The Forensics of Healthy Relationships

Transcription

1 The Forensics of Healthy Relationships Answering the question; What does Scripture teach us about the rst marriage (Adam & Eve); that can be applied to our own marriages? Genesis 2:18-20 ILLUSTRATION 1/24

2 Do you know what the number one reason for divorce is? MARRIAGE INTRODUCTION 2/24

3 Good Morning. Hope you ve had a great week. We re continuing our series on Marriage Forensics and I hope you re ready to hear God s Word this morning and I also hope you re willing to open your heart and allow God to speak to you about the Forensics of Healthy Relationships. So let s do this as we begin this morning. Let s pause and give God some room to work in our hearts even before we get going. (Open with prayer) QUOTE By all means marry. If you get a good wife, twice blessed you will be. If you get a bad 3/24

4 wife, you will become a philosopher. Socrates, INTRODUCTION CONTINUED It doesn t take a rocket scientist (or a crime scene investigator) to tell you that the institution of marriage is under attack. ILLUSTRATION In an article titled The E ects of Divorce on America, by Patrick F. Fagan and Robert Rector, we are told that American society may have erased the stigma that once accompanied 4/24

5 divorce, but it can no longer ignore its massive e ects. As social scientists track successive generations of American children whose parents have ended their marriages, the data are leading even some of the once-staunchest supporters of divorce to conclude that divorce is hurting American society and devastating the lives of children. You will remember from last week that 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. Did you know that according to Ministries Today the divorce rate among Christians is up 279% in the last 27 years. Taking a survey of all ministers in all denominations, it s estimated that 50% of their marriages will end in divorce. The Barna Research Group reported that 30% of Atheists, 34% of Protestants, 28% of Catholics will or have already experienced divorce. INTRODUCTION CONTINUED This morning I want us to go back to the beginning and look at marriage in light of God s original design. If we can agree that God actually knows how marriage is best designed to operate, then we ll have some handlebars that will help us to steer our relationship toward a more Godly and healthy connection. Although the marriages that we see in the Old Testament were far from ideal, we can see what God intends marriage to be. The solution is not the abandonment of the institution of marriage, but to return to God s true intention for marriage. 5/24

6 Let me begin by asking a question. Why, as people claiming to follow the NT teachings of Jesus, do we even review lessons learned in the OT? Oftentimes you might hear people say things like: Oh, that s the OT. or We live under grace and not the law. Yes, we do live under grace, but here is what the Apostle Paul said regarding OT characters and the story their lives tell us. BIBLE VERSE 1 Corinthians 10:11: Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. NKJV Those things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us who are living at the time when God s work is being completed (1 Cor. 10:11 NIRV). INTRODUCTION CONTINUED 6/24

7 So, we re going to look at the example of Adam and Eve this morning. And as we do, we ll see that a river runs purest at its source. And hopefully, it will elevate our appreciation of what marriage is designed to be when we see it before it was corrupted. What does scripture teach us about the rst marriage and consequently teach us about ours? The rst thing it teaches us is that... (CHANGE SLIDE) 1 Marriage has a Purpose ILLUSTRATION 7/24

8 BIBLE VERSE Genesis 2:18-20 And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him. 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the eld and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the eld. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. NKJV EXPLANATION 8/24

9 The Lord established marriage for the purpose of companionship. Companionship in marriage is God s provision to meet our deep longing for close intimate relationships. The word God uses here to describe Eve is translated from Hebrew into English as Helper, but that doesn t even come close to describing what s on God s heart for Adam. This is no second rate word that indicates inferiority or describes an assistant. It s the same word used to describe God in BIBLE VERSE Psalms 33:20 when it says, Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. NKJV EXPLANATION The word means ally. God knew in His original design that creation wouldn t function well on its own. Ladies, I know that men are often accused of being thickheaded and here it seems that God might be agreeing with this idea. Notice how God parades all these animals before Adam, each one having its partner, so that Adam might get the picture that everyone has someone, except for Adam himself. He had no one; so we read in BIBLE VERSE 9/24

