Discovering Relational Wisdom Study Guide Bible Passages Version 3.6 New International Version 1. Pursuing Relational Wisdom

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1 Proverbs 4:7 8 (p. 3) Version 3.6 New International Version 1. Pursuing Relational Wisdom 7 Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. 8 Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. What is relational wisdom? (p.3) Matthew 22: Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. John 13: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. First, because life is all about relationship Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 17: My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Second, because relationally wise people bring out the best in others 2 Sam. 23:8-39 [This passage describes David s mighty men, who were so devoted to him that they gladly and repeatedly risked their lives for him.] Third, because relationally wise people experience less conflict and enjoy richer relationships James 3: But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. NIV Page 1 of 24

2 Proverbs 20:3 NIV 1984 It is to a man s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Fifth, because God promises to bless people who pursue wisdom (p. 4) Proverbs 1:22 How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge? Proverbs 3: Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, 14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. 15 She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. 16 Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. 17 Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. 18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed. Sixth, because Jesus was highly relational and calls us to be like him John 13: When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. Do you understand what I have done for you? he asked them. 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. Eph. 5:1-2 1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Seventh, and most importantly, because relational wisdom enables us to know God more deeply John 8:29 The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him. John 14:21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. John 14:23 Jesus replied, If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. NIV Page 2 of 24

3 Version 3.6 New International Version Emotions are physiological experiences (p. 5) Exodus 32:19 2. The Challenge of Emotions When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands, breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. 2 Samuel 18:33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you O Absalom, my son, my son! Mark 1:40-42 A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, If you are willing, you can make me clean. 41 Jesus was indignant. He reached out his hand and touched the man. I am willing, he said. Be clean! 42 Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed. Jesus felt a wide range of emotions John 11:5 Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Matthew 14:14 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Mark 1:41 Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. I am willing, he said. Be clean! Mark 3:5 He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, Stretch out your hand. He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. Mark 14:34 My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, he said to them. Stay here and keep watch. Luke 22:44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. NIV Page 3 of 24

4 1 Peter 2:22 NIV 1984 He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. John 8:29 The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him. Not so with us sin has corrupted our whole being Genesis 3: When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, Where are you? 10 He answered, I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. 11 And he said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from? 12 The man said, The woman you put here with me she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it. 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, What is this you have done? The woman said, The serpent deceived me, and I ate. Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Ephesians 4:22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires Therefore negative emotions often move us to sin Genesis 37:11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind. 2 Samuel 11:2 4 2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, Isn t this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite? 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. Psalm 73: When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, 22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. NIV Page 4 of 24

5 Version 3.6 New International Version All of us are capable of feeling a wide variety of emotions (p. 6) 2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of selfdiscipline. Ecclesiastes 7:9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. In high stress situations Genesis 4:8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, Let s go out to the field. And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. 2 Samuel 11:4 Then David sent messengers to get [Bathsheba]. She came to him, and he slept with her. Luke 22:57 But [Peter] denied [Jesus]. Woman, I don t know him, he said. The downward spiral of emotional hijacking (p. 7) James 4:1 3 1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. NIV Page 5 of 24

6 Matthew 22:37 39 (p. 8) NIV Defining Relational Wisdom 37 Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. Relational Wisdom: A Theology for Life Ephesians 4: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Exodus 20: And God spoke all these words: 2 I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 3 You shall have no other gods before me [the other commandments] 18 When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance 19 and said to Moses, Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die. 20 Moses said to the people, Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning. 21 The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. Matthew 22: Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 28: Then Jesus came to them and said, All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Philippians 2: If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death even death on a cross! 9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, NIV Page 6 of 24

7 Version 3.6 New International Version in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Psalm 77 [This psalm begins with the psalmist focusing intensely on his own agony of soul ( I cry aloud refuse to be comforted moan am troubled ], but then at midpoint, the psalmist shifts his focus intensely back to God: 11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 12 I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Six skills or disciplines that can become habits (p. 9) God-Awareness (remember) 1 Chron. 16:12 Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced. Psalm 77: I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 12 I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Psalm 111:2-3 Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Psalm Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle s. 6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. 15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children s children 18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. 19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. 20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. 22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul. Romans 8: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. NIV Page 7 of 24

