MENTOR BRAVELY: Real Talk about Influencing Moms. Compiled by Carla Foote and Carol Kuykendall

Transcription

1 : Real Talk about Influencing Moms Compiled by Carla Foote and Carol Kuykendall Copyright 2014, MOPS International, Inc. MOPS International, Inc. n 2370 South Trenton Way n Denver CO n n MOPS.org

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3 Table of Contents Introduction...3 Mentoring Matters...5 MOPS Mentors Make a Difference: A Collection of Stories...9 l I Help in Simple Ways l I Told My Story...12 Apply It: How to Tell Your Story...13 Apply It: Suggested MOPS Group Talk Topics l I Took a Mom to Coffee and Listened...17 Apply It: Tips on Good Listening...19 l I Encourage the Leaders Spiritual Growth Apply It: Additional Ways to Encourage Spiritual Growth and Leadership Development l I Helped Our Team Walk Through Conflict Apply It: Steps Through Conflict l I Champion our MOPS Group to our Church Apply It: Ways to Champion Your MOPS Group Resources: Where Do I Turn for Help? FAQs More for Mentors l The MOPS Year Deepening Relationships and Opportunities for Spiritual Conversations l MOPS Theme for the Year Be You, Bravely Notes, Prayers and Scriptures

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5 Dear MOPS Mentor, As we have prepared this book for you we have been thinking about our theme for the year, Be You, Bravely. I have been reminded again of the power of a brave, wise and comforting friend; a friend who loves and understands, instantly ready with a warm hug and just the right words to set a weary heart at ease. I m reminded of this as I consider who you are and what you do as a MOPS Mentor. This book has been designed to inspire, encourage and equip you in your calling as a mentor. You will find both practical information and inspiration as you read about the variety of ways that MOPS Mentors have an impact on the moms in their groups. You encourage and you provide strength. You provide a firm foundation of prayer and steadiness during the season of a mom s life when nothing feels sure or steady. You are courageous as you walk through the unknowns of life with the women in your group, encouraging them to be brave as well. You are a critical part of our MOPS ministry and I am so thankful for you. As you spend time in this book, my prayer is that the incredible God who made you will surround you with his mighty arms once again. You are precious, valuable and oh so loved. I pray that through these pages you will be inspired and encouraged in your own heart, with a renewed vision to support and care for every mom God places in your path. It s an honor to serve you at MOPS, Sherry Surratt CEO and President, MOPS International 3

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7 Mentoring Matters By Janis Kugler Strategy Consultant for MOPS International and MOPS Mentor Serving as a MOPS Mentor has been one of the greatest joys and privileges of my life. Not only has God used me to encourage and bless the moms in my MOPS group, but they have encouraged and blessed me more than I ever imagined. MOPS changed my life and I know he will use this experience to change yours as well! As a MOPS Mentor, you are part of an amazing ministry that s changed thousands of lives since a group of moms came together at their local church to find support in early motherhood. What started as a way to meet their needs as moms ended up being a way to reach their neighbors for Jesus. Four decades later this concept has been refined and tweaked in many ways, but the core nugget remains: Moms who know Jesus change their world! MOPS intentionally and strategically focuses on moms in the early stage of mothering because... Just this morning one of our MOPS Mentors had just the right words to help me through a rough spot. Sue Mothers of preschoolers have common needs. After they have a new baby, moms often feel lonely and isolated and need a supportive community to figure out their new role. Attending a MOPS group provides a safe and welcoming place for moms to gather to discuss the challenges and joys of mothering young children. No matter if she has a Ph.D. or is a teen mom, she wants to be the best mom she can be and has a common bond with all moms in this same season of life. Every mom struggles with the same issues when she is sleep deprived or potty training a two-year old. The MOPS program has been specifically designed to meet a mom right where she is with practical help and spiritual hope. Every component of the group experience is designed to make a mom feel welcome, accepted and understood. 5

8 MOPS has been an incredible way to connect with other moms. I love that women in various walks of life come together, with one thing in common: We have young children. The connections, friendships and support systems have been incredible. Colleen, Hawaii MOPS mom Mothers of preschoolers want to grow. MOPS is for mothers of preschoolers by mothers of preschoolers. As a MOPS Mentor, you provide perspective and encouragement but your role is not to lead the group. Young moms often feel sidelined, stuck or invisible in this season of life. Hearing speakers or using the MOPS curriculum provides the opportunity to gain knowledge and learn skills as a mom and woman. It also gives moms a place to dialogue with peers to explore some of their fears and challenges, helping them understand that most of what they are feeling is normal for this season of life. If and when a mom is ready and interested, she is able to move into a leadership position to grow her personal leadership skills. You may play a role in encouraging moms with potential to step into leadership. Many women take the skills and leadership principles learned through MOPS with them as they move into other church and community roles. Serving on a MOPS leadership team is the perfect learning lab for mistakes and personal growth. MOPS gave me the safe place I needed to try something new to step out and up! MOPS gave me an opportunity to stretch and then gave me the support I needed (through my MOPS Mentor and my MOPS Coach) to stick with it and feel really good about what I was doing. My MOPS involvement helped me develop a confidence that comes out in everything I do now. MOPS leader at Convention 6

