy retrieval. STUDENT SESSIONS WITH RABBI BLAKE Every student preparing for Bar/Bat Mitzvah will meet with Rabbi Blake one-on-one, in the weeks approaching the ceremony. This meeting will last one half-hour, and during this time, Rabbi Blake and your child will discuss the rituals, messages, and meanings associated with this milestone occasion. Rabbi Blake meets with each of our B nei Mitzvah students, even when another WRT rabbi will officiate at the service. The administrative staff will contact you to set up these meeting times. Page 9 of 40

10 MASTERING YOUR MATERIALS RECEIVING A TORAH PORTION At the required Sixth Grade Shabbaton, students and their families receive a digest of the Torah portion to be recited at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This assignment includes the specific Torah verses to be mastered in Hebrew, an English translation, a summary of the entire Torah portion for that Shabbat. Typically, students receive between eight and twelve verses of Torah, and five or seven verses of Haftarah. We strive for passages of approximately equal length among our students. Your rabbis and cantors have selected your passage for you based on: Applicability of the Torah passage to our lives, Fairness to both students sharing a service, with regard to the length of the passages and difficulty of the Hebrew/chanting, Integration of the passage and its vocabulary into our Religious School curriculum. TUTORING When You Start The period of preparation for Bar/Bat Mitzvah, which is explained in detail below, begins approximately 6 working months before the scheduled date. (i.e., If you or your child will be away for an extended duration (camp, vacation, etc.), do not count this time in your preparation timetable.) Furthermore, please notify us if you believe your child qualifies for an extended period of tutoring, in which case s/he may benefit from an earlier start. (see below, Special Needs ). Materials for Preparation When your tutoring begins, you will receive the materials needed for preparation, including a master booklet of your Torah and Haftarah with commentary, a copy of the prayers, and a CD on which your Tutor will record the passages you will be expected to master. Other materials will be provided electronically by your tutor and through the website. Tutoring Schedules A few weeks before tutoring is to begin, you will be notified by Suzanne Saperstein of scheduling options. Tutoring is held once a week for each student, at the Temple, in 20- minute sessions, at times that won t conflict with your Religious School schedule. We urge you to select the best time for you, even if the time is not ideal. Know that within 2-4 weeks of beginning tutoring, a better time slot may open up, and we are happy to accommodate a change in schedule. We ask your cooperation in these first weeks, however, by selecting the least offensive time to you. A Tutor will meet with you for 20 sessions, leading up to the day of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Please arrive on time and prepared to every lesson. Page 10 of 40

11 IMPORTANT: 20 sessions of tutoring are covered by the B nei Mitzvah Fee. If a student requires lessons with any Tutor who provides specialized education, above and beyond the included 20 sessions, appropriate out-of-pocket remuneration of this Tutor will be discussed in consultation with the Clergy. Our Tutors We take pride in our tutors, who are valued professionals at Westchester Reform Temple. We feel blessed to make available to you one of many trusted experts as your child s tutor. Your tutor is your primary source of communication about your child s progress. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE! Preparing for Bar/Bat Mitzvah requires diligence, patience, organization, and consistency! The following guidelines will greatly assist your preparation and our ability to ensure your success. 1. The B nei Mitzvah candidate will practice twenty thirty (20-30) minutes each day. A single day off per week is appropriate, but not more. As the date draws near, more or less may be necessary, as determined by the Cantor, Tutor and/or Rabbi. REGULAR PRACTICE IS CRUCIAL. Working once or twice a week for several hours will not achieve the same effect as daily practice for shorter periods of time. 2. If a lesson must be missed due to illness or other reasons, call the office in advance of the lesson to reschedule a make-up session. 24-hour notice is appreciated. 3. Assignments must be completed each week and be kept up to date. 4. Please bring ALL materials to every tutoring session and every meeting, whether with your tutor or with the rabbi(s). Keep materials in a notebook, in a safe place. Always have a pencil and paper on hand. 5. Follow our Ten Steps To Success Guide to Practice, included in this Handbook (Appendix II,). 6. PHOTOCOPY any materials and BACK UP any recordings. This will make it hard for you to lose something important. If you do lose any materials, please contact your Tutor immediately to obtain a replacement! The replacement of a Service/Trope CD or a Torah/Haftarah CD will cost $ The replacement of a Torah Portion Booklet will also cost $ Any monies collected will be earmarked for charitable Temple use toward B nei Mitzvah. Page 11 of 40

