What obstacles get in the way of reconciling a broken relationship? How can reconciling with others foster a person s spiritual growth?

Transcription

1 Session 7 Reconciled Reconciled relationships are a blessing from God, with the greatest blessing being a restored relationship with Him. GENESIS 33:1-15 Talking about reconciliation is easier than doing it. Whether out of pride or fear of confrontation or rejection, some opt to allow a once healthy relationship to whither and die rather than face confrontation. They focus on what reconciliation might cost, ignoring what can be gained: a restored relationship, healing, forgiveness, and renewed love. What obstacles get in the way of reconciling a broken relationship? How can reconciling with others foster a person s spiritual growth? 64 Date of My Bible Study:

2 UNDERSTAND THE CONTEXT GENESIS 33:1-20 Genesis 33:1-20 presents the final confrontation between Jacob and Esau. The narrative breaks into three major segments. The first segment (vv. 1-4) describes the moment the two estranged brothers met after twenty years of separation. The second segment (vv. 5-15) records the two men s conversation on this occasion. The third segment (vv ) reports the geographical location where each brother settled afterwards. Jacob imagined the worst and planned accordingly. In the distance he saw a large group of men approaching rapidly. He aligned his family in groups (vv. 1-3). The two concubines went first. Leah and her children followed a short distance behind them. Jacob s beloved Rachel and her only child, Joseph, were in the rearmost position. Jacob stationed himself at the very front of his caravan. Surprisingly, when Jacob met Esau, violence did not erupt. Instead, Esau ran to embrace Jacob (v. 4). The conversation between the two brothers (vv. 5-15) divides into two topics. The first concerns the changes that occurred during Jacob s twenty-year exile (vv. 5-11). This portion of the conversation likewise is composed of two parts. First, Jacob presented his family to his brother. Then he persuaded Esau to accept his gifts. The second topic revolves around the direction Jacob and his family would travel after this reunion (vv ). Jacob s relationship with God lessened his fear of Esau. If God had spared his life, would God not also protect him from his brother? He boldly testified to God s provision during the twenty years he had been absent. The value of his gift and the size of his family and herds confirmed his testimony. Jacob politely turned down his brother s offer of protection to travel to Seir. Instead he migrated into Canaan and settled at Shechem. As you read Genesis 33:1-20, observe the number of times Jacob bowed before Esau. What does this indicate about the attitudes required when seeking to resolve a conflict? Session 7 : Reconciled 65

3 EXPLORE THE TEXT PUT ASIDE YOUR PRIDE (GEN. 33:1-4) 1 Jacob looked up and there was Esau, coming with his four hundred men; so he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and the two female servants. 2 He put the female servants and their children in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph in the rear. 3 He himself went on ahead and bowed down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother. 4 But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. VERSES 1-2 Fresh from his encounter with God, Jacob faced his first test of faith. Providing opportunities for spiritual growth, tests often follow mountaintop experiences. When Jacob saw Esau coming with his four hundred men, he was afraid. Never without a plan, he quickly divided his family into three groups in case Esau s intentions were violent, giving his beloved wife and son an avenue of escape. This hasty plan, hatched in fear, would have lifelong implications. By placing Joseph in a more secured position, Jacob unwittingly sparked the fire of contempt in the hearts of his other sons toward Joseph, culminating in attempted murder and eventual estrangement (Gen. 37:18-28). The cycle of unguarded favoritism that destroyed Jacob s relationship with Esau now brooded in the hearts of his own sons. Unrestrained fear can make God s children do unhealthy things. How can believers overcome fear with faith? VERSES 3-4 With such a show of force, Esau had carved out for himself position and power. He was no longer the weaker brother, whining over a lost blessing. He now commanded his own army. If Esau wanted to make good on his threat, killing Jacob would be a small feat. 66 Explore the Bible Personal Study Guide

