I REMEMBER. 3 All Rights Reserved 2016

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1 3 All Rights Reserved 2016 AW, MA A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her," she says. I REMEMBER Granddad was reminiscing. When I was a boy, he said, my mother would send us to the corner store with $1 and we d come back with 10lbs of potatoes, 2 bottles of milk, 3 loaves of bread, a lb of cheese, dozen eggs and 3 lbs of coffee. Wow, replied his grandson, you sure can t do that now! Of course not, said granddad irritably, too many darned security cameras these days. PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - PASSTIMESAZ@LIVE.COM

2 THE WORST THING ABOUT ELECTIONS IS THE GAP BETWEEN WHAT WE RE PROMISED AND WHAT WE GET...THIS IS CALLED ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION HONESTY IS EXPENSIVE; DON T EXPECT IT FROM CHEAP PEOPLE

3 I VE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM MY MISTAKES THAT I M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING MAKE A FEW MORE HOW CAN I BE SO THIRSTY THIS MORNING WHEN I DRANK SO MUCH LAST NIGHT?

4 THE FIRST TWO GUYS WHO THOUGHT SUPERMAN WAS A BIRD OR A PLANE...WHAT WERE THEY SO EXCITED ABOUT? I M NOT SLURRING MY SPEECH, I M TALKING IN CURSIVE * On March 22, 1765, to raise funds to pay off debts and defend the new American territories won from the French, the British government passes the Stamp Act. It levied a tax on all materials printed in the colonies, from newspapers and pamphlets to playing cards and even dice. * On March 25, 1911, the Triangle Shirtwaist Company factory in New York City burns down, killing 145 workers. Owners had refused to install sprinkler systems and take other safety measures in case they needed to burn down the shop to collect fire insurance, a not uncommon practice at the time. * On March 23, 1937, Craig Breedlove, the first person to reach land speeds of up to 600 mph in a jet-powered vehicle, is born. He designed a three-wheeled, rocketshaped vehicle powered by a surplus military jet engine and dubbed it the Spirit of America.

5 HE WHO DENIES THE EXISTENCE OF GOD, HAS SOME REASON FOR WISHING THAT GOD DID NOT EXIST * On March 27, 1945, Nazi Germany launches its last V-2 long-range rockets, killing 162 civilians in England and Belgium. The V-2 could carry a 2,000-pound warhead and became the precursor of the ICBM of the postwar era. * On March 26, 1953, American medical researcher Dr. Jonas Salk announces that he has successfully tested a vaccine against the virus that causes polio. In an epidemic year for the crippling disease -- there were 58,000 new cases reported in the U.S. * On March 21, 1965, in the name of black voting rights, 3,200 civil-rights demonstrators, led by Martin Luther King Jr., begin a historic 54-mile march from Selma, Alabama, to the state capitol at Montgomery. * On March 24, 1989, the worst oil spill in U.S. territory begins when the supertanker Exxon Valdez runs aground on a reef in Alaska's remote Prince William Sound. An estimated 11 million gallons of oil was released and eventually covered 1,300 miles of coastline. (c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.

6 Answers: 1. His last one 2. At the bottom of the page 3. Liquid 4. Marriage 5. Lunch and/or Dinner 6. The other half of the apple 7. Wet 8. He sleeps during the night 9. Elephants don t have hands 10. No time, it s already done! 11. Any way you want, concrete is very hard to crack! 12. Really, really large hands PARTICIPATING IN A TWELVE STEP PROGRAM DOES NOT MEAN JUST PARKING REALLY CLOSE TO BARS I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND TELL MYSELF WHAT I KNOW NOW TESTING...ONE, TWO, THREE 1. In which battle did Napoleon die? 2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? 3. The Mobuta river runs in which state? 4. What is the main reason for divorce? 5. What can you never eat for breakfast? 6. What looks like half an apple? 7. Throw a red stone into a blue sea & what will it become? 8. How can a man go eight days without sleeping? 9. How can you lift an elephant with only one hand? 10. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall how long would it take for men to build the same wall? 11. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 12. If you had three oranges and four apples in one hand and four oranges and three apples in the other hand what would you have?

