A Godly Man Pastor Koby Orr

Transcription

1 Series: Titus January 10, 2016 A Godly Man Pastor Koby Orr Good morning, everyone. It is always a privilege to be able to bring God's Word. I want you to open your Bibles up to Titus, chapter 1. I really am excited to bring God's Word to you this morning because today's passage is specifically aimed at men. Today's passage is a call to godliness. It's a call to living above reproach. What we're about to see Paul unpack for us are the requirements for what we would call church leadership, or elders, here. I would propose to you that what we're actually looking at here is God's expectations that he places on every godly man. The reason I think this is so timely for us today is because there has been a shift in our society in which we have lowered the expectations we place on Christian men. Many men wear the label of Christian simply because at one point in time in their lives, they prayed a prayer of faith or they go to church a couple of times a month or they read their Bibles and they pray occasionally. Maybe they show up to that men's breakfast, but aside from those things, their lives don't look much different than the lives of their unbelieving friends, neighbors, and coworkers. Their lives reflect more self-worship than God-worship. By contrast, the men who demonstrate the qualities Paul is about to outline for us have been labeled as something special. Men who show a propensity for godliness and for the Word of God are told, "You should go to the pastorate. You should go to seminary. You should do something different." The reason for this is simple. "If I, as a nominal Christian, can convince myself that this guy over here has a propensity for godliness, that he is called to something different, then I don't have to change. I can go on living the way I've been living because that's a call placed on his life, not on my life. God is fine with me. That is a super-christian. Those are the passions of a super- Christian. I'm just Koby. That's not for me." My hope for us this morning is that we come to grips with the fact that there are no super- Christians. There is no higher calling. There are simply those who are obedient Christian men Canyon Hills Community Church 1

2 and disobedient Christian men. With that said, I'm going to ask you to stand out of respect for God's Word. We're going to read together Titus, chapter 1, beginning in verse 5. Paul writes, "This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it." Let's pray. Father, we thank you for this time. Lord, we thank you for your Word. Lord, I just pray that as we begin our time here today, you would soften and prepare our hearts for what you have to teach us. God, I pray for the men in this room, that you would soften our hearts. Lord, that we would be open to the areas in which you need to correct us, and that we would be committed to changing, making changes in our lives so we can live lives that honor you. We love you. We give you the rest of this time. In Christ's name, amen. Two things to address before we jump in. First, I recognize that at least half of you in this room are not men, so the temptation for you is going to be to check out. I'm going to beg you not to do that. Here's the reason why. While this passage is geared and directed toward men, these are all qualities that God would desire to see in your life as well. Not to mention you're going to spend a lot of time in your life around men, and it is your job to be the tool that sharpens us and helps us become the men we are supposed to be. You have to know the standard to which we have been called so you can hold us accountable to that standard. The other thing we need to get out of the way right off the top is Men, we have to know this is not a list that we are expected to keep perfectly. The goal here is not perfection, because we will never attain perfection this side of glory. The goal here is a life of growth and maturity. So guys, I want your eyes on me for this one. This is imperative for our understanding of the rest of this time today. The godly man is not the man who does everything we've just read perfectly. The godly man is the one who sets his eyes on godliness, pursues it with all of his heart, and when he fails and falls, he asks for forgiveness, he gets back up, and he keeps on in the pursuit. I want to admit to you right off the bat that this was a really hard passage to study for and prepare for because the more I dug into it, the more I realized how desperately short I fall. I want us all just to appreciate for a moment that when Steve assigned me this passage, I had newborn twins in my home. Those are the chuckles of parents, because we know nothing brings out the Canyon Hills Community Church 2

