How to Handle Relationship Rifts Philippians 4:2-3. Pastor Troy Dobbs Grace Church of Eden Prairie. November 8, 2015

Transcription

1 How to Handle Relationship Rifts Philippians 4:2-3 Pastor Troy Dobbs Grace Church of Eden Prairie November 8, 2015 Have you ever heard the saying: Church would be great if it weren t for all the people. The truth is: People make the church a blessing and people make the church messy. i I mean you bring 2 people together and there are at least 30 opinions and 300 preferences. So pull a few thousand people together under one roof and things can get DICEY for sure! 1

2 And sadly, over the years I have watched a lot of Christian relationships go south in a hurry! Now for the record the Bible knows NOTHING of conflict management. The Bible ONLY knows CONFRONTATION that leads to CONFLICT RESOLUTION! ii Personally, I love knowing the Bible is committed to solving conflict not prolonging it. So what happens when Christians face interpersonal conflict? What happens when 2 godly people can t get along? What happens when believers come to a relational impasse? Let s see what Philippians 4:2-3 has to say: 2

3 READ TEXT Philippians 4:2-3 2 I entreat Euodia (prosperous journey) and I entreat Syntyche (fortunate) to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. iii Now envision sitting in this congregation listening to this letter being read aloud. There are two women, sitting on opposite sides of the room, listening intently. Each of them is surrounded by their family and friends. 3

4 They both nod affirmatively when Paul says: he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Phil. 1:6). Both women dabbed their eyes with tissues when the great Christ-hymn of chapter two was recited (Phil. 2:5-11). They both applauded Paul s passion to know Christ Jesus and Him crucified. They are all in until Paul boldly goes where few men have gone before! Amidst this letter Paul named names publicly. He crossed not 1 woman but 2! Now my guess is that Euodia and Syntyche wanted to crawl out of their skin and hide under the seats! 4

5 I mean can you fathom being called out publicly like that? If that happened here: It might empty the church OR it might fill the church at the very least it would be fun to show up just to see who gets called out until it was you! But let s take a closer look at these 2 verses: First: we can surmise here that both women were prominent in the church. Notice Paul says they were his partners in ministry. Second: we also know their fight was highly visible. I mean - why address it up publicly if the majority of people are unaware anyway 5

6 right? Third: in light of the fact that Paul does not take sides, the issue appears personal not doctrinal. If this were a teaching error, Paul would have taken sides! Notice too that Paul implores (pleads / begs) both of these women to agree with each other in the Lord. The word agree in the Greek refers to a musical note in a chord. In other words, Paul urges them to live in harmony with each other in the Lord. Interestingly, the phrase: In the Lord, is used by Paul 9 times in four chapters. 6

7 So to agree in the Lord means there is a higher vision for unity that goes Beyond our preferences Beyond our agendas Beyond our likes / dislikes. iv IN THE LORD forces us to get outside of ourselves. Moreover Paul obviously believes these women have what it takes to solve this crisis (v3) In verse 3 he says: They labored with me in the cause of the Gospel. They worked with Clement and the rest of the believers in the church. 7

8 They struggled against opposition. They contended for the faith. The word picture is of gladiators fighting side by side. Their names are written in the book of life. BIG PICTURE: these women get it but they just can t get along Now the identity of the true companion is a mystery. loyal yokefellow It could have been Epaphroditus. It could have been Syzygus (a proper name). v Notwithstanding, we are NOT certain who this individual was, but obviously Paul had a lot of confidence in this person s peace-making skills. So in this text Paul outlines 5 ways to resolve conflict between Christ-followers! 8

9 OUTLINES The first way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: 1.) Approach don t avoid. vi Approach the person don t avoid the person. Notice Paul calls both women to step it up - he urges both women to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation. He says: I entreat Euodia. I entreat Syntyche. He pushes each woman to lead out in resolving the conflict. That said: 9

10 We need to stop waiting for the other person to make a move. Christians are to take the initiative in seeking peace! Now we don t like to do that, do we? I ve got to be honest with you: When I m in conflict with someone I always put the next move on them. We tend to say things like: Let her call me this is her fault. She created this drama. Let him come to me, this is his deal he created this mess. It s not fair that I (always) have to take the first step. I m not the guilty party here. And I get those thoughts / feelings. 10

11 But Romans 12:18 reminds us, 8 If possible, so far as it depends ON YOU, live peaceably with all. vii You see, here s the thing I don t control YOU! I control ME! I can t control what you do. I can control what I do. So it is on us to do whatever we can (as much as we can) to bring peace. Now I ve found that Christians are brilliant at camouflaging personal preferences for doctrinal differences because it sounds spiritual and makes them look like they are defending the truth! viii Certainly I am all for defending the truth and you should be, too! 11

12 But my preferences are just that my preferences. My preferences aren t the gospel and neither are yours. Moreover, there are a million and one matters of preference that can keep us divided and upset. I have watched Christians get twisted up over: The style of music The color of carpet The thickness of toilet paper So we have to be willing to flex on our preferences for the good of the community. As well, it s also possible to hold correct doctrine in such a proud manner that it results in relational conflict. 12