12 THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICE WHEN AND WHERE BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICES ARE HELD At WRT, all B nei Mitzvah services begin promptly. The celebration of Bar/Bat Mitzvah at WRT is held at the following times: Shabbat morning services at 10:00 AM* from Labor Day Weekend until the last school week in June. Congregants are advised to indicate 9:45 AM on invitations to ensure the prompt arrival of guests. Shabbat afternoon (Havdalah) services at 5:00 PM, from Labor Day Weekend until the last school week in June. Afternoon services are added to our schedule when the number of B nei Mitzvah candidates in a given year necessitates additional services. Our custom is to conduct a Shabbat Worship service that ends with the Havdalah ritual. Congregants are advised to indicate 4:45 PM on invitations to ensure the prompt arrival of guests. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are not regularly held on Friday evenings, though on occasion we have held a much abridged Bar/Bat Mitzvah aliyah to the Torah during our regular Friday evening service. You are invited to discuss this option with a Rabbi of the Temple if you feel it may be appropriate for your celebration. Certain dates throughout the year will not be available in order to accommodate congregational programming, clergy schedules, and holidays. Services are held in the Temple s main Sanctuary, which can accommodate all of your guests. Within these parameters, we who schedule the services our Coordinators and Clergy will make every effort to accommodate your preferences. WHO ATTENDS? While no service at WRT is by invitation only, the great majority of attendees at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah service will be people you have personally invited. Also present will be ushers (parents, volunteers, and members of our Board of Trustees) and a Board/Auxiliary Representative who will make presentations from the bimah during the service. Service-leading expectations for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah do not change regardless of the service time. Morning and Afternoon services include the same required components. WHAT DOES THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH DO? There are four components for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah s participation at the service: To be a Shaliach Tzibur/Leader of Worship. To chant from the Torah. To chant from the Haftarah. To deliver a D var Torah, a teaching on the week s Torah portion. Note: Whether the service is held in the morning or afternoon, a student s responsibilities are the same; Torah and Haftarah are chanted. Page 12 of 40

13 SHALIACH TZIBUR: A LEADER OF WORSHIP At WRT, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah joins with the clergy in leading the congregation in worship. Most of the Hebrew prayers for this responsibility have been learned in Hebrew school prior to Bar/Bat Mitzvah; others will be studied with the Cantor and tutor. The basic Hebrew prayers expected of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah are: Shema/V Ahavta Avot v Imahot Torah and Haftarah Blessings (both before and after) Friday night Kiddush Students who are motivated to lead an additional prayer are invited to learn the following, in consultation with the Clergy and Tutor(s): Yotzer Ohr (for morning services) Ma ariv Aravim (for evening services) Gevurot Additionally, students will lead some English portions of the service. These passages are often complicated, and we urge practicing the English alongside the Hebrew! Specific prayers and English readings will be coordinated with the Clergy and your Tutor on an individual basis. Please be mindful that we will take pains to distribute prayers and readings equitably between two students when they share a service. TORAH AND HAFTARAH CHANTING B nei Mitzvah students will learn to chant a total of approximately 8-12 verses from the weekly Torah portion (parasha), constituting a single aliyah. They will also chant (or read) a selection from the weekly Haftarah, usually 5-7 verses. The Torah is unvocalized (without the diacritical vowels or accents) while the Haftarah is read with vowels. Moreover, students will learn the tropes or cantillation melodies. These skills are taught by the Tutor in the private lessons that begin one s formal preparation. They are mastered only through diligent practice at home. We have found that students who chant their portions (musical inclinations notwithstanding!) more readily master their assigned passages. Simply put: chanting facilitates committing the passage to memory (the same way that we tend to remember words to songs better than words to books!), and we encourage each student to try chanting the passages. However, we will allow each student to make the final determination in choosing to chant or read, in consultation with his/her Tutor. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah will chant the Torah blessings only over the final aliyah, or reading, known as the maftir ( conclusion ). Page 13 of 40

14 D VAR TORAH Following the chanting of Torah and Haftarah, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah will deliver a brief (5-10 minute) teaching drawn from the Torah portion. This message will be prepared in the six-session D var Torah Workshop and finalized in the follow-up sessions with one of the rabbis. MEETING YOUR INDIVIDUAL AND FAMILY NEEDS We will strive to make Bar/Bat Mitzvah an enriching, positive, meaningful, and memorable experience for you and your family. For students with special needs (for example, learning or developmental disabilities), we will help to tailor specific requirements and expectations for the process of Bar/Bat Mitzvah. If your family is experiencing any sort of challenging circumstances, this too will be helpful to know, so that we can assist. Any such information will be treated confidentially and sensitively. We are aware that the experience of Bar/Bat Mitzvah can easily become overwhelming, especially given these concerns; we are available to guide you and your child throughout the journey. Additionally, know that we will make every effort to include in the service members of your family with disabilities. Our synagogue is fully accessible to all. WRT also employs or calls upon additional expert Tutors who specialize in working with students with learning challenges. On occasion, we may together reach the conclusion that your child s unique needs will be met by studying with one of these Tutors. In such cases, the appropriate remuneration of the additional Tutor will be discussed in consultation with the Tutor and the Clergy. Financial assistance is available. The bottom line: We stand at the ready to provide assistance; please let us know how we can be responsive to your needs. Page 14 of 40

15 THE SERVICE: A FAMILY AND COMMUNITY CELEBRATION OF SHABBAT GETTING READY FOR THE BIG DAY The final week leading to the celebration of Bar/Bat Mitzvah will be a thrilling time for your family. We hope that this information will make the inevitable hectic pace more manageable. PARENTS CONFERENCE Early in the week of the ceremony, the parents will meet with the Officiating Rabbi. The Rabbis Office Assistants will call you to set up the appointment. We try to schedule these conferences so that each family meets individually with the Officiating Rabbi to discuss details of the service and to share insights about the child. We schedule a 15-minute period when both families overlap in their meeting time, so that all service participants have an opportunity to go over details of the service. STUDENTS REHEARSAL The office staff will schedule a rehearsal with a clergy member for B nei Mitzvah students the week of the celebration. Usually this takes place on an afternoon early in the week, and students have the opportunity to run through the entire service, together with one of our cantors, on the bimah. FINAL RUN-THROUGH The Bar/Bat Mitzvah and all members of the family who are participating in the service are asked to meet with the Officiating Rabbi in the sanctuary on Friday. Final run-throughs are scheduled Friday afternoons at either 1:30pm or 3:00pm depending on the officiating Rabbi. In any case, we will work to find a mutually agreeable time for this final rehearsal, when you and your child will have the opportunity to run through the entire service, together with the family with whom you will share the occasion (in the event of a shared service) and with your Officiating Rabbi. At this time, we will also make sure that all details between the two families (at shared services) are fully coordinated. You will see how we alternate roles between the two families throughout the service. If you are concerned about these details, please take reassurance in the knowledge that we have officiated at hundreds of services often four families a week and that the choreography is easily learned. Additionally, we will be present on the bimah to guide you at all times! Page 15 of 40