4 In the face of imminent danger, Jacob faced Esau and his mighty band of warriors alone, demonstrating his trust in God. Clothed in humility, Jacob limped and bowed down to the ground seven times before Esau as a sign of respect for his older brother. In a scene reminiscent of the father and prodigal son, Esau ran toward Jacob. Although running was considered undignified at the time, Esau couldn t control his emotions as he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. The word translated wept means to bewail and lament. Like an erupting volcano, love and forgiveness saturated their reunion. Neither were the same selfish men who grew up despising each other. The past was forgotten as Esau embraced Jacob in a gesture of acceptance. Jacob s successful encounter with Esau was the result of his previous meeting with God (32:1-2,24-31). Only after being reconciled with God could Jacob be reconciled with Esau. During that fateful wrestling match, God broke, humbled, and transformed Jacob. By meeting with God first, we can be ready to meet with others, regardless of how difficult the journey ahead. When resolving conflicts, humility is always the best course of action. Demonstrating an inward change by an outward action, Jacob avoided a potential bloodbath with his brother. Because Jacob approached his brother with a contrite spirit, Esau responded with kindness. When resolving conflicts, humility is always the best course of action; arrogance results in destruction. Knowing pride hurts and humility helps in building good relationships, what steps of preparation should a person take before seeking reconciliation? KEY DOCTRINE: Peace and War It is the duty of Christians to seek peace with all men on principles of righteousness (Rom. 12:18-19). Session 7 : Reconciled 67

5 BE GENUINE (GEN. 33:5-11) 5 Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. Who are these with you? he asked. Jacob answered, They are the children God has graciously given your servant. 6 Then the female servants and their children approached and bowed down. 7 Next, Leah and her children came and bowed down. Last of all came Joseph and Rachel, and they too bowed down. 8 Esau asked, What s the meaning of all these flocks and herds I met? To find favor in your eyes, my lord, he said. 9 But Esau said, I already have plenty, my brother. Keep what you have for yourself. 10 No, please! said Jacob. If I have found favor in your eyes, accept this gift from me. For to see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably. 11 Please accept the present that was brought to you, for God has been gracious to me and I have all I need. And because Jacob insisted, Esau accepted it. VERSES 5-7 Jacob s answer to Esau s question proved his life was genuinely changed. In a single sentence, he testified to God s grace and of his transformation. The word translated graciously means to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior, bestowing favor. The term used for servant means bondservant. Placing himself in a position of servitude before his older brother, Jacob acknowledged that God had blessed him with a large family in spite of all his shortcomings. Not knowing of Jacob s experience at Bethel or Mahanaim, how strange those words must have been to Esau, whose only memories of Jacob were acts of selfishness and arrogance. But Jacob was not the same man; this was Israel. As the three groups of wives and children caught up with Jacob, they too bowed before Esau as a sign of respect. Notice that only Rachel s son Joseph is named. The reason is twofold. First, it reflects his favored status in his father s eyes. Second, it prepares the reader for the prominent role he will play in the future narrative. Presumably each family group slowly walked past the two brothers after bowing and proceeded south along the road. Jacob s spiritual leadership had not only affected his older brother, but also his servants, children, and wives as they followed in his footsteps. After encountering God, Jacob demonstrated he was a 68 Explore the Bible Personal Study Guide

6 changed man by the way he talked and lived, influencing the behavior of others. When we spend time with the Lord, it will show, and we will have a positive impact on those around us. How do the actions of a group of people reveal the true values of the person that most influences them? VERSES 8-11 Before Jacob met Esau, he sent 550 animals with servants as a gift for Esau (32:13-16). Once formal introductions were made, Esau asked about the parade of animals. Jacob explained he was looking for grace, honoring Esau as the older sibling in accordance with the custom of that day. Regretting how he had treated Esau when they were younger, Jacob was making restitution that went deeper than mere words. Deeply touched, Esau made a gracious statement that canceled all of Jacob s debt, I already have plenty Keep what you have for yourself. Esau called him, my brother, indicating that he accepted Jacob s offer of reconciliation. In the end, Esau wanted the restored relationship more than he wanted restitution. Jacob continued to insist that Esau accept his gift as a token that all was forgiven. At first he called it a gift, meaning an offering, as in a peace offering for all that he had stolen from Esau when they were younger. After Esau s persistent reluctance, Jacob called it a present, meaning a blessing. In case Esau questioned his sincerity, Jacob let Esau know that his gesture didn t contain a selfish motive, but was prompted by the gracious act of God, who had changed his life and supplied all his needs. While Esau never mentioned God in the entire conversation, he was won over by the apparent change in Jacob s life, accepting both his younger brother and the present. Finally, the past was permanently in the past. Jacob took the first step with God s help, and Esau reciprocated. To have meaningful relationships, we must seek God s guidance and step out by faith. We must also resist sweeping the conflict under the rug. Problems never go away; they multiply. Session 7 : Reconciled 69

