L E A D E R G U I D E leader guide 1

Transcription

1 L E A D E R G U I D E leader guide 1

2 A MESSAGE FROM egroups When it comes to sex, marriage, and being single, most of us have more questions than we do answers. How do I know if he or she is the one? What does the Bible say about sex? Is it okay to marry someone who isn t a Christian? Welcome to Meant to Be: The Bible s Best Kept Secrets About Sex, Marriage, and Being Single. This Leader Guide is a GPS system of sorts a tool to designed to point you in the right direction as you navigate your egroup through Meant to Be. From practical tips on leading an egroup to icebreakers to discussion questions to topical resources to help you with situations you don t know how to handle, we ve tried to include any and everything you ll need to lead an egroup through Meant to Be. Over the next five weeks, we believe that you and your egroup will get an eye-opening, perspective-shifting look at some of the most pressing issues in our faith. We can t promise answers to every question you ve ever had about sex and relationships, but if you engage with this study, you ll learn how to bring Jesus into the center of these conversations. We re praying for you and your egroup and believing that God has something greater than you could ever imagine just waiting to be set free in your relationships with the people closest to you. -THE EGROUPS STAFF leader guide 3

3 table of contents HOW TO USE THIS LEADER GUIDE LEADERSHIP 101 SESSION ONE It is Good for a Man Not to Have Sexual Relations With A Woman SESSION TWO Marry or Burn SESSION THREE How to Save Your Husband SESSION FOUR Do Not Reverse Your Circumcision SESSION FIVE Those Who Have Wives Should Live as If They Do Not IS THIS REALLY MEANT TO BE? leader guide 5

4 HOW TO USE THIS LEADER GUIDE The Meant to Be egroups Study is a five-week, DVD-based curriculum designed around some of the most pressing topics in our faith: sex, marriage, and being single. This Leader Guide works hand-in-hand with the DVD to help you, and the group you lead, get the most out of the next five weeks. Here s how: LEADERSHIP 101 From setting the right atmosphere to finding ways to encourage your egroup members, Leadership 101 is your how-to for the week-to-week responsibilities of an egroup leader. SESSION OVERVIEW With a breakdown of each week s video and Scripture, this section is also where you ll find some advice on how to prepare for your meeting time and how to manage the layout and flow of each session. TALK ABOUT IT Designed to prompt conversation and dig deeper into what God is teaching your egroup members, use this section as a discussion guide to find the topics that resonate with your group. NOTES With clean, lined space to record questions and thoughts, use this section to encourage your egroup members to get in the habit of taking notes at each meeting so they can look back over time and see all they ve learned and how they ve grown. leadership Ways to Get the Most Out of Meant to Be IS THIS REALLY MEANT TO BE? When it comes to sex, marriage, and being single, many of us have more questions than we do answers. While the DVD and discussion guides will help you to facilitate your meeting time, there may still be unresolved tensions and questions you don t know how to answer. This topical guide is meant to provide leaders with the resources to point people in the right direction as they work through some of the more difficult questions about faith and relationships. 6 meant to be leader guide 7

5 ATMOSPHERE THE LAST TEN PERCENT As a leader, the last ten percent we prepare for is the first ten percent other people notice. When it comes to your egroup, you can have the best discussion and activities planned out, but it can all unravel the moment someone opens the door, walks inside, and stumbles upon the litter box you forgot to clean out before your egroup arrived. Here are three ways you can focus on the last ten percent and ensure that your egroup gets off to the right start: Brew a pot of coffee or bake some cookies. Pleasant smells invite people in; unpleasant scents turn people away. And who doesn t like coffee or cookies? Clean up a little bit. Your home doesn t have to be spotless, but if you pick up any loose items laying around, people can get comfortable without feeling the urge to help you scramble to get your house ready for everyone else s arrival. If you re pressed for time, remember: God gave us closets for a reason! Provide enough seating for your egroup. Whether it s couches, armchairs, plastic foldouts, or a shabby-chic combination of all three, set up the room in a circle (or as close to one as you can get) so that people can easily see and hear everyone during your discussion time. DISCUSSION TIME HOW TO GET PEOPLE TALKING egroup leaders don t have to be renowned scholars, teachers, or experts to help people take a Christ-centered perspective on sex, marriage, or being single. They just have to get people talking. Try these three approaches to get people talking and keep them focused on Christ, and He will do the heavy lifting of stretching their faith. Give everyone a chance to speak. Some people naturally talk more than others, but be careful to avoid one person dominating the discussion, or one voice getting lost in the crowd. Encourage everyone to be brief and to stay on topic, and don t be afraid to call on someone who seems to be thinking more than speaking. Ask open-ended questions. Yes or no questions can get people thinking, but they can also kill the discussion. After asking easy, general questions, use follow-up questions to dig deeper into the issue at hand. Be open and honest with your egroup. Occasionally share a few personal stories and perspectives, doing your best to relate it back to something specific God is teaching you. When you set the tone for openly processing and growing your faith with the group, your egroup members will follow your example. 8 meant to be leader guide 9

