Growing Up: Discipleship at Home. Ephesians 6:1-4. Randy Patten

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1 July 19, 2015 College Park Church Growing Up: Discipleship at Home Ephesians 6:1-4 Randy Patten 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV) This month we are in a series of messages dealing with the topic of discipleship and soul care. Andrew Rogers led off with a message from Ephesians 4:22-24 titled, I Wanna Be like Christ. Last week Joe Bartemus challenged us from 1 Corinthians 12:12-26 regarding the qualifications for discipleship. Today I have the privilege of leading you to think about discipling children, particularly in the home. My primary text is Ephesians 6:4. The greatest joys you will experience in life will probably involve your children or grandchildren. The greatest heartaches you will experience in life will probably involve your children or grandchildren. Therefore we would be wise to give careful attention to what God s Word, the Bible, has to say about parenting. Ephesians 6:4, my primary text, has five phrases that God wants to guide your thinking about parenting:

2 The Goal: BRING THEM UP" 1. "Bring up" means to nourish up to maturity, to nurture, to rear up. The word is not confined to the nourishing of a child physically, but includes training in the various departments of life. 2. This phrase is a transition of one word from the language in which the New Testament was written. The word is structured in such a way to communicate the following: A. Children do not automatically grow up (by themselves) to be what God wants them to be (Proverbs 22:15; 29:15). B. This is a command from God which He expects us to obey. It is not one of many alternatives from which you may choose on how to raise your children. It is the only option open to us as Christians. C. This is a task in which parents must be constantly involved. There is no time of day or night, no circumstance or situation or place is "off-limits" for carrying out this responsibility. 3. The goal of parenting, then, is to lead our children to love Christ, obey His Word, and function as independent adults who think and act biblically. Put simply, it is seeking to make a disciple of Jesus Christ.

3 Key Strategy: "IN THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD" ("nurture" - KJV; "training" NIV; discipline -NASB, ESV)) 1. This phrase refers to the upbringing, training and instruction of a child, particularly by act, discipline and correction. 2. It involves providing boundaries for a child and penalties for going beyond the boundaries. 3. The goals are character development and equipping for life in a world full of boundaries. 4. God uses this kind of training with His children (Hebrews 12:5-11; Genesis. 2, 3; 1 Corinthians. 11:30-32). 5. God prescribes this kind of training (Proverbs 13:24; 22:6, 15; 23:13, 14; 19:15). 6. Forms of corrective discipline seen in Scripture include logical consequences, experiencing the fruit of sin, additional work, loss of privileges and rewards, the rod of men and corporal punishment.

4 Key Strategy: "IN THE INSTRUCTION OF THE LORD" ("admonition - KJV; instruction"-niv, NASB, ESV) 1. Three actions are involved in this kind of instruction: A. Discerning thinking and behavior God wants to change (1 Thessalonians 5:14; Colossians 1:28) B. Using God's Word, by verbal means, to change that thinking and behavior (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16; 1 Corinthians 10:11) C. Doing this for the child s benefit and the glory of God (1 Corinthians 4:14; 2 Thessalonians 3:15; Colossians 2:18) 2. The goals are character development and equipping the child to think and act biblically on his own. The desire is that the child not only knows what is right but will have the spiritual convictions to do what is right. 3. Ten Scriptural convictions children need to be taught: A. The Bible is the inspired Word of God and the final authority for my life. (Exodus 20:3; Psalm 138:2; Matthew 4:4; 2 Timothy 3:16) B. My purpose in life is to seek God with my whole heart and to build my goals around His priorities. (Exodus 20:4, 5; Psalm 119:2; Matthew 6:33; Philippians 3:8; 2 Corinthians 5:9; 1 Corinthians 10:31) C. My body is the living temple of God and must not be defiled by the lusts of the flesh (Exodus 20:7; 2 Samuel 12:14; Daniel 1:8; Mark 7:21-23; 1 Corinthians 3:16, 17; 1 Peter 2:11; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) D. My church must teach the foundational truths of Scripture and reinforce my basic convictions (Exodus 20:8; 2 Chronicles 7:14; Psalm 29:2; Matthew 7:15, 16; 2 Corinthians 6:14-17; 1 Peter 4:17) E. My children and grandchildren belong to God, and it is my responsibility to teach them. Scriptural principles, godly character, and basic convictions. (Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 6:6, 7; 4:9; Psalm 127:3; Matthew 19:14; Galatians 4:1, 2; 1 Thess. 2:11) F. My activities must never weaken the Scriptural convictions of another Christian. (Exodus 20:13; Proverbs 28:10; Matthew 18:6; Romans 14:13) G. Marriage is a covenant relationship between a man and a woman and my marriage will be a lifelong commitment to God and to my marriage partner. (Exodus 20:14; Genesis 2:24;; Proverbs 6:32; Matthew 19:6; Romans 7:2, 3)