16 SEATING During your Family Rehearsal with your Officiating Rabbi on the day before the service (Friday afternoon), you will have the opportunity to coordinate seating for your honored guests. The rabbi will show you where to sit. We do not separate families on different sides of the congregation worshippers are free to sit wherever they like. Many will choose, of course, to sit near family members, so frequently the congregation self-segregates in this fashion. MEANINGFUL GIFTS We offer the following suggestions as meaningful gifts for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah: Kiddush Cup, Shabbat candlesticks, yad (Torah pointer), or other Judaica. A Tallit (prayer shawl) and/or Kippah (yarmulke). Jewish Publication Society TaNaKH (Jewish Bible). Gift subscriptions to the Jewish Publication Society. A Jewish Book or CD. Contact the Temple for suggestions. Plant trees in Israel (through JNF) in honor of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. TZEDAKAH: CHARITY AND RIGHTEOUSNESS Many families have chosen this joyous occasion to make a special donation to the Temple in honor of their child s celebration. Sharing your joy in the form of tzedakah is always appropriate. One tzedakah we encourage is to contribute to MAZON: A Jewish Response to Hunger in the amount of 3% of your catering cost, so that hungry people worldwide can be nourished by your generosity even as you prepare to feed your guests. We recommend, in the spirit of your child reaching a state of maturity and responsibility, that s/he be encouraged to make a personal contribution to a charity of his/her choice from the gift money s/he receives. FRIDAY EVENING SERVICES The immediate family of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah participates in the Friday evening service preceding the day of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. TIME Friday evening services begin promptly in our Temple Sanctuary at 6:15 PM on the First Friday of every month, and at 7:45 PM on other Fridays, with occasional exceptions such as the Fridays of school breaks or holiday weekends. Page 16 of 40

17 CANDLE LIGHTING Families come forward while the Cantor sings Light these Lights. A parent of each child will approach the candles on the bimah to light a Shabbat candle and join in reciting the blessing. The Temple Office is happy to provide you with a recording of the candle lighting blessing and a copy of the words. KIDDUSH The family along with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah then participates in the Kiddush. The Rabbi will gather the celebrating families on the bimah where the students will hold the Kiddush cups that the Temple provides, and the Cantor leads the B nei Mitzvah and the congregation in reciting the Kiddush. The Temple Office is happy to provide you with a recording of the Kiddush. ONEG SHABBAT The parent(s) and WRT co-sponsor a regular Oneg Shabbat following the Friday Evening Service. A portion of the cost of challah and pastries is included in the B nei Mitzvah fee. If you would like to supplement or embellish the Oneg, please speak to the Executive Director. Otherwise, your participation is automatically included. SATURDAY SERVICES The main event! Please read the following information about the Saturday Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. TIME Saturday morning services: 10:00 AM (indicate 9:45 AM on your invitations). Saturday afternoon services: 5:00 PM (indicate 4:45 PM on your invitations). KIPPAH (YARMULKE) AND TALLIT The Bar/Bat Mitzvah may choose to wear a Kippah and/or Tallit. Kippot and Tallitot are provided by the Temple and families may wish to supplement those provided for their guests. It is an ancient custom for service leaders to wear a tallit, symbolic of the Mitzvot in which the Jewish people wrap ourselves. Tallit and Kippah also make meaningful gifts from family members to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Many choose to wear a family heirloom tallit. No person, including the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, is required to wear tallit or kippah at WRT. Page 17 of 40