8 NIV And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. 31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died more than that, who was raised to life is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Ephesians 3: For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 2 Peter 1:3 8 3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. God-Engagement (faithfulness, p. 9) 1 Kings 3:6 Solomon answered, You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day. Proverbs 3:5 6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. NIV Page 8 of 24

9 Version 3.6 New International Version Matthew 25:21 His master replied, Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master s happiness! John 14:15 If you love me, you will obey what I command. 1 Corinthians 10:31 11:1 31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32 Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God 33 even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. 11:1 Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. Ephesians 5:1 2 1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Self-Awareness (humility, p. 9) 1 Peter 5:5 Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Psalm 139: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. James 4:1 3 1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. Mark 7: For from within, out of men s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean. 2 Timothy 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Self-Engagement (discipline, p.9) Galatians 5: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. NIV Page 9 of 24

10 Matthew 16:24 25 NIV Then Jesus said to his disciples, If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. John 8:29 The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him. Titus 2: For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say No to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, Other-Awareness (compassion, p. 9) Mark 6:34 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. Luke 10: In reply Jesus said: A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. Look after him, he said, and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have. 36 Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers? 37 The expert in the law replied, The one who had mercy on him. Jesus told him, Go and do likewise. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Philippians 2:3 4 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Other-Engagement (service, p. 9) Mark 10: Jesus called them together and said, You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 43 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44 NIV Page 10 of 24

11 Version 3.6 New International Version and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. John 12: I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. 1 Thessalonians 5: And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. 1 Peter 3:8-9 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. In real life, people live both inside and outside the RW circle (p. 10) 1 Samuel 17 [This chapter describes David s God-centered, courageous battle against Goliath.] 1 Samuel 24 [This chapter describes how David spared King Saul s life even when David s men were urging him to kill the king and stop his unjust vendetta against David.] 2 Samuel 11 [This chapter describes how David seduced Bathsheba and murdered her husband.] NIV Page 11 of 24

12 Follow a Reliable GPS (p. 11) Isaiah 30:21 Glorify God NIV Applying Relational Wisdom And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Proverbs 3:5-7 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Luke 4:8 Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.' " Acts 5:29 Peter and the other apostles replied: We must obey God rather than human beings! 1 Corinthians 10:31 Pursue God So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Joshua 1:8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Psalm 119:45 I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray continually. Hebrews 10:24-25 Serve God And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. John 8:29 [Jesus said,] The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him." NIV Page 12 of 24

13 Joshua 24:15 Version 3.6 New International Version Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. John 15:8 This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. READ Yourself Accurately (p. 12) Recognize Psalm 42:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and Matthew 14:30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, Lord, save me! Philippians 4:6 Evaluate Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Psalm 73:2-3 2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. 3 For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. Proverbs 20:5 The purposes of a man s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. James 1:13-15 Anticipate 13 When tempted, no one should say, God is tempting me. For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Proverbs 22:3 A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. NIV Page 13 of 24

14 Direct Colossians 3:5-6 NIV Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 25:15 Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone. John 12:27 Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Colossians 3:12-13 Do a 180 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Luke 6:27-36 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. 32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Romans 12:17-21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. NIV Page 14 of 24

15 Version 3.6 New International Version Serve Every Person You Meet (p. 12) Smile Numbers 6:24-26 The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Proverbs 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Matthew 7:12 Explore So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. Proverbs 20:5 The purposes of a man s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 1 Peter 3:8 Reconcile Value Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. James 3: But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. Romans 16:1 2 1 I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church in Cenchrea. 2 I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been a great help to many people, including me. NIV Page 15 of 24