6 PRAYING TOGETHER IF YOU DON T DO ANYTHING ELSE... DO THIS. Prayer is the essence of a vibrant personal relationship with God it lives and breathes as our primary means of communicating with an almighty God who longs to answer us. By establishing and prioritizing prayer as a foundational part of your meeting time, your egroup members will strengthen their own prayer life and grow their faith in the process. Here are a few ways to make prayer a priority in your egroup: Pray with each other and for each other. As the leader, make your prayer time within the group even more personal and powerful by praying specifically for each person throughout the week. Encourage the members of your group to do the same. Pray with creativity. The easier it is for your egroup members to connect with each other and share a prayer request, the more often they will do so. Have prayer partners or start a group text message thread. Get creative and use whatever works best for your group. HAVE FUN GIVE PEOPLE A REASON TO COME BACK People come back to things they enjoy doing. Not everything has to be serious. By scheduling time to have fun with your egroup, you ll find people becoming friends, staying connected throughout the week, and becoming more involved in your regular discussion time. Here are a few ways to make your egroup a fun place to connect with others and grow in faith: Go out to eat. Conversations happen naturally over the dinner table, allowing relationships to form and strengthen over time. Play games. Activities that allow your egroup members to laugh together will create memories that may not happen otherwise. Share birthdays and holidays together. When your egroup becomes a vital part of celebrating important days in group members lives, you know they ve found a home that they can hold onto and grow with. Pray with variety. Change things up from time to time to keep the prayer time fresh and engaging. Go around the room and have everyone pray; pray specifically over one person with an urgent need; or, pray and reflect silently as individuals. 10 meant to be leader guide 11

7 SPEAKING LIFE WHY ENCOURAGEMENT IS ONE OF YOUR GREATEST WEAPONS THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH IS IN THE TONGUE. Life rarely overflows with affirming floods of encouragement. It s more likely that the members of your egroup will experience the sting of negativity throughout their day. Flip the script by taking time throughout the week to remind your egroup members of the God-given hope inside of them. Make it a priority to individually text, , or call. You never know your words may be the very thing they need to get through something they could never endure on their own. session one FIVE WAYS YOU CAN ENCOURAGE YOUR e GROUP: 1. Have them check out Pastor Steven s sermon, The Most Encouraging Message You ve Never Heard, and remind them: You re doing better than you think are and you mean more than you think you do. 2. Write an encouraging message, such as: None of us is perfect, but we re all perfectly loved. or, Be yourself today and hold onto who God says you are! 3. Share 2 Corinthians 1:10-11, which focuses on the power of prayer to deliver us from our worst situations. 4. Send a link to Pastor Steven s sermon, Don t Stop on Six, with the message: Fight every battle like it s your last One day, you ll be right. 5. Use these passages from Ephesians 3:20-21 and John 3:31-35 to show there s no limit to what God can and will do through us. It is Good For a Man Not to Have Sexual Relations With a Woman. 12 meant to be leader guide 13

8 SESSION ONE OVERVIEW IT IS GOOD FOR A MAN NOT TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A WOMAN KEY SCRIPTURE 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 M AIN IDEA Marriage, singleness, and sex are all gifts. Taken out of context, however, any of these can become burdens. By maintaining the right perspective and pushing ourselves to have the right conversations, we can either restore or reassure these blessings in our lives. H OW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR GROUP Read through 1 Corinthians 7. Get familiar with the chapter to prepare yourself for next five weeks. Remind your egroup of your meeting time and location so they won t miss the start of Meant to Be. Pray God would help you be vulnerable with your egroup this week. The conversation topics of sex, marriage, and being single can be difficult, but your egroup will follow your example. H OW TO LEAD FOR THIS SESSION Start with an icebreaker: Tell Us About It. Ask everyone in your egroup to tell you a number from 1 to 3. Based on the number they choose, have them answer the following questions: 1. What is your worst or most embarrassing date story? 2. Who was your first crush? 3. What is the worst pick-up line you ve ever heard (or used)? Read out loud: 1 Corinthians 7:1-7. Press play: Set up and play Session 1, It is Good for a Man Not to Have Sexual Relations with a Woman, from the Meant to Be DVD. This session is a teaching on how bringing Jesus into our conversation about sex, marriage, and being single can restore the gifts God intends for us to experience. Talk about it: Use the discussion guide on the following page to facilitate a conversation with your egroup. Finish strong: Close your meeting with the Three Keys to a Clear Vision activity. Then follow with a time of prayer. 14 meant to be TALK ABOUT IT Session 1 is a teaching from Larry Brey, Campus Pastor at our University Location. Take notes during the video, and use the main points listed below to guide your conversation. Choose which topics and questions you wish to focus on. SEX MARRIAGE AND BEING SINGLE ARE GIFTS FROM GOD COUPLES If you could go back in time to when you were single, what advice would you give to yourself to prepare for being married? Read Genesis 2: How did God intend for marriage to be a gift to you and your spouse? What can you do to make sure your marriage remains a gift during difficult times? FOR SINGLES Give examples of how being single can be a gift and/or a burden. Read Galatians 5: Which acts of the flesh relate more to the struggles you face as a single person, and which fruits of the Spirit do you have the most opportunity to develop as a single person? What can you do to protect and develop the gifts and fruit that come from being single? GOD DOESN T WANT TO KEEP ANYTHING FROM US; HE WANTS TO PROTECT SOMETHING FOR US COUPLES Read Psalm 16:6. How can boundaries in marriage be a blessing, not a burden? What boundaries or guidelines do you and your spouse have for protecting intimacy with each other? What boundaries or guidelines has God established in Scripture to help us protect both physical and emotional intimacy with our spouse? FOR SINGLES According to a 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, 97% of Americans who ve had sex did so before they got married. If sexual purity is a gift, why do so few people embrace it? Read Psalm 16:6. How can boundaries be a blessing, not a burden? What boundaries do you currently have in place to help you stay pure, both physically and emotionally? leader guide 15

