Subud Survival Guide. Written & compiled by Harry Armytage. Final Draft Saturday, May 01, :05 PM

Transcription

1 Subud Survival Guide Written & compiled by Harry Armytage Final Draft Saturday, May 01, :05 PM

2 First published July, 1997 Vale Publishing 17 Abernethy Street, Weetangera, ACT, Australia Copyright: Harry Armytage 1997 This publication is copyright. Except as permitted by the Copyright Act no part of it may in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or any other means be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or be broadcast or transmitted without the prior permission of the publisher. National Library of Australia Cataloguing in Publication Armytage, Harry. Subud survival guide. Bibliography. Includes index. ISBN Subud. 2. Subud - Handbooks, manuals. Etc. I. Title Printed in Australia by

3 Subud Survival Guide Written & compiled by Harry Armytage especially for the young but also for those new to Subud & young in the latihan Dedicated with love to you all & remember, this is only the first edition!

4 Acknowledgments: The International Subud Committee has given permission to use excerpts from the talks of Bapak Subuh Sumohadiwidjojo, and to include three complete talks ISC holds the copyright. Siti Rahayu Wiryohudoyo has given permission to include her talk and to use excerpts from her talks. Subud Publications International have given approval to quote from their publications and catalogue. Ilaine Lennard, editor of Subud Voice, has given permission to quote from this publication.. Gaye Thavisin, editor of the Reporter has given permission to quote from the Reporter/Australian Reporter/Zonal Reporter. Irmani Johnson, editor of VAS-y has given permission to quote from this publication. The following authors have given permission to quote from or reproduce illustrations from their works: Dirk Campbell and Marcus Bolt: Bletchley Handbook and A laugh within a Laugh. Dominic Rieu: A Life within a Life. Hamid Kennedy: Subud Youth Internet site. Harlinah Longcroft: History of Subud. Harris Smart: Sixteen Steps. Salamah Pope: Antidote. And thanks to Sailan Fagan, Office Manager, for permission to use the Subud Australia National Office as a postbox. my dewan for their support and encouragement. the youth of Subud Australia. all those around the Subud world who have helped with this book you are too to many to mention but you know who you are. my fantastic team of illustrators; Dirk Campbell, Hassana Cornelius, Latifah Cornelius, Felix Hude, Hamidatun Johnson, Francis Browne, Liliana MacDonald and Norachai Thavisin. Val Parr for her patience and support. and last but not least to my family, for their support and patience.

5 Foreword by Dahlan Simpson Once in a while, something marvellous happens and your second reaction, after the gee-whiz part, is to wonder why it has taken so long for something like this to be written. Well, who knows except that maybe it s because you ve asked for it. As a National helper these last four years, I have been amazed and delighted by the range, clarity and sincerity of the questions and concerns expressed on our visits to Subud groups and at our National Congresses. Some of us felt it was time to respond with a book which would share many of the issues of concern and interest to those who are new, young and interested in Subud. But hey Harry, this is bigger than a dictionary!! This is the result. Dip into it anytime. You don t have to read it from cover to cover (but I dare you to try!). Practically everything you could want to know about Subud and the latihan is explored, in a clearly referenced and user friendly way. And there, right at the end, is a special discovery: Bapak s wonderful talk to the youth which he gave in an enormous tent, at the 1983 World Congress in England, when he was 82 years old. Well, Harry warns you all, in the following pages and in no uncertain terms, about those who preach, so I m going to stop right here and now, just in case. But not before saying: Thanks so much, Harry! And all of you who have shared and made this invaluable book possible. With love, Dahlan Simpson Sydney, April 1997

6 This is not a rule book follow your own latihan.

7 Forward by Dahlan Simpson Introduction Background How to use the Survival Guide About Subud Contents The Survival Guide an alphabetical listing 1 Three Talks by Bapak 156 The basis and aim of Subud a brief talk by Bapak 157 What is from God is one an explanation of the latihan by Bapak, 1/1/ The story of man s life in this wold talk to youth by Bapak, Anugraha, 14/8/ A talk by Ibu Rahayu 168 Talk to teenagers by Ibu Rahayu, Amanecer, 23/7/ Books written by Bapak 172 Books written by Subud Members 173 and internet addressses 177 Glossary of Subud terms and jargon 179 Your suggestions for the next edition 182 Index 184 Sources 188 Bibliography 188 End notes 19 ix ix xii v x