3 deficiencies in a man quite like children who don't sleep through the night. So I preach this as one who is in desperate need of grace, not one who has reached any sort of arrival. To live this godly life, it's summed up where Paul begins this passage. He begins this list with living above reproach. Everything that follows on this list is how living above reproach practically plays out. To live above reproach simply means we live in such a way that there is no sinful defect in our lives that can call into question our character or our faith. We are to live above accusation. We are to live above even suspicion. If we were to sum this whole passage up in one sentence, this would be it: The godly man lives above reproach in his family life, in his personal life, and in his spiritual life. With that, let's get into this. 1. The godly man is above reproach in his family life. Verse 6: " if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination." This is where it all begins, men. It begins in our homes. Paul begins by outlining for us what the expectation is for the godly man as it pertains to his primary ministry, which is his wife and his children. We'll take these one at a time. A. The godly man is faithful to his wife. Write that one down. Paul writes that to live above reproach is to be the husband of one wife. The best rendering of this phrase would be to say he is a one-woman man. See, what is being addressed here is an issue of faithfulness within marriage. The question quickly becomes, "What does it mean to be faithful to my wife?" By the world's standard, living faithfully to my wife means simply not having a physical affair with someone who is not my wife. Things like pornography, lustful thoughts, and flirtatious relationships are fine as long as they never physically manifest. Men's Health magazine actually put out two articles in this last year making a case for why pornography, masturbation, and entertaining thoughts of adultery are actually healthy for your marriage because they stimulate your marriage as long as they never physically show up. That is what the world sees as being faithful to one's wife. Men, we have been called to something so much higher than that. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus says, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Men, I want us to understand this loud and clear. What we call lust, God calls adultery. If you look at pornography, you are being unfaithful to your wife. That is cheating on your wife. We cannot fall into the trap of minimizing our sin. We have to see our sin as God sees it. To be faithful to my wife means to be faithful, not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. This means I am completely and totally committed to her. I value her. I esteem her. I prioritize her. Canyon Hills Community Church 3

4 Ephesians 5 paints this beautiful picture of how marriage is to be the reflection of Christ and his church. What that means for us as men is we are to love our wives with the same passion, that same relentless faithfulness that Christ shows for us. That is what it means to be a faithful husband. That's where it begins, in his family life. The godly man is faithful to his wife. B. The godly man raises faithful and trustworthy children. Verse 6: If anyone is above reproach, he must have children who " are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination." In just reading this, it would seem as if the requirement placed on the godly man is that his children have an active and loving relationship with Jesus. The problem with that understanding is that places the child's salvation in my hands. Men, we should be so grateful that the eternal souls of our children do not rest in our hands. At this point, I can't be trusted to remember all my children's names, let alone be trusted with their eternal souls. So if it doesn't mean that, the question becomes, "What does it mean?" Well, the word here translated as believer literally means to be faithful or trustworthy. To offer clarity on this passage, let's look at a very similar passage written by Paul to Timothy. It's the exact same context, outlining the qualifications for an elder in the church. In 1 Timothy, chapter 3, beginning in verse 4, it says, "He [the elder] must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" See, we have not been charged with saving our children. We've been charged with shepherding our children. Paul says our children should not be accused of debauchery, which carries this idea of wild living, drunken partying, and excess. They're not to be charged with insubordination either, which is just simply refusal to submit to authority. We cannot ultimately control the state of our children's hearts. We can, however, lead in such as way that shepherds them toward the Lord and teaches them how to live a godly life. We can't force them to love Jesus, but we can teach them to live honestly and respectfully, to be trustworthy, faithful, gracious, and loving. We do all of this by example. Men, for us, this means we have to begin to own what happens in our homes. We are responsible for what happens within the four walls of our homes. This last year, I went to a homeschool conference, which (you're going to have to take my word for it) is much cooler than it sounded or looked. Honestly, pulling into one of those places is like pulling into a used car lot with 18-passenger vans and denim jumpsuits in some sort of weird combination. Yet I was homeschooled and we homeschool our children, so relax, but it's time to break the mold. We can do this. I went to this conference and the keynote speaker's name was Voddie Baucham. He said something that will forever be seared in the back of my mind. Guys, I want you to hear this. I want you to look at me when I tell you this. This is so important. He said the culture of our homes is determined by what we as men tolerate. Let that sink in for a moment. Canyon Hills Community Church 4