9 IT S NOT WHERE YOU VE BEEN, IT S WHERE YOU RE GOING NOTES: COUPLES Read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. How does Paul s teaching about intimacy within marriage differ from our culture s views on marriage? Read Proverbs 29:18. Why is it important to have open, honest discussions about the physical and emotional intimacy of your marriage? Explain a challenge you and your spouse have faced in the past, and tell how God has grown, changed, or restored you through that season? FOR SINGLES Read Proverbs 29:18. What vision do you have for yourself right now, to help you grow as a single person? If you want to be married someday, what are you doing right now to prepare yourself for marriage? Think of a married or single person that you admire, and explain how that person inspires you and helps you grow? FINISH STRONG THREE KEYS TO A CLEAR VISION Using a piece of paper from the notepad provided in the Meant to Be egroups kit, ask your group members to write a vision statement either for their marriage or for themselves as a single person. Under their vision statement, ask them to write three practical things they must daily keep their vision clear. Have everyone share what they ve written with the group and commit to helping each other realize these visions. A PRAYER FOR YOUR egroup God, thank You for the people You have brought into my egroup. Leading this group is a privilege and an opportunity, and I surrender my leadership to You. Teach me how to lead these people through conversations about sex, marriage, and being single, and show me how to be a Christ-centered example to my egroup. In Jesus name, Amen. 16 meant to be leader guide 17

10 NOTES: session two Marry or Burn 18 meant to be leader guide 19

11 SESSION TWO OVERVIEW MARRY OR BURN KEY SCRIPTURE 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 M AIN IDEA: When we are given valuable gifts, we protect them. God doesn t want something He intended for good to become a stumbling block that leads us into hurt and failure. Whether we re single or married, we safeguard ourselves by valuing and protecting what God has given us. H OW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR GROUP: Follow up with your egroup, and recap your discussion from the previous meeting. Include any prayer requests or challenges. Urge anyone who missed last week to attend this week. Encourage your egroup members to invite their friends, family, and co-workers to your egroup. Spread the word so that God can reach the people around you. Pray that God will prompt your egroup to be open and honest with each other this week, and that He will guide you in your leadership. H OW TO LEAD FOR THIS SESSION: Start with an icebreaker: Stranded Ask your egroup members, if they were stranded on a desert island for the rest of their life but could choose three things to have with them, what would they choose? Get as strategic or as ridiculous as you would like. Follow up with the question: How would your egroup fare on a deserted island? Read out loud: 1 Corinthians 7:8-9. Press play: Set up and play Session 2, Marry or Burn, from the Meant to Be DVD. This session is about protecting what s important, both in our faith and in our relationships, and this week s video features a roundtable discussion on a variety of experiences, priorities, and practices for protecting ourselves. Talk about it: Use the discussion guide on the following page to facilitate a conversation with your egroup. Finish strong: Close your meeting with the I Will Protect This activity. Then, follow with a time of prayer. 20 meant to be TALK ABOUT IT Session 2 is about protecting what s important. Take notes during the video, and use the main points listed below to guide your conversation. Choose which topics and questions you wish to focus on. PROTECTING WHAT S IMPORTANT COUPLES What do you consider to be the most important aspect of your marriage? What steps do you take to protect that aspect of your marriage? What are some unique rules, boundaries, or expectations that you and your spouse have created to keep your relationship healthy? FOR SINGLES PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL INTIMACY COUPLES What is the difference between physical and emotional intimacy? What is something you do to meet your spouse s need for emotional intimacy? What are some of the difficulties or tensions you ve encountered in the area of physical and/or emotional intimacy? What do you consider to be the most important aspect of being single? What do you do to protect this aspect of your life? What is the value of protecting your purity for marriage? FOR SINGLES What are some ways to meet the need for physical and/or emotional intimacy, while still maintaining purity? Explain one way you can protect yourself from unhealthy physical and emotional outlets. How do you avoid being overwhelmed by physical or emotional desires? If you have made mistakes in the area of purity, what are some ways God can help restore you? leader guide 21

12 VALUING OTHERS NOTES: COUPLES What do you value most about your spouse? Read Genesis 29:20. Jacob had to go to great lengths to appease Rachel s father and earn her hand in marriage. What was one of the qualities that you valued about your spouse before you got married? In what new ways can you begin to show your spouse their value to you? FOR SINGLES Who in your life do you value above anyone else, and why are they so important to you? Read Philippians 2:3-4. We re encouraged to do nothing out of selfish ambition, but to consider others before ourselves. Give examples of times when this is easy for you, and times when this is difficult for you to do. What are some steps you can take to distance yourself from a negative influence, while still valuing and loving them for who they are? FINISH STRONG I WILL PROTECT THIS Give everyone in the group a piece of paper from the notepad provided in the Meant to Be egroups kit. Ask your egroup members to write out and complete the following sentence: Above all else, I want to protect. To do this, I will commit to doing these three things: A PRAYER FOR YOUR egroup Heavenly Father, thank You for the gifts You freely give to us everyday. Teach me how to value what s important in life and how to let go of what is not. I want to know You, Lord, and grow into the fulfilling and all-surpassing knowledge and appreciation of Your love. In Jesus name. Amen 22 meant to be leader guide 23

