(2) 18, ; 5:21-33; I

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1 Applying the Covenant: Marriage (2) Sermon Prepared for WellSpring Church September 18, 2011 Primary Scriptures: Malachi 2; Eph. 5:21-33; I Peter 3: Introduction a. Engage: Two Questions b. Review: i. What are the elements of a covenant? 1. Preamble 2. Historical Prologue 3. Stipulations 4. Provisions for the treaty document deposit and public reading 5. Witnesses (Divine) 6. Blessings and Curses ii. First we saw that marriage is a covenant, ordained by God, entered into by people Marriage as a Covenant 1. Marriage defined as covenant: Here s How John Piper says it: Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman in which they promise to be a faithful husband and wife in a new one flesh union as long as they both shall live. This covenant, sealed with solemn vows, is designed to showcase the covenant-keeping grace of God. Here s how Douglas Wilson says it: Paul teaches us that we ought self-consciously to think of our marriages as dim pictures of the central marriage [Christ and the Church], that when a man leaves his father and mother, and takes a wife, he makes a proclamation concerning Christ and the church. Depending on the marriage that declaration is made poorly of well, but it is always made. He goes on: We can, therefore, see how the foundation of marriage is covenantal/ God s relationship to us through Christ is covenantal it is the New Covenant and our marriages are a picture of the truth. The foundation of godly married life is the same foundation for all godly living-in every thing we are to seek the glory of God. Our triune God is a covenant-making and covenant keeping God, and He has chosen marriage as one 1

2 of the best instruments through which fallen men may glorify Him. (Reforming Marriage, Moscow, ID: Canon Press, 1995, page 12) iii. Are there proofs for Marriage as a Covenant? 1. Malachi 2:14 2. Proverbs 2: Optional The naming of Eve (Woman) by God. a. Abram to Abraham b. Sarai to Sarah c. Jacob to Israel d. Simon to Peter e. Saul to Paul 4. The naming of Eve by Adam (Mother of all things) iv. Last week we looked at Marriage as a Covenant Relationship and began to discuss the stipulations and conditions. There are three sets of stipulations imposed upon persons in marriage by God in the marriage covenant. Stipulations for the husband, for the wife and for both of them together. First the Conditions imposed upon the man as husband and covenant partner. We saw: 1. Leadership this is not a command to obey or an option to negotiate. It is a reality. The Man is the Head of the Wife. I either will be a good head or a poor head, a good leader or a poor leader. There is not a third option of not being the head of the home and the leader of the marriage. It is a given, an indicative, not an imperative. 2. Love. We just began this by being remembering that God requires love from the husband to the wife according to the model of Christ s love the Church. a. The husband is to love sacrificially. Sacrifice, what does that mean? I think the best way for us to understand this is to look at Phil. 2:3-8 2

3 i. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit ii. work out of humility iii. count others more significant than your self iv. Look not only to your own interests but to the interests of others v. Don t keep hold of who you are vi. take on the form of a servant vii. die to self viii. be ready to lose face in the world. c. Preview: Today we are going to continue to apply the New Covenant to marriage. d. Big Idea: It is only when we see and understand marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman, ordained by God, governed by his rules, lived according to his principles and dependent on his sustaining presence and power that we will have the true fullness of joy that is meant to be ours in marriage. e. Text(s) i. Malachi 2:10-16 ii. Ephesians 5: The Stipulations/Conditions: For the husband continued. a. The husband is required to love his wife His love is shown in the way he Protects her i. Financially, wise management and good stewardship, freedom from unnecessary debt. ii. Morally 1. His mind 2. What he brings into the home 3. What she sees and reads iii. Doctrinally he needs to protect her from wrong teaching. Woman are so susceptible here, especially when there is a weakness in the husband. What would happen if your wife took seriously I Cor. 14:

4 the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. 35 If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. 1. Husband, would you be able to answer and teach your wife is she asked you about a. Justification b. Imputation c. Sanctification d. Mortification e. Propitiatation. 2. Take advantage of Good Books, 18 Words, Christian Life, Growing in Christ, Knowing God 3. Protect her from the natural inclination and temptation to align herself with a knowledgeable man who will alienate her affections and respect away from you in this all-important arena of Spiritual leadership. iv. Physically This is too obvious to need illustration I wish. If there is a sound downstairs during the night and it might be a burglar, you don t say to her, This is an egalitarian marriage, so it s your turn to go check it out. I went last time. And I mean that even if your wife has a black belt in karate. After you ve tried to deter him, she may finish off the burglar with one good kick to the solar plexus. But you d better be unconscious on the floor, or you re no man. That s written on your soul, brother, by God Almighty. Big or little, strong or weak, night or day, you go against the enemy first. Woe to the husbands and woe to the nation that send their women to fight their battles. (John Piper, This Momentary Marriage) v. Anxieties and fears 1. of his faithlessness where do you look? What does your wife have reason to fear because of where you look? How do youtalk about other women? How do you act in the presence of other women? 2. of his desertion my wife told me this has been her greatest fear, and she grew up in a home where here parents were married for fifty years. 4

