I read an article this week entitled: 6 Things No One Tells You About Being A Parent

Transcription

1 How to Make Life Make Sense Psalm 127 Pastor Troy Dobbs Grace Church of Eden Prairie May 8, 2016 *** Mother s Day *** I read an article this week entitled: 6 Things No One Tells You About Being A Parent 1.) There is no learning curve. Right if you graphed it it would just go up and to the right. In a sense you don t ease into parenting you get thrown into it! 1

2 2.) You run in circles. The minute you get one crisis solved another one emerges. One person called it multi-tasking on steroids! 3.) You feel helpless sometimes. You d do anything to help your kid feel safe / happy but much of life is beyond your control. 4.) You don t get instant replays. You say the wrong thing. You do the wrong thing. You make split-second decisions all day everyday and you don t get to go to the monitor for a DO OVER. 2

3 5.) Your baby will eventually insult you. For a couple of years they can t talk and then they can you get the picture. 6.) You won t know if you ve done a good job for years. Every decision you make has repercussions. It is one mystery of parenthood. In my opinion: Parenting is the most rewarding / yet challenging job on the face of the planet. i 3

4 Some days I feel completely satisfied / capable while other days I feel like the dumbest dude in the upper Midwest. I don t know about you but I m just glad we don t have to go it alone or figure it out all by ourselves. Nor do we have to resort to how our parents parented as the only model to draw from. The Word has a word for us! In Psalms we have two companion Psalms that provide a blueprint for a satisfying family life. 4

5 These 2 Psalms actually highlight 4 stages of family life: Psalm 127:1-2 Starting a family Psalm 127:3-5 Expanding a family Psalm 128:1-4 Raising children Psalm 128:5-6 Empty nest years ii Today, we are going to apply Psalm 127 and then in 2 weeks we will unpack Psalm 128. Now I realize (in a crowd this large) that I m speaking to a number of hurting parents. Your children burned you caused you a lot of pain / grief along the way. 5

6 So let me say this to any hurting parents here today: You need to deal with any true guilt. And you need to put away false guilt. If you are aware of sin and failure on your end in raising your children, then confess it to God and receive His forgiveness. Then confess your sin to your children and seek their forgiveness. Because: You will never be free until you deal with true guilt God s way via confession and repentance. 6

7 Conversely, many parents are also racked with false guilt. Sure you weren t perfect parents (no one is) but you ve trusted God and sought His wisdom in raising your children, but they chose to act out anyway. So if your children grew up and made some bad choices: I d say this: GRIEVE FOR THEM, but don t feel responsible for their sin. iii God doesn t want you crippled with false guilt. 7

8 Resist the lies / pray for your kids and get on with your life. iv Having said that: let s turn to God s Word for direction & motivation! READ TEXT Psalm 127 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. 2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. 8

9 5 Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. v First notice the interconnectedness of the examples in this Psalm. A. When a house is built a community begins. Numerous houses lead to cities. (v1) B. However, a homeowner s troubles are not over when the house is built it has to be watched / secured. (v1) C. Verse 2 deals with domestic life; Getting up early going to work, 9

10 etc. D. Verses 3-5 then remind us that our CHILDREN are gifts from God and our role as parents is to send them out! Now this may come as something of a surprise to you but this Psalm (on the family) has been attributed to Solomon. That s right Solomon with his 700 wives and 300 women on the side is the author of this Psalm. vi Now notice before he (Solomon) specifically narrows his admonitions to the home in verse 3 he actually begins with a broader principle: 10

11 Which is this: anything you do whether building a house guarding a city or working a job raising a family anything you do is ultimately going to be UNSATISFYING unless the Lord is in it. Pay attention to the repetition in verse 1. Twice he repeats the phrase, unless the Lord. Unless the Lord builds the house Unless the Lord watches over the city 11

12 Unless the Lord suggests (of course) our incredible need for the Lord in every sphere or phase of life! Bottom line: If the Lord doesn t lead / bless our efforts our efforts are in vain. Now why does he make this point? First because he (Solomon) has experienced this futility in his own life. (Think Ecclesiastes VANITY, VANITY) Second because we all have a sinful propensity to see ourselves and our efforts as primary while relegating God to a secondary role in what we do. vii 12