8 Introduction Background How it started I was brought up in a Subud family and we had a procession of visitors who seemed to talk mostly about their latihan experiences. Often, the house seemed full of latihan and testing. I was opened when I was eighteen, directly as a result of failing my driving test twice. I failed to see the very same stop sign on two consecutive tests. This was a symbolic event time to stop and change direction. It was an event not even I could ignore. A seed was planted in me when working on a brochure called Subud in the World with Harris Smart in the early 1980 s. I became aware of the need for a simple guidebook for Subud. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get the name of the Helpers Guide changed to A-Z of Subud. Fifteen years later, now as a National helper, I again became aware of the need for a guide book. I was reminded at the meetings with young people at National Congresses and on visits around Australia between 1993 and At these sessions, we all sat in a circle, the youth talked, while I and the other National helpers listened. We were inundated by an avalanche of issues and questions about the mysteries of Subud. I was deeply touched by the clarity and the sincerity with which the young spoke. The night before the largest of these meetings, at the 1996 Australian Congress, in a quiet moment, I realised that I could write such a Guide. And the next day, when I shared this, the youth told me that I should write it. A single book to meet the basic information needs of those young people already in Subud and those on the fringes tentatively looking in. This book is the result. I was lucky to live my early Subud years in a world where there was always someone friendly and knowledgeable around to answer my questions or with whom I could do latihan or testing. So I have tried to put together, for you, what I have accumulated over the three decades of my Subud life. A great collaboration This book is a collaborative effort. While I wrote and assembled the component parts, the young people around Australia and elsewhere suggested many of the topics. I received much feedback and support from around the Subud world and from my fellow National helpers, the ISC Media team, the illustrators. I also received a fantastic amount of encouragement from the youth themselves. So this guide represents a collective view of the topics that are relevant to a Subud life in the 1990 s. However, the explanations under each topic are substantially drawn from my own Subud experience as well as the many talks that Bapak gave. Quite honestly, I do not know where some pieces came from they just popped to the surface as I was writing the book. I have quoted sources for the ideas and words that are not mine. I have tried to include Bapak s words for as many topics as possible. Aim of this Survival Guide I have attempted to answer all the questions and explore all the issues that were raised by the young people in their meetings over the last four years with the Australian National helpers.

9 I hope that this guide will enable those of you who are not yet opened to understand enough of the mysteries of Subud, so you can make an informed decision about whether and when to get opened. And I hope the guide will empower those of you who are opened, to stand tall and straight, and really to follow your latihan. Perhaps it will enable you to avoid some of the pitfalls that tripped me up, and which may lie in wait for you along your exciting adventure with the latihan. Who is it for? The guide is for those of you who are young Subud Youth if you like around the world. It is also for those of any age who are young in Subud. Essentially this book is to help those of you between thirteen and thirty through the years before your opening, and into your early years in Subud up until you are ready to be a helper. The guide is also a reminder, for me. It may be of interest to members who have been in longer as it contains many reminders of what is important in a Subud life. After putting all this together, I now understand that I have so much to learn, that I am still in the kejiwaan kindergarten. How to use the Survival Guide Every topic has a heading and is listed alphabetically. You can find out about how often to do the latihan under how often? or about the benefits of reading Subud literature under reading. Some subjects are included under more than one topic heading for instance, you can find Subud names under: changing your name, myths, Subud names, say your name and two names. This is to allow you to navigate any way you like through the book. At the end of many topics is a link referring you to related topics. All words that appear as a topic heading are shown in bold, i.e.: how often? All direct quotes are shown in italics. I have acknowledged the source of any of the ideas in the book that are not mine in the end-notes. This is so that you can, if you wish, look up the complete context of the original talk, article or conversation. A Glossary of Subud terms and jargon is included in the Resource Guide at the back of this book. For each term, there is a short one-line explanation. You may not agree with all that is in the book. If some of the topics lead to a discussion between you and your friends, that is good. If, after that, you feel like grabbing a helper to go off to test the reality of a particular issue for you, that is even better. The beauty of the latihan is that you can use it to check anything in this book for yourself. You do not have to take anything on trust. Not all of the material in this guide will be relevant to you. Pick and choose what you need to ensure your survival as a young member in Subud. You could use this Guide rather like a cookbook to get you started on a topic. But once you are started, it is better if you follow you own inner recipe your latihan. It is my hope that the Guide will encourage you to discover your inner guidance and use your latihan. I hope that you will be stimulated to ask many questions and, if the answers you get are not convincing that you will test with the helpers. By reading the quotes from Bapak s talks I hope you will be encouraged to read or listen to the original talks. I hope you will remember to use your helpers, for they have much to offer you. This guide is NOT a code of conduct This Guide is NOT a book of rules, it is NOT a Subud code of conduct nor is it a set of beliefs. Rather it is a guidebook to allow you easy access to Bapak s words so that you can more easily discover your own spiritual path.