18 USHERS Preserving decorum in our sanctuary and the prayerful mood of our services is a paramount value of our congregation. All parents of upcoming B nei Mitzvah students serve as ushers for our B nei Mitzvah services. Parents will serve as ushers in the weeks immediately prior to your own child s service. Ushers will work as a team, together with a Head Usher provided by the Temple. As ushers, you will ensure that all worshippers, adults as well as children, show respect for the sanctity of the service, the leaders, the celebrants, and the Temple facility. Ushering will also provide you with an opportunity to see a B nei Mitzvah service in action. The temple will arrange for ushers sufficient to monitor the sanctuary for up to 30 invited guests from among your child s friends or classmates, for each family celebrating in the sanctuary. You will be responsible to provide two ushers from among your guests for each additional 30 student-invitees, according to these guidelines: Up to 30 students invited: WRT provides ushers students invited: Family must provide 2 additional ushers students invited: Family must provide 4 additional ushers You must give the names of your designated supplemental ushers to Suzanne Saperstein at least three weeks before the service, and to your officiating Rabbi at your intake meeting the week of the service. Important: We take ushering responsibilities very seriously and ask that you do the same. Please cancel your assigned date only in an emergency. If you must cancel, please notify Suzanne Saperstein, by Friday at 9:00 AM. Please come prepared to do the job that is required: part greeter, part police, and above all, a symbol of the respect that we wish to give our service and our congregational community. TEMPLE OFFICER A member of our Temple s leadership, typically a Board of Trustees representative, will join the clergy and B nei Mitzvah students on the bimah and will extend congratulatory wishes and gifts to the students at the end of the service. His/her participation is coordinated by WRT. S/he will present the child with a Kiddush cup, a copy of the Plaut Torah Commentary, a Bar/Bat Mitzvah Certificate, a one year membership to the ARZA (Association of Reform Zionists of America), the organization that promotes Liberal Judaism in Israel and around the world, and a certificate for $ provided by NFTY (the North American Federation of Temple Youth) to be redeemed toward a NFTY trip to Israel during a student s High School years. PARTICIPATION OF LOVED ONES IN THE SERVICE All worshippers are welcome at all Shabbat services at WRT. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is considered a significant part of our Shabbat worship experience. It is not a private ceremony reserved for guests of the celebrants. It is, however, a time for your family to rejoice together. When you meet your Officiating Rabbi to discuss the details of Page 18 of 40

19 your service during the week of the celebration, you will have a chance to discuss the participation of your loved ones. Please begin thinking about how you d like to include your loved ones in the service. Here are some guidelines for their participation. HONORS FOR FAMILY (OR FRIENDS): 1) Hakafah (Torah Processional) and Undressing the Torah We invite children younger than Bar/Bat-Mitzvah age to join the B nei Mitzvah celebrants in marching around the sanctuary as the Rabbi carries the Torah scroll. When we return to the bimah, these younger participants (siblings, cousins, etc.) will assist us in removing the finery from the scroll as we prepare to read. We will happily acknowledge their participation in the service. 2) Family Aliyot An aliyah is the honor of being called to the Torah to recite the blessings before and after the reading of the scroll. A single aliyah may be recited alone, in small groups, or shared among even large assemblies of people (for instance, 5 or more). The honor of reciting the blessing is offered to Jews who are at least of Bar/Bat Mitzvah age. However, we encourage you to invite non-jewish and Jewish family members together; below, you will find honors fitting for non-jewish participants in the service. Each family is allotted exactly three aliyot. Out of fairness to other families, we do not alter the number of allotted aliyot. No more nor less than three per family will be designated. Each Bar/Bat Mitzvah student is also called up for his/her aliyah to recite the blessings over his/her passage. You will find a copy, with transliteration and translation, of the Torah blessings in the Appendix of this Handbook. You may chant or read the blessing. If anyone offered this honor is not comfortable chanting/reading the Hebrew, we invite him/her to read the blessings in English. 3) Passing the Torah from Generation to Generation After each family has completed its allotted three aliyot, the Torah is passed down through the generations: from grandparents to parents to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. We are also gratified and happy to include any great-grandparents in this ceremony. At this moment in the service, we will call forward your son/daughter by his/her Hebrew name, and stand in a row from eldest to youngest. It is a powerful visual emblem of the meaning of the occasion, and we ask that you understand the sanctity of the moment as you prepare to pass the Torah to your child. Which takes us to Page 19 of 40

20 4) The Parents Blessing During the service, a moment is set aside for one parent from each family to address his/her child(ren). Only one parent can be designated to speak, and remarks must be kept within 500 words. Remarks exceeding 500 words place an undue burden of time on the congregation, on your child, and on the family with whom you are sharing the service. We urge that remarks reflect one or more of the following themes: the significance of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah; of taking on the responsibilities of Jewish adulthood; of recognizing your child s spiritual/family heritage and legacy; of thanksgiving for having reached this special occasion; of acknowledging the sanctity of this moment, when a young person embraces Torah. Remarks will be limited to 500 words and your officiating Rabbi may request to proofread a draft at least 5 days before your service. 5) Motzi or Havdalah A Shabbat morning celebration ends with the prayers over the wine and challah, for which the celebrant may be joined by family or friends. A Saturday evening celebration ends with a brief Havdalah ritual, where we join in song over wine, spices, and the special Havdalah flame. The celebrants are joined by family members in this beautiful concluding ritual. PARTICIPATION OF NON-JEWS Westchester Reform Temple warmly welcomes the participation of non-jewish family and friends. While there are some guidelines, we very much want you and all of your guests to feel welcome. Non-Jews may come forward as part of a group aliyah, and stand witness to the reading of Torah. We do not ask Non-Jews to offer the blessing which is a particularistic statement of Jewish identity. Non-Jews may participate in the passing of the Torah from generation to generation, standing in a way that honestly reflects the participant s relationship to the Jewish tradition. Our clergy will sensitively guide you in preparation for this moment. Non-Jews are invited to lead the congregation in an ecumenical, English Prayer for Peace that is read immediately before the silent meditation. PARTICIPATION OF YOUNGER SIBLINGS AND CHILDREN Children are given age-appropriate honors such as marching in the Hakafah and Undressing the Torah. Often siblings or children will join the family at the end of the service to recite Kiddush and Motzi or participate in Havdalah. Any child having already reached the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah is eligible for an aliyah to the Torah. Page 20 of 40