13 So Solomon says: you can work hard at building your home you can be diligent to guard your home from harm but if you re doing it in your strength and without God s blessing you re wasting your time. OUTLINES So to help us he gives us 2 keys to a satisfying family life? The 1 st key to a satisfying family / home life is: viii 13

14 1) Recognizing you can t get ahead without God. ix (v1-2) 1 Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. 2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. x In verses 1-2 verses Solomon says (in essence): Accomplishment will not be satisfying without God. Security will not be satisfying without God. Work will not be satisfying without God. xi 14

15 So: If you ve got a house to build, God wants to build it. If you ve got a city to watch, God wants to guard it. If you ve got a business to run, God wants to run it. If you ve got a family to take care of, God wants to be the boss of your home. Whatever it is you do, God wants to be involved, He wants to be in charge. In that way, there s nothing about your life that is unimportant to God. Sometimes we may wonder if God is really concerned 15

16 whether or not I make this sale whether or not I meet this deadline whether or not I make a good grade on this test. The answer is always YES! God desires to be involved in your responsibilities, and not only involved, He wants to be in charge. So whatever it is you have to do God wants you to do it His way. There s a good reason for this His way is always the best way. So as we approach our responsibilities in life, we are to surrender them to His control. xii 16

17 We re to say: God I m giving you control of my business build it for your glory. God I m giving you control of my marriage use it for your glory. God I m giving you control of my family build us together for your glory. God I m giving you control of my future build it for your glory. Sadly for most of us rather than surrendering / submitting to God we just decide to work MORE hours thinking that will satisfy thinking that will help us GET AHEAD! But Solomon says working longer hours won t guarantee meaningful work. xiii 17

18 Big picture: Solomon wants us to see the futility / vanity in trying to do life / get ahead in life without God. It leads to a striving / restlessness / and discontentedness. And maybe that s how you feel today unable to get ahead restless frustrated. If so, the Word says: God gives sleep to His beloved. (v2) xiv Doing life God s way trusting leads to resting. So we work hard, but we rest knowing that God is at work while we rest. 18

19 Bottom line we learn that - giving God responsibility for our life doesn t eliminate our responsibility. It simply empowers us. Even though we re still working hard, we re no longer trusting ourselves for the results, we re trusting God for the results. And so If you don t rest in the Lord you won t be able to strike the right balance between work and family. You will work yourself to death trying to get ahead and find satisfaction 19

20 subsequently missing out on the greatest gift in your home children. Which leads us to Solomon s 2 nd thought: The 2 nd key to a satisfying family life is: 2.) Recognizing the need for a right attitude towards children. xv (v3) Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Solomon says children are called a gift and indirectly (v5), a blessing. 20

21 I know some of you are thinking: Solomon didn t know my children. And I feel you on that I really do! However, his point is that children are not burdens or interruptions to our lives. So, if children are gifts from God we should: 1. Communicate verbally to our children how valuable they are to us. We don t do this to build their selfesteem, which is an unbiblical concept that has come to us from psychology. We do it to instill in them the realization that they were created by a loving, 21

22 sovereign God for His sovereign purpose. 2. We also communicate non-verbally to our children how valuable they are by spending time with them. Spending time with them says: You re more important to me than my job or my accomplishments or pursuits. That s why (again) it is so important to understand accomplishment / work will never be satisfying without the Lord. So working more / longer won t bring you the satisfaction you desire. And it won t get you ahead. 22

23 It will actually set you back at the ONE PLACE you don t want SET BACKS HOME! xvi Solomon then in verse 4 gives us a vision for parenting by comparing children to arrows in the hand of a warrior. xvii The simile suggests two actions: 1. Arrows must be shaped and sharpened. xviii In Solomon s day, you didn t go to Dick s sporting goods store and buy arrows. Nor did you find them lying around on the ground. Sticks aren t arrows by nature. 23

24 They had to be carefully shaped and sharpened. Children are the same. Derek Kidner insightfully writes, It is not untypical of God s gifts that first they become liabilities, or at least responsibilities, before they become obvious assets. The greater their promise, the more likely that these sons / daughters will be a handful before they are quiverful. xix Isn t that great they ll be a handful before they re helpful! They ll be a burden before they ll be a joy! (Tell your neighbor.) 24

