The Gerus Guide. The Step by Step Guide to Conversion to Orthodox Judaism. Sample Chapter. Rabbi Aryeh Moshen

Transcription

1 The Gerus Guide The Step by Step Guide to Conversion to Orthodox Judaism Rabbi Aryeh Moshen Sample Chapter

2 The Gerus Guide Sample Chapter

3 I would expect the candidate to read this entire chapter and then review it, only putting into practice what you have read on the second reading. I expect the average candidate to take about one year to complete this section. 1. In the event that you are a male and have not been circumcised, do not have yourself circumcised. In your case, the Beis Din will supervise your circumcision. It will then be performed with the proper blessing. Circumcision in Judaism requires that the entire foreskin be removed. The majority of men who have been circumcised do not have any of their foreskins. Those who have a residual foreskin will be able to be circumcised about a month prior to their conversion. The others will have one or two drops of blood drawn immediately before their immersion in a Mikveh at their conversion ceremony. It is a Mitzvah to perform the circumcision of Gerim as well as Jews-by-birth. By having yourself circumcised beforehand, you rob yourself of this Mitzvah. Your full circumcision also gives you an opportunity to fulfill a real Mitzvah as a Jew before your Mikveh date. This Mitzvah is only open to those who have foreskins. 2. Learn a bit of humility. I have heard many people tell me or write me things that have only led me to believe that they are poor candidates for conversion. You don t know more than your Beis Din. You don t know more than your Local Orthodox Rabbi. And unless you are a Rosh Yeshiva or Rav, you don t even know more than me. Batey Din are not united under a single source 1 and are independent of each other. They each have their own standards. This composition does not include each and every one of their standards. I don t know them all, nor do I think that anyone does. The London Beis Din has its own standards and everyone respects them. Don t think that if you can quote a Gemara (no matter how you got the Gemara to quote) you can tell them how they should run their conversions. It won t happen. The same with every other Beis Din. IF you want to convert, then you must be prepared to follow the requirements of your Beis Din. Period. End of sentence. And don t whine. It is OK to be excited, to jump up and down, and to cry in the presence of your Rav, mentor, or Beis Din 2. It is not OK to complain about them and how much they are making you do. You have options. If you don t like their requirements, you can always stay a non-jew. You can get into heaven as a non-jew. 3. If you live in the UK, register with the London Beis Din. Those converting in the UK typically live in London or Manchester. 4. If you live in South Africa, register with the local Beis Din. They have their own style. The two-year minimum that they have starts once they have accepted your application and not when you start to prepare for conversion. One of our members had been very well prepared before he applied and they required him to wait months after he was otherwise ready to convert. 5. Learn to disbelieve. You may hear many things and see many things that may not be correct. Well-meaning (and many not so well-meaning) Jews and Gentiles may 1 Even the Batey Din that attend the EJF Meetings are independent and each has its own standards. 2 It would actually be better to cry and show emotion than to try to be a robot, displaying none.