21 A FINAL WORD... FOR NOW We know that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah process can provoke anxiety. There are so many details to manage. Through it all, please accept our reassurance that we will be with you every step of the way to guide your family through the process. This year at WRT, about 100 students will celebrate this milestone. We make it our business to make sure that every student succeeds. We take pride in every one, and look forward to celebrating with you and your dear ones. Please keep this pamphlet safe. Even if you are not able to absorb it in one sitting, it contains very important information that you will find invaluable as the day of your celebration draws near. We urge you to consult this pamphlet before panicking, and even before calling the Temple for help. We ve prepared it so that you ll have the information you need at your fingertips. Know, however, that we are always ready to listen to your questions and concerns, and to work together toward a meaningful celebration. Above all, we are grateful for your children and the trust you have given us, as together we prepare for a transformational and joyous moment in their lives and in the life of your family. Yours with shalom, Rabbi Jonathan E. Blake On Behalf of the Professional and Administrative Staff of Westchester Reform Temple Scarsdale, New York Wait! There s more! The remaining pages of this Handbook include helpful information that will assist you in getting ready for your celebration. Please read on. Page 21 of 40

22 APPENDIX I B NEI MITZVAH PREPARATION TIMETABLE AND CHECKLIST (PUT ME ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR!) This timetable/checklist will help you ensure that the necessary preparation for becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah is completed smoothly. It will help us track each student s progress at each stage of his/her preparation. Please note that these are general guidelines. If your family has special needs or extenuating circumstances which would affect this process, please speak with one of the Rabbis or Cantors. WHEN WHAT 5 th Grade Late Summer/Early Fall Date Preference Forms Mailed 5 th Grade Late Fall 1) B nei Mitzvah Dates Assigned 2) 5 th grade Parent Meeting 3) Any necessary date changes made 6 th Grade Winter 6 th Grade Shabbaton; Receive Torah Portion 6 th Grade Spring Lo Ta amod Sharing Day: Prepare to begin your Mitzvah Project (ongoing through 7 th Grade) 8 to 10 months prior* 1) B nei Mitzvah Group Family Meeting with Rabbi Important Informational Meeting 7 months prior 1) Tutoring assignments made (Receive all preparation materials: CD, prayers, Torah, Haftarah, photocopies & portion Booklet) 6 7 months prior, until week of ceremony 1) Weekly 20 minute tutoring sessions at WRT and DAILY PRACTICE! 2) Ongoing Mitzvah project 3) Mastery of prayers and Torah portion (Student should bring all Bar Mitzvah materials to every tutoring session!) 4) Receive D var Torah Workshop assignment (assigned to group of students for 6 weekly classes) 3 6 months prior 1) Participation in D var Torah Workshop (1x / week for 6 weeks; the 1 st session, with parents, is held in the evening) 2) Ongoing weekly tutoring sessions 3) Ongoing Mitzvah project Page 22 of 40

23 1 2 months prior 1) Two sessions with a rabbi to finalize and practice reading D var Torah 2) Session with Rabbi Blake to discuss the meaning and rituals of Bar/Bat Mitzvah 3) Ongoing weekly tutoring sessions 4) Ongoing Mitzvah project 2 weeks prior 1) Parents usher at a Saturday Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. 1 week prior 1) Parents meet with Officiating Rabbi (and family with whom they are sharing the service) to discuss details. 2) Rehearsal for students and Officiating Cantor. 3) Take your photographs (up until, and including, the day of the ceremony). Contact Suzanne Saperstein to arrange a time. 1 day prior 1) Final rehearsal for student s family with Officiating Rabbi 2) Friday night services: light candles, etc. Shabbat Shalom! 1) Last chance for photographs! 2) Services at 10:00 AM or 5:00 PM *Please note that this number represents working months. i.e., If your family is planning to go on vacation for a month, or your child will attend summer camp, do not include these months in your calculation of the total. NOTE: Photography and videography may not be scheduled during rehearsals, nor are photographs or videos permitted at services. Page 23 of 40

24 APPENDIX II WRT s TEN STEPS TO SUCCESS : HOW TO PRACTICE FOR YOUR BAR/BAT MITZVAH 1. BREAK IT DOWN. Break up your parasha into parts: I like to separate each Torah/Haftarah section into phrases. Study the first 2-4-word phrase. Repeat it about times. Make sure each time that the repetition is pronounced correctly. If you have a problem with one word, simply repeat that word over until you have it. Once one phrase is done, study the next phrase. When that phrase is done, go back to the beginning! Put the two phrases together. Then the next phrase. Never go on to another phrase until everything previously studied is perfect. 2. DO IT AGAIN. Repetition! The more often you practice your chanting and your Hebrew reading, the more accustomed you will become to the sounds of the text. 3. CORRECT YOUR MISTAKES. Always correct your mistakes thoroughly when you identify them. Chant or read the phrase the correct way three times and then go on. 4. POINT TO THE WORDS. Use your finger! This will not only help you not lose your place on a page, but will also prepare you for Torah reading/chanting which is done with a pointer (yad). 5. MIX IT UP. Variety. You should not always study from the beginning. You should sometimes start from the end of your parasha, with the last phrase. Then study the second-to-last phrase and put them together. Or start in the middle. If you keep going back to the beginning, you ll start strong, but the other parts will be weaker. 6. SPEAK UP. You must practice out loud! Do not be embarrassed to practice LOUDLY! You need to hear yourself chanting or reciting the words in order to learn. And it will be a much more successful study session if you practice with conviction. 7. SLOW IT DOWN. Practice ssslllooowwwlllyyy... If you practice too quickly, you are likely to make mistakes which will need to be corrected later on. It s not a race. 8. GET A PARTNER/LISTENER. Study with someone else. Parents or siblings are perfect. 9. DON T FORGET THE ENGLISH. Remember regularly to practice your English translations of Torah and Haftarah, the prayers, and the service and page announcements. 10. DON T GIVE UP. Have diligence and persistence. Never tell yourself that you can't do it. You can! Just have patience and it will happen. Page 24 of 40

