Not Good to Be Alone, Genesis 2:18-25 (Sixteenth Sunday After Pentecost, September 24, 2017)

Transcription

1 Not Good to Be Alone, Genesis 2:18-25 (Sixteenth Sunday After Pentecost, September 24, 2017) 18 Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. PRAY In the year 2000, the book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam was first published. It s a work in sociology, and in it Putnam demonstrates how the social structures that for more than a century had kept Americans together have disintegrated. Clubs and societies that were once vital parts of community life, things that our grandparents and great-grandparents were involved in like bridge clubs, charity leagues, garden clubs, and bowling leagues are fast becoming extinct (hence the title, Bowling Alone). Church attendance is also way down over that period of time. I read a few weeks ago that the high school activities association in Mississippi is having a hard time putting officials on the field for football games, because the older referees are retiring and there aren t enough young ones to fill the gaps. It s not just working adults, either. If you go back and look at older Ole Miss yearbooks, before 1980 but especially if you go back to ones produced before and after World War II, and compare them to today, you ll notice how many more clubs and societies there were back then. Even though the student body is five to ten times bigger now, they had more clubs back then. They even have pages devoted to Sunday school classes in the yearbook can you imagine that today? I was talking to someone last week who said the overwhelming majority of Ole Miss students don t seem to want to join or be a part of anything they just go to class and leave. It s hard to organize anything on campus for them. Putnam, however, didn t just record the demise of organized social gatherings. For example, between 1974 and 1998, the frequency with which Americans spend a social evening with someone who lives in [their] neighborhood fell by about one-third from an average of thirty times a year to twenty. The percentage of Americans that spent any time at all in any kind of informal socializing (visiting with friends, attending parties, sitting on the porch and having a conversation, going to a restaurant and eating) decreased by half. The number of American ã2017 J.D. Shaw 1

2 families just sitting down and having a meal together at home also fell by a third of that period of time. And of course this research is now 17 years old, and so it cannot reflect the impact broadband internet access at home and smart phone use has had on social structures. Last month The Atlantic Monthly had an article in it titled Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? In it the author noted that just since 2007, the year the first iphone was introduced, the amount of time teenagers spend with their friends has dropped by one fifth, and the percentage of teens who report that they feel lonely has increased by 25%. Americans spend more less time with other people, less time in various societies, and more time alone than ever before. And this is a problem. Loneliness is now seen as a public health crisis. People who report that they feel lonely and people who live alone (even though they may say they don t feel lonely) both die at a much higher rate than the rest of the population, they have higher blood pressure and more stress hormones, and the quality of their sleep is far inferior to those who are not lonely. One study produced by Brigham Young University said the risk factors associated with loneliness are on par with those that come with obesity and substance abuse. But this isn t news if you know the Bible. From the very beginning of the Scriptures we re told that loneliness is a problem: Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone... Genesis 2:18a. Four things I want to point out: first, the source of relationships. Second, the conspiracy against relationships. Third, the goal of relationships. Fourth, the kinds of relationships we need. First, the source of relationships. Given Genesis 2:18, and given all that I said in the introduction, it s obvious that human beings are social creatures. We need other people around us. We weren t made to live alone and it s not good to be alone. Why is that? Because, as we saw a few weeks ago, we are as human beings made in the image of God, and our God is a God of relationship. A while back I heard a preacher, a preacher I admire a great deal, say the reason God created man all those eons ago was because he was lonely. God was up in heaven, he didn t have anyone to talk to or any fellowship, so he made man to cure his loneliness. That kind of teaching is absolutely counter to everything the Bible says about God. The apostle Paul, when he s preaching to the Athenians on Mars Hill, says, The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, 25 nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. Acts 17: God never needs anything from us, nor has he ever been lonely because the God of the Bible, the Christian God, is a triune God. This is the doctrine of the Trinity: Christians believe there is one God in the universe, yet he has always existed in three persons (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), each person is God, yet there is only one God. As Christians we can t explain this phenomenon, but the doctrine of the Trinity is the best way to affirm what the Bible says about the nature of God. ã2017 J.D. Shaw 2

