Where Are You? Shame, Addiction, and Recovery 2016 AACC Mega National Conference Dallas, Texas September 15-17, 2016

Transcription

1 Where Are You? Shame, Addiction, and Recovery 2016 AACC Mega National Conference Dallas, Texas September 15-17, 2016 Adrian Hickmon, PhD Founder & CEO Capstone Treatment Center, Searcy, Arkansas David E. Jenkins, PsyD Professor, Director of MA in Addiction Counseling, Liberty University 1

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3 2007 David E. Jenkins, Psy.D. Fa So GOD Sp MAN MALE Serve Protect Guide Guard Uniqueness Oneness Openness FEMALE Satisfy Help Support Sustain 3

4 2005 David E. Jenkins, Psy.D. HEALTH & GROWTH PRIMARY OBJECTIVES Validation Affirmation Authentication FUNCTIONAL CAPACITIES (AUTONOMY) Serve Protect Guide Guard ADAPTIVE CAPACITIES (INFLUENCE) Altruism Refuge Intentionality Well-Being PRIMARY MOTIVES Actualization Intimacy Disclosure/Discovery FUNCTIONAL CAPACITIES (CONNECTION) Satisfy Help Support Sustain PRIMARY ATTRIBUTES Uniqueness Oneness Openness 4

5 Anatomy of Shame The Fall (Ge 3:1-19) Failure to be and do who and what created for Eyes of both were opened Physical related to senses, but also awareness and attention Knew they were naked Spiritual and physical Awareness of openness of guilt before God Innocence lost Lack of resources Body, Soul, & Spirit were no longer functional, unified, and pure 5

6 Anatomy of Shame The Fall Out The Man and his Wife (v. 8) Heard, Hid The Man (v. 10) Heard, Afraid because naked, Hid God (v. 11) Naked?, Refers to Command Man (v. 12) Blames Woman Woman (v. 13) Blames Serpent 6

7 Anatomy of Shame Awareness of God s Presence Violation of Command Awareness of Nakedness Shame Fear, Hiding, Blame 7

8 Shame Definition a painful emotional state based on a self-perception of being vulnerable or flawed (Gutierrez & Hagedorn, 2013, p. 44) 3 Primary Characteristics Smallness Worthlessness (Devaluing) Hiding 8

9 2007 David E. Jenkins, Psy.D. So Fa GOD Sp MAN MALE Serve ##### ####### Protect Guide ##### Guard ##### ########## Uniqueness ####### Oneness ######## Openness FEMALE ####### Satisfy #### Help ####### Support ####### Sustain 9

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11 STAGES OF THE ADDICTIVE PROCESS PROGRESSION EXPERIMENTATION USE MISUSE ABUSE TO ADDICTION SOCIAL CRITICAL CHANGE POINT MEDICINAL ADDICTIVE 11

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13 In the Church - Fruits of the Spirit - Spiritual Growth - Sinners Sinning Repentance COMFORT ZONES In the Church - Pray it Away Avoidance Patterns - Equating Spiritual Repentance with Physical Restoration 2016 Adrian Hickmon PhD Capstone Treatment Center In the 12 Step Fellowship - Addicts Using Step 1 - Working the Steps - Sobriety GROAN ZONE What Lies Beneath Satan s Hidden Strategy: TOXIC SHAME My hurts and the sins done to me that define me as unlovable and unworthy. I m not good enough - a mistake - don t belong. I am bad unforgivable! In the 12 Step Fellowship - Focus on Specific Addiction but not others 13

14 What makes this make sense? Wendal Ray PhD By retracing the vine to the roots, to the 3rd generation & beyond Adrian Hickmon PhD Capstone Treatment Center By asking Why? Bessel van der Kolk (see Family Stories, Secrets and Survival Dr. Judith Landau at TEDxVailWomen) 90% correlation between trauma & addiction Dr. Patrick Carnes 14

