PASSIONATE PARENTING SESSION I: GOD'S MANDATE, YOUR MISSION

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1 SESSION I: GOD'S MANDATE, YOUR MISSION There s no formula for raising spiritually strong and healthy children, but there are promises and principles. An older meaning of the word passion is suffering. Passionate Parents: Parents who enthusiastically and fully invest themselves in the joyful responsibility of passing on their faith in Christ to their children. Characteristic #1: A passionate parent is wholehearted. Characteristic #2: A passionate parent is authentic. Characteristic #3: A passionate parent is strategic. Paul says in I Corinthians 2:11 that we can avoid being outwitted by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his designs. Secularism is actually a religious belief which grew out of pride in human achievement. Naturalism is the belief that the supernatural does not exist. Naturalism breaks down into a couple of categories: Modernism and postmodernism. Modernism, which came first, emphasizes the world of facts. Postmodernism, which emphasizes the world of feelings. Relativism says you can have your truth, and I can have my truth, and whatever each of us feels strongly is what is true for us. Everything happens for a reason. Even Christians parrot this little mantra as though it is biblical. It actually comes from the fatalism inherent in Eastern religions. Teach your children there is a God who is both infinite and personal. Psychologist John Rosemond distinguishes between high self-esteem (the allimportant goal of humanist psychology) and self-respect, which is gained by treating others as more important than oneself. Too much time on line can destroy our ability to practice deep thinking and reflection, negatively impacting our relationship with God and our ability to think critically.

2 Sex has lost its sacredness, its value and its meaning. Marriage has also lost its original intent, which is to mirror the full-spectrum image of God (masculine/feminine qualities) and provide a picture of the mystery of how Christ relates to his church. We love to be amused, and we are uncomfortable with silence. We are enamored with celebrities, and we value talent over character. SESSION II: WISDOM FROM THE WORD Tower #1: A passionate parent gains wisdom from the Word. The Bible is the standard (measuring stick) to use for evaluating every philosophy that you and your family encounter. Christian meditation is significantly different from the meditation practiced by Eastern religions. Let devotionals serve as a supplement or a springboard to passages you are reading and talking to God about. Deuteronomy mandate: You ve got to instruct and model. Remember, it s all about a relationship! Don't be afraid to use biblical terms in your daily life. SESSION III: FAMILY FUNDAMENTALS Putting Your Marriage ahead of your Children. Hint: It s not by buying them stuff. It s not by cheering them on at their countless activities. It s not by arguing with the teacher that Johnny should have gotten an A. It s not even by telling them, I love you.

3 Practical ways to demonstrate that our spouse comes first: Spend 15 minutes at the end of the workday or after supper with just your spouse to debrief and connect. Have a date night every week or two. Take a walk together without the children. Lock the bedroom door. As children get older and more independent, warn them that you will lock the front door if you re not ready for them to come home just yet! Honor your spouse with your words and actions in front of your children. Let them see your affection and romance. Agree on some relational ground rules and keep them. Some of our rules included: 1. No D word allowed. 2. No name-calling, door-slamming, throwing things, etc. Figure out a mature, calm way to deal with conflict. 3. Avoid making you statements. When you are upset, don t say, You always or You never The Magic Key 1. Confess agree with the truth that you have wronged your child. 2. Repent This means you change your thinking and your behavior. 3. Ask for forgiveness this is a gift you cannot demand. 4. Be reconciled hug each other to show the relationship is restored. I was wrong to (do/say ). I can see that my actions hurt you. I don t deserve it, but would you be willing to forgive me? This is the gospel at work in your home confession, repentance and restoration with each other and God when sin happens. Chastise: the corrective discipline used in training a child. Instruction: 1. Teach the necessity and benefit of obedience formally. 2. Informal training Deut. 6, teach as you go all day long.