25 Ten Steps adapted from Cantor Stephen H. Merkel of blessed memory Page 25 of 40

26 APPENDIX III GUIDELINES FOR THE PARENTAL BLESSING AND SAMPLE PRAYERS Rabbi Eliezer ben Rabbi Shimon said: A man is responsible for his son until the age of thirteen; thereafter he must say, Blessed is the One who has freed me from the responsibility of this boy. - Midrash Genesis Rabbah 63:10 From the above passage we learn that the practice of a parental blessing on the occasion of B nei Mitzvah is an ancient one. Though today our choice of wording may differ, the essential message remains the same: on the occasion of Bar/Bat Mitzvah we celebrate and honor a child s reaching a state of maturity and personal responsibility. We also, as parents, mark a transition in our own lives and responsibilities toward our child. In our service, a parent is afforded the opportunity to acknowledge in public, and in a sacred setting, the joy and pride that parents feel at this moment. As importantly, s/he can use that time to share hopes and dreams for their child, particularly in relation to being called to the Torah. In other words, it s a chance to express the meaning of this moment. We urge only ONE parent to address each child. We are mindful that double B nei Mitzvah services are already long and potentially draining on participants and attendants. Speak from your heart. Either way, we ask that you prepare your remarks in advance and not improvise. Your officiating rabbi will also ask to proofread a copy of your remarks in advance of the service. We also respectfully request that your remarks not exceed 500 words. When you are done, please feel free to hug/kiss your child. Crying is permitted. Your Rabbis are happy to discuss this practice with you as you prepare for the occasion. Veteran Bar/Bat Mitzvah parents are also available to offer their insights. Rabbi Blake has some choice parental remarks on file that he s happy to share with you. Mazal Tov! Page 26 of 40

27 WHAT SHOULD A PARENTAL BLESSING CONVEY? THESE THEMES: Into our hands, O God, You have placed Your Torah, to be held high by parents and children, and taught by one generation to the next. Whatever has befallen us, our people have remained steadfast in loyalty to the Torah. It was carried into exile in the arms of parents that children might not be deprived of their birthright. And now I pray that you, my child, will always be worthy of this inheritance. Take its teaching into your heart, and in turn pass it on to your children and those who come after you. May you be a faithful Jew, searching for wisdom and truth, working for justice and peace. Thus will you be among those who labor to bring nearer the day when God will be One and God s name will be One. May your eyes sparkle with the light of Torah, And your ears hear the music of its words. May the space between each letter of the scrolls Bring warmth and comfort to your soul. May the syllables draw holiness from your heart, And may this holiness be gentle and soothing To you and all God s creatures. May your study be passionate, And meanings bear more meanings Until life arrays itself to you As a dazzling wedding feast. And may your conversation, even of the commonplace, Be a blessing to all who listen to your words And see the Torah glowing on your face. Gates of Prayer Danny Siegel Page 27 of 40

28 Traditional Parents Prayer Praised is God who has granted new responsibility to and to us. As begins to enjoy his/her new status among the Jewish people, as status which redefines our own role in his/her life, may God grant us the wisdom to continue as guides and counselors, allowing to live in accordance with the teachings of our Torah as a responsible Jewish adult. For a male: Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, she-p tarani mei-onsho she-la-zeh. For a female: Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, she-p tarani mei-onsah she-la-zeh. Praised are You, Adonai our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who has freed us of some responsibilities and conferred new ones upon. Praise in Time of Celebration The Rabbinical Assembly May the God of our people, the God of the universe, bless you. May the One who has always been our guide inspire you to bring honor to our family and to our people Israel. Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, she-hechiyanu, v kiy manu, v higiyanu la-z man ha-zeh. We give thanks to You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, for giving us life, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this day of joy. Amen. Parents Prayer (for a Bar- or Bat-Mitzvah) On this Shabbat when our son/daughter becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, we have come with him/her and our loved ones to join in worship and to offer our prayer of thanksgiving We are grateful, O God, for the privilege of passing along the gift of life which You gave us, thus sharing with You in the miracle of creation. We are grateful for the thirteen years of nurturing this life, for the unnumbered joys and challenges which these years have brought us. Praise to You, Adonai, for keeping us alive, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this day. Bless our son/daughter, O God; watch over him/her, protect him/her, guide him/her. Help him/her to grow in body and mind, in soul and character. Keep him/her loyal to our people and to the teachings of our Torah. May his/her life be rich and rewarding. May all his/her deeds bring pride to us, honor to the house of Israel, and glory to Your name. Amen. Page 28 of 40