10 Caution the real guide is within you The key to your survival is the latihan YOUR latihan. This is the only reliable way that I know that you can find the path that fits with your inner. All you need to do is follow what you receive from God. So the prime aim of this Survival Guide is to empower you to follow your latihan. It can be very helpful to read and listen to Bapak s talks but... you should never believe what Bapak tells you if you haven t experienced it for yourself; that would be very harmful to you. That is why Bapak says in this training (latihan) that you should be able to receive and experience for yourself. i Also Bapak was a human being, and as such he did make mistakes. So, although Bapak received his talks, not absolutely everything he said in them was correct. I have taken the Bapak s quotations almost entirely from provisional translations. The only final or revised English translations of Bapak's talks currently available are those in Volume 1 of Bapak's Talks. All the other talks are provisional translations which may not have been all that carefully checked for accuracy and veracity and may contain translation errors. However, to wait until they are all retranslated might take a decade, and I think the need for this book is NOW. I have used short extracts from Bapak s talks in order to save space. However this involves a risk of over simplification and loss of context. If you want a more complete understanding of what Bapak meant, you should always read the original talk or letter, which is listed in the end-notes. For some important topics, I have tried to include many more than just one reference to give you the best chance to able to find at least one talk that you can read yourself. And having read a quote, or even better, a whole talk, you should CHECK the reality for you, check everything for yourself, using your latihan. This can only be a start This is a book that can never be finished the world is always changing and each of you has individual needs, which are constantly changing. New topics will continuously arise and need adding. So this Survival Guide can never be complete it can only be a start. Those questions that this book does not answer, you could explore with your latihan with the helpers and or your friends. If you can think of a topic that should have been included, please jot it down on the suggestions page at the back of this book. Particularly if you would like to share any personal experiences painful, funny or memorable. Then send it to me so that it can be incorporated in the next edition. Apology I have tried to cover every topic relevant to the young in Subud today. Some topics are controversial and it is possible that some readers may be offended by some of the contents. Also the writing of this book is inevitably a process of purification for me. I apologize if there is anything in the book that causes you distress or upset, none was intended.

11 About Subud What is Subud? Subud is many things to many different people. Subud is open to people from all cultures, all nationalities and all religions and is also open to those with no religion. In Subud the only thing we all agree on is the centrality of the latihan within our spiritual life. Subud is an association of people who come to worship God through the latihan. Our worship is by means of a spiritual exercise called the latihan. The latihan is a direct connection between each one of us and Almighty God. The purpose of the latihan is to follow the will of Almighty God. Having completely let go, emptied yourself of any thoughts or desires, you open up to the power of God and then follow what comes in your latihan. Subud is neither a cult nor a religion. Some find their understanding of, and their commitment to, their religion deepens after being opened. There are no teachers in Subud, only God. There is no priesthood, and are no dogmas or theories. There are few rules and no compulsion to attend or to give any money. Subud is an abbreviation of three Javanese words of Sanskrit origin: Susila Budhi Dharma. So Subud means human beings who practise good behaviour (Susila), whose actions and behaviour are all wise and reasonable (Budhi) while surrendering to the Greatness of Almighty God (Dharma). ii The latihan was first received by an Indonesian, Muhammad Subah Sumohadiwidjojo, whom we call Bapak, in Java in Subud spread around the world in the 1950 s and now exists in nearly four hundred Subud groups in over eighty countries. This has been achieved largely through word of mouth, since there has been no advertising. There are many published descriptions of Subud that you can find at Subud halls, in some bookshops, and by mail-order from Subud publishers. A list of books in print is included in the Resource Guide at the back of this book. Is Subud for you? Are you interested in following the will of God, discovering your inner nature and how to live in accordance with that inner nature? If your answer is Yes, then the latihan may be for you. In the end it is you, and you alone, who are responsible to God for your behaviour throughout your life on this earth. The experience of the latihan working in you is a gradual process of cleaning or purification, rather like peeling an onion. If you decide to join Subud you become an applicant and then you are required to undergo three months probation before your opening (your first latihan). The opening marks your official entry into Subud. You should only consider becoming opened in Subud because you have a strong inner urge to do this. Do not do it to please your friends or family, or to conform with the crowd. Your opening is a serious step, as once opened, you cannot be un-opened. So getting opened will change your life. Once opened, you can, at anytime, stop your latihan, and it cannot restart unless you allow it to. Subud is open to you if you are seventeen years or older. The three month probation period is so that you can demonstrate the sincerity of your wish to join Subud. This period also provides sufficient space for you to ask any questions and receive explanations about Subud and the latihan. If you are a child of a Subud member, then you do not have to wait three months to be opened. You can be opened at shorter notice, provided it is clear that you have already received appropriate explanations.

12 A The Survival Guide an alphabetical listing Accelerate your latihan? entries in bold are topic headings The more you study the latihan, the more you wish to get on quickly, the more you will lose ground. iii Make no attempt to speed it (your latihan) up, because it is God alone who gives this to you and who knows.... you only have to go on following. iv So even if you surrender, but in your heart there s no feeling of patience, and within the feeling of your heart is the wish to become clever quickly and receive quickly, this will, on the contrary, slow down your receiving. v So if you puff yourself up with determination and with nafsu I want to progress in the spiritual (kejiwaan), I want to do the latihan well immediately your latihan will become worse and worse. But if you are quiet, if you are peaceful if you surrender yourself, at that moment you will be raised up. But this is quietness, peacefulness with attention... vi There really is no way you can accelerate your spiritual progress and purification. The only way to help your process of purification, is to fast, such as in Ramadan or Lent and by having patience. But don t imagine that through doing the fast you... will speed up your progression in the spiritual. It is not like that. Because the way to God cannot be hastened (speeded up)... by your will. vii See Mixing, See your way clearly?, Quiet before latihan. Accidental openings You can get accidentally opened. This can happen if you stay too long or too close to others doing the latihan. There are examples of young people to whom this has happened. It can be disturbing to be opened this way if you may have no idea what is happening to you. An accidental opening can be a blessing for some because it introduces them to a spiritual life. Do not worry, you cannot get opened by reading Bapak s talks! If you are under seventeen, the experience of being opened may really disrupt your education. See Impatient to get opened? Afraid? Many of you have received a variety of indications from within, but have never applied them. Why? Because you are frightened in case they are true, as to whether you are really capable of carrying them into effect. So you are overshadowed, you are frightened by your own hearts. viii Fear is a coward; turn round and confront it and it will run away. Of course there are times when you are afraid. But, I have found that I can master my fear when I am in touch with my latihan. If I am able to, and remember to feel What is Harry afraid of? then my fear seems so petty, and it always evaporates. You could check to see if this works for you too. It is important not to be afraid... for example if living among those with TB, you will not catch it if you are not afraid, but someone afraid of it will catch it. So it is with fear. What you are afraid of can enter into you. Therefore you must not be afraid, but submit to God under all conditions and sincerely, a hundred per cent and God will protect you. ix