15 People don t do stupid, evil, crazy things because they re stupid, evil or crazy. Most often they are trying to cope with core underlying issues. 15

16 Drugs and Alcohol 16

17 Drugs and Alcohol 17

18 High Risk Sex and Pornography 18

19 High Risk Sex and Pornography 19

20 Isolation and Acting Out + 20

21 Isolation and Acting Out + 21

22 Video Gaming + 22

23 This layer is about trying to survive. What if we only achieved sobriety? Outside Layer The Freckle Phenomenon from here on. What if addiction is the wrong diagnosis? + 23

24 Inside Layer (The Core) Trauma + & Toxic shame 24

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26 Invisible Layer + 26

27 Invisible Layer Chronic T Environment + 27

28 Invisible Layer Chronic T Environment + 28

29 Invisible Layer Chronic T Environment + Avoidance Pattern Frozen Emotions Performance-Based Value Generational Toxic Shame 29

30 Definitions of Trauma Pia Mellody: Trauma is anything less than nurturing Deprivation Judy Crane: Trauma is any event or situation that changes your vision of yourself and your place in the world in a negative way. Peter Levine: Trauma is an experience of fear and helplessness, terror and immobility. Francine Shapiro: Trauma is any event that has a lasting negative effect, usually found in earlier life experiences. Capstone: Trauma is any experience or situation that causes Toxic Shame Small, Alone, Paralyzed & Voiceless. 30

31 BIG-T TRAUMA Samurai Sword Significant loss, relinquishment-adoption (Primal Wound), death of loved one, sexual abuse, bullied, parents divorce, betrayal, abandonment, infidelity, big event financial disgraces The impact of Big T traumas is always devastating! The toxic shame message can be more so. 31

32 LITTLE-T TRAUMA Toothpick Little-T traumas hurt, but are not devastating in themselves. But the toxic-shame messages of Little-T traumas can be damaging as Big T traumas. The power is in the message! The message is in the individual s context. 32

33 CHRONIC-T TRAUMA Smog The most damaging!! - Sometimes w Big T and Little T traumas - Amygdala stays on red alert, hypervigilant - All experiences / relationships through this filter - Sets the neuro-thermostat to normal - Finding normal / compulsion to repeat (van der Kolk) - Cortisol Disease - Simultaneous need for relief and stimulation - Perfect Storm for addiction development & progression 33

34 The most impactful damage caused by trauma, both individually and generationally, comes from Toxic Shame. 34

35 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s spiritual damage to the Soul Arrow Big-T = Samurai Sword Little-T = Toothpick Chronic-T = Smog 35

36 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s Spiritual damage to the Soul Toxic-Shame Message Arrow (2) Toxic-Shame Messages are spiritual attacks on the Me inside, the core self, the soul. You are BAD! not or or This BAD happened to you! He / she did this BAD to you! You did this BAD! 36

37 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s spiritual damage on the Soul Arrow Toxic-Shame Message You are bad dirty evil! You are a mistake loser! You are unlovable! You are unworthy! You don t belong! You deserved it! You are undeserving of love! You are not good enough! 37

38 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s damage on Self-Perception Arrow Toxic-Shame Message Question - Is the message true? - Am I bad, unlovable, not good enough? - Fear Response amygdala to brain stem, survive avoid this pain!!! - Low Road Response: Fight, Flight 38

39 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s spiritual damage on the Soul Arrow T-S Message Question (4) Winning Formula An automatic Fight-Flight survival attempt to invalidate the Toxic-Shame Message with a compensatory behavior of perceived mastery or an attribute of social value. Performance: Beauty, wealth, athleticism, academics, musical, humor, charisma, etc. I must prove the message wrong or it s over, I m over!! 39

40 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s spiritual damage on the Soul Arrow T-S Message Question Winning Formula But it is never enough!! And can t be. I can t do my way to a better level of being. I can t achieve enough to be enough! When your Doing springs from Doing-Enough-tobe-good-enough it diminishes your Being Enough. 40

