10. REJECTION Working paper prepared by Henri Lemay, 29 December 2015

Transcription

1 10. REJECTION Working paper prepared by Henri Lemay, 29 December 2015 INTRODUCTION Rejection is refusal of others or the refusal of self. Feeling rejected is one of the most paralysing emotions. It is usually unfounded in reality. However, I cannot get rid of it if bitterness, jealousy, and envy have taken root in me. Here is a paradox: the demon of rejection opens the door to demons of bitterness, jealousy, and envy, but I cannot overcome rejection without first overcoming bitterness, jealousy, and envy. Bitterness is at the root of all the demons who accuse me of rejection. Unforgiveness is the source of all bitterness. The starting point for healing rejection is therefore forgiveness. I. THE DIMENSIONS OF REJECTION 1. Rejection tells me that I m not wanted or desired; that I have been put aside; that people push me away. It is a feeling of not being loved or accepted as a member of a family, a group, or even of the human race. Rejection erects a wall around me that repels acceptance, even when it is offered. 2. Rejection reminds me of my desperate need to be loved and, at the same time, convinces me that I am not loved. That causes emotional torment. Rejection repels love from me and repels me from love. Even if someone loves me, I feel rejected. You say that you love me, but I know you don t. You love only what I can do for you. 3. A demon of hatred tells me that no one can really love me because I m not lovable. As soon as someone starts to open the door of love for me, this demon slams it shut, accusing me of not being worthy of love. 4. As soon as someone begins to show me love, rejection immediately starts dismantling that love. The rejected person studies facial expressions, body language, and nuances to conclude that the other person has rejected him. You say you love me, but you never come to the ball game to watch me play. I saw the way you looked at my clothes: you think I have poor taste! 5. Rejection prompts me to start a fight with the person who wants to love me to provoke rejection. Rejection says, You re like all the others. You re avoiding me. Well, I get it. I can t imagine anyone who would want to be my friend anyway. 6. Rejection blocks my ability to reconcile with someone after a disagreement. Rejection leads me to bitterness. Rather than seek out the other person to find the solution to our dispute, I talk to myself about my perceived rejection. Quickly, all hope of reconciliation evaporates. 7. Rejection works hand in hand with the spirits of hatred and fear. The rejected person says, He doesn t accept me! The demon of hatred says, It s obvious you do not deserve to be loved. Then, the demon of fear adds, If he really knew you, he would hate you. In fact, I don t think anybody can love you, not even God. Yet, it is precisely at such a time that the person should run to God in faith. 8. Rejection leads me to reject the love of others. Giving and receiving love is the foundation of my relationship with God, with others, and with myself. The cause of all psychosomatic diseases is the inability to give and receive love. Love has the power to break rejection and fear. 9. Rejection tells me that I will never belong to the group: my family, my parish, an organisation, my prayer group... This feeling of not belonging is rejection. It comes from shame and guilt, which make me feel ill at ease. I ve worked here for 16 years, but no one really loves me here. They never invite me to their bowling club. Julie even refuses to talk to me. It s true that I talk too much. I can see why nobody would want me as a friend. 10. Rejection pushes me to look for an identity in the wrong places. Rejection leads me both to strive for intimate relationships and to flee. Eventually, people reject me for good cause. I m tired of hanging out with Henry: he is so negative. I do not want to have anything to do with him. 11. At church, rejection causes people to hold firmly to their position. They want an identity, title, rank. They do not necessarily want to serve, they want to be recognised, to be noticed. 12. Rejection robs me of my identity in Christ Jesus. I believe the lies of demons about me. I am agitated and unstable internally, a man of two minds, unstable in all his ways. Jm 1:8 NAB 13. Rejection insists that, before being accepted by God, I must be accepted by man. The demon of rejection says that God s acceptance depends on acceptance by men. The rejected person puts man in the place of God by giving an irrational weight to acceptance by man. The rejected person embraces Satan s lies. II. SOURCES OF REJECTION In all cases where parents have rejected their child, they must repent. Then, they should ask for forgiveness from their child. Then, they should give their child a blessing from the father and the mother 193. Finally, they must expel the demons of rejection, abandonment, and fear. 1. From Conception If a child is not wanted by a parent, a demon of rejection can enter the child in the womb. This is what can happen when a child is conceived in an act of passion, especially between 193 See A Father s Blessing or A Mother s Blessing prayer forms (in Level Two) by Henri Lemay.! 74

