1. So you think the earth is round. What do you know? You re just a kid

Transcription

1 1. So you think the earth is round. What do you know? You re just a kid 2. I heard Barrack Obama say that Pluto has a surface temperature of 403 degrees and he must know because he is the President of the United States of America 3. What a cute puppy. Do you really think that he could have chewed your pink purse. He s way to cute to be evil 4. I heard that the Panda likes to eat shoots and leaves. Pandas know how to shoot? 5. Tawfik knows nothing about beavers. How could he? He s only a teenage boy 6. The lack of evidence for the existence of the Easter Bunny shows how clever the Easter Bunny really in avoiding detection 7. Paris Hilton says that there is life on Mars, so there must be life on Mars because she s famous and famous people know a lot of things non-famous people don t. 8. Bill Gates is the richest man in the world. Since he eats Koala burgers for breakfast, koala burgers must be a good breakfast food

2 9. Poor, uneducated people lead better, more moral lives than rich people, and since they go to church more often, it must be good to go to Church 10. Why do I have to work weekends when nobody else in the company does? Well if you really feel like that, I can find another employee very quickly, thanks to Craigslist. 11. NAFTA is wrong, and if you don t vote against it then we will vote you out of the office 12. You had better agree that the new company policy is the best bet if you expect to keep your job 13. I think he would be a terrible coach for the team. He has had his hear set on this job and it would really break it if he didn t get it. I guess he will do an ok job. 14. I m positive my work will meet your requirements. I really need this job anyway, my grandmother is very sick. 15. I should get an A in this class. And if I don t get it, I probably won t get that scholarship that I was promised. 16. The New Ultra Skinny diet will make you feel great. No longer will you be troubled by your weight. Enjoy admiring stares from the opposite sex, you will know true happiness of you try our diet.

3 17. Luke didn't want to eat his sheep's brains with chopped liver and brussel sprouts, but his father told him to think about the poor, starving children in a third world country who weren't fortunate enough to have any food at all. 18. You can t give me a bad grade my parents will be so angry with me and you are my favorite teacher 19. All children should have enough attention from their parents. Parents who work full time can not give enough attention to their children. Therefore, mothers should not work full-time 20. I think that we should make the academic requirements stricter for students. I recommend that you support this, because we are in a budget crisis and we do not want our salaries affected 21. The 52 former hostages are seen as national heroes. I consider them survivors. A hero is one who is admired for his achievements and qualities. Therefore, the true heroes are those servicemen who volunteered for the failed rescue mission." 22. Not able to defend his position that evolution 'isn't true' Bob says that he knows a scientist who also questions evolution (and presumably isn't a primate).

4 23. My 5th grade teacher once told me that girls will go crazy for boys if they learn how to dance. Therefore, if you want to make the ladies go crazy for you, learn to dance. 24. The Pope told me that priests can turn bread and wine into Jesus body and blood. The Pope is not a liar. Therefore, priests really can do this. 25. You say I shouldn't drink, but you haven't been sober for more than a year. 26. Jane says that drug use is morally wrong, but she is just a goody-two shoes Christian, so we don't have to listen to her 27. No one has objected to Lander's parking policies during the last month of classes, so I suppose those policies are very good. 28. Although we have proven that the moon is not made of spare ribs, we have not proven that its core cannot be filled with them; therefore, the moon s core is filled with spare ribs. 29. Since you cannot prove that ghosts do not exist, they must exist. 30. Thou shalt not kill; therefore, you should not try to control termites in your home or fight for your country. 31. All persons are created equal, so since you made a C in this class, you haven't been working as hard as you should."

5 32. Wow! Did you see that teenager run that red light? Teenage drivers are really pathetic." 33. Every day, I eat cereal for breakfast. One time, I had a muffin instead, and there was a major earthquake in my city. I've eaten cereal ever since. 34. During the past two months, every time the cheerleaders have worn blue ribbons, the basketball team has won. So if we want to keep winning, they had better continue to wear the blue ribbons. 35. Every time Cristiano Renaldo scores more than 1 goal a game, his team wins. So all Renaldo has to do for his team to win every match is score at least one goal 36. How many school shootings should we tolerate before we change the gun laws? 37. Have you stopped using illegal sales practices? 38. The sign said "fine for parking here", and since it was fine, I parked there. 39. A plane is a carpenter's tool, and the Boeing 737 is a plane, hence the Boeing 737 is a carpenter's tool 40. Last night I shot a burglar in my pyjamas.

6 41. A reckless motorist Thursday struck and injured a student who was jogging through the campus in his pickup truck. 42. A tiger eats more food than a human being. Therefore, tigers, as a group, eat more food than do all the humans on the earth. 43. Come on, you like beef, potatoes, and green beans, so you will like this beef, potato, and green bean ice cream.