WE ALL BELONG: 4 Paths to Belonging
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1 WE ALL BELONG: 4 Paths to Belonging Bruce Anderson CommunityActivators What is the purpose of an opening session at a conference?
2 Diversionary Humor: Break-time from the work and stress!. Mind-Numbing Details on New Models: Do this and things will be a lot better. Stories of Success: If this doesn t get you goin, nothing will! Expert Panels: We re all engaged, how about you? Resiliency: The maintenance of high levels of positive feelings in the face of significant adversity.
3 Deck is stacked against helping professionals: Contagion Not-belonging employee base Systemic barriers 6:1 Gonna get worse Trauma Informed Care Unaddressed vicarious traumatization manifests in cynicism and despair in the larger systems in which we were once active as change agents, and which we may now leave, or withdraw from emotionally, in a state of disillusionment and resignation. Karen W. Saakvitne Laurie Anne Pearlman
4 6 The Flashlight Rule When you are helping another person, the focus is on them and your resilience is DRAINING whether the interaction is positive or negative. When you make meaning out of that event for yourself, the focus is on you and your resilience INCREASES. Meaning-making consists of any thinking about the event or interaction that results in you believing you have an increased understanding of the event. Examples of increased understanding might include: I think I know why I reacted so strongly to Mark s statement. Transforming Vicarious Traumatization: 1. Create meaning 3. Infuse a current activity with meaning 5. Challenge your negative beliefs and assumptions 7. Participate in community-building activities
5 Psyche Presence Inner Being Essence Heart Spirit Soul Great Beyond Energy Genius Consciousness Core Spark Life Force Great Mystery s God Allah Jehovah The Divine Goddess Higher Power Guardian Spirit Belonging is the initial and on-going interactions with people and environment that result in a feeling of acceptance and a willingness to engage.
6 Sampling the Research on Not-Belonging: Same health risk as alcohol and smoking Higher health risk than obesity Increases risk of heart disease Can cause over-active inflammatory response Linked to eating disorders. Also, higher BMI is linked to higher likelihood of victimization Linked to increase in suicidal ideation Increases Alzheimer risk 2X Significantly increases 'stress hormone' cortisol Increases activation of latent viruses Accelerated cognitive decline in older adults I Belong to Others I Belong to Spirit I Belong to Myself I Belong to Nature
7 I Belong to Myself Being alone is not the same as not-belonging. When have you been alone and it was good?
8 because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of selfacceptance. Brené Brown Gratitude Activity Think of three specific things that you REALLY, TRULY love about yourself.
9 Loving yourself is a root of belonging. Gifts help shape a self-identify to love. Why? 17 18
10 GIFTS DETERMINE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN: What I CAN DO What I can do AND AM LIKELY TO STICK WITH. What is a Gift? 19 Skill: Something you CAN do It DRAINS your energy Not connected to purpose of your life. Gift: Something you LOVE to do It INCREASES your energy when you do it Connected to the purpose of your life. 20
11 It takes Strengths + Life Purpose Study after study has found a person s sense of life purpose or core gift to be closely connected to virtually all dimensions of well-being. What is a Life Purpose or Core Gift? A life purpose is a deeper reason for the immediate goals and motives that drive most daily behavior. a purpose can organize an entire life, imparting not only meaning but also inspiration and motivation for ongoing learning and achievement. William Damon, The Path To Purpose 21 Living the good life requires: 1. Know your uniqueness 2. Do things that satisfy you 3. Living to your potential 4. Connected to deeper purpose Michael Kendrick 22
12 Why Gifts Get You To The Good Life DISCOVER YOUR UNIQUENESS Gifts: Are unique. No two gifts exactly alike. Skills: Not unique. Many can do in the same way. SATISFYING TO GIVE Gifts: Satisfy and create energy when given. Skills: No intrinsic satisfaction. Always drain energy. LIVING TO YOUR POTENTIAL Gifts: Are your potential. Skills: Things you do to enable your potential. CONNECTED TO DEEPER PURPOSE Gifts: Connected to deeper purpose, there is meaning underneath the activity that is connected to your story. Skills: Behaviors and abilities you use to accomplish task. 23 It helps me to know that my uniqueness is OK and I don t have to try and be like everybody else. Person with Disability I wanted the person to know she is valuable, because she has said she feels worthless. Teacher I ve always believed people had gifts, and this helps me to really know what s going on with the person. Employment Counselor Knowing my gift means I can be who I really am. 24 Young Person
13 How do you currently identify gifts of employees? How do you currently identify gifts of people you support? What are Two of Your Gifts? Skill: Something you CAN do It DRAINS your energy Not connected to purpose of your life. Gift: Something you LOVE to do It INCREASES your energy when you do it Connected to the purpose of your life. 26
14 COMMON MISUNDERSTANDING: Gifts are not always positive contributions! Gifts are NEUTRAL abilities in a person. They can be used to help or hurt, depending on the intention of the giver. 27 I Belong to Others
15 I believe that the community in the fullest sense: a place and all its creatures is the smallest unit of health, and to speak of the health of an isolated individual is a contradiction in terms. Wendell Berry
16 hot water is so over-rated sooooooo boring so awkward in a swimming suit Dude, I m cool is she looking at me now?
