REDEEMED FROM BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

Transcription

1 SESSION 2 REDEEMED FROM BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS What s a silly argument you had when you were a kid? QUESTION #1 #BSFLbeauty BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 75

2 THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE The first thing I did when I got engaged was call my parents and grandparents to tell them the good news. My grandfather equal parts straight-shooter and comedian remarked: Well, that s pretty good, I guess. I just have one question. Do you like this girl? The question took me off guard. Why else would I have asked her to be my wife? I love her with all my heart, I said. He replied: I didn t ask you if you loved her. I asked if you liked her. You re going to be married to her for the rest of your life, and you re probably going to disagree and argue and fight a lot, so if you re going to work through conflict, you better really like this girl as a person and a friend. He knew a truth about all relationships: conflict happens. Broken relationships often go off track because somebody insists on having something their way. Jacob and Esau are a prime example, but they also show us the key to repairing a broken relationship. 76 SESSION 2

3 WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY? Genesis 27:41; 33: :41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart: The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob. 33:1 Now Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming toward him with 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and the two female slaves. 2 He put the female slaves and their children first, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept. 5 When Esau looked up and saw the women and children, he asked, Who are these with you? He answered, The children God has graciously given your servant. 6 Then the female slaves and their children approached him and bowed down. 7 Leah and her children also approached and bowed down, and then Joseph and Rachel approached and bowed down. 8 So Esau said, What do you mean by this whole procession I met? To find favor with you, my lord, he answered. 9 I have enough, my brother, Esau replied. Keep what you have. 10 But Jacob said, No, please! If I have found favor with you, take this gift from my hand. For indeed, I have seen your face, and it is like seeing God s face, since you have accepted me. 11 Please take my present that was brought to you, because God has been gracious to me and I have everything I need. So Jacob urged him until he accepted. The blessing (27:41) The family patriarch called upon God to grant abundance, health, wealth, wisdom, and descendants to his son. Isaac s blessing of Jacob passed on God s blessing of Abraham (see Gen. 12:2-3). Seven times (33:3) In the ancient world, bowing was the established, proper ceremonial approach by subjects to their rulers or superiors. Bowing seven times expressed extreme courtesy and deep respect. BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 77

4 THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. Genesis 27:41 Two brothers: Jacob and Esau. Jacob was younger, but just barely. His twin, Esau, was born first, but Jacob arrived just a moment later, grasping Esau s heel (Gen. 25:26). Even at the moment of their birth, the brothers were already fighting for position. Their parents, Isaac and Rebekah, didn t help the situation. Isaac favored Esau, and Rebekah favored Jacob (see 25:28). Rebekah went so far as to help Jacob steal his father s blessing a blessing Isaac intended for Esau, the firstborn (see 27:1-40). This was particularly infuriating since Jacob earlier had convinced his brother to swap his birthright for a bowl of stew (see 25:27-34). Jacob was continually grabbing at his brother s heel. He grabbed Esau s birthright. He grabbed Esau s blessing. And if he wasn t careful, he was going to grab more than he bargained for: Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. And Esau determined in his heart: The days of mourning for my father are approaching; then I will kill my brother Jacob (27:41). What is appealing about holding a grudge? QUESTION #2 If you ve ever been let down, if you ve ever experienced searing anger, and if you ve ever been mad enough to consider physically hurting the person who hurt you then you can relate to the raw emotion Esau expressed toward Jacob. Esau felt his anger was justified, and we often feel the same. When someone steals our joy or robs us of happiness, it s hard not to take it personally. When we feel we ve been violated or betrayed, the consuming anger can even lead to thoughts of revenge. A relationship that once was a blessing can become broken. 78 SESSION 2