9 Mothers of preschoolers are spiritually open. Barna research shows that moms are among the most faith-minded and spiritually active segments of the American population. If a mom begins attending church, it is likely that the rest of her family will follow. Because of this, MOPS is the perfect side door entrée to the local church that invites moms to come in, explore and experience Jesus with skin on. Early parenthood is a time when family values are being shaped and MOPS provides the opportunity to connect young families to the local church for long-term spiritual development. Moms are also spiritually open because mothering is hard and they quickly come to the end of themselves. They long to know who they are in this season of life and desire to understand their bigger meaning and purpose in life. MOPS is able to give them insight into God s heart and encourage them to understand how much God loves them and desires a personal relationship with them. MOPS brings moms and families to Jesus. My husband and I strayed away from Christianity as young adults. MOPS was critical in helping us rebuild our relationship with Jesus. I became involved in MOPS leadership and started attending our MOPS church. My husband joined me and we have both renewed our relationships with Jesus. Our whole family is engaged at church! Jessica, Texas MOPS mom The simple act of holding my fussy baby during MOPS so I could eat a meal and talk to other moms as a new mom there is nothing that I needed more. Becky When a mom leaves MOPS, she is a better mom. She has experienced community and support. She has been challenged to grow in relationships, including her marriage (if she is married), in her knowledge and skill as a mom, in her ability to deal with the daily ups and downs of mothering and she has grown in her relationship with Jesus. All of this meets her needs as a mom so she is better equipped to meet the needs of her family and community. 7

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11 MOPS Mentors Make a Difference: A Collection of Stories What is my role? I m not sure what I should be doing as a Mentor. I don t feel qualified. What do I have to offer? These are common thoughts, especially from newer MOPS Mentors trying to find their place in the MOPS setting. One thing is certain: God will give you opportunities to use your unique personality to meet moms different needs in many different ways. Your role as a mentor is also shaped by one of the foundational principles of the MOPS ministry: The biggest thing for me is knowing they are praying for me. Melissa MOPS is led by mothers of preschoolers for mothers of preschoolers. MOPS leaders are mothers of young children, which gives them opportunities to grow and build confidence in their leadership skills. Leadership training is an important component of the MOPS experience. Their leadership also keeps the content of the ministry relevant, compelling and adaptable for different communities and cultures. 9

12 That means MOPS Mentors walk alongside leaders and moms in MOPS. Here are some stories of ways that MOPS Mentors make a difference for moms: I help in simple ways: REAL MOM TALK She helped me through a difficult time in my marriage while I was in leadership in MOPS. Amy l I hold babies: I m a new MOPS Mentor and I m honored to be present and encourage moms in any way I can; holding and helping with babies is a big treat for me. Teresa, CO l I hug moms: I ve been a mentor for 10 years and I continue to be amazed at how little I do but how much God makes of it! I simply listen to these moms, pray for them, encourage them to seek God in everything and simply show up to be God s arms around them. Ramona, CA l I send cards: A mom thanked me recently for sending her a card. It meant so much to physically receive that message and I was reminded that I don t have to do a lot, but being available and invested is what matters. Mel, TN l I set up and clean up before and after meetings: I arrive early to get the tables ready and set up food before the meetings which frees the leaders to focus on welcoming the moms as they arrive. I like to welcome them too! Kathy, CO l I pray with moms: I sometimes follow a crying mom to the bathroom (or another quiet place in the church) to talk and pray. Michelle, CO 10

13 l I encourage moms without even knowing it: While out shopping recently, I ran into a mom I hardly remember who told me she still thinks about what I said as a mentor, and she was able to keep parenting because of the encouragement she got. Her daughter is now 16 and on a good path. I was surprised she remembered me after all these years and made a point to tell me. Jan, WA l I host Mom s Night Out events: I m part of a team of mentors and we each have a table at our meetings. I wanted to get to know the moms better so once a year, I invite my table to my home for dinner. Though the moms offer to bring food, I like to provide the meal as my gift to them. I want them to just show up and be treated as guests in a more intimate setting than at our MOPS meetings. She saw God in me when I didn t. And she encouraged me to speak, along with encouragement and input to try again when I fell. Tracey I ve also combined these dinners with another MOPS Mentor and her table so we share preparations and expenses for the dinner. In addition, I ve also hosted Mom s Night Out for our entire MOPS group. At this event, moms and other mentors bring appetizers to share and I provide the drinks. This gives moms an opportunity to get to know moms who don t sit at their tables. I love hosting and seeing these moms, who are usually so tired and distracted by their kids, have time to do what they crave... relaxing and talking to other moms who deal with the same things. Melissa, CO 11