5 H. My money is a trust from God and must be earned and managed according to Scriptural principles. (Exodus 20:15: Deuteronomy 8:18; Proverbs 15:6; Malachi 3:8; Luke 16:11; 1 Timothy 6:10) I. My words must be in harmony with Scripture, especially when reproving and restoring a Christian brother. (Exodus 20:16; Proverbs 15:28, 18:21, 25:9; Matthew 12:37, 18:15; Galatians 6:1) J. My affections must be set on things above, not on things on the earth. (Exodus 20:17; Job 1:21; Matthew 6:20, 21; Colossians 3:2) 4. Books like Sticky Situations by Betsy Schmitt (Tyndale House Publishers) are helpful in teaching children how to think christianly.

6 The One Most Responsible: "FATHERS" 1. The children are primarily Dad's responsibility. 2. The headship of the husband is a key Bible doctrine (Ephesians 5:22-25). 3. God holds fathers primarily responsible (1 Samuel 2:12, 22-25; 3:11-13). A. All others are your assistants (mom, grandparents, teacher, pastor, coach, etc.). B. You cannot blame others for the failures of your children. 4. A primary principle of fathering is to be there physically, mentally and emotionally. 5. Mothers are to be involved (Exodus 20:12; Proverbs 1:8, 9; 1 Timothy 5:10; Ephesians 6:1). While fathers have the greatest responsibility for the children mothers frequently have the greatest influence.

7 The Tendency to Avoid: "DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER" 1. This does not mean never upset, annoy, oppose, anger, displease or cross a child (1 Samuel 3:11-13; Proverbs 22:15; Hebrews 12:5-11). 2. It does mean we should not handle them in such a way that they will be incited to a wrathful kind of living and become angry young men and women. 3. The warning is not about an incident of anger, but about a lifestyle of anger. 4. The challenge is to avoid raising a child to be like the person spoken of in Proverbs 19:19, 22:24, 25: The Bible speaks primarily of two different kinds of anger (1 Samuel 15:23; Ephesians 4:31). A. Flaring outburst of rage; open rebellion; hostility; temper tantrums (Proverbs 14:17; 15:18; 19:19; 22:24; Ephesians 4:31). B. Settled indignation; the slow burn; willing to wait for revenge; apathy; stubbornness; indifference; withdrawal; sub-par performance; moodiness (Genesis 4:5-13; Proverbs 14:17; Ephesians 4:31). 6. Short list of ways parents provoke to anger A. Lack of marital harmony (Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 12:15) B. Establishing and maintaining a child-centered home (Proverbs 29:15) C. Modeling sinful anger (Proverbs 22:24-25; James 1:20) D. Being inconsistent with discipline (2 Corinthians. 1:17, 18; Ecclesiastes. 8:11) E. Being harder on the child's mistakes and sins than on their own (Matthew 7:1-5) F. Failing to build a relationship with the child (2 Samuel 14:28, 29)

8 To Summarize: Biblical Parenting / Disciple Making in the Home 0 Bring Up Bring Up Closing Thoughts for Some Key Groups of People 1. Staff and volunteers in the College Park Next Generation Ministries: Thank you, thank you for pointing our children and grandchildren toward Christ and a life of biblical obedience!!!! 2. Individuals without parenting responsibilities: Be alert to opportunities for strategic influence 3. Parents who are currently struggling: Consider seeking help from the College Park Soul Care department College Park Church Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce this material in any format provided that you do not alter the content in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: by Randy Patten. College Park Church - Indianapolis, Indiana.