13 NOTES: session three How to Save Your Husband 24 meant to be leader guide 25

14 SESSION THREE OVERVIEW HOW TO SAVE YOUR HUSBAND KEY SCRIPTURE: 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 M AIN IDEA Many of us harbor resentments and unmet expectations toward the people closest to us. But what if we stopped waiting on everyone else to change and began to change ourselves? This session shows how our relationship with Christ affects our relationship with others. H OW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR GROUP: Start a Facebook group, a group chain, or a group text message thread to give your egroup members a chance to connect, share prayer requests, and keep each other informed throughout the week. Find a co-leader. This session contains separate For Men Only and For Women Only discussions, so you will need someone of the opposite sex to help facilitate these conversations. Give them a copy of the discussion questions ahead of time so they can be prepared. Pray God will speak directly through this study to the issues your egroup members are dealing with in their hearts, that group members will be courageous enough to share honestly, and that the Holy Spirit provides you with encouraging words to point people towards Jesus. H OW TO LEAD FOR THIS SESSION: Start with an icebreaker: Guess What I Do? Have everyone in your egroup write down two random things the rest of the group would not know about them. For example, I drive for miles at a time with my turn signal on And I never notice it. After you re done, take turns reading them out loud and guessing who does what. Read out loud: 1 Corinthians 7: Set up and play Session 3, How to Save Your Husband, from the Meant to Be DVD. This session uses a creative video to poke fun at some of the awkward, uncomfortable, or even hurtful feelings we sometimes suppress in an effort to live at peace with the people closest to us. Talk about it: Use the discussion guide on the following page to facilitate a conversation with your egroup. Finish strong: Close your meeting with the My Prayer For You activity. Then, follow with a time of prayer. 26 meant to be TALK ABOUT IT Session 3 is about how your relationship with Christ affects your relationship with others. Take notes during the video, and use the main points listed below to guide your conversation. Choose which topics and questions you wish to focus on. FOR MEN/WOMEN ONLY This session contains separate For Men Only and For Women Only discussions, so you will need someone of the opposite sex to help facilitate these conversations. Give them a copy of the discussion questions ahead of time so they can be prepared. F INISH STRONG MY PRAYER FOR YOU Give everyone in the group a piece of paper from the notepad provided in the Meant to Be egroups kit. For married couples egroups, take a few minutes to write a prayer about your spouse. For singles egroups, take a few minutes to write a prayer for the person next to you. Write about the kind of person God has created them to be, and what you will do to help them realize their fullest, God-given potential. Afterwards, read these prayers out loud and give the paper to each other to store away in a journal and read at a later date. A PRAYER FOR YOUR egroup Jesus, thank You for dying for our sins. Thank You for resurrecting us to the fullness of a new life in You. Teach us how to be the people You created us to be so that we might be a light shining in a dark world. Show us how to bring hope to people without it, and embolden us to offer Your love to those who rarely experience it. Only You can save anyone, but thank You for choosing us to reach the people around us. In Jesus name, Amen. leader guide 27

15 FOR MEN ONLY PERCEPTION AND REALITY HOW TO SAVE YOUR WIFE MEN FOR SINGLE MEN MEN FOR SINGLE MEN When has other people s perception of your marriage differed from what you really felt? How do you handle something your wife does that sincerely bothers you? Read Ephesians 4: Why is important to work through bitterness, forgive your wife, and work through conflict on a regular basis? WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOUR WIFE How do you think your perception of marriage and relationships differs from that of a single woman? When do you typically find yourself holding back from saying how you truly feel, and why do you think you do this? Read Romans 12:9-18. When do you find it difficult to live at peace with people? Give an example of how you ve used a time of conflict to be an example of Christ s love to someone far from Him. Read Proverbs 18:21. If the tongue has the power of life and death, what are some ways you can speak life to your wife? Read 1 Corinthians 13 out loud. Think about how love is described in this chapter and give an example of how your love for your wife has grown over time. How does your relationship with God affect your relationship with your wife? Would you consider yourself a spiritual leader in your household? If not, how can you become one? If someone were to describe your impact on the people closest to you, what would they say? Read 1 Timothy 4:12. Regardless of age, we can all set an example for the people around us. How do you set an example for love, faith, and purity to the people closest to you? How does your relationship with God affect your relationship with other people? What can you do to ensure that you the way you live makes people better and brings them closer to God? MEN Many people enter marriage with idealistic or unrealistic expectations. How has marriage been different from what you expected? Think of a time when your wife did not meet your expectations. How did you handle that situation? How do you and your wife currently communicate expectations to each other, and what is one thing you can do to improve your communication? FOR SINGLE MEN Name three of the people closest to you. Explain your expectations for them, and what you think their expectations are for you. How do you respond to people who don t meet your expectations? How do you currently communicate your expectations to the people closest to you, and what is one thing you can do to improve the way you communicate? 28 meant to be leader guide 29