3 And do you know what our triune God was doing before he created the heavens and the earth and us? He was happy being God. The Father, Son, and Spirit poured their love, their affection, and their joy into one another. God did not create us out of loneliness or need; he was perfectly (and that s the operative word perfectly ) content within himself. We need relationships as people because we are made in the image of God. God has always had relationships so we need relationships. Let s take another look at Genesis 2:18 to see just how desperately we need them. God says, It is not good that the man should be alone. Not good. Think with me: where is man when God says this? Man is still in the Garden of Eden, man is still in paradise. Remember what life was like for the man in paradise. In paradise, man had food, he had every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. Amazing things to eat. He had work that was satisfying his job was to tend the garden and keep it. There were no frustrations in paradise at all. Sin, remember, hasn t entered the world yet. Most importantly, man had a perfect, close, relationship with God. Just the man and God walking and talking in paradise in the cool of the day. Yet, God looks at man in his paradise and at everything man has and God says, You know, this isn t good. After God creating everything in Genesis 1 and 2 and repeatedly saying, It is good, it is good, it is very good, now God says, No, it is not good that man is alone. Do you realize what this means? It means that God deliberately created us as humans in such a way so that even a perfect relationship with God himself isn t going to be enough for us. We need more. Consider the staggering humility of God in creating us in such a way that we need relationships with other people, because God himself literally cannot satisfy us. Second, there is a conspiracy against our having relationships. If it s true we are created to be in relationships and it s not good to be alone and that there are all these dangers that exist outside of them, then why aren t we all already in them? Three reasons. First, they just take a lot of time and energy. Good friendships, deep friendships, the kind that keep you from feeling all alone in the world, take a lot of work. You don t just fall into these relationships; you must cultivate them. Relationships are like gardens they will yield fruit, but only if you feed and water and weed them. And because they don t come easily we often neglect them. Second thing conspiring against us: there is something about being human that keeps us from thinking we need relationships with other people. Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. Genesis 2: ã2017 J.D. Shaw 3

4 You notice how God says, Adam has a problem he s alone and he needs someone. I ll make a helper for him. But then there is this interlude where God makes Adam name all the animals, he turns Adam into the first zoologist, and only after that is the helper found. Why did God wait to give Adam a companion? Because even Adam didn t really believe he needed other people, and he had to be shown. God had to show him all the animals (how long would that have had to take!) and prove to him that, no, nothing else will do. You need other people. Remember, this is before the fall of man, so we can t blame Adam s slowness to pick this up on sin. There is something about being human that makes us think we really don t need other people. Third, the world tells us relationships aren t really all that important. The world around us will give lip service to things like friendships and community and say that those things are nice, but it will never push us to really invest in them. Instead, everything around us pushes us toward neglecting relationships for the sake of work. The world asks us: Do you want power? Do you want influence? Do you want security? Then get to work, but don t make friends. I mean, maybe make friends so they can help you get power and influence and money, but don t make friends just to have friends. If you want a friend, go to camp. If you want to matter, go to work. If you want to matter, go to the gym and work on your body if you look good it will give you influence. If you want to matter, network. But don t really invest in friendships that s a waste of time. In fact, having friends is often seen as a sign of weakness in our culture. For a lot of men my age and older, the ultimate man s man was John Wayne (I m not talking about the actual man, but the actor in all those movies). Now, think back to those Westerns he starred in: did John Wayne ever had any friends? Never just him and his horse, riding into town, shooting bad guys after giving them fair warning, maybe spending the night with a woman occasionally, but always saddling up the next morning and riding away. He was rough and tough and he never needed anyone. He was an individualist, the ultimate American. But God says anyone really like may be the ultimate American but he s also less than human, because we are made in the image of God and we need relationships. I don t care how much money you have and how many people know your name and think you re successful: if you don t make personal relationships the highest priority of your life you will never find happiness on earth. The first man couldn t even do it in a sinless paradise how foolish would you be to try here? Third, the goal of relationships. And here we will talk for a few minutes about marriage, which is the most powerful relationship possible between two people. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because ã2017 J.D. Shaw 4