14 Stories of Bravely Going Deeper I Told My Story In our MOPS group, I kept hearing moms describe their frustrations with doing the same things over and over and feeling like they never got anything accomplished in their days with little ones. I offered to tell my story because I often felt the same way when I was a mom with two babies, 17 months apart. But as I look back now, I see my accomplishments more clearly. My husband and I were in ministry, and we took our two preschoolers to the Congo with us where life was hard and I spent most days in the compound, just washing cloth diapers and hanging them on the line to dry. We faced some fearful times too, but those experiences shaped our family, especially as we turned our fears into prayers. We learned that God leads and protects us and takes us through things that become important parts of our kids stories. I wanted to encourage moms so I shaped my story to give a few specific examples to show that we accomplish more than we realize, and we can do things for God in the midst of our calling, whatever that is. Heather Cutillo, MOPS Mentor at Celebration Community Church, Denver 12

15 How To Tell Your Story By Carol Kuykendall, Author and MOPS Mentor APPLY IT How would you like to tell your story at MOPS? Sound intimidating? Don t know where to start or what to say? Here are some tips to encourage you because telling your story, whether one-on-one or upfront to the whole group, is one of the best ways to fulfill the purpose of mentoring. Our stories offer our perspective about the value of mothering and the challenges we share. Stories are also the most friendly and effective ways to show how God is real and relevant in our lives, without sounding churchy or preachy. Our stories deepen our relationships and bond us as women and moms. So how do you sum up your life in a story? The reality is, you don t. Focus on a single life shaping experience: If people ask, What s your story? they usually mean, What has shaped you into who you are today? This could be a childhood experience, such as a parent s divorce or a car accident. In the MOPS setting, you might focus on a marriage or mothering challenge. Good stories involve some sort of conflict or challenge. In order to avoid telling more than you need, focus on a single experience that has shaped you. 13

16 Select experiences that are meaningful, but not necessarily earth-shattering: Choose an experience that was tucked into a single day that other moms can relate to. What did you do when your two-year old had a meltdown in the cereal aisle at the grocery store? What s the most important thing you ve learned in 20 years of marriage? Focus your story on a single experience that illustrates your message. Describe a setting with time and place and character and direct conversations. This is what makes your story come alive. Explore your emotions and include them. A series of events with no emotion is simply a list, not a story. A story is about self-discovery so describe your feelings, especially the personal change that came about as a result of this life defining experience. Change is the best evidence of God s presence in our lives. Embrace YOUR unique story because it is meant to be used while you are mentoring in MOPS. Explore and embrace your life lessons by revealing parts of yourself and your story. Your experience may be exactly what another mom needs to hear. To normalize her challenge. To know God. To feel connected and valued. 14

17 Mini-Stories: Other Ways to Share MOPS Mentor Panels and Spontaneous Snippets of Perspective: APPLY IT Groups that have a mentor team could have a panel discussion. Moms love interactive communication so you could poll the group on topics they would like to hear about and address those topics. Then take questions from the audience. Mentors could also speak into the theme topic of the day with short snippets of perspective. For instance, following a talk on Friendship, several mentors in a MOPS group offered what they had learned about friendship through the years: Comparisons: As newlyweds our first fun couples friends were Eddie and Barbie. Eddie was big and loud and let everyone know he was crazy about Barbie. Wow! What a woman! he d often say. I began comparing how my husband loved me with how Barbie s husband loved her, which tangled me up in all sorts of ways. It took years to appreciate my husband s different wirings... and I now realize that I almost let comparisons rob me of two of the greatest gifts of my life: my friendship with Eddie and Barbie and my marriage. I m thankful God protected those relationships until I understood that love has many languages. Differences: As a young mom, I bonded with other moms who agreed with me, nodding when I talked about breast feeding, co-sleeping or going back to work. Agreeing felt like their affirmation of our friendship. Through the years, I ve come to appreciate friends with differences of opinions because they stretch my thinking and add depth to our relationships. I used to think that someone else had to be wrong to make me right. I now know that different doesn t mean wrong. It just means different which widens my circle. After I had a miscarriage, one of them took the time to just sit with me, listen, let me cry, and most importantly pray for me. Cassie 15

18 Our MOPS Mentor is someone who has a sense of humor, is willing to listen, and has a vested interest in my life namely my spiritual/ emotional growth and the wellbeing of my family relationships. Linda Number of Friends: I used to worry because I didn t have a LOT of mom-friends when my children were preschoolers. I had just a couple of friends I counted on to trade kids with and talk about life challenges. I rationalized I was too busy with my kids. But that didn t change, even when the kids grew up, and I now accept that s who I am. And I m okay with my small circle of friends. Suggested MOPS Group Talk Topics: l Marriage What I Wish I d Known Then l Losing Myself in Mothering l Creating A Family Within a Family: Boundaries With Extended Family l Establishing Family Traditions l Different Personalities: Why Do I Click With One Child Better Than Another? l Simplifying Dinnertime l Praying For Your Kids l Making Decisions: Family Priorities REAL MOM TALK Being an addict in recovery and a new mommy I recently had decided I needed get more INVOLVED in my church. My MOPS Mentor made me feel the same as everybody else. I can often make myself feel like a freak or just awkwardly different... but she s made me feel like every other every day mommy... I am forever grateful for that. Kimberly 16