4 provide information that is neither productive nor accurate. You may even see things that not appear to be what they should be. Jot down your questions and observations. Ask your mentor and/or rabbi. 6. There are times when a prospective convert learns something and then thinks that all Orthodox Jews are doing the wrong thing. While it is possible that many in your community are not totally observant, if you live in an observant community it is not likely that everyone is doing the wrong thing. Discuss these issues with your mentor, LOR, and Beis Din as they arise. There is much room for confusion in Judaism and different opinions are not necessarily considered wrong. 7. While there is no rule by which all Batey Din operate, the minimum time in North America from this point until your conversion should be two years. In the UK, expect it to take five years from your application until your conversion. I understand that the Amsterdam Beis Din will require seven years of study prior to conversion. My minimum amount of time for North American conversions assumes that you are able to devote at least several hours each week to study and practice Judaism. There are many reasons why it might take longer. Please do not try to rush it as the easiest way to make mistakes is to try to accomplish too much too quickly. 8. Be very careful when you implement something you hear or read. For example, there is a prohibition of mixed fibers in Leviticus. The prohibition is limited to wool and linen 3 and does not apply to standard mixtures of cotton and polyester that are commonly found in men s shirts or even wool and polyester. When you have questions as to how something should be implemented, speak to your mentor or local Orthodox Rabbi. Feel free to write me or post your question on our group site. Whatever you do, don t throw anything out until you have clarified the issue with someone who is truly knowledgeable in Orthodox Judaism. 9. If you are married to a non-jew, is your spouse interested in joining you in Judaism? Judaism does not permit mixed marriages. We are aware that other religions permit mixed marriages. Judaism does not. If your spouse does not want to convert to Judaism, you must remain a Noahide until such time that you are separated or s/he changes her/his mind. And do not tell your mentor that you know someone who converted to Conservative or Reform Judaism with a non-jewish spouse. Their standards are not our standards. Their conversions are not our conversions. We do not consider their converts as being Jews. 10. If you are married to a Jew, is your spouse prepared to become fully observant? Is s/he willing to support you fully in your quest? Is s/he willing to raise all children as observant Jews? If not, know that through your increased observance if done with joy and without nagging they may come to support you fully and you may help bring a Jew back to Judaism. But for you to convert they should become shomer mitzvoth (fully observant). In the event that your spouse is unwilling to go the full nine yards but is very cooperative, speak to your Rav and Beis Din. This does not mean that you should give up, but rather that you should be aware that there might be a bone of 3 Shaatnez, and it will be discussed later in this composition.

5 contention in the future and for you to decide how to address it. As someone at this point is several months (or more) away from her/his conversion, it is not yet an issue. 11. If you are under 18 years of age, no rabbi will work with you unless your parents give their explicit permission. Even so, it might be hard to find someone to work with you as we take a conversion very seriously and many teens may not be ready to convert. Some rabbis will not want to convert college students because you still have many living issues as you go home regularly and your parents are still financially supporting you. However, many have converted when in college or immediately upon graduation. Your rabbi will judge you as an individual and work with you if he feels that you are ready to prepare for Judaism. If you are living with your parents, you may want to modify your conversion preparation to minimize any conflicts with your parents. This is very important. You will be expected to live in a place where you are free of outside influences before your conversion. Discuss your situation with your rabbi. 12. If you have children, do they live at home? Is the entire family unit converting? There are times when a child, usually a pre-pubescent male, is unsure of his ability to convert with his parent and to acclimate into an Orthodox community. The study requirements are huge. The differences are frightening. For a while, he will not be able to fit either into the peer group he was in nor the Orthodox group in which you would like him to be. This is especially true if his features do not appear to be Jewish 4. Girls seem to have it easier than boys. There are rare occasions when we tell these boys that they do have the option of remaining non-jews 5. It takes the pressure off them and lets them decide if they can and want to convert. It is usually easier if they convert in a small city 6 rather than a place like Brooklyn. The London Beis Din policy does not permit a parent to convert whilst children living at home are not converting. 13. If you have children who are converting with you they should be ready to convert, not only having studied some of the laws of Judaism, but also ready to be enrolled in a Yeshiva or day school. They should have Jewish friends who are enrolled in the same schools, hopefully the same grades. You will need to learn what the requirements are in the day school. Your Local Orthodox Rabbi may be needed to introduce you to the headmaster of this school (often a rabbi) and to coordinate your children s applications together with your conversion. One cannot compare the other religions private schools to Yeshivas. Yeshiva education provides intensive Judaic studies (in the original) to our sons and daughters. These courses are not optional. 14. Can you articulate why you want to convert? Can you articulate why you believe in Judaism to the exclusion of all other religions? Write it down. This will become part of your personal statement. There are many reasons to convert to Judaism. Once, someone told me that he had a reason that made sense to him but was absolutely 100% certain that no one would understand him. He asked me to promise that I would not laugh. When he told it to me, I responded that it was not the first time I 4 Many whites have features that look very foreign to Jews. 5 There are Batey Din who will not convert anyone unless all those living under the same roof will be Jews. 6 From an Orthodox point. Dallas and Houston would qualify as a small city.