5 she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:20b-24. There are so many wonderful things about marriage. As someone who is married I highly recommend it. Why? First of all, marriage means that you have someone who has made a lifelong commitment to you. When you get married, you have no idea what life is going to throw at you. You don t know what trials and heartaches will come. But you know this: you ll have each other. This marriage will be, as one writer put it, an oasis of predictability in a completely unpredictable world. I really don t think our greatest fears in life involve having to face difficult circumstances I don t think we are afraid of poverty, or sickness, or persecution, or death. Not really what we are afraid of is having to face those trials alone. A good marriage, though, at the very minimum, means that until death do you part you have a companion. You will go through these trials together. 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. Second, marriage means friendship. We read in Genesis 2:23 that as soon as Adam sees Eve he knows she s something wonderful, because he breaks out into song. It s the first poem in the Bible, and it s a love poem. Adam looks at Eve and says, At last At last someone like me, yet unlike me. Made in God s image like me, yet so different. Someone like me, but with different gifts and abilities. This is someone who can be a friend for me. A great marriage means that, until death do you part, you have a friend. Another precious human being made in the image of God who is just and only for you. But has wonderful as all that is, it s not the goal of marriage. Rather, the Bible says the main goal of marriage is holiness. The goal of marriage to push you closer to the God who made you, to make you more like him. In Ephesians 5:25-27 we read, Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that [in other words, here s the goal of marriage] he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. The reason for a husband s love is to make his wife holy, to point her to God. And in 1 Peter 3:1-2 we read, Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that [there it is again] even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Wives, your behavior also is to point your husbands to God. The goal of marriage is the same whether you are a husband or a wife: holiness. ã2017 J.D. Shaw 5

6 But how do we access this power to change, to grow, to get closer to God, in marriage? Here s how: through the inevitable conflict that will arise when you stick a sinful man and woman into a marriage and have them live together under one roof for years and years. When you get married, both the husband and the wife have tremendous pressure on them to deal with their sin. Sure, you had to deal with your sin to some degree before you got married if you sinned against your parents and they tried to confront you, you could always go to your bedroom and say, One day they won t be able to do this to me. When you moved out and went to college or went to work, and you sinned against your friends and they tried to confront you, you could always go to your bedroom in your dorm room or apartment and say, I ll go find some new friends. But when you re married, you can t do that, because you get into a fight with your spouse and you go to your bedroom and there your spouse is waiting on you! After marriage, you can t run away from your sin like you used to. You re confronted with your sin like never before. And you will sin against each other in marriage. You cannot share a bedroom, bathroom, and bank account with someone else without continually sinning against one another. Yet that is the great grace of marriage God puts you in a position where you have to see how sinful you really are, to stop making excuses for your sin, so that you can repent and really change. Friends, your happiness lies on the other side of your holiness! And there s nothing quite like marriage that will make you see that it s your sin, not anyone else s, keeping you from holiness. Now, is anyone out there thinking, OK, I m not married. I may never get married. Am I ruined? Have I just had it? Am I doomed to loneliness? Absolutely not. At one point the apostle Paul, who was not married, wrote, 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 1 Corinthians 7:7-8. Now, if marriage were the only way, or even the superior way, to make you holy, Paul would never had written that. But he did. So why, in light of all I said about marriage, is singleness just as good a way to live? Fourth, the kinds of relationships we need. Verse 25: And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Obviously, on a literal level, this is talking about sex. But that s not all it means. On another level it means Adam and Eve were authentic. In other words, they didn t care about what the other person thought about them. They didn t have to manage how they saw them. They didn t have to run everything they said through a filter to try and get someone else s approval. They were authentic. In paradise, before the fall, they were naked (completely exposed physically, emotionally, spiritually) and yet completely unashamed. Last week the famed character actor Harry Dean Stanton died. You may not know his name but if you ve seen any movies in your life you know who he is. He had roles in Cool Hand Luke, Alien, The Godfather Part II, and The Green Mile. He might just have five minutes in a movie but with those five minutes he d absolutely steal it. ã2017 J.D. Shaw 6