25 So (obviously) children don t grow into straight arrows by being left to themselves or their technology. (Don t get me started. ) Know this: it takes diligent effort on the part of a wise father / mother to bring them up in the training of the Lord. 2. Arrows must be aimed and released. xx Arrows left in the quiver or shot haphazardly in any direction are not much good. 25

26 In fact, they can be the cause of great harm if they are not aimed carefully. This implies skill and direction. So the archer must know his target and have sufficient skill to fire his arrows into it. In that way Moms and Dads, the point of raising children is not to keep them for ourselves. xxi Right I mean many parents lose their kids because they try to hang on to them. Our goal is not to hang onto them. Children are arrows not swords. xxii 26

27 Our goal is to aim them at the target Satan s kingdom of darkness and release them as burning arrows for the Cause of Christ. xxiii Consequently parents who have quiver full of straight, sharp arrows, ready to send into the heart of the enemy will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate. (v5) Remember, the city gate was the place where the Hebrews gathered to conduct business and carry out justice. The idea here is that a family with godly children will not be ridiculed by their opponents because their children will be 27

28 a living testimony to their uprightness and integrity. So getting things right at home has HUGE implications for the community / state / nation / world. xxiv Howard Hendricks used to say: If your Christianity doesn t work at home it doesn t work. So don t export it! xxv What do you want them to do: 1.) Deal with true guilt and false guilt. If you need to apologize then do it. Stop beating yourself up. 28

29 2.) No one gets ahead in life / finds satisfaction in life apart from God. Ask Him now to bless your home Your work Your parenting To be in charge 3.) Make some changes in your parenting strategy. Goal is Disciples Warriors for Christ 29

30 Closing Remarks: If you are here for the very first time I d like to meet you. Please stop by the commons. Also, as a first time guest we d like to treat you to a free breakfast on us! 30

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32 i Parenting is the most rewarding and challenging job on the face of the planet. ii Four stages of family life from Psalms 127 and 128 Psalm 127:1-2 Starting a family Psalm 127:3-5 Expanding a family Psalm 128:1-4 Raising children Psalm 128:5-6 Empty nest years iii GRIEVE FOR THEM, but don t feel responsible for their sin. iv Resist the lies / pray for your kids and get on with your life. v Psalm 127 vi That s right Solomon with his 700 wives and 300 women on the side is the author of this Psalm. vii Because we all have a sinful propensity to see ourselves and our efforts as primary relegating to a secondary role in what we do. viii So the 1st key to a satisfying family / home life is: ix 1.) Recognizing you can t get ahead without God. x Psalm 127:1-2 xi In 2 verses Solomon says: Accomplishment will not be satisfying without God. Security will not be satisfying without God. Work will not be satisfying without God. Doing life your way leads to anxiety Doing life God s way leads to rest xii So as we approach our responsibilities in life, we are to surrender them to His control. xiii Solomon says working longer hours won t guarantee meaningful work. xiv God gives sleep to His beloved. (v2) xv 2.) Recognizing the need for a right attitude towards children. xvi Working more / longer won t bring you the satisfaction you desire. And it won t get you ahead. It will actually set you back at the ONE PLACE you don t want SET BACKS HOME! xvii In verse 4 Solomon compares children to arrows in the hand of a warrior. xviii 1. Arrows must be shaped and sharpened. xix It is not untypical of God s gifts that first they become liabilities, or at least responsibilities, before they become obvious assets. The greater their promise, the more likely that these sons / daughters will be a handful before they are quiverful. Derek Kidner xx 2. Arrows must be aimed and released. xxi In that way Moms and Dads, the point of raising children is not to keep them for ourselves. 32

33 xxii children are arrows not swords. xxiii Our goal is to aim them at the target Satan s kingdom of darkness and release them as burning arrows for the cause of Chirst. xxiv So getting things right at home has HUGE implications for the community / state / nation / world. xxv If your Christianity doesn t work at home it doesn t work. So don t export it! Howard Hendricks 33