4 Correction: When your child has been disobedient when they have been defiant or ignored your rules or deliberately sinned, you need to adjust his/her behavior back to the standard and deal with guilt. Listen to the Holy Spirit when you correct your children. As parents, we want to shape the character without wounding the spirit. So, listen! Methods of Correction: Direct, assertive communication. a. Firm tone of voice (not harsh, not wimpy) b. Make eye contact, on their level (no armchair parenting!) c. Be specific. Avoid statements like Be nice. d. Use words once (no threatening/repeating) Spanking: Spanking is not about vengeance; it s about building character. Spanking is about paying a short-term consequence to deal with long-term guilt real guilt. Avoid: Permissive Parenting, which doesn t shape will. Authoritarian Parenting, which wounds the child s spirit. Your family s values are non-negotiable, but how you carry them out with each child may vary somewhat according to their bent. We need to be careful and intentional about what we speak over our children. THE BLESSING: 1. Meaningful touch. 2. A spoken message. 3. Attaching high value. 4. Picturing a special future. 5. Active commitment.

5 Think about how you might want to structure a special rite of passage for your sons and daughters. Curses: A blessing brings life; a curse brings death. Avoid: 1. Verbal abuse name-calling, sarcasm, teasing/ put-downs, laughing at or mocking, embarrassing, showing favoritism / comparison. 2. Words of judgment belittling (which is making light of feelings, behavior, ideas and accomplishments), blaming and fault-finding. 3. Discounting messages denying the existence of something he values or fears denying the severity of a problem or the importance of an event denying the solvability of a problem or his ability in an area. 4. Non-verbal ways to curse: Sneer, frown, tone of voice or silence, neglect, conditional love. Honor and respect: First allow ownership, then teach them to share. Spank children privately, not in front of each other. Don t compare siblings, especially in the areas of looks, intelligence, or talents and abilities. Life is not fair, but God is just. Child to Child Relationship a. Teach your children to keep short accounts with each other. b. Teach children to confront with love. c. Have your children give gifts to each other from an early age at birthdays and Christmas. d. Teach your children to bless one another. e. Teach your children to protect each other. SESSION IV: THE PRIORITY OF PRAYER Tower #2: a passionate parent makes prayer a priority.

6 A healthy relationship involves both structured and spontaneous time together. Adoration: This is where you lift up the name of Jesus in praise and worship. Confession: This is about agreeing with God with regard to any area of sin you are dealing with. Thanksgiving: This is a little different than adoration, in that you are specifically thanking God for what he has done for you or given you. Supplication this is an old English word meaning to ask for something from someone who is greater than you and has more power. Closely related to supplication is intercession, which means to stand in the gap. Starting with thanksgiving or praise helps keep our eyes off our needs and on our holy and powerful God. How to Pray With Your Children Show your child how to pray, let them pray with your help, then gradually encourage them into their own personal prayer habits. Family mealtimes and children s bedtimes are great times to pray together. A great time for the confessional part of prayer for younger children is right when they are receiving discipline. Pray in the moment. In his book Revolutionary Parenting, researcher George Barna says, Great parents recognize that from the moment a child leaves the womb until the time he or she leaves the home, they must tirelessly guard and shape the mind, heart and soul of their child. SESSION V: PRACTICING THE PRESENCE Tower #3 -- A passionate parent practices the presence of God. One way to learn to recognize the voice of God is to journal. As we get more and more familiar with the Word of God and the character of God, our ability to hear his voice increases.

7 He is your guide, teacher and comforter every step of your parenting journey. Prophetic Words are meant to comfort and build you up. The purpose is to help you. Just like with Bible reading and study and prayer, explain to them how you do it and coach them to do the same. It s your job to create an environment for life and an atmosphere of faith. It s your job to explain the gospel and live it out in your home. SESSION VI: CHERISHING YOUR CHURCH LIFE Tower #4: The passionate parent cherishes their church life. Besides giving you His Word and His presence, God has also given you his people. Love one another. (John 13:34; Romans 12:10; 1 Thessalonians 4:9, 1 John 3:11) Don t fill in your margins, not even with spiritual activities. A passionate parent never stops being a passionate parent.