7 This morning I read a column about him in one of our state s newspapers, and in it the author said this: For all the efforts to explain [Stanton s] attraction, it may well be that the thing that set him apart was his authenticity, both in his film and television roles, and in his private life. Authenticity can be beautiful, of course, but it can also be disturbing. It often makes us uncomfortable, but we find it hard to look away. No one is entirely authentic, of course. In varying degrees, we all conform to the expectations of others. It takes great courage and honesty to be our genuine selves. We are all actors, in that respect. There are a rare few who approach the level of authenticity that separates them from all others. They are more real, somehow. We recognize it immediately. Harry Dean Stanton was one of those rare persons who didn't seem to [care] what other people thought. Secretly, we all admire that quality and wish we had more of it. He s right, we all want that. The problem, though, is that we re afraid if we are really authentic and totally transparent, say what s really our mind, no one will like us. In fact, we re afraid everyone would hate us. And we re right to think that because ever since the fall of man, horrible thoughts go through our heads. We are sinners. Adam and Eve were authentic before they sinned. But after they sinned what was the first thing they did? They covered themselves. They knew they couldn t be authentic anymore. As Tim Keller puts it in his sermon on this passage, we all need to be completely known and yet totally loved. We want so badly to be able to be naked and transparent, totally known by someone else, and yet completely loved and unashamed of anything. We want someone who knows us to say, I know you, I know all about you, and I think you re wonderful. I d do anything for you and I m utterly devoted to you. That s the reason why Paul can say marriage isn t the superior relationship, the only way to holiness and happiness, because now after the fall marriage can t guarantee transparency. What happens in many marriages over the years is, instead of the spouses being authentic and dealing with their sin, a kind of cold war settles over the house. The husband and wife learn how to leave the other person alone and survive. They each say, Don t bother me about this and I won t bother you about that. While on the outside they might look happy, inwardly there s no intimacy. And on the golden wedding anniversary when the photographer says, Kiss for the camera, they will but it will be forced. The goal of marriage is holiness, but holiness is not guaranteed in marriage, so you re not ruined if you never get married. Yes, you can go deeper in marriage more quickly than in any other relationship, but if you re single you can develop far more relationships than a married person ever could. You just have more time, more energy. When you are unmarried you can develop relationships with lots of different types of people, and then grow in ways that frankly a married person never could. Marriage isn t the key. Either way, married or single, you have to work for it. So what is the key? I m not going to say that only Christians can have great relationships, transparent relationships. Not at all. We don t say this enough in the church. You can be someone who doesn t believe ã2017 J.D. Shaw 7

8 and have a great marriage. Those marriages do exist. They don t beat their wives or anything! You can be someone who doesn t believe and have great friendships. They re not all passed out in an opium den somewhere. But if you are a Christian then you have a resource to develop these relationships that those outside the faith don t. You have the good news about Jesus Christ. The gospel is that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was crucified naked. The Roman soldiers cast lots for his clothes before they nailed him to a cross. That s the most humiliating form of death known to man. But in the gospel of John Jesus says, No man takes my life from me. I lay it down of my own accord. Why would he let them do it? Not because he looked at us and said, I can see them all the way to the bottom of their hearts, they are so transparent and authentic, and I can see they are perfect. No, we aren t perfect. We are sinners. We ve earned God s wrath for our sins. Instead, Jesus said, I know you, I can see all the way to the bottom of your heart, and I know you re not perfect. But I still think you re wonderful. I ll do anything for you and I m utterly devoted to you. Why does God love us so much in Jesus Christ? Just because he loves us. He loves us because he loves us. The nakedness of Jesus on the cross is proof God has looked all the way deep down into your heart and loves you anyway. Friends, if you believe in Jesus Christ like that that he lived the life you should have lived and he died the death you deserved to die, and now in him God completely accepts you then you can be naked and unashamed before God and other people. You can say, I know I am a sinner, I know I m a wreck, I know I probably should cover myself and be phony and not let anyone into my life and really know who I am. But Jesus allowed himself to be stripped naked on the cross for me. His nakedness now covers me, so I don t have to worry about what others think of me. Now I can afford to be authentic in my relationships with others. I can afford to be honest. I can let others in. I don t have to push others away. I don t have to be alone. I can tell people what s really on my mind. I can admit my flaws. I can grow. I can change. It is not good for man to be alone. Why? Because when you re alone you can t be holy, and so you can t be happy. But if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, then you have the resources to get healthy, encouraging, relationships everywhere else in your life. You can over time grow into the person God designed you to be. Don t you want that? PRAY. ã2017 J.D. Shaw 8