19 I Went to Coffee and Listened to a Mom By Carla Foote, Editor and MOPS Mentor Dana was in the MOPS group where I serve as MOPS Mentor. She came to our first two meetings in the fall and our Mom s Night Out before she sent an saying she wouldn t come anymore. She was having another miscarriage, and it was just too painful for her to see all the moms and babies in our group. Her made me sad. Sad for her, because she was choosing to pull back from a potential source of encouragement. And sad for our group, because we had been excited about the new women who had started in the fall, and this news deflated our hopes. I checked in with our leadership team did anyone else feel connected to Dana and want to pursue her? Several had sent her encouraging s after the news, but I didn t want five of us to press for a coffee date, as that might seem a bit intimidating. Others on the leadership team encouraged me to follow up if I felt led to do that. I wasn t ready for Dana s MOPS story to end so soon. So I ed and told her I cared about her pain and asked if she wanted to get together for coffee. I didn t want to press her, but I wanted to offer the opportunity for connection. I was surprised and thankful when she said yes. 17

20 I wondered how our coffee date would go I had responded to God s prompting to follow up with Dana. But I am an introvert. What was I going to say? I m not a therapist, not trained in counseling. But I do have a listening ear. And I do have life experience. I had a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. And I have suffered other losses, and I am able to get up in the morning and face the day, with God s grace. I knew I had something to offer, but I felt nervous about connecting. I only had a couple short conversations as a basis for relationship with Dana. Would our time together be awkward? Our hour at coffee turned into two hours, as Dana shared pieces of her story. And I reflected back that I didn t think it was an accident that she had come to our group and lived right across the street from our church. I encouraged her to connect with other women, even if it wasn t through our MOPS group. I didn t want her to walk through this experience alone, especially as I learned that her husband traveled frequently for work and her extended family was not a source of emotional support. My concern was for her emotional well-being and potential isolation, not the number of women in our group. I don t know if Dana will ever come back to MOPS. I don t know if she will have another baby to join her 3-year-old son. I don t know if I said the right things. But I do know that I responded to God s prompting to connect with her and offer a listening ear. And I know that I m praying for God to work an unseen story in Dana s life, and he will do that, even if I don t see the outcome. 18

21 Be A Good Listener! By Carol Kuykendall APPLY IT Be good listeners, we tell our children over and over because we want them to hear what we are saying, and respond appropriately. But somewhere along the journey of growing up, I lost some of that message. I confess that as an adult, I m not always a good listener. When someone s talking, I m often thinking about what I want to say when they finish. Or maybe before they re finished. I want to trump their story with my story. Or tell them how to fix their problem with my solution. When I became a MOPS Mentor, I quickly realized how much I have to re-learn about being a good listener. Because being a good mentor depends on listening. This is what I m re-learning: Listen for Understanding: l Listen with your eyes and body language. Lean in. Nod. l Hear what she is saying, even if you don t agree with what she s saying. l Ask clarifying, open-ended questions, like a compassionate interviewer. l Try to understand who she really is rather than who you want her to be or who she wants you to think she is. My MOPS Mentors have touched me for eternity, made me a better mom and loved me where I was at. Maria 19

22 My MOPS Mentor has been a life line to me for 10 years!!! She hasn t just been a woman at MOPS but an adopted member of our family. My children love her like a grandmother! Dana Respond with Empathy: l Validate her feelings. Pregnant mom: We re having another boy. (clearly disappointed) Mentor: Oh, brothers have so much fun together. Or... God knows what he s doing. You ll see someday. Both answers above are true, but they don t validate the pregnant mom s feelings. She is disappointed and wants an empathetic response. l Don t try to fix her feelings or talk her out of her feelings. Or quote a scripture right away, Or give quick advice, Or try to normalize her feelings by saying everyone feels that way. Just listen. l Empathize by acknowledging, hearing and validating her. Mom: Mothering isn t turning out the way I expected. Mentor: (laughing) It never does. (True but not a helpful answer at the moment.) Mentor: I know it feels so hard sometimes. (Acknowledges feelings.) l Don t trump her story with your story. l Sit with her in her sad feelings. Empathy means to suffer with. Don t be afraid to sit in silent sadness rather than trying to rush her back into happy. l Affirm her for the courage to share her feelings. l Pray if appropriate. 20

23 I Encourage the Leaders Spiritual Growth I m a long-time student of the Bible and one of my main focuses as a MOPS Mentor is the spiritual growth of the MOPS leaders. They begin their year with a leadership retreat in the summer and I plan the faith piece. That means doing a silly skit or a devotional to introduce the importance of faith in our leadership. I always have them bring their Bibles and use it with their hands, opening to a particular verse and reading it together, usually starting with the MOPS theme verse for the year. I talk about the concept of the verse and then open the discussion for the group to explore and go deeper together. Then we apply the concept to their planning for the year, but my goal is really their individual growth. The best thing about being a MOPS Mentor is watching women grow in their spiritual lives and apply scriptural concepts to their leadership and personal lives. Michelle Okes, MOPS Mentor at Bethany Lutheran Church, Denver 21