5 This means, men, if we have disobedient children, it's because we have allowed them to become disobedient children. If we have disrespectful children, if they speak to us or our wives poorly, it's because we have shown them by our leadership that it is okay to speak disrespectfully to us and to our wives. If we have angry or violent children, it's because we have allowed them to behave that way. We have to own what is in our homes. When we apathetically ignore or fail to correct bad behavior, our silence is our affirmation. Our children's behavior is on us. A few years ago, back when I only had one child Her name is Dallas and you've heard a lot about her over the years. We went to our friends Jeff and Kelly Dunlap's for dinner. Jeff is an elder here at the church. Kelly is on staff here at the church. A very godly couple, people we love and respect very much. We have dinner at their house. Dinner is done, we're sitting in the living room, and we're just talking, and my daughter walks into the middle of the living room. She was probably 2 or 3. She drops her pants and moons Jeff and Kelly. This wasn't just a make-it-up-as-you-go "I drop my pants." She pulled her pants down, and she was shaking her bum at Jeff and Kelly. This was very intentional. She knew exactly what she was doing. I look over to my right, and my wife has this horrified look on her face. I don't know why, because she obviously learned it from her mother. She's in the second service, not in the first service. She looks, with this horrified expression on her face, and the first words out of her mouth were, "This one's on you. This is your fault." You know what? She was absolutely right. I'm not saying I ever sat down and went through the finer points of how to effectively moon someone, but I did laugh at some things I probably shouldn't have laughed at. What happened in what I thought was the safety of the four walls of our home had now burst forth into the elders of our church's home. So while this may be a dumb example, the principle holds true. What our children do is a reflection on us. Now this obviously only applies while our kids are living at home. There comes a time in our kids' lives when they start to make their own decisions. They can choose to live an ungodly life. They can choose to live a rebellious life, but that time is not while they are under our roofs. Our homes are to be marked by the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We as men are responsible for setting the expectation and the conditions for living under our roofs. When we discipline our children, we are telling them, "I love you too much to let you grow up as a child who lives this ungodly life, who leads this life that disrespects you and disrespects God." We discipline our children because we love them and because we want them to be happy. You all know a family that has miserable kids to be around. Right? Undisciplined kids. Spoiled kids. They're not happy kids. They're miserable kids. The happiest children are the ones who have been shown how to live in a godly way. That's an overview of the first section. As godly men, we're to live above reproach in our family life. Canyon Hills Community Church 5

6 2. The godly man is above reproach in his personal life. Verses 7-8: "For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered " This would be someone who is totally self-consumed or habitually angry. He must not be " a drunkard " This is someone who subjects themselves to anything that alters his state of mind. It could be alcohol. It could be drugs. The idea here is we are to be clear-minded. He must not be " violent " The word violent here literally means to strike, so this is anyone who is physically or verbally abusive in any way. He must not be " greedy for gain " meaning he must not be consumed by money or material possessions. His security must not be found in wealth. He must be " hospitable " meaning he receives outsiders. He receives those he doesn't know with love and with generosity. He is to be " a lover of good " which literally means a lover of good things and good people. He must be " self-controlled " meaning he's in control of his mind. He must be " upright " which means he must be righteous and he must be fair. He must be " holy, and disciplined." There is so much in this chunk of Scripture; there's no way we're going to do it any sort of justice. I'm going to do my best to pare it down to its simplest form. I believe verses 7 and 8 can essentially be summarized into two characteristics that manifest themselves in a godly man's life. A. The godly man is humble. The opposite of humility is pride, and pride is the root of every single sin. Pride is the belief that this world exists to serve me, that it's about me, that my desires, my needs, and my loves come first. If anything goes outside of the way I expect, then I will respond in sin because deep down, I believe I deserve something better than what I am getting. Pride is the root of arrogance, anger, drunkenness, violence, and greed, all of the negative characteristics we see on this list. By contrast, the humble man loves people. He loves good things. He treats everyone fairly. The greatest example of humility is that of Christ. His life is the life that we are meant to emulate. Paul wrote, in Philippians, chapter 2, beginning in verse 3, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." That is what is supposed to mark our lives. That is what our lives are supposed to look like. It's sacrifice, and it's service to the people whom we love. I think it's safe to say most of us would probably not label ourselves as prideful people. That's what's so tough about pride. We all know prideful people. We can point to people whom we know are prideful, but when it comes to Canyon Hills Community Church 6