6 heard it. In fact, it was the same reason that Levi (one of my first students) decided to convert. Don t be afraid of telling your Local Orthodox Rabbi and mentor why you want to convert. You may even have several good reasons. Write them all. You may even want to put them as bullets under the Why I Want to Convert title. The only requirement is that they all be true. They might sound far-fetched to outsiders but they represent the true you and someone who has worked with Gerim will understand them. Don t be afraid of being long-winded. Write. 15. Read the personal statement template 7 and begin working on your statement. You will periodically modify it. This working document will help your Local Orthodox Rabbi, Mentor, and Beis Din members understand where you are on the conversion path. You will periodically update it as you progress. According to one very wellknown mentor, you should sit down with your Local Orthodox Rabbi (LOR) at this point. Get used to the acronym, LOR. I like to see personal statements with many bullets on it. All of your milestones should be bullet points on the personal statement. Let your mentor review it regularly. S/he may want you to make a few modifications. 16. Men buy Kipot (yarmulkes). You will wear one when praying, when visiting your mentor, when in the synagogue, and when studying Torah. At this point it is not necessary, and may not be recommended, for you to wear it all the time. When you want to, discuss it with your mentor and/or LOR 8. Ladies should have clothing that meets Orthodox standards and wear these when meeting with their rabbi, attending synagogue, and meeting with their mentors. Ladies are phasing in their modest clothing. 17. Find someone who can answer your questions and give you direction. Do not assume that this will be provided as a free service. S/he will become [one of] your mentor[s]. If you are converting via the London Beis Din, they will require you to move in with an Orthodox family so that you can learn the practical aspects of being Jewish. While other Batey Din does not usually require it, it is a very good way to learn how to be a Jew. 18. Read the Aspects of the Sabbath section of the appendix and consider its implementation. Start slowly. It is better to implement the Sabbath slowly than to quickly try to implement all features and find that you have to back-track. If you do have to back-track, don t worry. I won t write you with an I told you so tone. Neither will Hashem. 19. The Sabbath is a special gift that Hashem gave the Jews and that we give Hashem. By observing the Sabbath, we declare that Hashem is the master of the universe and we are merely permitted to use it. As a declaration of His ownership, we surrender all physically creative activities to Him and declare the Sabbath to be a spiritual day. Hashem, on the other hand, wants Jews to observe the Sabbath but doesn t want non- Jews to do so. 7 In the appendix. 8 Local Orthodox Rabbi

7 20. Understand the following concept: Mitzvah. A Mitzvah is not a good deed 9. It is a commandment that binds a Jew to G-d. Judaism requires that the Jews follow the commandments in order to build a world according to the blueprint (the Torah) that its Creator gave us. By converting, you become bound to the Jewish Nation as well as G-d. 21. At this point, you should be finished learning the Hebrew Alphabet and pronouncing one and two-syllable words. You should be ready to try to read from the Siddur. Turn to Adon Olam, page 12/13 in the Artscroll. Read the English. Then start to read the Hebrew. Take your time. If you have a tutor, read it to your tutor the next time s/he meets with you. Congratulate yourself. This is a major milestone. Resolve to say Adon Olam at least one time each day. Consider it your first prayer. You may want to learn one of the tunes to which Adon Olam is often sung. 22. Go through all your possessions and identify any that are unique to other religions, such as crosses, crucifixes, and medals of saints. Give or sell them. At this point you are no longer your former self. You have begun to transition to a candidate for conversion to Judaism. 23. Continue in the Siddur. Learn Modeh Ani (page 2/3). Say it every morning when you awake. 24. Begin to learn the Daily Blessings (pages 14-21). Once you have learned them, start to say them, each and every day. 25. Start ritual washing in the morning. Pour water on each of your hands three times, first on right 10, then on left, then repeat two more times. Repeat a time additional time to wash the water of the third off. You may want to buy a special cup (called negel vasser cup in Yiddish) that has two handles for this purpose. 26. Read the Shma (pages 90-95) in English and then in Hebrew. This is a major prayer in Judaism. There is a Mitzvah to read twice daily, morning and night. Your daily service should now consist of the following: Morning Evening Modeh Ani Washing hands Adon Olam Morning Blessings Shma Shma 9 However, doing goods deeds are usually fulfillment of Mitzvoth. 10 The right hand is on the left side of someone who is left-handed.