24 APPLY IT Additional ways to encourage spiritual growth and leadership development: l Teach leaders how to give a devotional and sign up to give a devotional at one MOPS meeting during the year. Model this by giving the first one. This is my first year being Coordinator and it has been TOUGH! When you are dealing with women you always have to deal with petty drama and without my MOPS Mentor I would have buckled under the stress. She was such an encouragement to me and the rest of leadership and really helped us resolve our conflicts. Katy l Encourage leaders to take a risk and be vulnerable and share their stories... about blessings but also about disappointments. Michelle tells the leaders, You have no idea where God has been when your house won t sell and you ve just suffered your third miscarriage. If God puts something on your heart to share, there is some mom (or many moms) that he knows needs to hear it. l Encourage leaders to pray out loud in front of others to open or close leadership meetings or bless the food. l Host a Christmas leadership party or year-end party with personal sharing. l Mentor the Prayer and Care person on the Leadership team (an optional leader position who handles MOPS prayer chain and manages meal setup for new moms). 22

25 I Helped our Team Walk Through Conflict We recently faced a conflict on our Leadership team. Several moms disagreed about how an issue should be handled. A flurry of s starting circulating, escalating emotions and causing hurt feelings. The Coordinator asked me to address the topic of conflict resolution at our next leadership meeting, partly because I was not directly involved in the issue. I agreed, but then started praying about identifying my appropriate role in this process. As a person who s been involved in leadership for many years, I know that conflict is inevitable, especially when we feel passionate about what we do. But most importantly, it can be an opportunity for bonding and growth and the health of the team depends upon dealing with it openly and together. As a mentor, I hoped to help in that process. Now, looking back on our meeting, I can identify several parts of our process that were helpful: 23

26 APPLY IT Steps Through Conflict Invite God s presence: We met that day, as usual, around a large table which is good for eye-to-eye communication. I began by thanking God for his presence with us and asking for his guidance in our conversations. I asked God to help us extend grace as we listened to each other without judgment in order to work through any misunderstandings. Set the goal of the discussion: We then established the setting as a safe place to deal honestly with any issues that might distract us from the goals of doing ministry together. Clarify the greater purpose of the ministry: Together we reminded each other of the goals and purposes of the ministry we were called to lead to bring moms closer to Jesus by being in relationship and meeting their needs. 24

27 Summarize the issue and invite responses: I objectively summarized the issue and then invited women to share their reflections and feelings which revealed the different opinions, misunderstandings and wounded feelings. We made sure all the women felt heard. Move forward: Processing can take time, and some women may have still carried some unresolved feelings, but the experience of the discussion helped, especially as the team moved forward beyond this issue to other items of importance. Hopefully, we learned together that dealing with conflict can pull us together instead of driving us apart. Keep praying. After the meeting I kept praying that our team would be able to move past the conflict and focus on the purpose of our ministry together. REAL MOM TALK By the example of my MOPS Mentor, I recommitted my life to Christ 18 months ago, my partner accepted Christ as his Savior for the first time 7 months ago and now meets regularly with a small men s group and we attend church as a family regularly... this is ALL by the example and love and outreach of my MOPS Mentor. Onya 25

28 I Champion Our MOPS Group within Our Church One of the ways that I support our MOPS group is to champion the ministry within the church. Because I have been a member of the church for many years, and serve in other roles within the church, I can share about the life transformation that happens at MOPS with the church staff and elders. Janis Kugler, MOPS Mentor, Littleton, CO APPLY IT Ways to Champion Your MOPS Group with Your Church: l Be a voice for the MOPS ministry, reminding church leadership that MOPS is an effective strategy for reaching young families in the community, during a season when family values are being formed. l Encourage the MOPS leaders to share stories of the impact of the group both the amazing stories of life transformation and the simple stories of moms being encouraged and equipped in their role. l Help the MOPS leaders understand the budget cycle of the church, so that funds can be requested in a timely fashion and that ministry impact can be linked to funding. l Help the church leadership understand that the expense of MOPS is an investment in the lives of families in the church, and that the largest expense (childcare) is essential to provide a welcoming environment for moms from the community. 26

29 Resources: Where Do I Turn for Help? Recruiting MOPS Mentors Some MOPS groups have one MOPS Mentor, and some have more mentors, even one per discussion group. If you have a team of mentors, you can support and encourage each other in the ministry. Here s what Melodi Leih, a MOPS Mentor in Tennessee, said about recruiting more mentors: I stepped up to fill a need. I started as a MOPS Mentor for our new group because there was no one else. I was the only mentor for two years, but after many prayers, relationship building, and sharing about the MOPS ministry with Sunday morning classes and women s Bible studies, we now have a team of seven mentors! 27

