Counseling Discipleship Training ROLE OF A HUSBAND

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1 I. Introduction ROLE OF A HUSBAND II. For husbands and wives, Jesus is held up as our example. (1 Peter 2:18-25) A. Our purpose is to patiently endure while suffering for doing right, and when we do, this finds favor with God. (1 Peter 2:20-21). B. Christ also suffered and left us an example to follow. 1. Jesus committed no sin. 2. Jesus did not lie. 3. Jesus did not seek revenge. 4. Jesus did not make threats. 5. Jesus entrusted Himself to the Father who judges justly. III. A biblical husband must be a learner. 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. A. This is a command. B. A command to treat her as fragile (valuable and delicate) C. Learning affects your spiritual life. Psalm 66:18 If I regard wickedness in my heart, The Lord will not hear; IV. A biblical husband must be a lover. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her A. What is biblical love? 1. Biblical love is not primarily a feeling, but an action and a choice. 1

2 2. Biblical love is sacrificial. (John 3:16; Galatians 2:20) 3. Definition: Biblical love is choosing to do what is in the best interest of the other person, according to God s Word, no matter the cost and with no strings attached. B. What does it mean to love like Jesus loved? 1. First. 1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us. 2. Most. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. 3. Sacrificially. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. 4. Unmistakably. 1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. 5. _In spite of faults. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us 6. Without Bitterness Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 7. As a priority. Ephesians 5:28-29 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever 2

3 hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church. V. A biblical husband must be a leader. Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. A. What Biblical leadership is NOT: 1. A husband doesn t lead to elevate himself. But Jesus called them to Himself and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. 26 It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. Matthew 20: The test of your servanthood is how you respond when you are treated like one. 2. A husband doesn t lead without input. (Proverbs 18:13) B. Leadership should follow the inverted triangle model of leadership. 3

4 C. What does biblical leadership include? 1. Focus on the needs on the needs of the family. (Ephesians 5:25; Philippians 2:20-21; Ephesians 6:4) 2. Be goal-oriented. (Ephesians 5:26-28, 6:4) 3. Set the example of control. (Philippians 4:9; Jeremiah 35:5-6) 4. Solve problems. (Ephesians 4:29) 5. Be a teacher of God s Word. (Deuteronomy 32:46; 1 Timothy 3:4, 5, 12) 6. Be a joy to live with. (Proverbs 5:18) 7. Spiritual leadership (Ephesians 5:26-27) VI. Homework: A. Ask your wife 7 of the 50 Questions to ask your Wife per week and write down the answers. Look for ways to use that information to Love and Lead your wife. (see attachment) B. 2 or 3 times actively be a Learner; a Lover and a Leader in ways you have not previously been doing so and write them down and bring list back with you. C. 4 times this week have couch time with your wife for 15 minutes where you discuss the events of the day and the issues going on in the house without any distractions (kids, TV, phones). D. 4 times this week, pray with your wife. Ask her how you can pray for her and then lift those requests to the Lord out loud in her presence. E. Prayerfully study and evaluate common ways you sin against your wife using Common Ways Husbands Sin Against Their Wives (found in The 4

5 Complete Husband, by Lou Priolo.) I will then ask husband to bring it back for me to review. Soon thereafter, I will ask husband to ask his wife for forgiveness for each of these sins. Soon thereafter, I will have the wife use this resource and determine if there are other ways she thinks her husband has habitually sinned against her. Suggested Resources: Bigney, Brad, When Marriage and Mercy Collide Sermon Series: Harvey, Dave, When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage Mack, Wayne. Strengthening Your Marriage Priolo, Lou. The Complete Husband Scott, Stuart. The Exemplary Husband Tripp, Paul. What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage Welch, Ed, Boundaries in Relationships, (Journal of Biblical Counseling article: Spring 2004). Continue to next page 5

6 50 Questions To Ask Your Spouse 1. What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first? 2. What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first? 3. What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite first? 4. What are your 5 favorite restaurants, with the most favorite first? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What are your 5 favorite hobbies, with the most favorite first? 7. What are your 5 favorite recreations, with the most favorite first? 8. What are your 5 favorite sources of reading, with the most favorite first? 9. What gifts do you like? 10. What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why? 11. What is your favorite verse(s) of the Bible? Why? 12. What is your favorite song? 13. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a woman/man? 14. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a wife/husband? 15. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a mother/father? 16. What makes you saddest as a woman/man? 17. What makes you saddest as a wife/husband? 18. What makes you saddest as a mother/father? 19. What do you fear the most? 20. What other fears do you have? 21. What do you look forward to the most? 22. How much sleep do you need? 23. What do you consider to be your skills? 24. What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts? 25. What are your weaknesses? 26. To ask wife: What things (personal, home, car, etc.) need repairing? To ask husband: What things around the home need to be cleaned? 27. To ask wife: With what chores and responsibilities do you like my help? To ask husband: How can I make it easier for you to lead our family? 28. What caresses do you enjoy the most? 6

7 29. What caresses do you enjoy the least? 30. What action of mine provides you the greatest sexual pleasure? 31. What other things stimulate you sexually? 32. At what times do you desire assurance of my love the most? 33. How can that love be shown? 34. What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you? 35. What concerns do you have that I do not seem interested in? 36. What things do I do that irritate you? 37. What desires do you have that we haven't discussed? 38. What do you enjoy doing with me, with the most enjoyable first? 39. What things can I do that show my appreciation of you? 40. What varying desires (spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social, worth, appreciations, recreational, security, etc.) would you like me to provide? 41. To ask wife: In what ways would you like me to protect you (physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally)? To ask husband: In what ways would you like me to respect and reverence you? 42. In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you? 43. What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life? 44. What implied or unspoken desires and wishes of yours would you like for me to fulfill? 45. What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support? 46. How much time would be good for us to spend together each day? 47. In helping family members to use their skills and develop their abilities, what motivating factors would be helpful for me to use? 48. What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried? 49. What personal habits do I have that you would like changed? 50. What ways can I demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am? 7