7 evaluating ourselves, we have a really hard time finding it. I'll just be honest with you. Of all the things on this list, this is my struggle. This is the one with which I am continually wrestling, and so I thought it might be helpful, I would just show you a couple of areas in which pride shows up in my life, and maybe you can identify. The first place it shows up most consistently is what I call "me" time. I get home from a long day at work and I think I deserve to have some time to do what I want to do. Maybe it's watch the game, read a book, ride the bike whatever my hobby might be. Yet then I'm met at the door with my taskmaster wife who, after a very simple day of simply managing four children and 2,500 square feet of war zone for eight hours, feels like she can ask me to do something completely unreasonable like, "Hey, would you help with dinner," or, "Would you take this screaming infant?" Inside, I get angry. Inside, I get frustrated, because I feel like I deserve something I'm not getting. It may never manifest itself on the outside, but I know it's there on the inside. That's pride. That is not the life to which God has called me. The life to which God has called me is one of service and sacrifice. The other area in which it shows up regularly is the expectations I place on other people. How many parents do we have in the room? Would you just raise your hand? We have a lot of parents. In a moment of complete honesty and transparency, have you ever gotten to the end of the day and thought, "Did I say anything to my children that was not angry today?" Yeah, that's pride. That is me placing expectations on my children that they should act like 30-year-olds when in fact they are 5-year-olds. For those of you who don't know, I'm a Harley guy. I ride a bike. I love it. I probably spend way too much time on it. A couple of months ago, I was washing it for the last time, getting ready to put it away for the winter. My son normally comes out and helps me. He's 3. I have nightmares about my children taking hammers to my motorcycle and stuff like that. It's really pretty twisted. He came out to help me. I normally just give him a bottle full of water and he just sprays the bike and he thinks he's helping. Everyone is participating; it's good. Well, this particular day, he was spraying down the bike. I had the wire scrub brush and was scrubbing the wheels, really trying to get everything clean. I turned around to do something else and I heard him over my shoulder go, "Daddy, I can do it." I didn't think anything of it until I heard this horrible scraping sound. As I turn around, Declan has the wire brush and he's standing over the front fender and he's just scraping it right on top. I mean, there are hundreds of little scratches being put in this thing. By the grace of God, I didn't get angry, but you know what? The temptation was right there. That temptation was rooted in the expectation that he should know better. Yet he doesn't know better. He's 3. He thought he was helping. Canyon Hills Community Church 7