2 two unmarried people. Those born of an illicit union shall not be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Even to the tenth generation, none of their descendants shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Dt 23:2 The curse of the Law can give a right 194 to the demons of rejection, abandonment, and fear to enter the child from the womb. The child may feel shame and guilt associated with the conduct of unmarried parents. When God adopted us as his children because of Jesus, He abolished the curse of the Law from our ancestors. The person concerned must forgive his parents of their conduct; confess that he is a child of God by adoption in Jesus; break the curse of the Law in the Name of Jesus; then, expel the spirits of rejection, abandonment, and fear; and finally, he must ask the Holy Spirit to heal his heart and give him the blessing of the eternal Father. Sample prayer: Heavenly Father, I decide and I choose to forgive my father and my mother for conceiving me out of wedlock. In the Name of Jesus, I cancel all authority and all power that Satan had gained on me at that moment. I am a child of the Most High God. He desires me and I am precious in His eyes. In the Name of Jesus, I break the curse of the Law over me and I expel the spirits of rejection, abandonment and fear. Come Holy Spirit, heal my heart. Restore to me what the devil has stolen and tell me the truth about myself. Amen. 2. In The Womb If the child is not wanted, he can be reached by a spirit of rejection. If there is conflict and disorder in the household during pregnancy or early childhood, the child is likely to have feelings of rejection, abandonment, and fear. 3. Families Without a Father In a family, the father gives the identity and emotional stability. In a fatherless family, children do not have the fullness of acceptance and parental love. Children may feel rejection. 4. In Infancy When parents are disappointed with the sex of their child, the child may perceive rejection and experience self-rejection. The father or mother or both wanted a boy and it is a girl (or vice versa). 5. Jealousy of the Father Sometimes, the father experiences great resentment at all the attention his wife gives to her child. A spirit of rejection can pass from the father to the baby, and the child grows up in a vicious cycle of rejection. 6. Blended Families These families can instil a spirit of rejection in stepchildren of one or the other parent who is concerned about the lack of attention to the other children. There is lack of a generous love flowing between parents and children on both sides. 7. Adopted Children An adopted child may struggle against a deep sense of rejection from his biological parents. (See 1. From Conception) 8. Middle Child Often, the middle child feels rejected because the oldest and the youngest receive more attention than he does. III. WALLS OF REJECTION WALLS OF REJECTION Desire for rejection Rejection of other Self-rejection Fear of rejection Rejection Fear of rejection Self-rejection Rejection of other Desire for rejection There are four inter-related sources of rejection: fear of rejection; self-rejection; rejection of others; and the desire for rejection. Together, these four roots form walls that imprison the supplicant in rejection. He must repent of each of these walls and command them to leave before ordering the Principality to leave. To break these walls and these roots of rejection, it is necessary for him to repent of them, one by one, for allowing them to come into his life, and to repent on behalf of his ancestors. Ask God to seal: your ears to no longer hear the rejection, your eyes to no longer see the rejection, your reason to no longer perceive rejection, and and your mouth to no longer speak rejection. 1. The Fear 195 of Rejection (1 st Wall) Rejection by itself is already quite painful. However, when it is associated with the fear of rejection, it becomes even more powerful. Fear produces more rejection. Fear of rejection immobilises us, preventing us from taking risks. It imprisons us behind a wall. We feel rejected even if all we did was to think we were rejected. There are three powerful demons of fear at work in rejection: the fear of man, the fear of 194 Do not give the devil a foothold. Eph 4, See the teaching on Fear chapter 11 by Henri Lemay.! 75

3 failure, and the fear of rejection. We must expel all three. When we are under spiritual attack, we often gravitate toward rejection and bitterness. However, it would be best to run to God. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6,7 Defence Mechanisms in Reaction to Rejection: Like a turtle, I retreat into myself: I will not allow others to reject me. I will never go near others. Fear dominates my behaviour, particularly the fear of man. Fear of failure drives me to not take any chances in a relationship. By avoiding the risk of rejection, the fear of rejection, I protect myself, but I miss out on the richest things in life: interactions and relationships with others. Anger and hatred protect me from rejection from others. My aggressiveness fights bitterly against real or imagined enemies. Rejection joins bitterness. Both strengthen and nourish each other. False Intimacy 196 When a child experiences rejection in the mother s womb or at a young age, he becomes fearful and enters a mode of selfprotection. Thus, he removes the spiritual protection of his parents. It is a rebellion. He does not feel close to his parents. The child cannot have a real, close relationship with his father and his mother, which feeds his self-pity, low selfesteem, shame, and lust. He establishes a false intimacy. The empty hole in his heart creates a great need he will try to fill with sex, drugs, possessions, power, rank, adulation, etc. In adolescence, the boy offers girls a relationship in exchange for sex, with