29 A Vision from Talmud May you live to see your world fulfilled, May your destiny be for worlds still to come, And may you trust in generations past and yet to be. May your heart be filled with intuition And your words be filled with insight. May songs of praise ever be upon your tongue And your vision be on a straight path before you. May your eyes shine with the light of holy words And your face reflect the brightness of the heavens. May your lips ever speak wisdom And your fulfillment be in righteousness Even as you ever yearn to hear the words Of the Holy Ancient One of Old. Tendering the Seed of Promise O God, we have tendered With hope this seed Of our youth. We have watched From springtime The ripening and growth. Now come the harvest days And our child stands before You. Bless this life with wisdom To serve You with love. A Blessed Moment in Time A Jewish home opens its heart, A child is born and its link To the generations is proclaimed. Today, that child, nearly grown, Is called to read from the Torah And is welcomed into the congregation. May this moment in time be blessed. - Babylonian Talmud, Berachot 17a Other sample prayers and ideas are available. Please contact your Rabbis with questions. Page 29 of 40

30 APPENDIX IV TORAH BLESSINGS Page 30 of 40

31 APPENDIX V GUIDELINES FOR PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOGRAPHY The Bar/Bat Mitzvah service is an occasion captured with the lens of the heart. Photography flash or other is not permitted in the sanctuary during worship. In addition, photography is not permitted during rehearsals. Many families choose to have a professional photographer take pictures the week before Bar/Bat Mitzvah or on the day of the ceremony, concluding at least one half-hour before the service. Whatever your arrangements, please follow the following guidelines. Your cooperation is appreciated. PHOTOGRAPHY Please inform the Temple office of your photography arrangements. We cannot guarantee that the sanctuary will be available at the time unless the space is reserved. Please coordinate your photography arrangements with the family with whom you will share the service. No photographs may be taken during services, either on Friday or Saturday. This policy should be communicated by the family to the photographer in advance. Pictures may be taken before (or after) the service, or on a different day. All photography must conclude at least 30 minutes before a service. Photography may resume immediately following the Shabbat service, after all worshippers have left the sanctuary. You are welcome to remove and use a Torah scroll, should you choose, for photography. We request that you handle with extreme care. Please instruct your photographer not to adjust our Temple s bimah fixtures especially microphones and the like. VIDEOGRAPHY A high-definition video of the ceremony is arranged automatically by the Temple. A DVD of the service is made available to each family as part of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee. Supplemental videography is not permitted. WEBCASTING As a service to your loved ones who may not be able to attend the service, we are happy to offer a live webstream of the service accessible to anyone with a high-speed internet connection. The stream will be on a private page of our temple website, and a link will be ed to you before the service that you can send to your guests. Page 31 of 40

32 APPENDIX VI TEMPLE FACILITIES AND THEIR USE BIMAH FLOWERS Our new sanctuary has a permanent flower arrangement. Supplemental flowers are not permitted. OTHER INFORMATION For all other information regarding the use of our facilities for your celebration or for the service, kindly contact our Facilities Coordinator Jill Sommer at (914) Jill will be happy to discuss all of your arrangements with you, and can supply you with a Contract for the Use of our Facilities. Other Temple-facility related questions can be directed to the attention of Executive Director Alan Halperin at the main Temple number. Page 32 of 40

33 APPENDIX VII DRESS AND DECORUM: OUR EXPECTATIONS DRESS In February of 2004, in response to growing demand in our congregation to set guidelines for dress appropriate to a religious ceremony, the Board of Trustees of WRT approved the following statement, which is now Temple policy. The version below is the most recently approved text, from November Bar/Bat Mitzvah marks the entry of a child as a full-fledged member of the Jewish community. It is not by coincidence that we choose to hold this ceremony in our Sanctuary. The awarding of an aliyah, (being called to the Torah), is among our tradition s highest honors. For this reason, families of B nei Mitzvah, as well as participants on our bimah should dress with respect for the sanctity of our congregational Shabbat worship service. Proper dress for men: pants, jacket, shirt, and tie. Proper dress for women: knee-length (or longer) dress or suit. Inappropriate dress includes strapless, back- less, plunging necklines, bare midriff, extremely short dresses, and party formals for women, and tuxedos for men. Shoulders, midriffs, and backs should be covered in our Sanctuary. Please advise all of your guests. If your plans call for formalwear or Black Tie at the party, please allow time for those participating on the bimah to change clothing after the service concludes. Private space is available at the Temple for changing. It is the responsibility of the B nei Mitzvah families to educate and inform guests and family members that attire sets the tone for the holiness of this special day. Your cooperation will help to create a meaningful, joyous, and sacred experience for our community. Page 33 of 40

34 DECORUM B nei Mitzvah is an occasion to bring together family and friends. We rejoice to see so many young people fill our sanctuary week after week to support their friends. However, large congregations especially of adolescents can become difficult to manage when guests lose sight of the sanctity of the occasion. Our ushers of whom you are an integral part will help all of us ensure the dignity of your family s milestone celebration. All who worship at WRT are expected to adhere to the following four guidelines. Failure to do so will result, at an usher s discretion, in removal from our service and, at the usher s discretion, disciplinary measures that might include contacting a child s parents or clergy (if not from WRT), which could result in our Temple not welcoming back individuals who have previously disrupted our services. Please familiarize yourself with the following guidelines: 1) When attending services, we will work together to create an atmosphere of respect, attentiveness, and appropriate joy. 2) Parents of upcoming Bar and Bat Mitzvah students will assist by ushering, by modeling attentive behavior, and by training other parents as ushers. 3) Students will behave at services in the way that we would like our friends to behave at our own Bar/Bat Mitzvah services. 4) All those attending services will treat our facilities, clergy, maintenance staff, and congregational members with the utmost respect. We urge parental ushers and parents worshipping in the congregation at B nei Mitzvah service to help us preserve these guidelines with vigilant attention to the behavior of young people in our sanctuary, and by considering it a shared responsibility of all adults in our congregation to speak appropriately to students who are disrupting a service. Page 34 of 40