8 Adon Olam 27. If you live in a community that has a kosher restaurant, start to patronize it, according to your schedule and budget. 28. It is time to locate at least one orthodox synagogue (never say temple, we have one Temple and it is in Jerusalem) near you and prepare to visit it also. Note: men wear head coverings in synagogues. (Orthodox men wear head coverings at all times.) Please dress in accordance to the guidelines previously stated even if you are not ready to implement them in your daily life. Please be aware that most Jews have never met a convert and might not be comfortable in the presence of someone considering conversion that they do not yet know. In time, you will be known and liked by the Jews of your community. If you don t live in a Jewish community, you might want to begin to consider relocating to a Jewish community. If you have a mentor, then discuss your options with her/him. Otherwise, write the moderators of OCJ for help in locating possible communities. At this point, both men and women should have their synagogue wardrobe, clothes that will make you look and feel at home when in synagogue or when speaking to a rabbi. In preparation for your synagogue visit, learn the following terms. You should be able to google them. You may want to have a physical or virtual scrap book for all the terms you will learn. Aron Kodesh Sefer (pl: Sifrei) Torah Bimah Amud (Lecturn) Chumash Parshah Haftarah Rabbi Chazzan Mechitzah Minyan Kippah / Yarmalka Shma Shmoneh Esreh Amidah Services (Shacharis, Minchah, Maariv) Parshah (pl: Parshiyos). It is important to note that synagogues do not usually limit their membership to those who pass several litmus tests. As such, many Orthodox Synagogues have members

9 who do not live up to all Orthodox standards. In some cases, these may even hold prominent positions in the synagogue. If you see something you don t understand, make a mental note and discuss the issue in private with the local orthodox rabbi, your mentor, or the OCJ group. 29. Continue with reading the Siddur and studying the notes and instructions. Become comfortable with the format of the daily and Sabbath services. 30. The blessings of the Shma are now added to your daily services. They are found on Artscroll pages for the morning service and for the evening service. 31. Begin to re-read To Be a Jew. The first chapter contains little more than basics concepts. The second chapter introduces the idea of Halachah, Jewish Law. Please pay close attention when you get to page 52 and start to read the Laws relating to slander, revenge, and deceit. 32. Discuss the details of To Be a Jew with your mentor. Begin to implement your observances. Do not buy a Talis, Tefillin, or Mezuzot at this point. 33. Continue reading To Be a Jew with Chapter 5: The Sabbath: An Island in Time. Begin to make plans to prepare for the Sabbath. Study this chapter well. Begin to implement it in the next step. Do not anticipate that you will fulfill this entire chapter in the next few steps. Please note that To Be a Jew is an excellent introduction and includes a few details but does not include enough material for someone to fully learn any subject. The laws of the Sabbath are quite extensive and you will study them in detail in the near future. 34. You will now begin to observe the Sabbath. Your first step in Sabbath observance is the Friday night meal. From now on, you will dress up for the meal that greets the Sabbath Queen. Let your Friday Night meals reflect the glory that the Sabbath deserves. 35. Read the Going Kosher steps in the appendix and begin, slowly 11, to implement them. Only do the first step at this point. Add the date of this step to your Personal Statement. Implement the next steps at your pace, adding them to your Personal Statement. During the course of your conversion, you will become acquainted with the various symbols that indicate that a food is kosher. Your mentor and Local Orthodox Rabbi will let you know which ones they trust and which ones they avoid. Your first step is to cease to purchase pig-based meats (ham, pork, bacon) and products that contain these. You may continue to eat the products that you have during the next month. After that, your diet will contain no pork products. This is also a milestone. Read Chapter 6 of To Be a Jew. 36. Stop purchasing shell fish. This is your second step to going kosher. Enter it and today s date into your personal statement. Learn which fish are kosher and only purchase those fish. Start to use a kosher fish store if there is one near your 11 Some people prefer to take the first few steps at once. If it works for you, fine.