30 How do you recruit mentors for your group? l Calling: Consider the vision of MOPS and the ministry heart of individual women. You want mentors who align with the vision and are open and interested in building relationships with young moms. l Competency: Look for women who listen well and are comfortable walking alongside other women. Recruit women who are prayerful encouragers rather than advice-givers. Mentors can be different personality types both introverts and extroverts can make good mentors. l Character: Mentors are not perfect people, but they are women of integrity who are honest about their own strengths and weaknesses and aware of God s redemptive work in their lives. l Chemistry: Consider the makeup of your leadership team and the moms in your group. Pray for mentors who will complement your group and fit with your team. A variety of gifts and personalities can stretch a team in a good way, but you also want a team that works well together. Remember that a potential MOPS Mentor may not be the same woman who has been tapped for many other leadership positions within the church. But she is a faithful, praying mom who has walked through disappointment and struggles and is willing to share her journey. 28

31 Mentor Training MOPS International has in-person and online resources for MOPS Mentor training. MOPS Mentors have access to all the resources of MOPS International when they are registered with MOPS as a mentor. The Coordinator or Finance Coordinator for your group can help you with your online access. Once you have been registered, you can login at MOPS.org for access to the following leadership content: l MOPS.org: Online leadership content at MOPS.org in the Leaders section includes many helpful ideas for your role as MOPS Mentor. l Webinars: Check out the webinar schedule at MOPS.org/webtraining. You and your mentor team can also watch recordings of past webinars. l Written content: MOPS International provides leadership articles online (MOPS.org) and in regular e-newsletters (Spark) and Connections magazine. l MOPS Mentor Handbook: Download this from the Leaders section of MOPS.org. l Local and regional training: MOPS Coaches offer local and regional training opportunities for MOPS leaders, including MOPS Mentors. l Convention: MOMcon the MOPS International annual convention offers an experience that deepens your vision for MOPS and also provides workshops with practical training for all MOPS leaders, including special opportunities for MOPS Mentors. 29

32 l Video training: The annual MOPS ministry resource offers leadership training via DVD these resources are valuable for all the leaders in your group, including MOPS Mentors. l Facebook: The MOPS Leader Facebook page provides regular updates on training opportunities. And the MOPS International Facebook page provides a window into topics that are important to moms of young children. Both are helpful resources for you as a mentor. Like both pages and you will get regular updates in your Facebook newsfeed. If you are not a Facebook member, you can still visit the pages regularly for information at MOPS.Int and If you are not on Facebook, you may want to consider joining as a way to connect with the moms in your MOPS group. 30

33 Mom Blogs Staying in touch with current mom culture is a great way to increase your effectiveness as a MOPS Mentor. Periodically reading the topics that are popular on mom blogs will give you a window into important issues for moms. Some of the issues are the same ones you struggled with as a mom sleep, nutrition, potty-training. But some topics are unique to this generation of moms media use, privacy and more. Here are a few mom blogs to consider: l Hello, Darling at MOPS.org/blog l (in)courage: incourage.me includes contributions from over 20 women called to be real, authentic and brave, including Ann Voskamp and Emily Freeman. Many of the (in)courage bloggers also have their own blogs. l houseunseen.com: This blog is the voice of a Catholic mom who is homesteading and homeschooling. Funny. Fun. Everyday mothering issues that includes faith and real-life application. l Shauna Niequist: shaunaniequist.com l Emily Freeman: chattingatthesky.com l Brene Brown: brenebrown.com/my-blog l Ann Voskamp: aholyexperience.com 31

34 l Kathi Lipp: kathilipp.com offers a mentor voice that MOPS moms relate to and connect with. l Momastery: momastery.com is a popular blog offering content by Glennon Doyle Melton. l her.menuetics: blog.christianitytoday.com/women is Christianity Today s blog focusing on issues that women are discussing; the comments show diversity of opinions. Only some topics are on mothering. l The Bloggess: thebloggess.com is a non-faith based perspective; popular with the general population of moms. The language and content is salty, but this represents how many moms talk to each other. 32

35 FAQs How old is a mentor? Age is not as important as life experiences. A MOPS Mentor is a mom who has been through the season of mothering preschoolers. That opens a wide window of possibilities, from moms who have children, elementary school age and beyond, to grandmothers, going through a second season of mothering as they watch their adult children raise their families. As one younger mentor said, I feared that the moms wouldn t respect me because I was so close to their age, but I found the opposite was true. I m able to relate because I am younger and not so far removed from mothering little ones which gives opportunities for honest conversations. As one grandmother said, I m at a good place to relate to MOPS moms because I am once again experiencing the chaos and fatigue and challenges and blessings of mothering young children. I have lots of opportunities to get it. Along with the perspective because I ve done it. 33