5 b. His love is shown in the way he seeks to Provide for her. here is the very basic meaning of nourish. We are to make certain that we are hard at work to provide for our families. There is dignity in work. i. See Exodus 21:10-11 If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights. And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money. ii. I Tim. 5:8 worse than an unbeliever, an apostate, one who denies Christ. iii. It is not necessary that a man provide a castle for his wife, but that his desire and inclination and goal is to make certain that her needs are met at whatever cost to himself 1. Reg s Dad 2. My Dad c. It is to be a love that cherishes that is honors and appreciates and respects her. i. Put her on a pedestal, treat her life a princess, know her weaknesses and frailties, don t expect her to be like you or to be one of the guys ii. Show courtesy and care 1. Doors, chairs 2. Compliments 3. gratefulness 4. teach your children courtesy.. iii. Do not ever use denigrating language or names 1. The Old Lady 2. The Wife 3. The butt of jokes 4. Sarcasm 3. The next stipulation is Nurturea. Provide the context and content for a proper response from the wife to him. She is to submit and to respect. Study to be a wise and godly man who will be a delight to obey. Study and live in such a way that you will be easy to respect in every area. Let her help you. This is why she exists. Don t be a Nabal I Samuel 25:3, Don t be a hard-headed, 5

6 churlish knave who can t be reasoned with, advised, or helped. i. She will point out blind-spots ii. She will give you hints, insights, warnings, perspectives that you do not have and cannot have iii. Do not deny her the role that God has created her to fulfill. b. Provide the context and content for a proper response to God. The husband must be the one who leads his wife in the matters of God. If you do not know the things of God you have only one person to blame yourself. You have time to do the things that you think are important. You pursue knowledge of things you think are important. Your leadership in spiritual matters, that is the things of God, will provide her the context for her own important growth in this area. c. Give her opportunities to grow in areas that encourage her in her womanhood. d. Especially give her a context where she might grow in beauty. i. Psalm 128:3 She will be like a fruitful vine. 1. Our wives ought to increase and grow in true beauty as they grow older and live with her. She will not keep the beauty of youth, but she should grow in a softness, a glow, a sweetness, and beauty that is generated from the inside out. 2. Hardness in the face and eyes. 4. Additional Stipulations a. Seek to know and to understand your wife. Do not think this is impossible, do not make a joke of it-it is a command of God. This means that we spend time, we ask questions, we listen, we probe, we clarify. b. Rejoice, Be content. Proverbs 5:15-19 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 6

7 let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray. (Proverbs 5:15-23) c. Pray for your Wife. I Peter 3:7 5. Conclusion: a. You cannot do any of this in your own strength. Left to yourself you will make a mess of your marriage and muck up a beautiful and wonderful thing. b. You married a sinner, a sinner whom you cannot change c. Your partner married a sinner whom they cannot change in fact if we are honest we need to say, as I need to say, I am a worse, far worse sinner than my wife with whom I am often impatient, angry, feel superior to, want to change, disrespect, do not love, deceive, try to manipulate, exploit, ignore, diminish, marginalize and worse. d. Two great Book Titles: When Sinners Say I Do and What did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage e. But thanks be to God, he can and will change those who humbly submit to him and his ways. This is what the gospel of Jesus tells us i. Men, Jesus Christ the perfect husband died for you, lives in you, strengthens you ii. Women, Jesus Christ who lives to make his bride holy, cleansed, washed So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she should be holy and without blemish will do this same kind of work in you his child and daughter, the wife of your husband. You are 7

8 not called to do this alone but with the Christ who lives in you! iii. Husbands and wives see the beauty and glory of the gospel as it is applied to the life of your partner. Christ has died for him, Christ has died for her, Christ has brought forgiveness, he has blotted out sins, he has cleansed, he has not kept a record of wrongs. If you are a recipient of that grace from God Can you not apply that same grace that is meant to overflow through you to your imperfect, faulty, failing, forgetful, hurtful, slow-learning, selfish spouse? iv. Husbands and wives if you are a recipient of the grace of God and have been forgiven and accepted as his own beloved child, known in all of your failures not repent, confess your wrongs to your spouse, humble yourself and ask for forgiveness? Why do you pretend that you do not need the same kind of humilty and sorrow for sin in front of your spouse that is required of you before your God? In the same way that we need to stop trying to prove that we are worthy or God s acceptance by our accomplishments we need to stop posturing and pretending that we are worthy of our partner s acceptance and defending our failings and attacking theirs. v. Husbands and wives, since the very purpose of marriage is to show the goodness and love and faithfulness, and loyalty and purity and grace of God You can believe that if you join with him in pursuing his purpose for your marriage he will-and he will complete that purpose in you. f. If you do not know the forgiving grace of God in your life and it is not a part of your marriage. Here is how to receive it The only way to make monogamy work is to value Love above pleasure pursue holiness and humility rather than power and personal fulfillment find grace to repent rather than condemn 8

9 learn sacrifice and patience in place of indulgence and gratification (The Book that Made Your World: How the Bible Created the Soul of Western Civilization Vishal Mangalwadi) How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,_Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!_what more can He say than to you He hath said _To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled? Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,_for I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;_i ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,_upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,_the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;_for I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,_and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,_my grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;_the flame shall not harm thee; I only design_thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine. The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,_i will not, I will not, desert to his foes;_that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,_i ll never, no never, no never forsake. 9