13 But if you are afraid of the clearing-out process, then the mistakes and filth that are within your inner feeling will never vanish... so that these... mistakes... will be taken to the world of the dead... As for the way of clearing them out, it is contained in the latihan that... you receive. x During a period of purification sometimes you feel very small, as though you have no strength, and sometimes you feel afraid... By surrendering and believing in Almighty God, all the things about which you feel afraid and sad will automatically disappear. xi I guess death is the event people eventually are most afraid of... don t be afraid of death, don t be afraid of poverty, don t be afraid of sickness, but surrender to the One Almighty God without reserve. This has been Bapak s experience. xii It is very hard to remember your latihan in some situations, for example when you are in real physical danger being threatened in a dark alley or being driven by a drunk driver. There is a great story about Varindra Vittachi xiii whose plane hit an endless air pocket on the way down into Hong Kong. The plane was in free fall and everyone was very afraid, and panicked except Varindra. Instead of letting fear overtake him, he went into latihan. A few thousand feet later the plane recovered and safely landed. Afterwards Bapak said it was only Varindra s latihan that had saved the plane. It is not easy, but it is simple: If you are not afraid, God will help you. Don t be afraid. xiv many areas of your life; for instance... you must not be afraid to run enterprises. xv And this applies to For instance, it was suggested that Ibu Rahayu see the draft of this book before it was published. I felt a little fearful in case it was not good enough. So then I tested and of course it was correct to ask for Ibu Rahayu s permission to use her words and as a matter of courtesy to let her assess the draft. With my fear put away, it was easy to submit the draft. See Courage, Say your name. Afraid of getting opened? Not opened yet? I am sure some of you are a little wary and a little afraid of being opened these feelings are pretty normal. But, there is nothing to be scared about, if you sincerely want to follow the Will of God and get in touch with your inner: You must not be afraid and you must not be worried, for whatever comes to you in the latihan is only what is in you and comes from your inner self. It is the real you that arises in the latihan, so you do not have to be afraid. xvi Remember, you can stop your latihan any time. So God knows the measure of your ability and the measure of your capacity and adjusts what you receive with what you are capable of receiving. So don t be afraid to join Subud because people get into crisis. Because actually that is the way... God guides you and purifies you and makes you more complete. xvii See Before your opening, Crisis, Courage. After latihan After you have finished your latihan it is a good idea to sit quietly for a while, to come back to normal. This can be a treasure time in your quiet state, you may receive clear guidance of things you should do in your outer life. xviii Age of Spiritual responsibility Your parents are responsible for your spiritual well-being until you reach the age of puberty. xix From then until you are opened it is a shared responsibility, with you taking over more and more until you get opened and can really unfurl your spiritual wings. I clearly remember the point at which I became responsible for my own spiritual life and could no longer shelter under the cosy umbrella of my parents latihan.

14 ...the period during which it is obligatory to worship God and thus find the right way and come to a true understanding of life, begins immediately after puberty and lasts until the age of sixty three. After sixty three you can be assisted by your children, if they are able to lift you up by their worship. Therefore those of you between... about thirtytwo and sixty-three really have to carry a very heavy burden, because you carry the responsibility for both your children and your parents... Bapak therefore hopes you will have no anxiety or concern about your children because they cannot get opened until they reach... (seventeen) have no fear they will be left behind; for they are, in truth, carried with you and influenced by you (their parents) xx See Impatient to get opened? Aim of Subud The aim of Subud is that through your latihan you are able to lead your life the way God intended. Such a life is in accordance with your inner nature and uses your true talents in your work. It helps you build a life that really contributes to the society around you. It helps you to love those around you and in return they will love you. God is for mankind and mankind is for God, and you are for all of mankind and all of mankind is for you. God and mankind are one and you are one with the whole of mankind, the whole human race. That s our ideal, this is our objective in Subud. xxi Alcohol Strong alcohol or excessive consumption of alcohol is not compatible with the latihan. Such behaviour can damage your inner nature. Any consumption of alcohol makes it difficult to feel your latihan. So there is little point going to latihan if you have just consumed alcohol. Brothers and Sisters, in the latihan it is essential to be quiet and calm in your heart and mind beforehand therefore, although it is not forbidden, it is advisable not to drink before doing the latihan. xxii It is also anti social to come to the latihan like this because your alcoholic state will affect many of those in the latihan with you. Therefore if the helpers are aware that you are under the influence of alcohol (or drugs), it is likely that they will recommend that you to go home rather than trying to do latihan. Under the influence of alcohol, you may do things that you later regret, and which may cause you to feel you have lost your integrity. See also Drugs. Allah There are many ways to say God Allah is one of them. Although I am not a Muslim, I have often found myself saying Allah in my latihan so if you are in Subud, this is not just a word for Muslims... many of you, who were brought up in Europe or the UK are not Muslims and have never before said the word Allah... And yet when you do your latihan you are guided to say Allah, Allah. xxiii... The word Allah is older than language. Have you not noticed that the first sound a new born baby utters whether it is American, Japanese, Indian or European is Al-lah. It comes out of the new born infant as Aw-wah, aw-wah, awwah. The tongue discovers the palate Al, Al, Al, and then from its raised position it must fall to rest lah, lah, lah So the first sound a child utters is the name of God. Do you see? xxiv Am I really receiving? Sometimes it is hard to know whether you are really doing the latihan Am I moving myself, or is God moving me? It really is better not to think about this. But your mind can play very silly tricks, and if it is nagging away at you, perhaps it is better that you test whether you need to know the answer to this question.

