April 22, Desperate Households Desperate Households Ephesians 5:21-6:4

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1 April 22, 2012 Desperate Households Desperate Households Ephesians 5:21-6:4 Opening words: The American family is changing. If you don t believe me then consider this fact. In 1960, 45% of American homes consisted of a married man, woman and their children. Today, 20% of American families consist of a married man, woman and their children. That perfect family only exists in advertisements. The American family is much more diverse. You know, it is true. Let me ask you this series of questions. How many single parents do you know? How many step parents do you know? How many grandparents do you know are raising their grandchildren? How many people do you know are in the process of getting a divorce? How many people do you know have been married more then three times? How many people do you know speak comfortably of their past failed marriage? How many couples do you know live together because marriage means a loss of income? It is painfully obvious. The American family is changing. However, the word of God remains the same. Today, I begin a new four part sermon series called Desperate Households. We are going to look at sections of the fifth and sixth chapters of Ephesians. It is important that you know the background. Paul wrote this epistle to the Christian congregation in Ephesus about the year 60. The city of Ephesus, itself, was an important harbor city in Asia Minor (now Turkey). The Christian congregation in that city was unique. It appears the church is not facing any great challenges. There are no signs of heresy or immorality. It is the church every preacher wants to serve. Paul writes them for one reason, to encourage them in the faith. Paul knew what we often forget. The Gospel should be influencing every aspect of their lives, including their home life. It is for this reason these words speak to us. This morning I want to look at this passage as a whole. The next three weeks I want to look at break it down. I have called today s Desperate Households. Next week s message is called Desperate Wives. That will be followed by Desperate Husbands and Desperate Children. May God give you ears to hear this morning s scripture lesson, Ephesians 5:21-6:4. Ephesians 5:21-6:4 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present

2 her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church 30 for we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. History tells us John Adams was second President of the United States ( ). He was an intelligent hard working man, who had a wonderful marriage. He trusted Abigail s bright mind and wisdom. She was his most trusted adviser. Professionally, the couple was successful. Personally, they struggled at home. Their eldest child, Abigail, married a spendthrift. She died young and left her children to her parents care. Their son, Charles, married the sister of his spendthrift. He wasted family funds and died of health issues related to alcoholism. He left his widow to the care of his parents. Their son, Thomas Boylston, was an alcoholic, again bequeathing his children to the care of the family. Though John Quincy ( ) turned out well, he and his unhappy wife Louisa hardly went unscathed. They had four children, three sons. Their first son was an alcoholic and committed suicide at the age of 31. Their next son was expelled from college, failed in business and died of an alcohol-related illness. Only their youngest son, Charles Francis ( ), reacted against the family pattern by his exemplary sobriety, his prudence in business and fervent dedication to his wife and children. He spent years writing the biography and editing the words of his grandfather John Adams. But he concluded, "The history of my family is not a pleasant one to remember. It is one of great triumphs in the world but of deep groans within, one of extraordinary brilliancy and deep corroding mortification." I tell you the story of John Adams family for one reason. Ours is not the first generation to have desperate households and ours will not be the last. It is one of those things that connect generations. I don t know if the next statement will make you feel better or worse. Your family is not the first dysfunctional family in the history of the world. Your family roster does not have exclusive rights to odd characters or colorful stories. The good news is your family is normal; the bad news is your family is normal. It is painfully obvious. The state of the American

3 family is in a state of decline. You know the statistics. The divorce rate in America is approximately 50%. Your chance of a successful second marriage is only 25%. Your chance of a successful third marriage is 12.5%. Recent studies reveal the divorce rate is actually slowing. That is not a good thing. Many find marriage unnecessary. Did you know 24% of American children are being born to an unwed mother? The traditional family isn t just changing; the traditional family is dissolving. Sociologists have been telling us for years the family is the basic building block of society. If the family fails then society, itself, will fail. There are many desperate households in our land. If you know of someone who lives in a desperate household then say, Amen! With all of this acting as a background let us look at this morning s scripture lesson. Do you remember my opening words? The author of these words is the Apostle Paul. He is writing to the Christian congregation in Ephesus. This letter is unique because the Christian congregation in Ephesus was unique. The question of salvation is not on the table. Paul recognized their spiritual maturity. He knew they believed in the resurrected Jesus. More important, he knew they recognized the power of the resurrected Jesus. He is encouraging them to let the resurrected Jesus influence every dark corner of their lives. In the section you heard, Ephesians 5:21-6:4, Paul is encouraging them to let the resurrected Jesus influence their family life and relationships. The great evangelist was encouraging them to live life on a higher level. He was encouraging them to have the best possible families. Even within the perfect family there is room for improvement. Listen to the high standards that Paul sets. Ephesians 5:22 says, Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:25 says, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 6:1 says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. He never says, That is good enough or Do your best. He is encouraging them to strive for perfection. Are you still striving for perfection at home? Or have you settled for second best? Wives, do you submit to your husbands as to the Lord? Husbands do you love your wives as Christ loved the church? Children do you obey your parents as you obey the Lord? Are you still striving toward perfection within your family life? Or have you settled for second best? Don t be content! Never give up! No family is perfect. In the next three messages I want to look at those passages in detail. Today, I want to look at those words in general. There are certain characteristics that must be present in all healthy relationships. It doesn t matter if you are a wife, husband or child. Every person in your life deserves to be respected. Every person in your family deserves forgiveness. Every person in your family should feel like they belong. Today, we are going to look at those three characteristics.