16 FOR WOMEN ONLY PERCEPTION AND REALITY HOW TO SAVE YOUR HUSBAND WOMEN FOR SINGLE WOMEN WOMEN FOR SINGLE WOMEN When has other people s perception of your marriage differed from what you really felt? How do you handle something your husband does that sincerely bothers you? Read Ephesians 4: Why is important to work through bitterness, forgive your husband, and work through conflict on a regular basis? How do you think your perception of marriage and relationships differs from that of single men? Read Romans 12:9-18. When do you find it difficult to live at peace with people? Give an example of how you ve used a time of conflict to be an example of Christ s love to someone far from God. Read Luke 6:45. Our words are a reflection of what is in our hearts. How do we find the balance of being honest about what we feel and struggle with, while still remaining hopeful? Read Proverbs 18:21. If the tongue has the power of life and death, what are some ways you can speak life to your husband? Read 1 Corinthians 13 out loud. Think about how love is described in this chapter and give an example of how your love for your husband has grown over time? How does your relationship with God affect your relationship with your husband? If someone were to describe your impact on the people closest to you, what would they say? Read 1 Timothy 4:12. Regardless of age, we can all set an example for the people around us. How do you set an example of love, faith, and purity to the people closest to you? How does your relationship with God affect your relationship with other people? What can you do to ensure that the way you live makes people better and brings them closer to God? WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOUR HUSBAND WOMEN Many people enter marriage with idealistic or unrealistic expectations. How has marriage been different from what you expected? Think of a time when your husband did not meet your expectations. How did you handle that situation? How do you and your husband communicate expectations to each other, and what is one thing you can do to improve your communication? FOR SINGLE WOMEN Name three of the people closest to you. Explain your expectations for them, and what you think their expectations are for you. How do you respond to people who don t meet your expectations? How do you currently communicate your expectations to the people closest to you, and what is one thing you can do to improve the way you communicate? 30 meant to be leader guide 31

17 NOTES: session four Do Not Reverse Your Circumcision 32 meant to be leader guide 33

18 SESSION FOUR OVERVIEW DO NOT REVERSE YOUR CIRCUMCISION KEY SCRIPTURE 1 Corinthians 7:18-24 MAIN IDEA There are a variety of perspectives on how to find and appreciate the blessings of life, even as seasons evolve and change. This session shows us how to embrace the season we re in instead of resenting it. HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR GROUP: Highlight the strengths of one of your group members by giving them an opportunity to co-lead this week s discussion or prepare something special for your group s meeting time. Grab coffee or lunch with one or two of your egroup members to invest in them individually. Pray that your egroup will encourage one another, and that the Holy Spirit will guide you in the words you speak to your members this week. HOW TO LEAD FOR THIS SESSION: Start with an icebreaker: Would You Rather? Start your egroup with a healthy round of Would you rather Before anyone arrives, go through your egroup roster and pick two celebrities with the same name as the person in your egroup. Then, once everyone arrives, put your egroup members on the spot. Who would you rather be yourself, or one of these two celebrities? Why? Read out loud: 1 Corinthians 7: Press play: Set up and play Session 4, Do Not Reverse Your Circumcision, from the Meant to Be DVD. This session is about embracing the season of life you re in, and this week s video features a roundtable discussion offering a variety of perspectives on how to appreciate the ever-changing seasons of life. Talk about it: Use the discussion guide on the following page to facilitate a conversation with your egroup. Finish strong: Close your meeting with the In this Season activity. Then, follow with a time of prayer. 34 meant to be TALK ABOUT IT Session 4 is about embracing, not resenting, the season of life we re in. Take notes during the video, and use the main points listed below to guide your conversation. Choose which topics and questions you wish to focus on. ENJOYING YOUR SEASON COUPLES What has been your favorite season of life over the course of your marriage? What is something you re thankful to have in your marriage now, that you didn t have when you first got married? How can you protect yourself from taking seasons of life for granted? ENDURING YOUR SEASON COUPLES How have you and your spouse gotten through some of the more difficult seasons of your life? Read Psalm 139:7-12. God is with us in times of abundance and despair. What have you learned about God during the more difficult times in your marriage? Based on your past experience, what advice would you give to someone who is struggling to endure a season of life that they feel stuck in? FOR SINGLES What have been some of your favorite seasons in life so far? What perspectives are you thankful to have now that you did not have earlier in life? How can you protect yourself from taking seasons of life for granted? FOR SINGLES How have you gotten through some of the more difficult seasons of your life? Read Psalm 48:14. Even if you are single, you are never alone. How has God guided you through the more difficult times in your life? Based on your past experience, what advice would you give to someone who feels stuck in an unpleasant season of life? leader guide 35

19 EMBRACING WHERE YOU ARE NOTES: COUPLES How would you describe the season you are in right now in your marriage? Read Psalm 100. Even when there are challenges we can t change, praise lifts our perspective so we can embrace what God is doing in our life. What challenge can you praise God for right now? If you could go back in time and tell yourself to approach a specific season in your life differently, what would it be? FOR SINGLES Give an example of how you can embrace something in your life that you can t change. What do you feel is the most difficult part about being single? Read Psalm 100. Even when there are challenges we can t change, praise lifts our perspective so we can embrace what God is doing in our life. What challenge can you praise God for right now? FINISH STRONG IN THIS SEASON Give everyone in the group a piece of paper from the notepad provided in the Meant to Be egroups kit. At the top of the page, write one word that describes the season of life you are in right now. Then, take five minutes to write down as many things that you will praise God for in this season. Share these with the group and pray over them as you end your meeting time. A PRAYER FOR YOUR egroup Heavenly Father, Thank you for never changing. Your Word endures forever and Your promises never fail. You are mighty, You are good, and You are loving. I choose to embrace these truths today, no matter what season of life I am in. Give me the strength to hold onto You, and the faith to believe that You will make this season of my life the most fruitful I have ever seen. I trust You. In Jesus name, Amen. 36 meant to be leader guide 37