8 The saddest part of the whole story is I said to him (and, to the Lord's credit, was gracious), "Hey buddy, you know what? Thanks for helping me. I'm going to use the wire brush. You just use your bottle." He was so heartbroken that I took the brush away from him that he spent the next six minutes lying facedown in the grass. He just lay there. He wouldn't even get up. We cannot put unrealistic expectations on the people who are around us, especially our children. Now there are times when our children act in ways that are intentionally rebellious, but the reality is even in the face of those experiences, my job is to shepherd and teach my children. Their disobedience, their rebellion, should be seen as opportunity to teach them and mature them, not as inconveniences or opportunities for anger in my day. That's where it begins. The godly man is humble in his personal life. B. The godly man is disciplined in his pursuit of holiness. Write this down. When I say disciplined, I'm really encompassing the words Paul uses for both self-controlled and disciplined, because the word self-controlled there has internal connotations. It has to do with what we think, whereas the word disciplined there has external connotations. It's what we do. The two commands are inseparably linked together. The person who is disciplined on the outside is inevitably disciplined on the inside as well, and the person who is truly disciplined on the inside will inevitably be disciplined on the outside. Paul's charge to us here requires that we know who we are and what we have been called to do, that we set our sights on the character of God and that we pursue it relentlessly. Our aim should be to reflect God's character at all times and to obey his commands. This is living righteously in our thoughts, in our actions, sexually, emotionally, and physically. This is loving what God loves and hating and running from what God hates. This is living with our singular focus on the glory of God and it's refusing to become distracted by the things of this world. The godly man lives above reproach in his family life and his personal life. 3. The godly man is above reproach in his spiritual life. Verse 9: "He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it." Here's what we glean from this passage as it pertains to the godly man's spiritual life. A. The godly man is grounded in Scripture. The godly man must cling and adhere wholeheartedly to God's Word because it is the faithful, trustworthy, and sure Word of God that gives us all we need for life and godliness. Men, this is something we have to get better at. It is uncommon for me to meet a man who will look me in the eyes and honestly tell me he reads and studies his Bible daily. We find lots of time to watch TV, to read our books, to shoot our guns, and to do whatever other hobby we might have, yet we can't seem to find the time for the life-giving, eternity-altering, convicting, and encouraging Word of God. Do you know what that practically says to our God? Canyon Hills Community Church 8

9 That says, "God, look. I understand you saved me. I understand you sent your Son to die a humiliating death on my behalf. I understand you have spared me from an eternity in hell, but right now, I have other things to do. I do not have time for you today, but I do have time to hit the snooze button. I do have time to catch up on the three shows I watch." Men, that should embarrass us. The Word of God is God's way of communicating. He wants to communicate with us daily. He wants to influence our lives. He wants to show us how we live, and this is how he does it. This is half of the communication. We pray to God. That's us speaking to him. We read the Word. That's him speaking to us. Men, how many of our marriages would be intact if we allowed our wives to speak as often as we allowed God to speak? The Bible is not some dusty old book. It is the living, breathing Word of God. God wants to speak to us daily. He wants to influence our lives daily. He does that through the Bible, and so Paul gives us now two reasons why we must ground ourselves in Scripture. First, we have to be able to give instruction. We are to be grounded in Scripture because we must be able to give instruction. We must hold firm to the Word of God so we can encourage and guide those whom the Lord has placed around us. The people under our influence observe us. By observing us, they can tell who we think God is and what we think we need to do in relationship to him. It's our practical theology. In the midst of all the sin and dysfunction of this world, what people need most are not our flawed opinions. They need the flawless Word of God. We are not meant to be the source of truth. That is not a weight we are to carry. That's what the Bible is for. It's to be our source of wisdom when we are ignorant. Our source of hope when we are hopeless. It's our source of truth when the world and our emotions flood us with lies. If we are to guide and shepherd our wives, children, friends, Life Groups...whoever it might be we must be rooted in real truth, not simply opinion, so we're to ground ourselves in Scripture so we can instruct. Secondly, we must be able to refute false teaching. We are to ground ourselves in Scripture because we are called to be the spiritual guardians of our homes. It is our job to guide, protect, and equip our families. It is not the job of the church to guide and equip our families. The church is simply a resource that is available to us as men in that quest. The most important thing about us is what we think about God. The same is true about our wives, our kids, and everyone else under our influence. We need to be the ones helping them get a clear and accurate picture of who God is and we need to know Scripture well enough to combat the potential lies that are being fed to them by our world. Our wives and kids need us to be this godly man, grounded in Scripture. They need us to lead because if we don't, someone else will. If we as men willingly lay down our mantle of responsibility, somebody else will pick it up. The problem is God did not trust our children to the state. He did not trust them to the schools. He did not trust them to pastors or to Sunday school Canyon Hills Community Church 9