15 The other day, I was asked to test this very question with a new member and the answer he got was: No need to worry basically it was better for him to go with the flow and do what came to him in the latihan and not to worry about where it came from. We have all wrestled with the question Am I receiving?, and there are no foolproof indications. Bapak has said you will feel the vibration of the latihan, but early on, I don t think I did. He also said something about a cool feeling in your body, and I certainly didn t feel that either. However I did experience at the beginning of the latihan if I waited movement that started on its own, quite independent of my thinking or wishing. You simply have to trust... that this little skipping or waving your hand or song that has suddenly started up without your thinking about it well that s IT! That is your latihan! xxv While the latihan can be very subtle you should ALWAYS be able to feel it. If you are concerned about the source of your activity in latihan, of course you can check by testing with the helpers. Later on you can check it for yourself, in the latihan, if and when you feel uneasy. In the end it gets back to the basics surrender with patience, acceptance, submission, trust and courage. See also CAPAST, Latihan should be alive. Ancestors Like it or not, we all have them. Some of your ancestors may have led good lives, and some not so good. Unless you are on a very lucky break, it is likely that you have some real work ahead of you to repair the mistakes of your ancestors. Your inherited baggage, going back many generations, is a very heavy burden on all of you. xxvi... if there has been some impurity in an ancestor, it will be carried on and will even increase. If your grandfather had some fault, it will be handed on to his son, your father, and the existing fault will become greater. So a fault grows even bigger and is multiplied. The fault that comes down to you is doubled...(when) taken back to your grandfather, whereas these faults may have descended through many generations. xxvii Not only your own mistakes, but also those of your ancestors, can be repaired with God s help. It is difficult to say how long it will take this purification can be a long and difficult process. xxviii With the latihan, it is possible repair your ancestral damage, even if it has accumulated over a thousand years. xxix That is why when you do the latihan, you must pray to God, ask God to give you a latihan which will purify your sins, purify the traces of the mistakes that have been handed down to you from your ancestors. xxx It is much easier if you have a couple of generations in your family doing the latihan and working at your ancestral inheritance, because it spreads the load. You are part of a chain connecting back to your ancestors and forward to your children and their children and so on. You are affected by your ancestors, and can rectify their mistakes by living a good life, doing your latihan with diligence and receiving the help of God. In the same way you and your ancestors can be helped by your children, if they lead good lives. Hence the latihan (you do) does not affect you alone; it affects the parents who gave birth to you and also the children borne of your marriage. xxxi As a bonus from this whole ancestral process, if you can really understand your parents and grandparents while they are still alive, while you still have the chance to talk with them, then you will come a long way to being able to understand and love yourself. For those members, Muslim and non-muslim, who practice the Ramadhan fast, the month preceding the fasting month has special significance. It is the month of the ancestors. This month is the time when all the ancestral stuff comes to the surface and can be a special time to work through on this level. For me it used to be the month when my machines always used broke down without fail; if it wasn t the car, it was the toaster or something else. I must have had an ancestral problem with machinery. See Age of spiritual responsibility, Family in Subud?, See you way clearly?