5 What obstacles hinder you from demonstrating humility? Genesis 33:1-4 QUESTION #3 Twenty years later, Jacob had become a changed man. Some might credit that to the passing of time; after all, Jacob was older and more mature. But age had nothing to do with it. Maturity is not the accumulation of years, but the acceptance of personal responsibility. A person doesn t become mature at some magic age. We reach maturity when we choose to own up to what we ve done wrong and move forward in repentance and restoration. That s what finally happened with Jacob. In Genesis 33, we don t hear him explicitly confess that he had done wrong, but we do see a man who willingly came before what appeared to be a small army and bowed to the ground seven times until he approached his brother (v. 3). In those days, people approached kings in this manner. Jacob was clearly expressing an attitude of humility and service. He knew God was with him and everything he had was from God, yet he embraced the position of lowliness. Jacob even called himself your servant (v. 5). Humility is a needed cure for the sickness of a broken relationship. Until someone swallows their pride, apologizes, and makes the first move toward reconciliation, the brokenness will remain. The anger and anxiety will continue to grow, the mental video of the offense will be replayed over and over, and bitterness will take root deep in the heart. But one simple act of humility can turn the tide and reverse the negative momentum. It took humility on Jacob s part to open the door back into a relationship with his brother. And it worked. Surely even Jacob was surprised by what his brother did in response: Esau ran to meet him, hugged him, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. Then they wept (v. 4). "Humility is the mother of giants. One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak." G.K. CHESTERTON BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 79

6 THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. Genesis 33:5-11 Why must forgiveness be accompanied with moving forward? QUESTION #4 What do we lose by avoiding damaged relationships rather than seeking restoration? QUESTION #5 Jacob was a changed man. His encounters with God had given rise to a humility that was a far cry from his old schemes. But God had also been at work in Esau s life. Their culture (and ours) would readily accept Esau s right to be angry, unforgiving, and vengeful. Yet Esau s actions showed he felt just the opposite. For example, Esau ran to meet his brother (v. 4), which was an undignified action in that culture. Esau also hugged and kissed Jacob, calling him brother (v. 9). In the end, the brothers were able to reconcile because one humbled himself and the other forgave. Either one could have kept up the wall. Both were required to knock it down. In the same way, it s up to us to knock down the walls we ve put up in our lives. If we re in the wrong, we can construct a wall of defensiveness. If someone has wronged us, we can construct a wall from which to attack or a wall to hide behind to protect ourselves against future hurt. The way to break down these walls is simple but it s not easy: If you ve wronged someone, ask forgiveness. If needed, seek to make restitution. If someone wronged you, forgive. Period. Even if the offender never apologizes, forgive. Our example is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who came to earth for the very purpose of reconciling us to God and restoring our right standing with God. He forgave those who killed Him, and He forgives us. Jesus is also our strength. By His power and through His Spirit, we have the ability to repent. We have the freedom to break free from the regret and shame that plague us. We can apologize in humility and seek the greater good. And we can move toward reconciliation. Exercise humility and take the first step. Trust God with the rest. 80 SESSION 2

7 KNOCKING DOWN THE WALL Which of the following obstacles have hindered you from offering forgiveness in the past? PAIN ANGER SELFISHNESS APATHY FEAR DISTANCE BETRAYAL BUSYNESS PRIDE BITTERNESS What step can you take to knock down one of these obstacles in your current relationships? BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 81

8 THE POINT Showing humility is critical to restoring relationships. LIVE IT OUT How will you obey God s call to show humility in your relationships? Consider the following options: Submit. Every Christian is called to live humbly under the lordship of Christ. Give to God any pride and submit to living humbly in Christ. Forgive. If someone has hurt or offended you, take whatever steps are necessary to forgive them. By forgiving, you are not saying what he or she did is OK, but you refuse to hold that offense against them any longer. You are to forgive even as God in Christ has forgiven you (see Eph. 4:32). Apologize. If you are the one who has hurt or offended someone else, contact the person and ask for forgiveness. Do everything in your power to make restitution. Conflict happens. It has happened to countless people in the past, and it will happen to you even in the context of your deepest and most meaningful relationships. What happens next will determine the quality of those relationships. So choose wisely. My thoughts 82 SESSION 2