10 Genesis 2: And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the esh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. APPLICATION What I want you to see in this passage is something that I think we miss. Have you ever wondered why God made Eve from Adam s rib? Why not just make her from the dust of the ground like Adam? QUOTE She [Eve] is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. She is the crown of God s Creation. Not an afterthought, not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She s God s final touch his piece de resistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can or will fill. John Eldredge, 10/24

11 EXPLANATION One of the many reasons I believe God brings Eve from Adam is that it s a picture of the intended intimacy of marriage and the unique closeness that is in God s design for our marriages. God chooses a rib from Adam s side and not from his head so that she wouldn t be over him. God doesn t bring Eve from Adam s foot because he doesn t intend from her to be under him. Rather, the Lord God brings forth Eve from his side so that she would be next to him, so she would walk alongside him. God brings Eve from under his arm so that he might protect her and ght for her. God brings Eve from a place next to his heart so that he might love her. APPLICATION The rst marriage had a purpose. Your marriage has a purpose! The purpose of our marriage is companionship. You were designed to be in relationships. Why because it s not good for you to be alone. And the supreme model of community and relationship is the Trinity. Father, Son, Holy Ghost one God living in community and forever setting the example for us that we aren t designed to be alone. Friends, our marriage has the 11/24

12 highest potential for companionship because that is God s purpose. TRANSITION What does Scripture teach us about our marriage from the rst marriage? 1. It s purposeful! The second thing Scripture teaches us about marriage is that... 2 Marriage is Exclusive ILLUSTRATION 12/24

13 EXPLANATION God made Eve to be suitable to Adam; and God presents her to Adam, but the question here is this: Will Adam receive Eve? Will he receive the helper, the ally, the friend that God is bringing alongside him? BIBLE VERSE Genesis 2:23 And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones And esh of my esh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man. NKJV APPLICATION Adam s understanding of God enabled him to receive Eve as God s perfect provision for his life. This rst marriage was exclusive. Do we see our spouse this way? I know many couples that don t. Do you see the person you re married to as God s provision for your life? You say, I hope they re not, because I m not happy. I m not going to get into anything about being happy (go back and watch last weeks message). But marriage is intended to be exclusive between 1 man and 1 woman! APPLICATION Unlike Adam and Eve, we are surrounded by 100 s of comparisons and choices every day, aren t we? 13/24

14 2/11/2018 Podium Mode Sermonary Guys... is it really worth the trouble? I know some people who spend way too much time looking over their shoulders, wondering if they made the right choice or they are wondering if there is someone out there who could make them happier. I ve heard men say when an attractive lady walks by I m just window shopping. But if you aren t careful, you ll end up in the store and be in debt up to your eyeballs all because you couldn t keep your eyes where they needed to be in the rst place. BIBLE VERSE Job 31:1 I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman? NKJV I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman (Job 31:1 NLT). 14/24

15 APPLICATION Can we move beyond an immature understanding that says, in order to have a healthy marriage we need a trophy spouse, or marry the hottest body around. I didn t say you shouldn t take care of yourself, but over time let s face it we aren t quite what we looked like when we got married and that should be OK! What if you married the best looking person in town, but you couldn t talk to them or they treated you like dirt? Then, in an accident, you lost your eyesight. How they looked would not matter then. What if Godly healthy relationships were based on the notion that this is the person God has provided exclusively for us? What if God is counting on us to be the best companion we can be for this one person exclusively? And this will start when we, like Adam, and have a Biblical understanding of God. Adam doesn t doubt that God wants the best for him. Adam unconditionally accepts Eve as God s perfect provision. I believe God wants us to respond in a similar fashion. Do we believe our spouse is God s provision for our lives? OR will we spend our days looking back and wondering? 15/24