20 NOTES: session five Those Who Have Wives Should Live as If They Do Not 38 meant to be leader guide 39

21 SESSION FIVE OVERVIEW THOSE WHO HAVE WIVES SHOULD LIVE AS IF THEY DO NOT KEY SCRIPTURE 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 TALK ABOUT IT Session 5 is about how only Christ can complete us. Take notes during the video, and use the main points listed below to guide your conversation. Choose which topics and questions you wish to focus on. COMPLEMENTING VS. COMPLETING MAIN IDEA Sometimes we focus so much on what we need from others that we miss what Christ wants to give to us. This session focuses on how we are meant to be completed by Christ, not other people. HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR GROUP Continue to invest in a co-leader by spending time with them outside of the egroup setting. Answer any questions they may have about potentially leading their own group and continue to guide them in helping you lead your egroup. Review the prayer requests from previous meetings and check in with your egroup members individually to hear how they are doing and update how you can continue to pray for them. Pray that your egroup members will find freedom in the fact that Christ, not another person, completes each one of us. HOW TO LEAD FOR THIS SESSION Start with an icebreaker: You Complete Me. In honor of one of the most famous lines in movie history (if you haven t seen Jerry MaGuire, you might not get the title of this one), ask everyone in your egroup to write down one movie quote that best describes their life. Give everyone a couple minutes to think of one. Read these out loud with your egroup to kick off your discussion. Read out loud: 1 Corinthians 7: Press play: Set up and play Session 5, Those Who Have Wives Should Live as If They Do Not, from the Meant to Be DVD. This session discusses how Christ completes us, not anyone else, and this week s video is a comedic spoof on the qualities we look for in other people, challenging us to look to the One who truly makes us whole. Talk about it: Use the discussion guide on the following page to facilitate a conversation with your egroup. Finish strong: Close your meeting with the This is Meant to Be activity. Then, follow with a time of prayer. 40 meant to be COUPLES When did you know that your spouse was the one? What differences do you have from your spouse that you feel actually make your marriage work? Read Ephesians 2:8-10. What does it mean for Christ to complete you, and how does this affect the way you relate to your spouse? KEEPING IT SIMPLE COUPLES Would you describe yourself as complex or simplified? Explain your answer. Read 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 (MSG). What does Paul tell us about dealing with the things of this world? Read Ephesians 5: What are some ways you can move forward from this series, and make the most out of your marriage? FOR SINGLES How has your definition of the perfect mate changed over time? Think of your best friends and the people closest to you. What are some examples of differences that complement these relationships? Read Ephesians 2:8-10. What does it mean for Christ to complete you, and how does this affect the way you relate to others? FOR SINGLES Would you describe yourself as complex or simplified? Explain your answer. Read 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 (MSG). What does Paul tell us about dealing with the things of this world? Read Ephesians 5: What are some ways you can move forward from this series, and make the most out of your relationships, both dating and otherwise? leader guide 41

22 SERVING GOD AND LOVING OTHERS NOTES: COUPLES Read 1 Corinthians 7: Why does the Apostle Paul say that being single is preferable to being married? Read Ephesians 5: These are the Apostle Paul s instructions to married couples: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. How does your approach to marriage reflect your view of God? Over the course of this series, how has your relationship with Jesus grown? Going forward, what are you and your spouse committing to do to strengthen your marriage? FOR SINGLES Read 1 Corinthians 7: Why does the Apostle Paul say that being single is preferable to being married? Read Luke 10: As a single person, how can you develop your passion to love and serve God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind? Over the course of this series, how has your relationship with Jesus grown? Going forward, what are you committing to do to exemplify Christ in your relationships? FINISH STRONG THIS IS MEANT TO BE Give everyone in the group a piece of paper from the notepad provided in the Meant to Be egroups kit. Write down one thing you learned is truly meant to be in your relationships. Have everyone read their answer out loud and then pray together over each of these answers as you conclude the series. A PRAYER FOR YOUR egroup Jesus, Thank You for growing me over the course of this series. Continue to lead me closer to You and teach me how to put You at the center of my life. Infiltrate every relationship in my life with Your love, grace, and truth. I need You to complete me and I need You to bring me the freedom of a new life, full of purpose and hope. In Jesus name, Amen. 42 meant to be leader guide 43

23 IS THIS REALLY MEANT TO BE? When it comes to sex, marriage, and being single, there can seem to be a lot more questions than there are answers. Use the following topical guide as a resource to help you find a Christ-centered approach to some of the issues that may come up during the Meant to Be series. These aren t definitive answers, but rather a framework to guide you as you pursue further understanding in your conversations. SEX AND MARRIAGE is this really meant to be? A Topical Walk through of Some of the Relationship Questions We re Afraid To Ask H OW DO I EVEN BEGIN TALKING ABOUT SEX AND INTIMACY IN MY RELATIONSHIP? Culture Says: One of the primary causes for marital dissatisfaction is poor communication. Scripture Says: The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21. How to Speak to This: Because they revolve around personal and private matters, sex and intimacy are usually difficult to discuss. However, communicating with honesty, grace, and positivity will afford couples the opportunity to recognize and resolve any unhealthy tensions before they become destructive. For single people, establishing the right communication channels with the right people will make effective communication a cornerstone of maintaining healthy relationships, maintaining purity, and preparing for future seasons of life. As an egroup, you have the distinct privilege of creating a safe environment for people to talk through and pray over any issues they feel comfortable sharing. Be vulnerable and honest with your egroup and encourage them to do the same. Supporting Scripture: Proverbs 18, Ephesians 4:25-32, James 1: meant to be leader guide 45