16 Angels What is an angel? now there is an interesting question. If you go on with the latihan you will find out. For the moment you will have to take Bapak s word that every word that Bapak has told you today has been witnessed by the angels, because they are always here, they are always present when Bapak talks. And not only the angels, but their chief, the Archangel Gabriel. That is why Bapak would never dare tell a lie, because there are witnesses all around him whenever he speaks. It is the angels who are the organisers of everything that God has created. And little by little you will learn to see them. Maybe you have the experience of a flash of light from the corner of your eye: that is the movement of an angel. It is like a small lightening flash. Of course, the devils can also do that, but the colour is different, the devils have a reddish colour when they move. These are all things you can prove to yourself as it were. But you cannot actually test it; you have to receive the proof. Once you receive the proof it is real for you. xxxii It doesn t sound too easy to socialize with the angels: It is always said that if you want to meet an angel you have to be an angel... (And) If you want to know what an angel is, you have first to be an angel yourself. xxxiii I have not seen any angels lately, but I do strongly believe that I have a guardian angel. Guardian angels are not a central element of the Subud experience, I am not sure if Bapak ever talked about them. So this paragraph reflects only my personal experience: I have found my guardian angel to be helpful making a real difference to my journey through life. I have on many occasions asked my guardian angel for help. I guess everyone needs a meaningful job even the angels! If you wish, you could check the reality of your guardian angel with the helpers. However, there is no substitute for the safety and happiness that surrender to Almighty God brings. See Lies, Progress & proof. Animal forces Without animal forces, it would not be nearly so interesting being a teenager for you would not even recognise the opposite sex, you wouldn t be attracted to each other. Humanity could not survive because no-one would bother to make love, or making babies... women know about men and men about women because of the animal force... without it you could not receive what is called the passion of love, and unite with the opposite sex xxxiv So... don t be tempted by the influence of the animal forces which say to you, Oh as long as I can eat and I can sleep and have some fun, that s all I need in my life. That is an animal existence. It ignores your eventual death and all that entails. xxxv... you need this force, the animal force, very much for your life because it is this which gives you the nafsu and the will power to work, the strength to work. xxxvi See Forces. Anything really worthwhile Anything really worthwhile starts in the inner Things we wish to achieve can only materialize if they are built from the inner, if their reality is conceived first, in a clear way, before they are projected into the material world. xxxvii For example, this book started with a small seed which was planted within me in the early 1980 s. It was fifteen years before I could start harvesting it, before I could start writing. The important thing was to start with that inner feeling, that inner reality. Fifteen years is a long time but then I am a slow learner!

17 Once you have planted your seed, you have to work as hard as you can to ensure that you translate it into something real. Nothing worthy is achieved that is not earned, that is not bought with prihatin (self-denial), poverty, struggle. xxxviii See Inner & outer, Four stages to every action, Living in this world, Purity of motive. Anywhere After you have been opened a while, you can do the latihan anywhere It is not necessary to do the latihan in (only) one... place. No-one has ever said that it is essential to come here (the hall) to do latihan. You can do the latihan when you are at work, when you are in the bath, when you are sleeping. The latihan envelops your whole life; how can anyone stop you doing the latihan? How can anyone come between you and God? xxxix However if you are new in Subud, be careful how often you do latihan in case you go into crisis. The scope of the latihan is well illustrated in this story of a new member who asked whether it was better to begin the latihan in the padmasan or the lotus posture. Sooty s reply was: Brother, it is raining outside. If you want to get wet all you have to do is to go out there in the rain. Sit down, lie on the ground or stand on your head it s all the same. You get wet. xl See Latihan at home. Applicants Anyone wishing to join Subud is called an applicant. Applicants are subject to a three month probation period, during which time they receive explanations about Subud from the helpers. This is an important period of preparation before your opening. The period of probation is usually waived for children and spouses of current Subud members, those who are very sick and those over sixtythree. See Partner s permission, Requirements to join Subud. Archives Bapak gave over 1,400 talks, and left more than 180,000 papers and letters. xli Much work remains to sort, catalogue and safely store these documents. Many talks have only provisional translations that still have to be checked. The role of Subud archives is to preserve Bapak s words so that they will be accessible to future generations. Subud archives cover written material as well as audio and video tapes. The five international archive centres are in Manchester, Canberra, Jakarta, Los Angeles and Tokyo. There is no-one less interested in history than I. However three years ago as part of the birth of the Australian National Centre project I tested the significance of the international archives and WOW this really blew me away, the preservation of Bapak s words are SO IMPORTANT. See Listening to Bapak s talks. Ascetics An ascetic is one who goes to live in a temple or wears only one garment or goes to a mountain top to meditate and try and escape the material and other lower forces and thereby get close to God. Similar attempts are made by the Brahmans or the Maharishis in India. From a Subud perspective, these attempts seem futile. I do not believe that it is possible to manage the lower forces by trying to escape from them, by withdrawing from life, because they are a part of me.... for you to banish the (lower) life forces in your being is impossible, for once you had banished the material force you couldn t live on this earth... God doesn t wish mankind to live their earthly lives on top of a mountain and lose all desire for the things that exist in the world. xlii Since you have access to the latihan, you can be normal and get close to God. There should be no need for you to consider a spiritual path like asceticism: You have begun to do the latihan and to worship God with an instrument that is real, an instrument which is eternal and unchanging... the perfect human soul, which is in fact