16 1 Corinthians 16:17-18 NIV I was glad when Stephanas, Fortunatus and Achaicus arrived, because they have supplied what was lacking from you. 18 For they refreshed my spirit and yours also. Such men deserve recognition. Philippians 2:29 Welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor men like him, 1 Timothy 5:17 Encourage The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. Acts 4:36 Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas (which means Son of Encouragement), 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Hebrews 10: And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching. NIV Page 16 of 24

17 Version 3.6 New International Version 5. Relational Peacemaking Peacemaking is a special application of RW (p. 13) 1 Samuel 25 [This is the story of how David flies into a rage when insulted and sets out to kill all of the innocent men on Nabal s farm, but is saved from great sin by Abigail, who intervenes and persuades David to turn aside from his wrath] Acts 6:1 7 1 In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Grecian Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. 2 So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. 3 Brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4 and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word. 5 This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. 6 They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them. 7 So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith. The Slippery Slope of Conflict Luke 22: A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, This man was with him. 57 But he denied it. Woman, I don t know him, he said. 58 A little later someone else saw him and said, You also are one of them. Man, I am not! Peter replied. 59 About an hour later another asserted, Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean. 60 Peter replied, Man, I don t know what you re talking about! Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. 61 The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times. 62 And he went outside and wept bitterly. Acts 23:1-5 1 Paul looked straight at the Sanhedrin and said, My brothers, I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day. 2 At this the high priest Ananias ordered those standing near Paul to strike him on the mouth. 3 Then Paul said to him, God will strike you, you whitewashed wall! You sit there to judge me according to the law, yet you yourself violate the law by commanding that I be struck! 4 Those who were standing near Paul said, You dare to insult God s high priest? 5 Paul replied, Brothers, I did not realize that he was the high priest; for it is written: Do not speak evil about the ruler of your people. Luke 6: But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. NIV Page 17 of 24

18 Four G s of Peacemaking 1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV 1984 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother s eye. Galatians 6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Seven A s of Confession Matthew 7:3 5 3 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother s eye. 1 John 1:8 9 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Four Promises of Forgiveness Matthew 6:12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 1 Corinthians 13:5 [Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. NIV Page 18 of 24

19 Version 3.6 New International Version PAUSE Principle of Negotiating Philippians 2:3 4 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. NIV Page 19 of 24

20 You can improve (p. 14) 2 Thessalonians 2:13 NIV Improving Relational Wisdom But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. God designed us to grow Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will. 2 Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. Ephesians 4: You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 2 Peter 1:3 7 3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. Your growth will ultimately depend on the GPS you choose to live by Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Psalm 23 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you NIV Page 20 of 24

21 Version 3.6 New International Version are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. The Gospel is the key to true relationship with God and others Genesis 1:26 Then God said, Let us make man in our image, in our likeness Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God John 3: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Acts 16: He then brought them out and asked, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? 31 They replied, Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved you and your household. Romans 10: That if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11 As the Scripture says, Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame. 12 For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13 for, Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 1 John 2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. Ezekiel 36: I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Ephesians 1: I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. 17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, 20 which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. NIV Page 21 of 24

22 1 John 2:17 NIV 1984 The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. Ephesians 5:1-2 1 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Titus 2:13-14 Our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Improving relational wisdom (p. 15) Stronger relationships Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. John 8:29 The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him. John 14:21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. John 14:23 Jesus replied, If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Ruth 1: But Ruth replied, Don t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me. 18 When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. 1 Samuel 20:17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. NIV Page 22 of 24

23 Version 3.6 New International Version Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Valued influence Proverbs 3:35 The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame. Proverbs 16:23 A wise man s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Compelling witness 2 Corinthians 5: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ s behalf: Be reconciled to God. John 13: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 17: My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Now It s Up to You -- Action Plan (p. 16) James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 3: But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. NIV Page 23 of 24

24 Acts 17:11 NIV 1984 Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. Joshua 1:8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Psalm 1:1 3 1 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. 3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Ecclesiastes 9:10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. NIV Page 24 of 24