Basic Marriage Counseling Where to Start? What to Do? How to End?
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- Dorthy Randall
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1 Session 1 Basic Marriage Counseling Where to Start? What to Do? How to End? - So glad you want help! And so glad you re both willing to work on this together Just reading your paperwork I got excited and hopeful about what God can do! - Walk Through PDIs ask questions Prov. 18:13 He who answers a matter before he hears it, it s folly and shame to him - Right Goal 2 Cor. 5:9 Your Goal 2 Cor. 5:9 GOD % on your part of 100% on your part of 20% 80% - Give Hope! I Cor. 10:13 This verse gives you four promises that combat the four most common lies that Satan tells us when we re struggling in a trial: 1. Your trial is not unique common to man VS. No one else has ever gone through anything like this before! 2. Your God is faithful - but God is faithful VS. God s not there for you; He s left you on your own for this one 3. It s not more than you can handle VS. This is too much; no one can endure this not leave you to be tempted beyond what you are able that you may be able to endure 4. There is a way out of this VS. There s no way out; you re stuck
2 - If we re going to work together Four things I m going to need from you 1. I need a learner spirit from you You re giving me permission to speak truth into your life, if I see any area that is not in line with biblical truth 2. I need you to do some homework every time this is not the Magic Hour 3. I need some time you didn t get in this situation overnight; we won t get out of it overnight. Typically I ll meet with someone between weeks sometimes a little more; sometimes a little less, depending on how hard they work. 4. I need you to be broken & desperate enough to actually be willing to change instead of just going through the motions and talking about how hard it is - Explain relationship of Homework and God s! Bible Reading Acts 20:32 And now, brethren, I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you Other Believers at Close Range I Peter 4:10 As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Scripture Memory / Meditation Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. Grac e G r a c e Singing / Worship Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. Prayer Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Deepening / Increasing Intimacy with Jesus Christ John 1:16-17 And of His fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
3 Listen: Greatest Risk (Built to Last series) OR What Happened to My Dream? (Deadly Sins series) OR Laying the Foundation Marriage Starter Kit (Marriage & Mercy series) Read: Marriage Whose Dream? Booklet by Paul Tripp OR Adams What to Do When Marriage Goes Sour pamphlet Memorize: 2 Cor. 5:9 Session 2 Preparatory work for doing a Log List Listen to Solving Problems (Marriage & Mercy series) Read How to Change Your Husband/Wife by Faith booklet James MacDonald Memorize: I Cor. 10:13 Session 3 Do a Log List Read: Freedom through Forgiveness booklet James MacDonald OR Listen: Forgiving Others booklet Tim Lane Adding Mercy (Marriage & Mercy series) OR Choosing Forgiveness (Marriage & Mercy series) OR in really tough cases Forgiveness 4-sermon series by Milton Vincent, 2014 CDT (A 360 around the cross) Memorize: Matt. 7:3-5
4 Session 4 Create a repentance plan for your top 5 sins that your SPOUSE CHOSE for you to be working on (selected from your Log List ) Listen to Why Does it Hurt So Bad? (Deadly Sins series) Read Bitterness booklet Lou Priolo Memorize: Eph. 4:31-32 Session 5 Read Unrepenting Repenter by Jim Elliff Listen to Why Can t I Always be Right (Pride)? (Deadly Sins series) Read Pride to Humility booklet Stuart Scott Memorize: James 4:6 Session 6 Listen: How Does My Heart Direct My Life? (Gospel Treason series) Read: Changing Thought Patterns booklet George Sanchez And/OR Gospel Treason book, ch. 9 (teaches: stimuli thinking emotions actions TEA character) Bible Reading / Scripture memory Memorize: Eph. 4:22-24 or 2 Cor. 10:4-5 Session 7 Use worksheet to identify your top idols Read: Motives Why Do I Do the Things I Do? Welch booklet OR Bigney Gospel Treason book, ch. 7-8 (How to Identify Idols)
5 Listen: Gospel Treason CD How Do I Look for Idols? Memorize: James 4:1-3 Session 8 Begin to work on Idol Repentance Plan worksheet Listen: Why We Fight So Much? (Deadly Sins series) OR Read Gospel Treason book, ch. 4-5 Bible Reading / Scripture memory Session 9 4 Types of People that enter into conflict: Winner Yielder (people pleaser) Resolver Biblical Resolve it God s way Ignorer (afraid of conflict) This is crazy We re arguing Forget this 3 Types of Conflicts: Each solution is different Differences (not sin) Forbear/Prefer (Eph. 4:2; Phil ) He wants white paint. She wants blue paint. Ballet vs. tractor pull Sinfulness/Selfishness Change/Repent Righteousness Issues Study: what does Bible say? ex. Debate over what is right or wrong ex. parenting spank or not spank? Tithe or not tithe? Let teen date or not date? Etc.
6 Read: Conflict booklet Tim Lane OR Communication & Conflict booklet, Stuart Scott OR Can We Talk? booklet Rob Green (show implications / impact of our idols on our communication) Listen: How Do Idols Wreck My Relationships? (Gospel Treason series) Use Floor Tile exercise Memorize: Eph. 4:29 Session 10 Listen: How to Really Love Your Wife / How to Really Love Your Husband CDs (Built to Last series) Read Renewing Marital Intimacy booklet Powlison (And have them sit down for minutes to discuss the questions on p )\ Session 11 Listen to How Do I Get Free and Stay Free from Idols? (Gospel Treason series) Read Gospel Treason book, ch. 12 (Y Diagram) Memorize: Luke 6:46-49 (House on Rock vs. House on Sand) Session 12 Set up prayer journal Write counseling testimony Complete the written Assessment Before Ending Counseling (to clarify what they ve learned and what their plan is to continue working after we stop counseling) Memorize 2 Cor. 1:3-4 (God s going to use you to help others!)
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