as many girls as possible. The girl offers her body in exchange for security and love. Finding no real satisfaction in these things, he thirsts for something more exciting, and curiosity drives him to try dangerous and obsessive things. His sexual addiction pushes him to homosexuality, her to lesbianism, and to bestiality. His other yearnings drive him to harder drugs, to more possessions, to power, etc. FALSE INTIMACY DUE TO REJECTION Art Mathias, adapted by Henri Lemay, 14 September 2010 Eternal Father, I repent and renounce the sin of false intimacy in my life. I repent of all the ways that I have looked elsewhere for love that I can find in you. I choose intimacy with you. In the Name of Jesus, I command all the tormentors and Principalities of bitterness, self-hatred, jealousy and envy, rejection, fear, and the occult, that were assigned to me because of my sins and the sins of my ancestors, or because of a generational curse of false intimacy, to depart from me immediately. Heavenly Father, I pray you to place the Cross of Jesus between me and the spirits of rejection and fear. I ask your forgiveness for entering a mode of self-protection, withdrawing myself from the spiritual authority of my parents. I recognise that this was a rebellion: I have not had a genuine, close relationship with them, I have not honoured them as I should have. I ask your forgiveness for my self-pity, for my low self-esteem, for my shame, rejection, fear, and lust. I regret the emptiness of my heart and its yearnings, the charm of sin that drew me to curiosity, excitement, obsession, and dependency especially sexual and I beg your pardon. May all this come to an end on the Cross of Jesus. Come Holy Spirit, heal my heart, my soul, and my body. O Holy Spirit, reveal to me the truth about this situation. Amen. 2. Self-Rejection (2 nd Wall) Self-rejection tells you that even you know you re not worth much. In your childhood, someone important to you told you: You will never succeed! You aren t worth much! It s always your fault! You must be perfect! You re defective! You never learn! You ll never change! You heard this lie and you believed it. The lie became selfrejection. Self-rejection is often an intense and irrational need to succeed. You need to prove to your parents, to the world, and to yourself that you are useful and valuable. However, the feeling of rejection can never be quenched. And if the goal is to be accepted, you push yourself increasingly into the hole of rejection. You will never be good enough to overcome the sense of rejection. If you grew up in a family without acceptance and without unconditional love, and if you were treated as someone with very little value, you will probably live with rejection and self-rejection as an adult. Self-rejection works hand in hand with self-hatred and the demons of a lack of love. The rejected individual seeks an identity and the comfort of other people and not of God. Rather than emulate Jesus, I idolise another person. I am compelled to find someone to follow and worship rather than to focus on the Lord and to worship Him. Eventually, this human being will also reject me (or I will perceive that I am rejected by him) and I fall lower. The rejected person looks for someone weaker than him to be with. Because I do not know who I am, rejection prompts me to invent a personality to which I attach myself, until I am discovered and, once again, I am rejected. 3. The Rejection of Others (3 rd Wall) 196 Drawn from Art and Patti Mathias, Wellspring School of Ministry: How to Minister Workbook, 2008 p ! 76

4 I usually reject others before they reject me. Therefore, I protect myself from the pain of rejection. I m afraid to be vulnerable and transparent with others. I cannot trust them. 4. Rejection-Seeking (4 th Wall) This is the most vicious form of rejection. This is the result of a demon of self-hatred. Thus, I manipulate others by treating them poorly or with indifference until they reject me. This is what I wanted. In this way, I confirmed to myself that I am nothing, that I am worthless, that I have no identity. 5. Madness Fear, rejection, and rebellion are the volatile ingredients of madness. The best antidote against madness is to accept who I am in Jesus Christ, the one who is my strong defender. Because you are children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba! Father!' So you are no longer a slave but a child, and if a child then also an heir, through God. Ga 4:6,7 A healthy self-image looks beyond the now to look toward the future in Christ, where we are made perfect looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart. Heb 12:2,3 Jesus leads us to perfection, the spirits of the righteous made perfect, Heb 12:23 he who is the beginning and the conclusion of faith. IV. REJECTION AND IDOLATRY I need to know who I am in God s eyes, not in the eyes of men. As soon as my identity in God is safe, I can do ministry to others, even in their sin, rather than let myself be hurt or offended by their remarks. What other people think of me is not as important as what God thinks of me. Receiving and accepting rejection is a form of idolatry. I cannot prevent someone from rejecting me, but I can control how I will react to rejection. If I react to his rejection by receiving the pain of rejection, I give more importance to his words or his actions than to those of God. This is a form of idolatry. It is like a solar eclipse where the sun disappears due to the interposition of the moon in the sky between it and me on earth. The moon obscures or blocks the sunlight. In this way, I allowed the words or actions of a human being to obscure, or to block, the words and deeds of God. This is a sin. I am not obliged to receive the pain of rejection of another person. This is the inheritance of the children of God: Your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the prosperity of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you No weapon that is fashioned against you shall prosper, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgement. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, says the LORD. Is 54:13,14,15,17! 77 V. RELEASE FROM REJECTION Cultivate your intimacy with God the Father, with Jesus, the Word of God, and with the Holy Spirit. God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. 2 Tm 1:7 The antidote to fear is the power of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit gives us power. The Father gives us love. Jesus is the Truth, the Word of God. He gives us a healthy mind. Intimacy with the Trinity repels fear from you. Start your day with a time of intimacy with the Lord and walk with Him all day long. 1. First, Accept God s love Once and for All. Do not hesitate: ask with confidence. Get rid of a duplicitous soul two minds. Stop being unstable. But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a man of two minds, unstable in all his ways. Jm 1:6-8 NAB God wants to free you. If the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. Jn 8:36 If God is for us, who can be against us? Rm 8:31 NAB Do you not know that God governs your life? Submit your life to Him. We know that by turning everything to their good God cooperates with all those who love Him, with all those that He has called according to his purpose. Rm 8:28 BJ Believe that God has predestined you to be conformed to the image of his Son ; has also called you; has also justified you; and has also glorified you. Rm 8:30 Because this is how it is, Who will bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us...neither death nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.. Rm 8:33, 35, This is who you are: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him in love. Ep 1:3,4 He destined you for adoption as his child through Jesus Christ. v. 5 After you believed, you became the first installment of our inheritance toward redemption as God's possession v.14 NAB You received the power to become children of God who were born of God. Jn 1:12,13 You are no longer a slave but a child, and if a child then also an heir, through God. Ga 4:7

5 You have clothed yourselves with Christ. Ga 3:27 not as a mere garment, but as a reality that penetrates deep within your being to deify you. If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation. 2 Co 5:17,18 You are created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life. Ep 2:10 2. Then, Renounce All Rejection Return to the teachings of bitterness and self-hatred, and make sure that you have resolved any unforgiveness. God is with you; who can be against you? Because God accepts you, you must accept yourself. 3. Then, Overcome the Rejection of Others Remember that receiving and accepting the pain of rejection of others is a form of idolatry. You have no control over preventing the rejection of others, but you can control how you react to rejection. If you react to his rejection by receiving the pain of rejection from the other person, you commit a form of sin. Understand this and you will be free. You are never obliged to receive rejection. If you do, it is a sin of idolatry and as you place the words and deeds of a human being above the words and deeds of God. Anyone who feels rejected will reject you. If he is bitter, he will express bitterness toward you. If he is jealous or envious, he will express it to you. However, you are not obliged to receive his words and actions in your heart. If you understand this, if you prepare your heart, if you remain safe in God and your position in Him, you become victorious over rejection. Remember that even if someone rejects you, God will not reject you. False love depends on the approval of the other. If you receive someone s approval, it will allow you to have a relationship with him. Nonetheless, he may withdraw his approval of you at any time. True love is unconditional. Such love is built on an already established relationship and not on the approval of another person. Here is its foundation: your miraculous relationship with God through His Son Jesus. Such love makes you strong, even in your failures. 4. Repent for Your Sins of Rejection Stop believing the devil and his lies. Repeat and believe the truth of what God thinks of you. You are precious to God. He accepts you. Rejoice in Him and in His creation today and forever. The Apple of His Eye: The LORD's own portion was his people, Jacob his allotted share he shielded him, cared for him, guarded him as the apple of his eye. As an eagle spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions, the LORD alone guided him. Dt 32:9 12 Wondrously show your steadfast love, O saviour of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. Guard me as the apple of the eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Ps 17:7,8 He Will Never Forget You: Can a woman forget her nursing-child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands. Is 49:15,16 The Righteousness of God: For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Co 5:21 The Crown of Righteousness: From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Tm 4:8! 78