41 ARROW SHAME-MESSAGE QUESTION WINNING FORMULA PARADOX As attempts to invalidate the message with the WF continue to fail, the host becomes more vulnerable to developing addictions, mental illness, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc., as well as, more prone to self-sabotage. And when it doesn t work 41

42 Learned Instinct Sequence Toxic Shame s damage on Self-Perception Arrow Toxic-Shame-Message? Winning-Formula-Paradox Learned Instinct the Toxic Shame Message becomes Me - My definition, identity, who I am, DNA - It perpetuates itself though self-sabotage - It s not just a lie that I believe, IT IS ME! 42

43 We all will be in a position to be therapeutic with a trauma survivor and we therapists / counselors will be in situations of doing therapy, even if we are untrained in doing trauma therapy. 1. Do you own work!! 2. Fair Witness 3. Competent Triage and Referral to trauma-trained specialists 4. Don t use Left Brain Solutions for Right Brain Problems 5. Properly sequence forgiveness, don t equate forgiveness with reconciliation, don t support the perpetrator in ways that blame the victim, let purpose out of the suffering emerge naturally** 6. CTT with Judy Crane (Spirit2Spirit), Van der Kolk, Marilyn Murray (Trauma Egg), etc. 7. Right brain, emotional, visceral, cellular therapy work ** EMDR, Canine / Equine Therapy, Yoga, 43 Somatic Experiencing, Neurofeedback

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45 Recovery from Shame 3 Foundational Processes Empathy Others (e.g., Tangney et al., 2007) Self (Love your neighbor as yourself) Excision Self from Behavior Aspects of Self Exposure ( Where are you? ) Mindfulness (attending to and accepting the present) (Take every thought captive) Use these processes to address Smallness, Worthlessness, & Hiding 45

46 The Example of Jesus Recovery from Shame Heb 12:1-3 1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 46

47 Recovery from Shame The Example of Jesus Ro 8:1-6 1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace 47

48 2004 David E. Jenkins, Psy.D. So Fa GOD Sp JESUS CHRIST MALE ##### Serve ####### Protect ##### Guide ##### Guard ########## Uniqueness ####### Oneness ######## Openness FEMALE ####### Satisfy #### Help ####### Support ####### Sustain 48

49 Recovery from Shame The Example of Jesus Ro 8:1-6 1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace 49

50 Recovery from Shame The Gospel Interestingly, key researchers link shame to submission and to appeasement, referring to it as proto-shame because we are considered to have evolved beyond the need for it. But the self truly is marred and distorted. It is, in fact, dead. What is the value of the self? What price was paid? In Jesus Christ, we have the certain hope of the transformation of the self. 50

51 Recovery from Shame Christ in You, the Hope of Glory He 1:3; Co 2:9-10; 2 Co 3:18; Rm 8:29; Ep 1:4 The Son is the radiance of God s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. 51

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53 There are wonderful opportunities in facing Shame & Addiction!! A vast mission field! Suffering to Joy Genesis 50:20 [evil s] intent was to harm me but God used it for good. 53

54 Questions 54

55 References Gutierrez, D., & Hagedorn, W.B. (2013). The toxicity of shame: Applications for acceptance and commitment therapy. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 35, Tangney, J.P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D.J. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, Other Sources Candea, D., & Szentagotai, A. (2013). Shame and psychopathology: From research to clinical practice. Journal of Cognitive and Behavioral Psychotherapies, 13, Harmon, R., & Lee, D. (2010). The role of shame and self-critical thinking in the development and maintenance of current threat in post-traumatic stress disorder. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 17, Parker, S., & Thomas, R. (2009). Psychological differences in shame vs. guilt: Implications for mental health counselors. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 31, Tangney, J.P. (2001). Constructive and destructive aspects of shame and guilt. In A.C. Bohart & Stipek, D.J. (Eds.) Constructive & destructive behavior: Implications for family, school, & society (pp ). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. 55