10 neighborhood. Finish all cans of non-kosher fish as well as any other non-kosher fish and seafood within the next month. 37. Buy The Waters of Eden by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan. This book introduces the laws of family purity to the convert. Read it, even if you are single. Read Chapter seven of To Be a Jew. If you are married, you may want to begin to consider how to implement family purity laws into your life. Discuss this with your mentor. It will be necessary for you to purchase at least one book that deals with the details of family purity and to phase in your practices. 38. Make plans to meet with an orthodox rabbi, preferably your local orthodox rabbi 12. Discuss what you believe, what you ve mastered (Hebrew, beginning Siddur, starting to migrate to being kosher, etc.) and what you would like to do. Make plans to attend at least one of the Sabbath Services each week. 39. In the event that there are any boys between the ages of 9 and 12 who have not been surgically circumcised, please inform your local orthodox rabbi of such. It is generally better for these to have their full circumcisions (in the presence of a Beis Din) as early as possible rather than wait for later in their conversion process. Once a boy is pubescent, it matters not when he is circumcised. 40. Learn the role of Jews in Judaism. There is no clergy in Judaism in the manner of a Catholic or even some Protestant clergy. In Judaism, there is a clergy of the faith. Thus a 13-year old man (not boy) is equal to the community s rabbis when it comes to ritual responsibility. He is as likely as the next to lead the service or read the Torah. When converting, most men will be expected to learn how to function as a member of the clergy of the faith. It is one of the reasons why it takes longer to convert to Judaism than to any other faith. Don t be dismayed when you see a 13- year old read the Torah very well. Jewish boys are trained in all aspects so that by the time that they become men they will be able to function as Jewish men. If you are dedicated, then in a few years you too will be able to read the Torah as it is written without vowels, cantillation notes, or periods. Even though women are not required to be Torah readers, I see nothing wrong with them learning the trop 13 so that they can review the weekly reading of the Torah. 41. You have already finished eating all non-kosher animals and fish that were left in your house. You no longer order these foods in non-kosher restaurants. Your personal statement already has been updated to show that you have accepted the prohibition of non-kosher animals, seafood, and fish. 42. Start buying kosher meat. Plan to stop buying non-kosher meat. Note when you cook that kosher meat is saltier than non-kosher meat. You may want to adjust your recipes accordingly. 12 NB: Orthodox Jews avoid all forms of physical contact with members of the opposite gender. Therefore, if you are a woman, do not extend your hand to the rabbis you meet. This prohibition extends to older children and in many families to almost all children. 13 Cantillation.

11 43. Make your Friday night meals free of distraction. No phone calls. No cell phones in your pockets when you re at the table. No television. No radio. 44. Stop buying non-kosher cheeses. From this point on, buy only kosher cheese, even if you must order it from an out-of-town source. Finish all non-kosher cheese within one month of this date. From this point on, only buy kosher pizza. 45. Locate sources for kosher wine. Look for wine that is labeled Mevushal. You may take a few months to finish all non-kosher wines. 46. Note the kashruth status of your canned and packaged goods. Note which are kosher. Begin to make plans to purchase only kosher products. Learn how to substitute kosher products for non-kosher products you like. 47. We are required to be properly groomed as we welcome the Sabbath. For that reason, most of us trim our nails and beards; polish our shoes; etc. on Fridays. After we shower, we dress in our Sabbath attire, which should be better than that which we wear during the work week. Many of us have a part of our wardrobe that is reserved for the Sabbaths, Festivals, weddings, etc. 48. While during the week, we might take our meals on a hurried pace, with different members of the family eating at different times, this is not the case on the Sabbath. Our meals are at least as important as synagogue services. In this aspect, Orthodox Judaism is unique among the religions. While other religions call their worship centers churches and temples, if we were to call any places our temples, they would be our dining rooms. Remember the Mishnah in Avos, but if three ate at one table and spoke words of Torah, it is as if they were eating at Hashem s table 14. We stagger our courses with singing Zemiros 15 and Divrey Torah, according to our abilities. If we can, we invite others to join us, especially those who have no family with whom they can eat. This way, our table truly becomes an altar and our meal becomes a service to Hashem. As such, we should prepare and plate our meals in such a way that they are fitting to be served at a meal where the King of Kings joins us. One may have general conversations at the table but may not talk about workrelated issues. It is best to have words of Torah spoken at the table. There are several Sefarim 16 that have very good Divery Torah 17 in English. Thus, even someone to whom Orthodox Judaism is new should be able to prepare a few Divrey Torah each week. There are various customs as to what foods are eaten at which meals, none of which are wrong. 49. It is also a good idea to dedicate the Sabbath meals to be totally free of Lashon Hara 18. We state at the beginning of each meal that we will refrain of talking ill of our fellow man. As we invite Hashem to our table and all people are Hashem s 14 Avoth, 3:4 15 Songs of a religious nature 16 Books. At this point, there are dozens available! 17 Words of Torah (a speech) 18 Speaking ill of someone, even if true. There are actually laws that define what we may say about someone. When it doubt, silence is the best option.

