Mussar Program Class #9

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1 Mussar Program Class #9 Everyone is gifted with a rarified essence. By Alan Morinis 2007 JewishPathways.com 1

2 Rabbi Akiva had 12,000 pairs of students. All of them died in the weeks between Passover and Shavuot, because they did not show respect toward each other. (Talmud Yevamot 62b) Most of us walk around engaged in unconscious, involuntary, unwarranted and hyper-critical judgment of other people. This habit is so common and so subliminal that drawing attention to it can be an enormous wake-up call. Do you realize that when you walk into a room, you tend to immediately judge everyone there? And not just judge, which implies a kind of even-handed assessment, but actually seek out characteristics and behaviors that seem to be lacking? A commonsense consideration of this behavior will tell you that it is damaging. The damage extends to the one who is judged, as well as the one who judges. My favorite cautionary tale on this subject comes from a source I cannot pinpoint. I heard a story that I'll repeat. It concerns a man who was the supervisor (that is, mashgiach) of kosher standards at a food processing plant. He had been doing that job for quite some time without problem or incident, when one day the boss pulled him aside and told him that one of the employees had seen someone come into the kitchen to look into the pots and read the label ingredients. The mashgiach was a bit miffed at this intrusion. "If that person doubted my supervision," he responded, "the correct thing to do was to come directly to me to ask his questions, not to poke around by himself, behind my back." Some time passed and once again the boss took the mashgiach aside to report that the employee had reported that the intruder had returned and was once again nosing around into the kitchen affairs. Now the mashgiach was indignant. "One time he comes snooping, okay. But he's back again?" When he was told of the third visit of the interloper, the mashgiach began to think some nasty thoughts about this person. What kind of person sneaks around like that to check up on him? Why didn't he come right out with his questions and concerns instead of ferreting around like a low-life? Why is he doing this? He's no better than a thief! Or maybe worse! Maybe he is out to dig up something with which to ruin my reputation! A pox on him. And his family! On his next visit to the factory, the boss once again took him aside and, before he could say a word, the mashgiach was fuming and spluttering about this no-good, sidewinding, less-than-aworm of a human-being for whom rotting in Gehenom was too good a fate... "Hold on! Hold on!" said the boss. "We've solved the mystery. That person who keeps poking around the factory? He's you! The employee who reported all this is new on the job and he didn't know you or what you do here, so he reported on this 'suspicious' individual." 2

3 The boss was enjoying a good laugh, and he didn't understand why the mashgiach wasn't joining in the joke. What was going on in the mashgiach's mind at that moment was a review of all the curses and nasty thoughts he had wished on this unknown person, his family and his descendants. What if they were to come true?! Judge Favorably There are many lessons in this story. We should not think that the only reason to be less judgmental and more generous with others is because we might suffer. That's true but there is more than that as well. Judging others favorably is a positive mitzvah. In part of the Torah known as the Holiness Code, we read: "Do not do injustice in judgment; do not favor the poor; do not honor the great. Judge your fellow man justly" (Leviticus 19:15). Unfortunately, the habit to judge others harshly tends to be so ingrained that we require real help to overcome this tendency. The Talmud instructs us, "Judge everyone favorably" (Avot 1:6) This means that if you see someone doing something of a questionable nature, then you are not permitted to assume that this person is actually doing something negative, but rather you should interpret it in a favorable manner. You are obligated to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge favorably. Think, for example, of someone who arrives late for a meeting (or it could be a prayer service or a social evening). What will be your first thought? Will it be, "It's so disrespectful of someone to come late just because they can't organize themselves to be on time, or are just too lazy to make the effort"? Or will it be, "Maybe this person was up all night with a sick child, or maybe he or she would have been right on time if not for a last minute diversion to help someone with his burden"? Which comes to your mind first? Here we have one antidote to being judgmental. The Mussar teachers call it dan l'kaf zechut, which is often interpreted as "giving the benefit of the doubt." But it actually demands more of us than that. To be dan l'kaf zechut means that even if we see behavior which is clearly improper, we should still try to look for mitigating factors or positive aspects which might be present. Our task is to take into consideration all the factors that are in play for that person, and if we do, we are bound to turn up some redeeming virtues, since no one is bereft of at least some good qualities. I had an incident in my own life that showed me how important it is to give the benefit of the doubt. Once years ago, our family was returning from a summer holiday with a station wagon packed with stuff. The hour grew late and we decided to stop and get some food for the hungry kids. And while we were away from the car, someone broke a window and stole many things, 3

4 including my briefcase with all my work, diary, schedule and other things. Once we discovered the theft, we went straight home and settled the kids, and then called the police and insurance company. Then I had an idea. Most of what was taken was of no value to anyone else like the water samples we were bringing back to the city to test our well water. And the contents of my briefcase were also of no value to anyone other than me. I tried to put myself into the mind of a thief and thought that maybe, just maybe, some of our things had been dumped in a back-alley dumpster. So I drove back to the area where our car had been broken into, and I started walking up the alleys looking in the dumpsters. By this time it was close to midnight. As I climbed up to have a look in one more dumpster, someone called out "Alan!" I turned and looked down to see a young man who d had a role in a television series I d produced (all this taking place at a time in my life when that was my work). He looked up at me. Now forget the real story for a minute, and imagine how he sees a middle-aged guy looking through a dumpster in a dirty back alley in the middle of the night. Dan l'kaf zechut. Give the benefit of the doubt. There is always more to the story than meets the eye. (Postscript: I explained to him the story. I never found the stuff.) Handiwork of God Another approach to undermining the tendency to indulge in unwarranted and destructive judgment is to practice the trait of kavod, which means "honor." The rabbis have stressed in so many ways that kavod ha'briyot the honor of a person should be of enormous concern for us. What good can possibly come from looking at another person and only seeing the flawed, incomplete, earthy creature? How much more beneficial and even true though difficult sometimes to see a radiant soul? Honor, respect, and dignity are due to each and every human being, not because of the greatness of their achievements, nor how well they have behaved, but because they are home to a soul that is inherently holy. Nobody created his own soul; everyone has been gifted with a rarified essence. This is a teaching of Rabbi Chaim of Volozhin (in "Ruach Chaim" on Pirkei Avot), a forerunner of the Mussar movement, who explains that one should honor all people simply because they are the handiwork of God. We need tradition to draw our attention to this deep reality, because it isn't readily evident to our eye, which so easily focuses on the flaws. How much beauty we miss in the world! Imagine someone sent you a painting by Picasso or Chagall, and all you could see was the dirty, tattered packaging in your hands? When we develop the capacity to attune to the soul-level of the people in our lives, we accord them the honor that is their due. Yes, they are flawed. We all are. But they are neshamas, too, 4