36 What if I don t feel qualified? Consider your life experience, as a woman, as a mom, and in relationships. Have you walked through difficult situations? Has your faith been tested? Are you aware of the working of God in your life, in the midst of your imperfections? The primary qualification for mentoring is a willingness to walk through life honestly and openly, sharing encouragement along the way. Perfection is not a requirement for mentoring, and an attitude of perfection is off-putting for those you want to mentor. Your perspective of having walked through the season of early mothering, with all its joys and challenges, offers hope to the moms in MOPS. This life experience and a reflective, humble posture are important qualifications for mentoring. I m not sure I was a good mom. What if my kids didn t turn out so great? If you are able to honestly reflect on your strengths and weaknesses and your growth as a mom and a woman, then you have much to offer moms of young children. Moms are not looking for a mentor who is perfect and has all the answers, but someone who honestly and openly lives her life and shares her struggles. 34

37 Do I need to know all the answers? A MOPS Mentor offers perspective and hope, not answers for every question that a mom has. In fact, a person who seems to have all the answers can be annoying. The purpose of MOPS is to empower women to learn and grow as moms. Each mom at MOPS is figuring out the best way for her to mother, and she needs encouragement that she can be a good mom more than specific answers. When a mom asks for specific advice, it is helpful to frame your answer in a way that acknowledges that there is more than one right answer to many mothering questions. I know every individual situation is different, but this is what sometimes worked for me... How long should I remain a mentor? There is no formula for length of time as a MOPS Mentor. Committing to several years of mentoring can provide a good base of consistency in a MOPS group. Often in ministry, we face challenges on our time and energy. Such challenges don t necessarily mean that we should leave the ministry, but are often opportunities to model walking through hard times in the midst of ministry. As you prayerfully evaluate your ministry as a mentor, communicate with the MOPS Coordinator regarding the needs of the MOPS group. Share the calling of mentoring with other women who might be interested so you can grow the mentor team for your group. Then if you do decide it is time to step down, there are other mentors already in place. 35

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39 More For Mentors As you continue in your journey as a MOPS Mentor, you will see how the practical mothering content at MOPS is woven together with spiritual truth for moms. This intentional flow is evident throughout the MOPS year. In addition, the MOPS International annual theme provides content to draw moms into opportunities for deeper growth. The following two articles about the MOPS year and the MOPS International theme are included here to provide you with more context about the MOPS year. The Coordinator of your group has additional information in the MOPS Ministry Kit that is provided to each group on joining or renewal with MOPS International. 37

40 The MOPS Year Deepening Relationships and Opportunities for Spiritual Conversations Most MOPS groups meet on an academic year cycle from August or September through December. Then January through May or June, in North America. This cycle fits with other ministries in the church, but also provides natural ways to deepen relationships and spark spiritual conversations, as you move through the year. Encourage the leadership team to think about ways that your MOPS meeting content goes deeper throughout the year, and how to take advantage of natural opportunities to share about Jesus. l Start Practical: MOPS attracts many moms who do not attend church and they come to MOPS looking for practical help in mothering and emotional support through relationships with other moms. MOPS provides for both of these, through the welcoming atmosphere, content shared at the meetings and conversations around the tables. Meeting topics for the fall might include home organization, discipline, dinner ideas and personality differences. These topics provide entry points for moms to discuss practical mothering and get to know each other in a relaxed environment. l Christmas: Talk about who Jesus is and why he came. You can do this through a special Christmas meeting and speaker who shares about the story of Jesus. Or you might celebrate Jesus birthday by talking about family traditions and including deeper topics, beyond the cultural trappings of Christmas, to the spiritual significance. By this point in the year, moms have developed a base of relationships and are usually open to more spiritual content. 38

41 l Go Deeper: As you continue to build relationships, questions in discussion groups can move from surface topics to more probing questions about feelings and beliefs. Speakers on topics such as communication, overcoming a difficult past, depression, or taking intentional steps toward growth can push moms to open up to deeper discussion topics. l Easter: Talk clearly about the work of Jesus in redeeming our relationship with God, through his death and resurrection. While many people are vaguely aware of Jesus coming at Christmas, the events of Holy Week are less known in our culture and provide an opportunity to talk about God s active and sacrificial love for us. l Share Stories: Invite leaders to share parts of their own stories of faith and hope which helps moms consider their own spiritual needs and continue discussions that have already started in the group. A special spring meeting might be devoted to stories told by a few moms and leaders. 39

42 l Optional Bible Studies: Spring and summer are a good time to introduce an optional Bible study for moms. For groups that meet every other week, the off-mops week is a great time to offer an introductory Bible study, so that moms who are interested in going deeper have a welcoming place to explore faith. In some groups, the MOPS Mentor leads an introductory Bible study. In other groups, other leaders take on this role. Either way, offering a Bible study separate from the MOPS meeting, but accessible to moms with children, keeps the MOPS group focused on building relationships and being an open door for every mom. Throughout the MOPS year, pray for opportunities for spiritual conversations. In more than 40 years of MOPS ministry, thousands of moms have come to faith in Jesus and grown deeper in their faith. What a privilege to participate in this life-changing ministry! 40

