Christian Confrontations

Transcription

1 Christian Confrontations Student s Notes 1

2 Notes: 2

3 Biblical Concepts Proverbs 22:11 Proverbs 13:3 Proverbs 23:15-16 Proverbs 29:20 Ephesians 4:15 James 1:19 James 2:12-13 What advantage do we have as Christians that unbelievers do not have? Matthew 12:

4 Biblical Concepts Proverbs 15:22 The value of James 1:19-20 The value of Philippians 2:1-4 The value of 4

5 Start with the Heart Focus on What You Really Want Common Deviations / Wrong Motives 1. Wanting. (Matthew 5:43-44) 2. Seeking (Romans 12:18-21) 3. Hoping. (Proverbs 27:5-6) 5

6 What do we really want, as believers? The One anothers of Romans Love (Romans 12:10) Respect (Romans 12:10) Honor (Romans 12:10) To live in harmony (Romans 12:16) Mutual acceptance (Romans 15:7) Mutual Instruction (Romans 15:14) M E In a church discipline matter, what do we really want? Matthew 18:15-20 Galatians 6:1-6 1 Corinthians 5 1. R 2. P of the church 6

7 How to Recognize Crucial Conversations James 1: Ways to demonstrate a lack of love (Lev. 19:18) 1. Seeking = 2. Bearing a = (Hebrews 12:14-15) Violence Silence -Controlling -Labeling -Attacking -Masking -Avoiding -Withdrawing pages

8 Biblical Love Instead of attacking each other in the conflict, together you attack the conflict so you can live in harmony. Conflict Harmony Making it Safe What do we do when it is evident that the other person does not feel safe? a. S of the conversation (We leave the content of the conflict) b. Make it s c. S b i (We re-join the dialogue.) pages

9 The O.I.C.A. Method O = O I = I C = C A = A Observation -Clearly indicate what you have observed Examples: You said you would call me, but you never did. You told me you couldn t go to church because you were sick, but here you are in the mall 15 minutes after the service. Interpretation I = It seems to me that you lied... that you never were going to call me. I = It seems to me that you made up that excuse... that you actually spent the whole time here in the mall. 9

10 The Role of Attitude (in Interpretation ) The temptation is to let our emotions carry us to our c. Anger Fear Frustration However, we must convert our negative emotions into C. Clarification O.T. Numbers 35:30 Deuteronomy 17:6 The B of the D N.T. Matthew 18:15-17 James 2:1-4 Compare God s description of Job (Job 1:1 and 8) with the confrontations of Job s friends. 10

11 ACTIVITY Using the earlier examples, describe some possible clarifications for the actions of the accused person. O = You said you would call me, but you never did. I = It seems to me that you lied... that you never were going to call me. C = O = I = You told me you couldn t go to church because you were sick, but here you are in the mall 15 minutes after the service. It seems to me that you made up that excuse... that you actually spent the whole time here in the mall. C = Accusation 3 steps Matthew 18: I Confrontation 2. Confrontation with W 3. Confrontation by the C Remember the 2 goals: 1. Restoration 2. Purity of the church 11

12 The Role of our Emotions Master My Stories Claim 1: Emotions don t settle on you like a fog. You and only you c your e. Galatians 5:16-26 pages Claim 2: Once you ve created your emotions, you have only two options: You can a on them or b a o by them. Influence pages

13 How Feelings drive Actions See/ Hear Tell a Story Feel Act Retracing your Path Am I in some sort of silence or violence? What emotions are encouraging me to act this way? What story is creating these emotions? What evidence do I have to support this story? page

14 How to tell yourself accurate stories 1. Distinguish between f and s. 2. Tell yourself a stories. -Ask yourself, Why would a reasonable person do what he did? 3. Give him the b of the doubt for the moment. 4. Use the O.I.C.A. method to investigate further. Negative emotions will turn into CURIOSITY. Sharing Risky Meaning 1. The worst at dialogue The good at dialogue The best at dialogue... Galatians 6:1-6, Matthew 18:15-17 and Ephesians 4:15 14

15 15 Move to Action The 4 Methods of Decision Making 1. Command (make decisions/give orders) 1. Don t pass out like candy. As a general rule, if people can make choices, allow them to do so. 2. When you face a command decision, ask. 3. Explain why.

16 2. Consult (Invite Influence) 1. Inform that you are consulting... that you will make the final decision. 2. Consult when... (a) many people will be, (b) you can gather information relatively, (c) people about the decision, and (d) there are options, some of them controversial. 3. Don t to consult. 4. A what you re doing. 5. R your decision (and why). 3. Vote (Procure Democracy) 1. Weigh the. 2. Know when to vote. -When matters aren t all that weighty. -When there are a variety of good options. 3. Don t cop out with a vote. Votes should never replace patient analysis and healthy dialogue. 16

17 4. Consensus (Mutual Agreement) 1. Don t force consensus on everything. 2. Don t p that everyone gets his or her first choice. 3. No m please. 4. Don t. 5. Don t engage in post-decision. 6. Don t say,. Putting Decisions into Action 1. Who? 2. Does what? 3. By when? 4. How will you follow up? 17

18 Putting it All Together #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 18

19 Putting it All Together (cont.) #7 #8 19