24 SEX AND DATING S HOULD I DATE SOMEONE WHO ISN T A CHRISTIAN? Culture Says: Connection outweighs religion. Connecting with someone on a physical, emotional, or mental level is far more vital than sharing common spiritual beliefs. Scripture Says: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 How to Speak to This: The Bible doesn t speak directly to the dynamics of 21st century dating as we know it. But it does speak to marriage, and the potential problems of being in a relationship where there the spiritual equilibrium is off kilter, or as 2 Corinthians 6 calls it, unequally yoked. When we surrender our lives to Jesus, He renews our hearts and minds, changing us from the inside-out. Therefore, faith and spirituality isn t secondary, but essential to the core of who we are as believers in Jesus. Though it may seem unnecessarily difficult or even picky to make spiritual commonality the center of our search for a spouse, God will bless those who sincerely long to build their lives and relationships with Him valued above all else. Supporting Scripture: Matthew 6:33. A M I REALLY SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL I M MARRIED TO HAVE SEX? Culture Says: Everybody does it, right? According to data from a 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, 97% of Americans who have ever had sex did so before they got married. Scripture Says: But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 How to Speak to This: Sex itself is not evil. It s actually a gift, a physical expression of a sacred union between two people. Therefore, reserving sex as a gift shared only with your spouse is the best way to experience sex as God fully intended it to be. However, if you have misused this gift, God is not done with you. Like any other sin, God calls us to repent, or turn from, our mistakes and move forward with a renewed passion and obedience to God. Supporting Scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, Colossians 3:1-14, Galatians 5: MOVING ON FROM OUR PAST I VE MESSED UP AND MADE SOME BIG MISTAKES. WILL GOD STILL BLESS MY RELATIONSHIPS? Culture Says: What goes around comes around. Karma is a real thing everybody ends up getting what they deserve in the end. Scripture Says: He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous. Matthew 5:45 How to Speak to This: God is not the karma police, ensuring that you suffer for any mistakes that you made in the past. Actually, God is the one who interrupts that endless cycle of everybody gets what they deserve. That s what grace is all about. God sees our sins even the deepest, darkest secrets of our past and He chooses to remember them no more. He doesn t forget them; He chooses to recreate us with a new identity as His child. Sometimes, there are unavoidable consequences we must face for our mistakes, but even that cannot change the way God sees us. You are one of His children. He isn t out to punish you for something His Son already died for. It s okay to approach God and ask Him to bless your relationships today He wants to do it! Supporting Scripture: Isaiah 43:25, 2 Corinthians 5: I VE BEEN HURT BY SOMEONE AND I DON T KNOW IF I CAN EVER FORGIVE THEM. WHAT DO I DO? Culture Says: Don t just get mad; get even. Make sure whoever hurt you knows exactly how bad they ve hurt you and do whatever you can to make sure it doesn t happen again. Scripture Says: But I tell you, pray for your enemies, and bless those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44 How to Speak to This: God would never expect you to subject yourself to a relationship that is going to be abusive to you in any way. But God doesn t grant us the right to shut down our hearts to people who ve hurt us in order to save ourselves from pain. We do not have the strength within us to completely heal ourselves, nor do we have the authority to exact revenge on those who hurt us. The best, and seemingly most illogical, thing we can do is pray for those that have hurt us, opening up a channel for them to receive God s grace, and for us to receive the healing we need. That doesn t just bring freedom to those who have hurt or offended us that is how we choose freedom for ourselves. Supporting Scripture: Matthew 5:7, Matthew 18:21-22, Romans 12: meant to be leader guide 47