13 So you can be right doctrinally, yet sinning in the way you use your correct view to think you re better than your brother / sister. ix So are you in a conflict right now? IF SO: Approach don t avoid. Take initiative don t wait around. OUTLINES The second way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: x 2.) Take responsibility don t blame. xi Notice that Paul does not even waste his time telling us the issue between Euodia and Syntyche because issues are never the issue people are the issue! 13

14 Now people may use various issues as the reason for the division, yet people are ultimately responsible! To be alive means to deal with some level of conflict but WE are responsible Not our issues Not our struggles Not our addictions Not our past. xii We have got to take responsibility for ourselves! For the most part every relationship we are in has a series of ongoing issues but the way we respond is the key. What we do with our words / responses is the key. 14

15 So take the initiative in seeking peace and take responsibility for you. xiii The third way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xiv 3.) Get help don t hide. xv Notice Paul s request in verse 3. True companion, help these women! Paul is showing Euodia / Syntyche that a 3 rd party can help. Now if you are going to get help from someone: 1. The outside party should be a mature, committed Christian. 15

16 The title true companion shows that Paul considered this person to be a mature Christian who was committed to the work of the Gospel. The same principle is stated in Galatians 6:1, you who are spiritual that is spiritually mature. Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. xvi So don t just seek help from anyone. Be smart! Choose wise / mature / godly people. Additionally The outside party should be objective. 16

17 Paul s objectivity is hinted at in his double use of the verb, I entreat I entreat. Here he doesn t take sides OR make judgments about who is most at fault. So as a 3 rd party trying to help remember Proverbs 18:17: The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him. xvii So a third party has to listen objectively. That said: if you are in conflict: get help but make sure the help is godly and mature. The fourth way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xviii 4.) Be positive don t be toxic. xix 17

18 Obviously, there s an issue here yet we don t know what it is. Moreover notice that Paul refuses to speak negatively about either woman. As a matter of fact he outlines several positive aspects about each woman. Each woman: Labored by His side Spread the gospel Believed on Christ Is genuinely saved So amidst conflict (especially as a 3 rd party) know it is important to lift up the giftedness and ministry of each person. In that way calling people to live up to their Christianity can go a long way. 18

19 It s like saying we know you are a Christian so live like one! Now with any conflict we need to keep in mind that our overall goal isn t just to have peace. Peace is nice and we all feel better when everyone is getting along. But there s a greater goal which points to Paul s last thought. The fifth way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xx 5.) Be gospel focused don t get sidetracked. xxi Listen the enemy is trying to render us ineffective and unproductive. 19

20 The enemy is trying to sidetrack us from the mission of spreading the gospel by fighting with each other. He knows quarreling Christians are not witnessing Christians. And sadly too many Christians are wasting their energy fighting each other - NOT THE GOSPEL. So we need to remember our enemy is the enemy. NO ONE IN THIS ROOM IS YOUR ENEMY. So let me ask you: Are you in conflict with anyone else in this church? 20

21 If so, you need to work at getting the problem resolved. The answer isn t just to pick up and move to another church. Now it may be hard work, it may require some painful selfconfrontation it may require the help of an outside party. But you need to resolve it. Remember: 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. xxii (Romans 12:18) Bottom line: What does the church look / feel like when there is God-honoring unity: 1. Calm assurance that God is really pleased and honored that peace not 21

22 conflict prevails in His house amongst His people. Psalm 133:1. Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! xxiii There will be spiritual growth and joy: 2. Christians prosper in a unified atmosphere. 3. The gospel is preserved, proclaimed and advanced with power through the vehicle of unity. 4. The church becomes an oasis of rest rather than a battlefield of division. 5. There is a vibrant gladness in corporate worship Psalm 122:1 6. Pre-Christians will be attracted to the community of faith Acts 2:47 22

23 7. The church gains a good reputation. 8. Christians will genuinely enjoy the company of one another Acts 2:46 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts. Acts 2:46 So, let s iron out our differences and live out our faith together in an atmosphere of peace to the glory of God and for the refreshment of our own souls! xxiv Because you don t want me to start naming names! xxv 23

24 i People make the church a blessing and people make the church messy. ii The Bible knows nothing of conflict management. The Bible only knows confrontation that leads to conflict resolution. iii Philippians 4:2-3 iv Agree in the Lord means there is a higher vision for unity that goes beyond our preferences, beyond our agendas and beyond our likes and dislikes. v It could have been Epaphroditus. It could have been Syzygus. vi Approach don t avoid. vii Romans 12:18 viii Now I ve often found Christians are brilliant at camouflaging personal preferences for doctrinal differences because it sounds spiritual and makes me look like I am defending the truth! ix You can be right doctrinally, yet sinning in the way you use your correct view to think you re better than your brother or sister. x The second way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xi Take responsibility don t blame. xii To be alive means to deal with some level of conflict. But WE are responsible not our issues, not our struggles, not our addictions and not our past. xiii So take the initiative in seeking peace and take responsibility for you. xiv The third way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xv Get help don t hide. xvi Galatians 6:1 xvii Proverbs 18:17 xviii The fourth way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xix Be positive don t be toxic. xx The fifth way for Christians to resolve conflict is to embrace the mindset: xxi Be gospel focused don t get sidetracked. xxii Romans 12:18 xxiii Psalm 133:1 xxiv Let s iron out our differences and live out our faith together in an atmosphere of peace to the glory of God and for the refreshment of our own souls! xxv Because you don t want me to start naming names. 24