12 children, we honor Hashem by not talking ill of His sons and daughters in His presence. 50. Many people from diverse pasts have converted. This paragraph will deal in terms of integration into your community 19. You may have on the web a long since forgotten embarrassing profile or have possibly posted unfavorable pictures of yourself that you may want to contend with. All the intricate details of your past may not necessarily be your community's concern, and should not be their concern. In fact, one of the classic scenarios that our rabbis 20, of blessed memory, use as an example to admonish one who uses harsh words that hurt others is the reminding to a sincere convert regarding his past history 21. However, your Beis Din will certainly want to know your full and complete history. In fact, some Batey Din mandate a signed consent for a thorough background check. Please be aware, that any attempt to hide or conceal part of your past may indeed be considered grounds for refusal on their part. On the other hand from their experience, they are not without compassion and understanding. They know to treat the details of your history and file as private and confidential. In fact, many people from diverse pasts have converted in spite of a faux pas in their past. Never-the-less, from this point onwards, your profile and public information should not reflect your past but rather your future. Speaking from experience, some of my candidates have been converted by a certain Beis Din. They had information that they did not discuss with me, even though they are well acquainted with me. In one case, I understood from the questions that they asked me what the information was but only when I asked them, and they realized that I had already known it, were they comfortable discussing it with me. That is how far they go when it comes to talking Lashon Hara about someone who is not Jewish. We should all learn from their discretion and practice the same, with Jews and non-jews. There was another time when a certain rabbi wanted to dissuade me from pursuing a match for someone who had converted (not one of our members). He only told me his reason after I promised that I would still invite the gentleman to my table in spite of this information and that I not tell any members of my household, including my wife. 51. You re now ready for your first visit to the synagogue, if you haven t already gone. You may want to call ahead and tell the rabbi that this will be your first visit and ask if he could assign someone to sit with you 22. Orthodox synagogues are arranged so that the men and women sit separately. Women may sit in a balcony or behind a Mechitzah 23. You already know that the Siddur opens right to left. Sabbath morning services will require both a Siddur and a Chumash 24. Various different places and degrees of Orthodoxy have different dress codes. We usually use the terms of 19 This paragraph was worded with the help of the Lakewood Beis Din. 20 Chazal. 21 Neither should a Baal Teshuvah be reminded of his past. There are, however, times when I ve suggested to some Gerim that they be a little less closed-minded with Gerim and BTs in-the-making and reminded them of their steps in becoming Gerim. 22 This may be required in some countries. 23 Partition wall, in some synagogues, the women sit in the back, in others the women sit alongside the men with the Mechitzah dividing the sections. 24 Bible, specifically, the first Five Books of Moses and the portions from the Prophets that are read as the Haphtarah of the week.