25 LIVING SINGLE H OW DO I APPRECIATE BEING SINGLE WHEN I DON T WANT TO BE? Culture Says: You Complete me. Jerry MaGuire Scripture Says: Yet I wish that all of you were as I am (single!). But each of you has their own gift from God, one has this gift, another that. 1 Corinthians 7:7 How to Speak to This: It may work in the movies, but it s unrealistic to expect another human being to bring the kind of deep, spiritual fulfillment and sense of purpose that only God can offer. Single or married, we all desire this feeling of completion. It s a kind of peace that allows us to find joy in who God truly created us to be. The lie the Enemy wants to plant in our minds is that we can only reach this completion with the help of someone else. In reality, we cannot offer the fullest form of ourselves to any relationship until we have connected with our Heavenly Father in an intimate, soul-satisfying way. This is an art we ll be mastering our entire lives, but as the Apostle Paul would attest, singleness is gift of God that allows you to consentrate more time toward your relationship with Him, and the cultivation of the gifts God has given you for the sake of the world. Lean into whatever opportunities you have as a single person to get more acquainted with God, and trust that He is able to help usher you into the right kind of relationship when you are ready for it, without you having to strive for it or stress about it. Supporting Scripture: Philippians 4:19. H OW AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY PURE IN A WORLD THAT S FAR FROM IT? Culture Says: Purity is irrelevant. Life s too short to hold out on yourself get what you can, and as much as you need, while you still can. Scripture Says: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Matthew 5:8 How to Speak to This: Most believers know that God calls for us to be pure. But sometimes, purity can be misconstrued as a means of measuring our status before God or His satisfaction with us. Jesus eliminated the need for any of this sort of merit system by offering us forgiveness of our sins. However, God s unlimited grace doesn t make purity pointless. Purity, as Jesus described it, is about living a life with a clear and acute sense of purpose. We pursue purity so our appreciation for the beauty of God is not watered down by the distractions of this world purity of heart is what puts us in a position to really see Him on a daily basis. Supporting Scripture: Psalm 119:9, 1 Timothy 4:12, 1 Corinthians 6:18, Matthew meant to be FAITH MATTERS I VE BEEN PRAYING FOR SOMEONE FOR YEARS. WILL THEY EVER CHANGE? Culture Says: Do whatever you have to do to get the people who care about to do what you want them to do or think they ought to do. Scripture Says: He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power at work in us. Ephesians 3:20 How to Speak to This: We are not in charge of anyone else s destiny, and that is good news. God isn t a bully He s not lining up one devastating thing after another to hurt anyone. He is too loving and patient for that. Even if we can t see the progress we re praying for, and sometimes begging God for, it doesn t mean God isn t working on the people we love. The fact that God s love for the people we care about is perfect means He is actively wishing good things for them and conspiring good things for them. Restoration isn t just possible; it s easy for God. Therefore, we can find freedom in knowing that our job isn t to change the people we love, but to never give up on them. Continue planting seeds by lifting up others and encouraging them as those beloved by God, and trust that whatever changes need to be made in them over the long haul will be God s responsibility to harvest. Supporting Scripture: Luke 18:24-27, James 5:16, Galatians 6:9. W HY WON T GOD TAKE AWAY THE DIFFICULT SEASONS? Culture Says: If God really loved us, He wouldn t allow us to suffer. Scripture Says: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1 How to Speak to This: Seasons are part of the rhythm of nature and the rhythm of a life with God. Seasons weather us, grow us, develop us, and ultimately change us into the mature sons and daughters we are called to be. Difficult seasons do not mean that you ve done something to displease God or that there is something wrong with you they are a normal part of a whole life with God in the world, and are to be embraced rather than resisted. There is a unique opportunity in the struggles of life to see and appreciate God in a new light, one that reveals His goodness in every circumstance. A believer that can identify a blessing in any season of life is one the enemy cannot destroy. Supporting Scripture: Genesis 8:22, Daniel 2:21, 1 Peter 1:6-9. leader guide 49

26 GREY AREAS SHOULD I MOVE IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND BEFORE WE GET MARRIED? Culture Says: Some may say it s a smart move to know how to live with someone before you commit to living with them forever. However, research says this kind of trial run doesn t guarantee success. Data compiled by the National Center for Disease Control and Prevention claims that couples who live together before getting married are 40% more likely to get divorced than those who do not. Scripture Says: That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 How to Speak to This: There isn t a great volume of Scripture that speaks directly to the specific question of living with someone before marriage. However, there is wisdom in protecting yourself from unnecessary temptation and hardship. If someone in your egroup is contemplating this question, encourage them to avoid moving in together, to focus on protecting their relationship as they grow toward marriage, and to reserve that move for the correct season. If someone is already living with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they are no less beloved in the eyes of God. Speak to them both truthfully and lovingly, and clearly communicate that you are there to help them focus and build their relationship with Jesus. Supporting Scripture: Genesis 2:21-25, Matthew 19:3-10. I F I AM ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX, DOES GOD STILL LOVE ME? Culture Says: You are loved based on what you do. Scripture Says: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39 How to Speak to This: You are loved for who you are, as a son or daughter created in His image. Nothing will ever change, diminish, or lessen God s love for you. Nothing. Ever. No matter who you are attracted to. No matter what you ve done. Supporting Scripture: Psalm 139:1-16, Romans 5:8. WE VE BEEN PRAYING FOR GOD TO GIVE US A FAMILY. WHY CAN T WE GET PREGNANT? Culture Says: If you don t have biological children, you can t secure your legacy in the world. Scripture Says: We fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 How to Speak to This: The people of God are already part of a divine family across time and space that is bigger than any biological family, and the legacy of Jesus and His Church is now our own legacy. Those who cannot have biological children are not cursed by God, rejected by God, or of any less value to the community of God s people. We are imperfect people in a fallen world. Sometimes, our natural desires are not fulfilled. There is no easy answer for why some get pregnant and others don t, but we do know that God loves all His sons and daughters, and whether or not we have kids has no bearing on whether or not we are loved, cherished and favored by God. Your spiritual Enemy wants to paralyze you by highlighting your inability to have children as a permanent deficiency. But God s love never changes nor does His promise to use you to play an integral role in the family of believers that is His Church. Supporting Scripture: Isaiah 40: I S PORNOGRAPHY REALLY THAT BAD? Culture Says: It s just between you and your computer. Who cares? Scripture Says: Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable whatever is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. Philippians 4:8 How to Speak to This: Pornography is by no means unforgivable, but it is unhealthy for us. Like any sin, we must constantly work on surrendering it to God and eliminating it from our lives. Minimizing its severity or justifying it in our minds can develop a subconscious acceptance of it, leading to unwanted, compulsive, or addictive behaviors. But the real issue with pornography is the fact that it is rooted in an industry that exploits, objectifies, and commodifies people made in God s image especially God s daughters. Abstaining from pornography isn t just about purity; it s about justice. It s a way to personally protest the deep-rooted cycles of abuse and exploitation that harm the world much more than a website can. Supporting Scripture: Galatians 5:16-18, 1 Thessalonians 4: meant to be leader guide 51