7 What are some ways to demonstrate a genuine desire for reconciliation in a broken relationship? AGREE ON LIMITS (GEN. 33:12-15) 12 Then Esau said, Let us be on our way; I ll accompany you. 13 But Jacob said to him, My lord knows that the children are tender and that I must care for the ewes and cows that are nursing their young. If they are driven hard just one day, all the animals will die. 14 So let my lord go on ahead of his servant, while I move along slowly at the pace of the flocks and herds before me and the pace of the children, until I come to my lord in Seir. 15 Esau said, Then let me leave some of my men with you. But why do that? Jacob asked. Just let me find favor in the eyes of my lord. VERSES Esau returned Jacob s generosity by offering Jacob two gifts. The first was the gift of his company. Esau and his men would ride ahead of Jacob, preparing the way. Although this was a tempting offer since it had been a long time since Jacob traveled these parts, Jacob realized Esau s four hundred men would be anxious to return home, and would move faster than Jacob could go with his flocks and family. Jacob s reasoning might be perceived as a convenient excuse, but most likely it represented the reality of the different lifestyles these men and all their descendants had adopted. Esau s generous gift was simply not practical. Evidently both men assumed that Jacob would spend time at Esau s home in Seir (Edom), but no scriptural record exists that Jacob ever visited the home of Esau. God took Jacob in a different direction Succoth where he built his home, free from fear of retaliation from Esau (Gen. 33:17). After living a few years in Succoth, Jacob crossed the Jordan River arriving at Shechem, thirty-one miles north of Jerusalem. Purchasing land from Hamor, Jacob built an altar to God, calling it, God, the God of Israel or powerful is the God of Israel, as a public testimony that the God of his grandfather Abraham and his father Isaac was 70 Explore the Bible Personal Study Guide

8 his God (33:20). The journey from Paddam Aram to Canaan was now complete. God had fulfilled His promise, as He always does, even in our lives. BIBLE SKILL: Use a Bible atlas and Bible dictionary (print version or on the Internet) to locate and learn about places mentioned in Scripture. Find the locations of Seir, Succoth, Shechem, and the Jabbok River in a Bible atlas. Then use a Bible dictionary to learn more about each location. Trace Jacob s travel in Genesis 33:1-20. VERSE 15 Esau s second offer was more generous than his first, offering Jacob his protection. Jacob stood before his brother exhausted and worn from his nightlong wrestling match with the Lord. With no explanation of the previous night, Esau might have mistaken Jacob s appearance as someone needing protection, compounded by the burden of caring for a large family. Assuming the role of the protective older brother, Esau graciously offered Jacob his assistance. As he had done earlier, Jacob declined the offer, telling Esau that he didn t want to burden or inconvenience him. As he had done throughout their conversation, Jacob assumed a position of humility by calling Esau, my lord. Having freed himself from Laban and now Esau s wrath, Jacob felt comfortable in moving on without a special guard. In the end, all Jacob really wanted from Esau was his unconditional favor. Throughout the conversation, Jacob referenced God three times (vv. 5,10,11), while Esau never mentioned God at all. Sensing their differences, Jacob made sure he established boundaries so there would be no other unnecessary conflicts between the two brothers. How important is it for people to agree on boundaries within their relationships? What type of boundaries might be appropriate? Session 7 : Reconciled 71

9 IN MY CONTEXT True transformation is seen in approaching others with humility. Genuine reconciliation can occur only when both parties demonstrate a genuine desire to be restored. Creating wise safeguards can minimize future conflicts. How can you cultivate true humility in your life? Ask God to help you take the steps needed to cultivate humility in your life. Identify relationships you need to mend. How can you restore the relationship? What actions do you need to take? What boundaries do you need to establish with others to minimize unhealthy conflict? What actions do you need to take to establish those boundaries? How can your Bible study group help you establish and maintain those relational boundaries? Prayer Needs 72 Explore the Bible Personal Study Guide