Pursuing Peace & Purity in the Family: When Sinners Say I Do, & Children Say I Won t

Size: px

Start display at page:

Download "Pursuing Peace & Purity in the Family: When Sinners Say I Do, & Children Say I Won t"

Jasmin Elliott
5 years ago
Views:

1 Pursuing Peace & Purity in the Family: When Sinners Say I Do, & Children Say I Won t July 23 Week One: Overview of the Class Marital Moments and Prideful Parenting in Scripture Andy Winn July 30 Week Two: Conflict Provides Opportunities: A Biblical Framework for Peacemaking Kenny Taylor Aug 6 Week Three: Pursuing Peace in the Marriage/Family: Confession, Confrontation, & Forgiveness Andy Winn Aug 13 Week Four: Why, When, How Do I Teach My Children About Sex Ben Zweigle Aug 20 Week Five: How to Exemplify a Marriage That Keeps the Marriage Bed Undefiled Ben Zweigle Aug 27 Week Six: Staying on Top of Conflict: Avoiding the Slippery Slope Andy Winn Marital Moments" and Prideful Parenting Introduction: Marriage and parenting can often bring opportunities to demonstrate grace or to reveal pride. Where two or three are gathered there s a conflict waiting to happen. (Ken Sande, Peacemaking for Families). Questions to Ponder: What have you noticed (in other people, or course;) to be the greatest cause for marital or parental conflict? Why is it that the person or people we love the most can often bring out the worst in us? Illustration: Queen Frostine card from Candyland Point: The card wasn t the issue it was just the trigger that revealed the idol in the heart (selfishness, pride, sinful competition, etc.). Also though we need to ask the Spirit to root out the sinful tendencies in our lives that bring conflict it is also practical to minimize or avoid the triggers that could ignite an area of immaturity in our life that, left unchecked, could lead to sinful conflict. (Example: The bittersweet moment of winning a game in the Winn household).

2 In a recent TGC article, Matthew Barratt writes, Perhaps nowhere is the opportunity for conflict more evident than in raising children. We often refer to marriage and family as The Workshop of Sanctification. If you are a parent, you know how stressful it can be and how trying to your own sanctification it can be to have a child who is relentless, disturbing the entire household with screams during the night. Luther's household was no exception. Bainton writes, The rearing of children is a trial for both parents. To one of his youngsters Luther said, Child, what have you done that I should love you so? You have disturbed the whole household with your bawling. And when a baby cried for an hour and the parents were at the end of their resources, he remarked, This is the sort of thing that has caused the Church fathers to vilify marriage. But God before the last day has brought back marriage and the magistracy to their proper esteem. The mother of course has the brunt of it. But the father may have to hang out the diapers, to the neighbors' amusement. Let them laugh. God and the angels smile in heaven. Notice the Following Scenarios of Marital Moments (with contemporary summaries): The Blame Game Adam & Eve 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. (Genesis 3:4 7 ESV) He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" 12 The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate." (Genesis 3:11 12 ESV) Luther exclaimed at one point, What a lot of trouble there is in marriage! Adam has made a mess of our nature. Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their nine hundred years. Eve would say, 'You ate the apple,' and Adam would retort, 'You gave it to me.' Genesis 3:4-7, 12 Faced with pressure and forced to give an account to the Lord, Adam isolates Eve. They were no longer one flesh; instead it became each person for themselves and selfpreservation. Adam reverts to child-like blame-shifting. Husband s failure to understand his role as wife s head. After all, God was calling for him in the garden after they had eaten for the tree. He s ultimately the one that will have to give an account.

3 The Emotionally Disconnected Husband (Elkanah and Hannah)* 6 And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. 7 So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. 8 And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?" (1 Samuel 1:5 8 ESV) Elkanah is a profound discouragement to Hannah by reacting to her prolonged sorrow with a self-centered, unhelpful word. 1 Samuel 1:8 Husband s instinct to solve rather than to love and abide. Context: (a) polygamous relationship, (b) years of torment by Penninah, (c) years of longing for a child. Need to fight temptation to think that Christian contentment is just one insight away. We run into problems when we deny Eccl 3:1-9 and assume Christian default emotional setting is joy. Fine, I ll Just Do It Myself (Moses and Zipporah)* At a lodging place on the way the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. 25 Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin and touched Moses' feet with it and said, "Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me!" 26 So he let him alone. It was then that she said, "A bridegroom of blood," because of the circumcision. (Exodus 4:24 26 ESV) Zipporah s anger inflamed by Moses s failure to lead and act as he should. She saves him from God s judgment (good), but then she can t resist sharply scolding him with something far more than loving correction ( bridegroom of blood! ) Exodus 4:24-26 Wife s self-righteous, disrespect of husband, and husband s failure to be faithful to God s commands as the wouldbe spiritual leader of God s people. Husbands and wives are gift to each other, in part, as aids to one another s sanctification. Of course there will be times where we ll save each other s spiritual bacon that doesn t give us license to lord it over each other.