18 the guide for your life. Eventually you will be able to verify this for yourselves, when you have already received quite a lot. And if one day you happen to meet a Maharishi or ascetic or Brahman who has been making efforts for years in these things, he will be amazed. xliii Who needs a mountain top to worship from when you have the latihan? The beauty of the latihan is that it is tailored to run alongside your worldly life. There is no need leave a normal life behind, leave your family behind, to get close to God. You can live a full and normal life and, as well, do latihan. See Different from other spiritual paths. Ask for God s help You do not need to wait for your birthday or for Sunday to ask God a question or for help. You can ask God for help anytime as long as you are sincere. Make an effort to ask God to guide you because, if you ask seriously, if you ask sincerely, if you ask with an attitude of surrender and patience, it is sure that you will get an answer. It is sure that you will get an answer that you are looking for as to what to do next, how to act, what attitude you should have... xliv It is not that you CAN ask God, but that you really SHOULD ask God: You are able to ask... God: What are my shortcomings? What is wrong with me?, and receive an answer. This is something you have to do. Do not be apathetic. Do not be uncaring about what the answer to that is. You must be willing to ask, and to receive an answer... Every time there is something wrong, everytime you are short of something, you should ask why. But once you have asked and received an answer, then you must do it and do it really seriously, so you are not allowed to complain.... you must now insist on asking... and getting answers, and if you ask and you haven t got an answer, go on asking until you have an answer. Otherwise, you will never get anywhere. xlv Anything that I have sincerely and unconditionally asked for, I have been given. It has not always come immediately sometimes I have had to wait a few years. It is given when I am ready to receive it, when I have the capacity like when I eventually found a suitable woman to marry. So really you must not be apathetic and just accept whatever you are, or whatever you receive. You must be willing to ask God to guide you more or show you what you lack. xlvi For the guidance of God does not just go so far, but much further still, and you can still receive it and still be given it for ever, without limits. xlvii But to phrase a sensible request to God is not so easy as it sounds. It is far safer to ask for what you need rather than for what you want. This is because the lower forces ask the question instead of you. For instance, you might ask: God, please give me something that will make me happy (but you) are in fact saying something different. What God hears is Hit me on the head so that I shall become someone who is really wretched... you are surprised that what you ask for you do not receive. This is because all your words are still mixed up with... the lower forces that surge within your being...thus you need the purification that takes place in the latihan... That is why, when you do you latihan, you should pray to God to give you the movements you need... to purify all the mistakes within you, so your latihan will not be something that is unreal. xlviii See Morning prayer, Problems...?, Six inches to God s help, Wanting. Asking for forgiveness This is one of the most liberating things I think one can do. It is especially easy after the annual Ramadhan fast to ask forgiveness of someone who has also fasted. There is an atmosphere of love and trust directly after the fast. If, at this time, you sincerely ask for forgiveness, it is often freely given and you can wipe clean a stain from your past in a way that is very easy.

19 While I am not a Muslim, I find the Ramadhan fast an essential opportunity for me to get back on track once a year for it is so easy to stray a little from the my right path. See Mistakes. Asking the helpers If you are not comfortable to ask the helpers questions that arise in you, about your latihan, then you have a problem. This is because the helpers may be able to help you resolve your question through testing or a special latihan. Your reticence may stem from a fear that you will strike condescending attitudes and be lectured or talked down to AGAIN. This is fairly common experience amongst the younger members at least in Australia. How then do you find answers to your questions? Well, maybe you can find the answer in this book, or maybe one of your friends has the key. Maybe, after all, there IS a helper whom you could safely approach. Perhaps a prayer is a good idea, just before you walk over to ask your question. And of course, you could ask yourself while in latihan; who knows, you might get an answer directly from God. Do not let the attitudes of others damage your latihan it is too precious. When you have a decent space, perhaps at Congress, or on a kejiwaan weekend, consider sharing the problem that you do not feel safe to raise with the helpers and then work it through together. There are some good helpers, and there are many really sincere helpers who will do everything in their power to uphold your basic rights. Associate wisely If you want to be clever, stay around clever people and some of their cleverness will rub off on to you. It is the same if you want to be musical, or sporting, or happy. One of the benefits of Subud Youth is that you get a chance to socialize with young people with a similar moral perspective and that will rub off too.... it is very necessary for you to associate with really good people. Do not associate with people who are not good. And do associate with clever intelligent people and also those who are wise... xlix... if one is close to a rich man, gradually something rubs off the rich man; even if not a million, it might be ten or a hundred thousand. If one is near a clown, gradually one becomes able to clown. If one is near a clever person, gradually one becomes maybe half-way clever. But if you are always close to God, gradually you receive something from God which is beyond the ordinary. l See Behave well, Subud Youth is it for you? Atalanta Atalanta is an exciting SICA project to build a Subud community called Abante village in the mountains at Baca Grande in Colorado. This project has amazing potential. Ibu Rahayu has received the inner meaning of the project Living responsibly, in peace and harmony, with all our relations. li This project will surely attract many members and a fair share of them will probably be young, as was the case in the construction of Amanecer. Does this project interest you? If it does you can find out more by reading issues of Subud Voice from 1996 onwards. See Special places. Attentiveness & awareness After you have been opened, it is important that you pay attention to the indications you receive throughout your daily life. Now you have to be attentive all the time: To what extent am I acting rightly? How much is it still influenced by my own incapacity, by my own dirt within me? You constantly have to be aware of this, all the time. lii