10 teachers. He trusted them to us. That is where it begins. The natural question that should follow for us as men is, "How do we ground ourselves in Scripture? How do we do this?" The first way is to read the Bible daily. It all begins there. We make time for the things that are important to us. We make time for the things that are important to us whether we feel like doing them or not. A couple of examples of that I get up and go to work every day. I work for a church. Most days, I love doing what I'm doing, but there are some days I do not feel like going to work. Yet I still go because I know if I don't, my family would be homeless. I do it because it's important. Never in my life have I felt like putting Christmas lights on the house. I think it's a total waste of money and time and I hate being on the roof, but you know what? This year, my 5-year-old daughter asked me to and I thought, "She's 5; it's probably too early to be crushing Christmas dreams," so I got up on the roof and I hung Christmas lights, not because I wanted to, but because I knew it was important. Men, we have to approach our time with God with that same discipline. Whether we feel like it or not, we discipline ourselves to do it. I promise you the desire will follow, but it begins with the discipline, believing God will follow that with the desire. You will not regret this. The next way we ground ourselves in Scripture is to memorize Scripture. We memorize it. This doesn't have to be anything crazy. It's picking one verse a week. One verse. Psalm 1:1 says, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night." We cannot meditate on that which we do not know. You don't have to pick weird Scriptures from like Numbers and Leviticus. Pick something that actually applies to you. There's a lot that goes into that. There's a lot in there. You might say, "I'm not good at memorization." Neither am I, but you know what? I can rattle off most of the 53-man roster of the Seattle Seahawks, and that is useless information, but I do it because I care. I do it because I'm reading about it. It's a part of my life. Scripture should be the same way. It should be so ingrained in who we are that we naturally start to come by these habits. The godly man is above reproach in his family life, in his personal life, and in his spiritual life. So what do we do with this? Here's what I want you to do today. These are the action steps. "How do I make this apply to my life as I leave this place?" Two things. 1. Set a goal for reading and for memorizing. Make it manageable. You don't have to sit there and go, "You know what? I'm going to start reading three hours a day. I'm going to start praying four hours a day. I'll sleep when I'm dead." That's not manageable, but you have to start somewhere. Maybe it's, "I'm going to read one chapter of the Bible a day." Maybe it's, "I'm going to memorize one small piece of Scripture a week," but start somewhere. Canyon Hills Community Church 10

11 2. Ask for help in identifying character traits in which you could improve. When you go home today, pull out Titus, chapter 1, verses 5-9, and write out every characteristic you see listed on that passage. I want you to take that and stick it to your bathroom mirror, and then I want you to ask your wife, your spouse, or whoever's closest to you to tell you which of those things you need to work on most. It takes humility to do that. Wives, if you're sitting here, please don't highlight the whole list. Manageable goals. Pick one or two. Let us start small, okay? In conclusion, I'll just say living the godly life is not rocket science. It's not complicated, but it is really hard. It takes resolution and discipline to be this man. If discipline were easy, everyone would do it and it would be called fun. Unfortunately, that's not the case. We each have a decision to make right here, right now. Will we ignore these expectations, revealing a disdain for God and devaluation of his grace, or will we hear these words, adopt these words, and strive for holiness? May God grant us the courage to rise up and be the godly men he has called us to be. As we close, I'm just going to ask all the men to stand to your feet. I want to pray for you as we leave. Heavenly Father, you know each and every man who is standing here. Father, you know our strengths. You know our weaknesses. God, I pray that you would convict us. I pray, Lord, that you would sear these words on our minds in such a way that we can't ignore them and that you would give us the courage, strength, and passion to step out and step up and become the men you have called us to be. God, it's not something we can do on our own, but you have promised to walk every step along the way with us. God, may we lean into you as we grow ourselves and as we lead our families and the people you have placed under our influence. God, may we be a group of men and a church marked by godliness. We ask these things in your Son's name, amen. If you're here this morning and you do not yet have a relationship with Jesus, there are people down here who would love the opportunity to pray with you. Or if you just need prayer today, they will also be ready to be down here and pray with you. Have a blessed rest of your week. Canyon Hills Community Church 11