4 Is That What You re Wearing? (David and Mikal)* And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, "How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants' female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!" 21 And David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the LORD and I will celebrate before the LORD. 22 I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes. But by the female servants of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honor." 23 And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death. (2 Samuel 6:20 23 ESV) Michal rips into David for the style of his public worship associated with the return of the ark. She s referenced as the daughter of Saul rather than wife of David, which perhaps speaks to her lack of faith. 2 Samuel 6:20-23 Wife s apparent pride. She despised him in her heart, and the overflow of her heart was to demean her husband s genuine worship of God. It s easier to weep with those who weep than rejoice with those who rejoice. She clearly didn t share David s zeal for the Lord, and it s out of this pride and lack of godly love that she spoke. Squabble on Honeymoon: Prioritizing Parents over Spouse (Sampson and First Wife) And he said to them, "Out of the eater came something to eat. Out of the strong came something sweet." And in three days they could not solve the riddle. 15 On the fourth day they said to Samson's wife, "Entice your husband to tell us what the riddle is, lest we burn you and your father's house with fire. Have you invited us here to impoverish us?" 16 And Samson's wife wept over him and said, "You only hate me; you do not love me. You have put a riddle to my people, and you have not told me what it is." And he said to her, "Behold, I have not told my father nor my mother, and shall I tell you?" (Judges 14:14 16 ESV) Are You Embarrassed of Me? (Abram and Sarai) When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to Sarai his wife, "I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance, 12 and when the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me, but they will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake." (Genesis 12:11 13 ESV) You re Just Like Your Father! (Isaac and Rebekah) When the men of the place asked him about his wife, he said, "She is my sister," for he feared to say, "My wife," thinking, "lest the men of the place should kill me because of Rebekah," because she was attractive in appearance. 8 When he had been there a long time, Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out of a window and saw Isaac laughing with Rebekah his wife. (Genesis 26:7 8 ESV)

5 Volcanic Explosion (Rachel and Jacob) When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" 2 Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, "Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?" 3 Then she said, "Here is my servant Bilhah; go in to her, so that she may give birth on my behalf, that even I may have children through her." So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife, and Jacob went in to her. (Genesis 30:1 4 ESV) No, I Didn t! Oh, Yes, You Did! (Abraham and Sarah) The LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." 15 But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. He said, "No, but you did laugh." (Genesis 18:13 15 ESV) But I Thought That s What You Wanted! (Abram and Sarai) 2 And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. 3 So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. 4 And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. 5 And Sarai said to Abram, "May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the LORD judge between you and me!" (Genesis 16:1 5 ESV) That Just Makes No Sense (Job and His wife) Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die." 10 But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips. (Job 2:9 10 ESV) When Marriage Meets Mercy And the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins." 2 So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley. 3 And I said to her, "You must dwell as mine for many days. You shall not play the whore, or belong to another man; so will I also be to you." (Hosea 3:1 3 ESV)

6 What Can We Learn from These Biblical Examples of Marital Conflict? Notice the following ten observations: (1) There are no perfect people nor are there perfect marriages (2) Marriage has been hard ever since the Fall (3) Even in a perfect scenario and an ideal setting, we still would find a way to sinfully respond to conflict (i.e. The Garden of Eden) (4) Many of the giants of our faith struggled (5) Despite these moments of massive conflict, these marriages endured (6) In some of the hottest moments, notice how rash decisions were made that had longlasting results (7) Conflict comes in many different flavors (8) Conflict doesn t justify a sinful response, but can easily lead to one (9) God helps us in our weakness and is able to forgive our sinful responses (10) God uses imperfect marriages to picture his perfect relationship with His bride, the church. Remember our identify is not ultimately as a father, mother, wife nor husband; our identify is found in Christ. We will always be a child of God we will temporarily be a husband/wife and a father/mother. Conclude with Hebrews 13:4 6

Pursuing Peace & Purity in the Family: When Sinners Say I Do, & Children Say I Won t

Pursuing Peace & Purity in the Family: When Sinners Say I Do, & Children Say I Won t July 23 - Week One: Overview of the Class - Marital Moments and Prideful Parenting in Scripture - Andy Winn July 30