20 As you go through your day, see what a difference it makes if you are aware of the relationship between you and the forces around you. For example, if you walk into a shop full of goodies that you would like, try staying detached and see of you can feel how the material forces are working to attract you. You can have a big effect on those around you, just by virtue of your latihan. You may find it useful to be aware of the effect you have on others now that you are opened. And when you are aware of the impact the outside world has on you, you may wish to close up every now and then. See Balancing on the tightrope, Listen, Listen to your body, Master or Servant?. Attitude Subud attracts people from all walks of life. Subud members come in all shapes and sizes. You have the opportunity to make friends and relate to others from completely different backgrounds to yourself. If you approach those members who are different to you with an open and accepting attitude, you may find that this is the key to your mutual acceptance and friendship. Avoid There are some recommendations in Subud, including that you avoid the group latihan if you are: having your period, because you are already undergoing purification (for women). liii two months before and 100 days after a birth, as a protection for you and the baby (for women). liv within three months after a major operation, as your physical body needs a hundred per cent attention. lv under the influence of alcohol, as this will interfere with your ability to surrender. lvi under the influence of drugs, as this will cause you to have a heavy crisis. lvii Awakening Testing Your latihan should be alive one way you can help this is by regularly doing awakening testing. Awakening testing is also called body parts or sometimes awareness testing. Awakening testing is a more elegant label and for me hits the nail on the head. You could think of this testing like a 20,000 kilometer service for your latihan. Awakening testing is great when your latihan is stuck for any reason or you are not moving as you could and should... to help a person when their latihan is weak, do the awakening testing. lviii The awakening of the parts of your body is very important and for you to carry out the testing... the more awakened your body is, the more accurate your testing. lix Awakening testing is deeper and stronger if it is done in a small group of three or four with a helper asking the questions. This testing goes through the basic parts of your body using the questions for example: Where are your feet? and then What are they for? Often the helper will start with the feet or the hands as they are pretty easy to receive. As the body parts are being tested, you can add other questions such as How do you use your hands when working? and How should you use them? Awakening testing is a very worthwhile way to deepen your experience of the latihan, and the receiving can be very deep. The testing can really awaken your awareness of the latihan in the various parts of your body. If you have done this sort of testing with sincerity, and it has NOT been a real blast for you, then the testing session may not have been run properly by the helpers. If your local helpers are unable or unwilling to do this testing successfully, you could contact your nearest Regional or National helper for their help.

21 B Balancing on the tightrope My life is like having one foot in one place, and one in another place. While I have found it hard to go full throttle in pursuit of material wealth, I have not found it easy to get too spiritual. It suits me to find a middle way if you are following the latihan, it is like balancing uncomfortably, like on a tightrope. lx A challenge in my life has been to keep an acceptable balance between my creative and my practical sides. In those periods when I have forgotten to make the time and space for the creative stuff, it has become really intolerable, really difficult. Once my life got so out of balance that I had to really stop the outer job part of my life to enable me to catch up on my creative backlog. More importantly, there is the balance between latihan and the outer life. Other important balances are between work and play, between family and Subud and on it goes. For you, maybe there are different elements to balance. The important thing is to realise which are critical ones for you and then to make sure you achieve an acceptable balance. See Knife edge, Inner & outer. Bapak Bapak is an Indonesian word meaning father or respected older man. Bapak is the way most Subud members refer the founder of Subud. Bapak s full name is Muhammad Subuh Sumohadiwidjojo. Pak Subuh is an alternative but slightly more formal way of referring to Bapak, while Muhammad Subuh is another. Bapak was an Indonesian, a Javanese nobleman by birth, lxi, lxii and a Muslim. Bapak was born on the 22 nd of June 1901 in a very modest earth floored house in a remote village in central Java called Kedungjati. lxiii Bapak died on the 23 rd of June 1987, the morning after his 86 th birthday. Bapak first received the latihan in 1925 and devoted the rest of his life to the latihan and the establishment of Subud. Bapak worked tirelessly to follow God s guidance and travelled round the world more than twenty-one times lxiv initially to open members and appoint helpers, but always to give talks. Bapak s talks are a treasure-trove for you to discover and re-discover, to read and re-read. What made Bapak different? Bapak doesn t claim to be someone special or to have special powers. The only thing that distinguishes Bapak is that Bapak is a human being who was willed to learn how to quieten the human heart and mind and how to correct the character of man from bad to good: that is Bapak s attribute and that is all. lxv Such was Bapak s love for us that, when we were with him, for many of us, it was hard not to feel closer to Bapak than to our own father... you are closer to Bapak than to your own parents, and Bapak is closer to you than your own parents are. lxvi This was something I felt myself even when my father was in the audience with me. Bapak love and care for us was exceptional; as a little illustration, a friend of mine Latif (not his real name) was standing on Bapak s private balcony when he was surprised by Bapak approaching from behind. To cover his intense embarrassment Latif said Looks like rain and beat a hasty retreat. All Bapak had time to say was Maybe. As Latif retreated briskly it rained on him all the way back to the guest house soaking his shirt. When he reached the safety of the guest house porch he turned round and looked back the sky was blue and there was not a cloud in sight. What was Bapak like? Quieten yourself, and listen to Bapak s talks and you may discover the answer... lxvii