13 Charedi/Charedim to refer to the more right-winged and Modern Orthodox 25 to the more assimilated. Where I pray, all men wear dark suits (mostly black), white shirts, ties, and fedoras 26. Modern Orthodox men seldom wear fedoras. Their suits might be lighter. Their shirts, even on the Sabbath, may be colored. Chassidic men often don t wear ties and may wear long coats in lieu of jackets. Where I pray when in Florida, most men come to the synagogue without jackets as it is difficult to walk distances wearing a jacket under the Florida sun. Women wear suits, skirts, or dresses. These cover their entire knees when seated (with room to spare). Collars are high and elbows are covered. Married women will wear wigs, scarves, hats, etc. Jewelry should be conservative (no cameos 27 ). Most Orthodox women wear a single set of earrings and may have ears that are or are not pierced 28. Many American Charedim speak Yiddish 29. When they speak English, it will be peppered with Hebrew, Aramaic, and Yiddish words and phrases. In fact, Orthodox Jews usually don t speak Standard American English when speaking to other Orthodox Jews. We don t do this out of disrespect of the English Language but rather out of expedience. Sometimes there are many thoughts that are best expressed using terms that are not part of Standard American English. There are other times when we could use English words but are just more comfortable with the Aramaic, Hebrew, or Yiddish words 30. While many of your new friends will go out of their way to speak to you in the standard form, they might often forget and use the terms we usually do. Don t be afraid to ask them for definitions/to explain things you do not understand. In time, you will understand most of these. You may miss some questions as those who speak Yiddish do not change the sentence structure when asking a question but merely raise their voice at the end. Thus, You ate can be either a statement or a question (where Standard American English would have Did you eat? as a question). While some common expressions may have entered their vocabulary, others have not. Don t call a Charedi teen dude or he may think that he did something wrong. If you re in a Charedi synagogue, assume that no one there watches television. As such, they don t know anything about TV shows or actors 31. If they do, they won t admit to it openly. Those who don t live in Brooklyn (or Lakewood or Monsey) may be more assimilated than the picture I just painted. When I bought my wife a van, it came with a VCR and TV. One of my sons often chauffeurs the local Chassidic rabbi s family and he once took my wife s van. One of the kids remarked (in Yiddish), Look, the car has a computer! A few synagogues will have a device that lists the page that is being read. This may or may not be accurate. For example, no one will 25 The lines are not carved in stone in America. They are very clearly defined in Israel. 26 A soft felt hat with a crown creased lengthwise and a brim that can be turned down. 27 Cameos are seen as a borderline violation of having a person s statue. According to Rabbi Feinstein one may retain possession of a cameo if you slightly nick it or pierce a part of it with a needle. 28 One single piercing in the lobe of each ear. Other parts are not pierced. Men do not wear earrings. 29 Yiddish is a language primarily drawn from Middle High {high is a term of the altitude not of the aristocracy of the language} German and Hebrew, just as English is a language drawn from Old Low Saxon and French. Many Orthodox Ashkenazi Jews who speak English as a first language will leave all technical terms in Yiddish just as doctors and lawyers will sometimes leave terms in Latin. Many Anglophones will understand some Yiddish if they are good in abstract imaging. 30 Just as lawyers and doctors who use many Latin words and phrases. 31 Aish rabbis seem to be very well-versed in all of the latest TV shows and movies. They are the exception.

14 change the page when praying the Amidah/Shmoneh Esreh 32. Some synagogues will only change the page displayed at certain key milestones. 52. If you re not independently wealthy, start a savings account for your conversion costs. Costs may include the following: Mentor - You may find someone who will mentor you gratis. It is more likely that you will pay for your mentoring. This is a professional service and you should treat it as such. If you have children converting with you, they will need to be tutored so that they can join their peers in a Yeshiva following their conversion. Please remember to do your homework. There is nothing that turns a mentor off as much as when her/his student is totally unprepared. Mezuzahs Each entrance and door to a room (other than bathrooms or closets 33 ) will need a Mezuzah. This includes entrances that have doorways but no doors. You should not buy the Mezuzahs by yourself; neither should you install them prior to your conversion. There are various different scripts that are used by the various different types of Orthodox Jews. For example, Yeshivish Jews will not use the same script as Lubavitch 34. Books You will have to buy several books in the conversion process. You will buy more after conversion. The personal library of an Orthodox Jew should take up at least 60 square feet. A suggested reading section appears in the Appendix. Please review it and purchase a few of the books on its list. If male, you will buy Tefillin and Talis (the small talis is worn under your shirt). Ask your mentor which type to buy and when you should start wearing it. Most will buy two cotton sets of talis katan. If you re in a Chassidic or Yeshivish community, you might want to buy wool. Kitchen Pots, pans, utensils, and meat and dairy dishes and flatware. Don t buy these until you are just about to convert. Or buy (especially when you see a sale) and keep packed up. Dining Room Ritual Items Kiddush cup. Challah cover for the Sabbath and holidays. Challah board for same. Havdalah candle. Clothing. Women will buy clothing that fits into Orthodox styles. For those women who are not yet used to Orthodox dress, think of a man s shirt with only the top button open. If still in doubt, pick up a man s t- shirt with a round neck in your size. Try your clothes on over the t-shirt. 32 Main prayer recited while standing. 33 Some closets are so big that they do require a Mezuzah. 34 This is not considered a minor issue. There are a few letters that are written differently, including one that is the source of some debate.