16 The reason God wants marriage to be exclusive is because it re ects the unconditional love and commitment that Christ has for His bride the church. BIBLE VERSE Ephesians 5: For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one esh. 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. NKJV APPLICATION Let me encourage you to take some concrete measures to close doors of temptation in your life. If your being tempted to be 16/24

17 unfaithful to you spouse DON T GO THERE! This includes media as well! BIBLE VERSE Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed unde led; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. NKJV Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage (Heb 13:4 CEV). ILLUSTRATION David was guilty of committing adultery, which led to murder, and then an attempted cover up of the sins he had committed. He was exposed by God through the prophet Nathan, and David repented, and was forgiven. The only way to cover sin is by putting it under the blood of Jesus and by asking for God s 17/24

18 forgiveness. And when a person has truly done this, God has forgiven them, and so must we. (Key word here TRULY). TRANSITION What does Scripture teach us about the rst marriage? 1. It s purposeful. 2. It s exclusive and the 3rd thing it teaches us is that... 3 Marriage is Transparent ILLUSTRATION 18/24

19 BIBLE VERSE Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. NKJV EXPLANATION It s important to remember that Adam and Eve are still in a state of absolute perfection. Their relationship with God was perfect Their connection to each other was perfect. There is no sin in the world. This is the way it was designed to be. Since there was no sin, there was nothing to hide. But once sin entered the world then everything was spoiled. That s what sin does to God s creation, it mars its intended beauty. It makes us self-conscious; it removes trust; it alienates us from God and one another. What did they do when they realized they were exposed? ILLUSTRATION 19/24

20 EXPLANATION CONT. They hid themselves. We re just like them. We hide from God and from our spouse, don t we? But BIBLE VERSE Hebrews 4:13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. NKJV APPLICATION Friends, everything stands under God s scrutiny, even our marriage, and we can t hide from Him the way we are living out our marriage covenant! But, as our marriage (hopefully) enters into a deeper place of spiritual maturity, we should become increasingly transparent with each other. It s important to note that we ll never achieve 20/24

21 the total transparency that Adam & Eve had in the garden, because now that we live after the fall, the truth is this: Everyone needs some privacy. ILLUSTRATION APPLICATION But the issue of transparency deals with the ability to share your inner thoughts & feelings as well as being able to be open intimately with one another. And it s obvious that God s intentions for such openness happens only within the con nes and safety of a marriage covenant. It s not just a matter of the 21/24

22 eyes and what you look at, but it s an issue of where you go and who you spend time with! BIBLE VERSE Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman. 17 She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God. 18 Entering her house leads to death; it is the road to the grave. 19 The man who visits her is doomed. He will never reach the paths of life (Prov. 2: NLT). QUOTE The greatest risk we will ever take is the risk of being totally honest with our mate. Rick Warren, ILLUSTRATION I think it s time for some of us to start talking again. No Talking. Couple had ght, didn t talk for 3 days then husband asked where a certain shirt was, woman said, So now you are going to talk to me. He asked what are you talking about. She said, Well we haven t spoken in 3 days! To which he replied, Oh, I just thought we were getting along. 22/24

23 APPLICATION I know there are times when it s nice to just sit and not talk and you don t have to act like teenagers, but have we really discovered all there is to know about our spouse? ILLUSTRATION CONCLUSION If you ever wanted to see the perfect couple it s not Ken & Barbie! It s Adam & Eve. They had it all. They literally had the perfect marriage, the perfect connection to a perfect God, but like us, they sinned and blew it. They alienated themselves from God and from each other. Ever since that point God has been working on reconciling our relationships and trying to put things back together. 23/24

24 This morning as we respond to what God has said to us through His Word, the questions I want us to wrestle with are these... When it comes to our marriage, do we want God s purpose? Are we willing to devote ourselves exclusively to our spouse and no other? Are we willing to take a huge step of faith and be vulnerable enough to be transparent and real with our spouse? Will we love and respect our spouse enough not to reject them when they take these baby steps toward reconciliation? These are serious questions and they deserve some serious time in pray with God. I believe God wants to do a serious work in our lives today. 24/24