7 THE FIRST TWO GUYS WHO THOUGHT SUPERMAN WAS A BIRD OR A PLANE...WHAT WERE THEY SO EXCITED ABOUT? HURT ME WITH THE TRUTH, BUT NEVER COMFORT ME WITH A LIE I HAVE MASTERED THE RIGHT WAY TO DO EVERYTHING WRONG STAND FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN, EVEN IF YOU STAND ALONE

8 Worship: 9:00am Fellowship: 11:00am Community Closet Thurs: 9am "A FOOL S MOUTH IS HIS DESTRUCTION, AND HIS LIPS ARE THE SNARE OF HIS SOUL." -PROVERBS 18:7 GOD NEVER MADE A PROMISE THAT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON TRUE WISDOM ALWAYS LEADS US TO TRY TO PLEASE GOD DANCING WITH GOD Can you imagine what would happen if the President of the United States started leaping and dancing in the streets? They d whisk him away in a heartbeat. The spin doctors would come up with reasons for his wild, crazy behavior. He might even be impeached. Well, there is a famous story in the bible about David, the king of Israel, dancing wildly in the streets as the Ark of the covenant was brought into Jerusalem. David was so full of the spirit of the Lord and his joy was so ecstatic, his rapture so uncontrollable that he leapt and bounded as he danced before the Lord. Why was King David so full of joy that he lost all his kingly dignity and made a spectacle of himself? What made him act, as his enemies claimed, so shamefully? The only thing that could make him act that way. The only thing so all consuming that he HAD to leap with joy. There was NO DOUBT that God was REAL! Yeah, David finally got it! He had had it (remember David and Goliath) and he had rejected it, but now he knew down to his bones that God wasn t a myth or a fable. God really existed! That release meant true joy and David could not keep from celebrating, leaping and jumping and praising God with his whole being! That ultimate faith freed David from worry. He knew that there was no end to God s love for him. The most powerful and righteous entity ever to exist knew who David really was and had forgiven him of all the bad things he had done, washing them away with a river of His love! Here s some great news for all of us. You don t have to be a King of Israel to receive that same joy.

9 YOUR ETERNAL DESTINY WILL NOT BE THE RESULT OF CHANCE BUT OF CHOICE GOD WILL ONLY GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR IF YOU KNEW EVERYTHING HE KNOWS WITH GOD S HELP I BECOME MYSELF

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11 YOUR CHARACTER IS WHAT YOU ARE...YOUR REPUTATION IS WHAT OTHERS THINK YOU ARE WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT JUST SO THEY CAN DIG UP ALL THOSE THINGS I DID THAT I VE FORGETTEN ABOUT

12 HOW DO PEOPLE GET EATEN BY SHARKS? I MEAN, CAN T THEY HEAR THAT MUSIC? WORRY LOOKS AROUND, SORRY LOOKS BACK, FAITH LOOKS UP * It was British art critic and social reformer John Ruskin who made the following sage observation: "Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather." * After the events of this past winter, you may not be surprised to learn that sales of cakes, cookies and candy spike when a blizzard is in the weather forecast. * For reasons that are not quite clear, inventors have created a robot that can solve a Rubik's cube in slightly more than one second. * You've almost certainly heard of "M*A*S*H," one of the most popular TV series of all time. One of the main characters on the show, which ran from 1972 to 1983, was Corporal Klinger, played by Jamie Farr. It's interesting to note that in the 1950s, Farr actually served as an enlisted man in the U.S. Army in Korea -- and the dog tags he wore on the show were the same ones he wore during his service. * In 18th-century France, there was a Parisian printer who employed several apprentices, all of whom lived in the home of the printer's family. The printer's wife was, evidently, a lover of cats -- and her cats begged for scraps and screeched at all hours of the night. Finally fed up with the felines, the apprentices took matters into their own hands: While the family was out of town, they held a formal trial, complete with guards, a confessor and a public executioner. After they were pronounced guilty, the accused felines were strung up on cat-sized gallows. Thought for the Day: "Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds."-- Henry Adams (c) 2016 King Features Synd., Inc.