15 If you can see the t-shirt, then the top does not cover enough 35. Men may have to augment their wardrobe. Beis Din costs. You may have to travel twice (or more) to meet with a Beis Din. The Beis Din may have fees. There will be Mikveh fees and the fee to the Mohel if you re male. Tuition You will have to enroll your children in Yeshivas after conversion. Moving costs Your Beis Din may require that you move to a location closer to your synagogue. Or, they may not be happy with your current community and may want you to move to a place with a more vibrant Jewish community. If married, one member of the family may be unemployed for a while after the move. Incidentals There may be some additional costs. For example, you may have to add a mechanical keyless entry system so that you don t have to carry a key on Shabbos, something that you may not be able to do after your conversion. 53. If your previous faith was a Xan faith, are you prepared to state that you no longer believe in Jesus or the Holy Ghost? A convert may not believe in the Trinity. S/he may not even believe that Jesus was a great rabbi, and certainly not the Messiah. This is not subject to negotiation. He should not even be in your vocabulary, even in expressions. Jews do not knock on wood or cross their fingers, both references to the cross. I encourage those working with Gerim to ask them to state this. It helps the future Jew to formally sever all ties with her/his former religion and begin to become a Ger. 54. Buy the virtual Shabbath CD from which is about $ This CD has all the Shabbath home rituals, Zemiros (Shabbath songs), benching (grace after meals), Shabbath Davening/full services, their "Hebrew crash course", and even basic Kashruth info on it. 55. If you have reached this paragraph and implemented everything in this chapter, you have made a lot of progress in your conversion. Please take stock of the changes to your life and reflect on these. 56. After all the above, are you still certain that you want to convert to Judaism? Are you aware that your parents and friends might think that you joined the most backward and fanatical cult? They may look at you as if you are an alien from Venus or some other planet. Are you willing to go through a long and rigorous study of Judaism and all its details? Are you willing to dedicate yourself, your entire being, to the service 35 This is the Yeshivish standard. For Modern Orthodox, think of men s T-shirt with V-neck. For Chassidish, think of man s shirt with top buttoned. 36 An Interactive Shabbat Experience from candle lighting to Havdalah, created by Alan Oirich for the National Jewish Outreach Program. Based on an idea by Zelda Stern, it includes prayers, rituals, customs and songs of the traditional Shabbat, a full Hebrew Reading Crash Course and explanatory tours of Sabbath Meals, a Synagogue and a "klezmer" kosher kitchen.

16 of Hashem as a Jew with all your heart, your life, and your possessions 37? If so, continue below 37 Last phrase is taken from the Shma.

17 Becoming an Orthodox Jew: Your Roadmap to Conversion. Converting to Orthodox Judaism demands a complete willingness to change your life. Candidates devote years to learning the Jewish laws, language, blessings and customs required for conversion and not everyone succeeds. The Gerus Guide is the only book on the market that provides a comprehensive, step-by-step guide to conversion. Drawing from over 25 years of experience counseling candidates through the process, Rabbi Aryeh Moshen lays out a roadmap that s been proven successful time and again. Here, you ll find: A comprehensive guide to keeping Kosher and observing the Sabbath. The ins and outs of Jewish law: living as an Orthodox Jew on a daily basis. Why you might NOT be eligible for conversion and what to do about it. Synagogues and support: finding your community. Praying as a Jew: a guide to blessings, synagogue services, and daily prayer. A complete list of additional reading and resources. About the Author: Since 1985, Rabbi Aryeh Moshen has helped hundreds of people successfully convert to Orthodox Judaism. He moderates the popular Orthodox Conversion Message Board, reaching over 1,800 members worldwide. Throughout his career, he has worked tirelessly to bring non-practicing Jews closer to their heritage and demystify the conversion process for candidates all over the world.