17 Fear of not-belonging: Which is your favorite? I m invisible! Get-a-buddy-quick! I m not shy, look at me! Psyche Presence Inner Being Essence Tell Heart a story about Spirit a time Soul when you wanted to belong, but Great didn t Beyond feel included. Energy Genius Consciousness Core Spark Life Force It could have been with another Great Mystery s God person, a group, or in a place. Allah Jehovah Please only tell stories you feel safe and ready to tell. The Divine Goddess Higher Power Guardian Spirit
18 Is it possible that your stories of not-belonging can bring out your most powerful gifts? GIFTS OF NOT-BELONGING HURT: I am less than others in some way. HURT INTO GIFTS: Everyone has gifts I have gifts I love myself HURT: Things aren t very hopeful HURT INTO GIFTS: I will make it I can help others make it My weaknesses can make me strong HURT: Not treated fairly HURT INTO GIFTS: Every person deserves compassion Every story matters Everyone deserves fair treatment
19 I Belong to Nature
20 Nature has been for me, for as long as I remember, a source of solace, inspiration,venture, and delight; a home, a teacher, a companion. Lorraine Anderson How Do We Belong to Nature? Our brain says we are part of nature. Our feelings cause us to care about nature. Our actions cause us to protect nature. P.W. Schultz
21 Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity Sunday March 3 13 Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Which Element Are You Most Drawn To? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity Sunday March 3 13
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24 Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Which Element Are You Most Drawn To? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity Sunday March 3 13
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26 Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Which Element Are You Most Drawn To? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity Sunday March 3 13
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28 Which Element Are You Most Drawn To? Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity
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31 Which Element Are You Most Drawn To? Why? Tell a story about one of your first memories of being drawn to this element. Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity Sunday, March 3, 13 What is ONE THING you d really like to do that would get you more involved in some way with one of the nature elements? Which Element Are you Most Drawn to Today What is one question you have for that element? Earth Welcoming, Nature Mother Earth, Love Water Forgiveness, peace, purification Stone Old stories Ancestors wisdom Fire Deep anger, Inspiration Passion, Creativity Sunday, March 3, 13
32 I Belong to Spirit Psyche Presence Inner Being Essence Heart Spirit Soul Great Beyond Energy Genius Consciousness Core Spark Life Force Great Mystery s God Allah Jehovah The Divine Goddess Higher Power Guardian Spirit
33 How did all this begin? Spirituality and Belonging "Spirituality is the way individuals seek and express meaning and purpose and the way they experience their connectedness to the moment, to self, to others, to nature, and to the significant or sacred." Christina Puchalski, MD Director, George Washington Institute for Spirituality and Health
34 Going to church doesn t make you spiritual any more than standing in your garage makes you a car For many, spirituality is connected to large questions about life and identity, such as: Am I a good person? What is the meaning of my suffering? What is my connection to the world around me? Do things happen for a reason? How can I live my life in the best way possible? Center for Spirituality and Healing
35 Spiritual Practices Prayer Meditation Gratitude Activities Yoga Go to Church Devotional Reading Being in Nature Fasting Journaling Forgiveness Work Silence Singing/Chanting Breathing Peacemaking?How does your spirituality help you belong to: YOURSELF OTHERS NATURE
36 What is One Way You d Like To Increase Your Spiritual Life? Prayer Meditation Gratitude Activities Yoga Go to Church Devotional Reading Being in Nature Fasting Journaling Forgiveness Work Silence Singing/Chanting Breathing Peacemaking FOUR PATHS TO BELONGING BELONGING TO MYSELF: I will BELONGING TO OTHERS: I will BELONGING TO NATURE: I will BELONGING TO SPIRIT: I will
37 We come into this world as beggars. Each of us looking for that nod, that touch, that look in our direction telling us we belong and are loved. We never stop looking. But the truth is this: each of us belongs at birth, we will belong at our death, and we belong each day in between. But only if we rise each day and agree to live fully into belonging to each other, to the natural world around us, to ourself, and to spirit, however we define that mystery each of us can only know through faith. We Belong. To decide otherwise is to walk backwards towards death, afraid and half-hearted, denying the seeds of our unique belonging that came with us into this world. We belong to ourselves. We belong to each other. We belong to the natural world. We belong to spirit. We belong. 4 Paths to Belonging Bruce Anderson Core Gift Institute banderson@coregift.org CommunityActivators banderson@communityactivators.com facebook.com/communityactivators
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