4 So if you are ready to begin say, Amen! Respect First, everyone in your family deserves to be respected. Let me ask you these three questions. Do you respect everyone in your family? Does everyone in your family respect you? Do you respect yourself? Albert Einstein once said, I treat everyone the same way, whether if he is the garbage man or the president of the university. In other words, Einstein respected everyone. Maybe that is why we still like Einstein? Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Before I go any farther, I want to make a little confession. I am a little uncomfortable preaching this sermon series. I do not consider myself an expert on marriage or parenting. I simply do the best. I guess I have done something right. I have had some success. Next May, Kathryn and I will be celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. The years have gone fast and we have grown close. The best days of my life are still when we are alone. Together, we have raised two children. We don t just love them; we are proud of them. I value their opinions and I hunger for their respect. I do not have a great deal of rules in my family but there is one thing I demand. You must respect one another and you must respect yourself. Do you respect everyone in your family? Does everyone respect you? Do you respect yourself? What is respect? Webster defines respect as: a feeling or attitude of admiration toward someone or something. How much would your relationships change if you respected everyone? If you respected everyone else then you will listen to what others had to offer. If everyone respected you then your loved ones wouldn t treat you harshly. If you respected yourself then you would embrace your full potential. What would you do differently if you really respected yourself? What would you stop doing if you respected yourself? The first characteristic you find in any healthy family is respect. If you can remember the word respects say, Amen! Everyone deserves to be respected at home; everyone deserves to be respected at church. Forgiveness It has become my custom to preach through the life of a single Old Testament character during the summer months. This year I have decided to look at Jacob s life. How much of that story do you remember? Do you remember he was the child of Isaac and Rebecca? Do you remember he had a twin brother named Esau? Do you remember they were competitors? They were wrestling out of the womb for the birth right. The older son got more money, a larger share of the inheritance. Esau won. That conflict set the stage for the rest of their lives. Jacob and Esau were not identical twins they were fraternal. However, they didn t just look differently; They acted differently. Esau was a man s man. Jacob was a momma s boy. It was a horrible model of parenting but Rebecca loved Jacob

5 more then Esau. Rebecca helped Jacob trick Isaac so Jacob could get that birth right. The trick worked and Jacob got the blessing. However, Jacob was forced to run away and live with his mother s family. However, the time came for him to return home. Jacob anticipates an ugly reunion with Esau. He anticipates a punch in the nose. Instead, he got a hug, a kiss and a tear. The family was reunited because Esau, the one who was wronged, forgave his brother. This is characteristic number two. Everyone in your family deserves to experience forgiveness. Is there anyone in your family that needs to experience forgiveness? Is there anyone here who needs to experience forgiveness? Is there someone who won t let you forget your failed marriage? Is there someone who won t let you forget your bankruptcy? Is there someone in your life that won t let you forget your DUI? Is there anyone who needs to forgive themselves? What dark story in your life needs to be forgotten? Families who are unable to forgive are fractured. If you find some truth in that statement say, Amen! Wouldn t it be great to be part of a family who forgave one another? Wouldn t it be great to be part of a church who gave one another? Traditions The day after Easter Kathryn and I flew to Colorado. We were only there four days. We stayed with my sister and brother-in-law, Janet and Chris. (Benjamin Franklin said family and fish stink after three days; we stayed four.) If you have never been to Colorado I would encourage you to go. It is a beautiful state. From my sister s kitchen window you can see both Pike s Peak and the Air Force Academy. We saw a lot in a few days. We went to Old Colorado City and Manitou Springs. We went to Boulder and went to a dinner theater. We went to a Colorado Rockies game at Coors Field in Denver. The weather was great but do you know the best part of going to Colorado? The best part was spending time with my sister. We live fourteen hundred miles apart so we don t see each other often. The best part of the trip was getting up early and just talking over a cup of coffee. There was no agenda. We just talked about our parents. We talked about the old neighborhood in Warren. (Yes, she thinks people from Warren are a little smarter and a little better looking.) We talked about her first boyfriend, Bob Plum. We talked about my best friend, Jimmy Thompson. We talked about her children and grandchildren. We talked about my children and our sister, Susan. Do you know why I valued those talks with her? It wasn t the coffee; it was the sense of belonging. She left for college when I was eleven years old. She moved to Colorado when I was fifteen years old. Our memories were different but our home was the same. Families are great because we share a common past. Family is where everyone feels a sense of belonging. Third and finally, every person in your family shares a common tradition. Does

6 everyone in your family feel like they belong? Does everyone in your family feel like they are accepted? Does everyone in your family feel like they welcomed? I would encourage you to accept everyone in your family. And all of God s people said, Amen! Wouldn t it be great to be part of a church where you were really accepted? Would it be great to be part of a church where you were really accepted? I love this story. In 1978, Thomas Hansen of Boulder, Colorado, sued his parents for $350,000 on grounds of malpractice of parenting. He claims his parents botched his upbringing so badly that he would need years of costly psychiatric treatment. Would anyone here like to sue your family? Is anyone here afraid a family member is going to sue you? Thomas Hansen illustrates a simple truth. Families are complex and there is no secret formula for success. However, that doesn t mean you should try for the perfect family. In the perfect family everyone is respected. In the perfect family everyone experiences forgiveness. In the perfect family everyone feels like they belong. Wouldn t it be great to part of a perfect family? Would it be great to be part of the perfect church? And all of God s people said, Amen!