5 and the fact that their behavior is not perfect does not detract from the spiritual purity that is inherent in all of us. The graph of the quality looks like: Homework When we investigate the trait of honor, we encounter the root proposition of Judaism as taught by Rabbi Akiva: V'ahavta l're'echa kamocha Love your neighbor as you love yourself. People often think that love is an involuntary reaction that we only fall into. Is it even possible to develop love? The answer is yes, it is, and the way to do that is to cultivate honor. Honor can be practiced, and the fruit will be love. The practice of honor means adopting a positive evaluation of others. Doing so is often a challenge, because most of us don't find it natural or easy to view the positive in other people. But have faith, because when you take on honor as a practice, then little by little, your perspective will shift. We can train ourselves to see other people as souls, beautiful and radiant, no matter what condition the packaging. As homework to help you develop this perspective, I offer you a contemplation. The Mussar teachers understood the value of mental exercises like visualizations, in which the mind is filled with a vivid visual image, and contemplations, which require that the mind be given over to a powerful idea or thought. In both cases visualizations and contemplations the idea is to focus the mind so totally on one subject that any other thought is excluded. The goal is not to generate a new idea or to solve a problem, but to create a very strong inner experience of a particular type. The impressions that are generated by the experience "leave a trace on the soul." With each repetition of the contemplation or visualization, more traces are deposited, until the foundation of a new way of seeing has been laid down. The basis for this contemplation is a teaching of Ramak, Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, from his book of kabbalistic Mussar, Tomer Devorah ("Palm Tree of Deborah"), where he discusses God's compassionate behavior toward the Jewish people even when they are unworthy. Taking this as a model for our own behavior, he says: So, too, should a person improve his conduct towards others. For even if he cannot find a reason for showing love and compassion, he should say, "There was surely a time when they had not yet sinned, and in that time or in former days, they were worthy." For their sake, he should recall the love of "...those just weaned from milk and torn away from the breast" (Isaiah 28:9). This way, he will not find a single person unworthy of kindness, prayers or compassion. (translation by Rabbi Moshe Miller) 5

6 The remarkable psychological insight contained in this 16th century text invokes the verse from Isaiah to show us how to develop understanding and compassion for a person: Take into consideration their formative experiences. When you encounter someone who you think is behaving badly, think of them as a baby who has been denied nurturance and succor. The contemplation that we can derive from Ramak s teaching is to identify and then dwell in your mind on the innocence and purity that is surely there in every person you meet. Step one is to think of someone about whom you tend to have a negative appraisal. You may have trouble finding one, or it may be hard to select among the many, but just pick out one person who tends to trigger negative judgments in you. It may be someone really irritating at your workplace, or even someone you'd consider an enemy. More likely, though, the people whom we tend to judge most harshly are those closest to us, like our own child or spouse. Once you have identified such a person, close your eyes and visualize his or her face. As that face takes form in your mind's eye, let the image become strong enough that it is the only thing projecting on your inner screen. Spend a few minutes making that image more vivid and bringing your mind to greater concentration. Next, after you have intensified a strong image of that person, bring into your mind this thought: "He was once a baby," or "She was once a baby." Surely there was a time when this person was so young and innocent that they had not yet even sinned. Can you find that baby within the other person, that pure and innocent root? Can you turn that face you are seeing today into a baby's face? Contemplate that baby face for several minutes, until you feel that the inner impression is very strong. That's all you have to do. That image will leave its trace on your soul, there to do its work of bringing about a transformation. The outcome you can expect from this practice is that the negativity you have felt toward this other person will begin to be balanced and maybe even supplanted by a sense of kavod, honor, because now you are recognizing the part of them that is surely pure, if only you would see it. Therefore your practice for this period is to set aside a little time every day to practice this contemplation. You can focus on the same person every time, or you can do different people on different days. The more frequently and more intensely you do this contemplation, the more the traces will accumulate and the more the impact will be felt at your deepest levels. See for yourself. You have your Accounting of the Soul Diary in which to record the results of this exercise, as well as in your own experiences of judgment and honor as you encounter other people. Complement this practice with your morning affirmation. As we mentioned in an earlier lesson, a popular Mussar phrase is, "Each one is a holy soul." Or pick a different phrase that you find suitable and inspiring. 6

Contents: 1. Introduction 2. Showing up is not Enough 3. Quick and Enduring 4. Practice 5. Conclusion. 1. Introduction

Lesson 3-1 MEASURES OF ENTHUSIASM Contents: 1. Introduction 2. Showing up is not Enough 3. Quick and Enduring 4. Practice 5. Conclusion 1. Introduction We turn now to investigate and cultivate a soul-trait