35 APPENDIX VIII: FOR YOUR INVITATIONS: COMMUNICATING WRT S EXPECTATIONS TO YOUR GUESTS We encourage you to share our community s expectations about Dress and Decorum (see Appendix VIII) to your invited guests. You are encouraged to print the following information as an insert with your invitations, or to send it as an additional letter. We suggest the following wording: An Important Note from Our Family To our Family and Dear Friends: Our hope is to make s Bar/Bat Mitzvah a joyful and memorable celebration. We wish for that joy to characterize not only the party, but also the service. However, we will be able to celebrate wholeheartedly only if all of us, especially our young guests, are mindful of certain expectations that we share with Westchester Reform Temple. Adults and children are asked to remain in our sanctuary for the duration of the service, which will be approximately two hours, and to participate while refraining from extraneous talking. Younger guests may need to sit with parents or other adults to ensure appropriate decorum. We ask all adults in attendance to help us fulfill this important responsibility. We also ask that your attire reflect the sanctity of our Shabbat worship service. As such, we list below guidelines that have been provided by our Temple. - Proper dress for men: pants, jacket, shirt and tie. - Proper dress for women: knee-length-or-longer dress or suit. Inappropriate dress includes strapless, back-less, plunging necklines, bare midriff, extremely short dresses, and party formals, and tuxedos for men. - Shawls will be provided if necessary. - Kippot (Yarmulkes) and Tallitot are available at the Temple for our guests who would like to wear one at the service. If you are concerned that your child cannot meet these expectations, our family is comfortable with s friends attending only the reception. Thank you in advance for helping to make our celebration all the more meaningful. We look forward to sharing in this special day! (Signatures) APPENDIX IX RAISING THE BAR : PUTTING THE MITZVAH IN B NEI MITZVAH FAVORS FOR HUMANITY Page 35 of 40

36 With the goal of more strongly connecting the students to a culture of giving at the time of their becoming B nei Mitzvah, the Favors for Humanity initiative is a commitment for families not to distribute wasteful party favors, and instead to donate a pooled allocation of money that otherwise would have been spent on favors to one or more charities. Families, led by the students, meet periodically to choose the recipients of their tzedakah. We encourage Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrants to participate in Favors For Humanity, which is growing year by year. For more information please contact: Gillian Rittmaster ritts5@optonline.net Rachelle Sanders rachellesanders@msn.com A sample text used in invitations and on table tents at the reception: FOOD RESCUE To honor his friends, and in the spirit of his Bar Mitzvah, has made a charitable donation in lieu of a party favor. The Favors for Humanity project is sponsored by Westchester Reform Temple B nei Mitzvah families committed to giving back to the community as part of the B nei Mitzvah experience. Families can sign up to have the leftover food from their reception catering donated to nearby soup kitchens so that your party can be turned into the mitzvah of feeding the hungry in our community. For more information, please contact: Jennifer Rossano jenrossano@optonline.net COLLECTING & CONNECTING Families are encouraged to request that their guests bring unused items of a family s choosing that can be donated to people in need. For example, children s shoes, warm clothing, toys, and non-perishable foods can be dropped off at the temple in a designated bin on the day of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Families will then stop by later in the week to deliver the donated goods to a local institution in need. For assistance in coordinating your participation in Collecting & Connecting, please contact: Elaine Rosenstein elr921@verizon.net APPENDIX X Page 36 of 40

37 DIRECTIONS TO WESTCHESTER REFORM TEMPLE You are encouraged to share this information with your guests and to include it in your invitations. FROM HUTCHINSON RIVER PARKWAY (NORTH OR SOUTH) To Exit 22, Mamaroneck Road, Scarsdale. Turn right. You will be on Mamaroneck Road. Westchester Reform Temple is on the right side of the road, #255, a large white building. Approximately 7/10 mile from the southbound exit. Approximately 9/10 mile from the northbound exit. FROM QUEENS & LONG ISLAND Take Whitestone Bridge to Hutchinson River Parkway North (see directions above). FROM NEW YORK CITY WEST SIDE Take West Side Highway to Henry Hudson Pkwy North to Saw Mill River Parkway North. Exit at Cross County Pkwy East to Hutchinson River Parkway North (see directions above). FROM NEW YORK CITY EAST SIDE Take FDR Drive to Willis Avenue Bridge to Major Deegan (I-87) North to Cross County Pkwy East to Hutchison River Pkwy North (see directions above). FROM CONNECTICUT Take Merritt Pkwy South or I-684 South to Hutchinson River Pkwy South (see directions above). OR Take I-95 South to I-287 West to Hutchinson River Pkwy South (see directions above). FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK Take Sprain Pkwy South or Taconic Parkway South to I-287 East (Cross Westchester Expy). Exit at Hutchinson River Pkwy South (see directions above). Page 37 of 40