43 Be You, Bravely Theme for the MOPS International Year By Mandy Arioto, Director of Membership and Marketing When we decided to talk about courage this year, I sat down with my friends and asked each of them the same question, If you had more courage what would you do? The answers that they shared with me were fascinating and surprisingly universal. Some of their specific answers ranged from adopting a baby, to writing a book, to having a hard conversation, to riding a bike standing up. But what was most surprising to me was that when I looked at all of their answers from a research perspective, and grouped them into categories, what I found is that our desires for courage all boil down to three common denominators. It seems to me, that at any given moment in our lives each of us has... l Conversations we ve been putting off. l Reasonable risks we ve been avoiding. l Goals we want to achieve. Yet often times the more significant an action feels the easier it is to put it off. We get distracted from the big decisions by the immediate needs of the day. What all of us seem to have in common is that we need a nudge, a nudge to help us get out of our ruts and routines so that we can begin risking bravely. 41

44 At MOPS we believe that you were designed to live deeply and so we have created this year s theme to inspire you and every mom you mentor to choose the extraordinary. That is why we chose Be You, Bravely as our theme for the year. The truth is that each of us has choices even small choices that give us the opportunity to move forward and enhance our lives. Be You, Bravely is designed to help us focus on making the choices that could create the most good in our lives, help us to step into healthy risk and to do it in the context of community where we can cheer one another on. Isaiah 43:18-19 has become our theme verse and rallying cry, the reference point for the way God calls us to the participate in our future. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 42

45 Let s look closely at this verse and consider how it applies to us as woman and moms. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Isaiah is writing to the people of Israel during a weary period of their history. They are in captivity, they have lost everything that they thought they would keep forever, and were homesick for the land and the blessing God had promised them. They have messed up, turning away from the things that God called them to. Their current situation of captivity and exile has left them feeling hopeless and desperate. God wants to put their eyes on the new work he will do, so it begins with a reminder to leave the former things. If they are stuck in the failure and sin and discouragement of the past, they will never go forward to the new thing God has for them. l God asks us to change our focus to stop looking behind and start looking ahead. If you are continually looking behind you, you cannot see where you are going. Stop living in the past and get engaged in the future God wants you to be a part of. l God is reminding us to not confine him to what he s already done. Past failures do not define us and past victories will not sustain us. l Though you may be captive, exiled, or guilty, God s new thing is still for you. 43

46 Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? When God asks, do you not (perceive) know it? he is saying, Do you want to open yourself to my new thing? Are you willing to give yourself fully to it? This verb know in the Hebrew language is more than cerebral awareness. It has to do with the total giving of yourself, as in the husband-wife relationship within marriage. This knowing is a total receptivity. God is saying, I m going to do a new thing. Will you give yourself wholly to it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Between Israel s captivity in Babylon and their return to their promised land, lay hundreds of miles of wilderness. God is reassuring his people that they don t need to be afraid. He will make a road in the wilderness and provide rivers in the desert. Often, when God makes a promise, we worry about the details or the obstacles between the present and the fulfillment of the promise. God encourages us, Don t worry about it at all. I will even make a road in the wilderness. I have resources and plans you don t know about. Leave those problems to Me. I am your complete Deliverer, making a way for you where there is no way. l A Way versus the Desert God offers a path through monotonous, desolate surroundings. A next step when no clear trail markers exist. l Streams versus Wasteland God is the bringer of life to the hopeless, bringer of purpose to the barren and provider of resources when you can t see where they will come from. 44

47 Sometimes, good people wait patiently for God to intervene when what he wants is for us to act bravely and move forward. Being a follower of Jesus calls for courage. The journey feels unexpected and unconventional. It requires bravely playing hide and seek in the dark, confronting our fears and holding the hand of a redeemer-guide who calls us to courageous acts of risk and trust. It means coloring outside of the lines. Dreaming bigger than we ever have before and getting swept up into the plans of a God who leaves us breathless with wonder. Jewish tradition tells a story of a Rabbi who was walking home late one night along the shore of the Sea of Galilee. As he walked he came to a fork in the road and because it was dark and he was distracted he mistakenly took the wrong path going left instead of right which would have led him home. He walked in the darkness until he realized that this was not the correct way when he came upon a towering Roman Fort looming large over the pathway. Upon seeing it he stopped, completely puzzled and muttered out loud to himself, Where am I? 45

48 Out of the darkness came a loud voice of a Roman guard shouting, WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? The rabbi was startled, What? The guard yelled again, WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? This time the Rabbi answered with complete confidence, HOW MUCH DO THEY PAY YOU FOR ASKING ME THESE QUESTIONS? he shouted. The Roman was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Then he said, THREE DENARI A WEEK. WHY? The Rabbi answered him. I will give you DOUBLE if you ll stand outside my house and ask me those same questions every morning. Who are you? What are you doing here? 46

49 There probably is nothing more fundamentally significant in life than the answers to those two questions Who are you? REALLY. Do you know? Do you know who you really are? And why are you here? Why are you here in this place, at this time? It takes courage to ask brave questions and even more courage to search for the answers. We are so excited to journey along side you this year as you ask yourself and the women you mentor what it means to Be You, Bravely. 47