The Fifth Commandment (Part 1) Exodus 20:12

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1 The Fifth Commandment (Part 1) Exodus 20:12 Sunday 30 th September 2018 Glenvista Baptist Church 21 st Message in The Ten Commandments Exodus 20:12 (ESV) 12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. Introduction. a) It is our privilege this morning to commence our journey in our study of the Fifth Commandment. The first four commandments have to do with the priority of our relationship to God whilst the remaining six have to do with the secondary role of our relationship to mankind. The Fourth Commandment, which we have just recently completed, acts as a bridge between the First Category and the Second Category of Commands. b) In our journey thus far we have clearly seen that the Ten Commandments are the standard God has set for all mankind as an unalterable expression of His moral law. The great challenge we are faced with though is that man gets this order wrong. We are more concerned about our relationship to man as opposed to being concerned about the evermore-important relationship of our stand before God. That is tragic, but is a clear indication of the moral decline of our society and the ever-increasing change of values that society imposes on us, and this, indirectly has an adverse impact upon the Church of God. And unless the Church rises up, we will look just like the world in every aspect and there will be very little difference between the world and the Church. This in many cases sadly is what we see already. c) Now as much as the Ten Commandments get the order right by focusing firstly on our relationship to God, it nonetheless also focuses on our relationship to one another, as this obviously is also important. The values imposed upon us not only have an adverse effect on society but society has a great impact on the family. We see around us familial breakdown, divorce, schoolgirls becoming pregnant, children added to the social welfare system, alcoholism and drug abuse, street kids, murder, rape, abuse, theft and political upheaval, and so the list can go on and on. All this should though not surprise us, as we see that the Apostle Paul warned Timothy that these days will soon be coming. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5 he writes, 1 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Did you notice that as part of his warning Paul warned that children would be disobedient to their parents? God thought it wise to caution that one of the marks of the last days 1

2 would be the breakdown of the family in that children will no longer be obedient to their parents. And friends, this is not only true for the world out there, but let us be honest and admit that this is a struggle with which many godly families are confronted today. d) Where have things gone wrong? Does God s Word offer solutions to this problem? The answer to this problem lies not in working harder at inter-personal relationships; it lies not in seeking greater harmony in society; it lies not in all men living peaceably with each other. You see dear friends all the problems we face lie in the original breakdown in mankind s relationship to God, and that is precisely why the Ten Commandments commence by focusing firstly on that primary relationship. It states God s priority: God must come first, and if He does not we will see a breakdown in all other relationships. e) And no doubt, dear friends, one such an area in which this breakdown is seen is in the God-given parental structure between parents and their children. May God give us wisdom and grace as we seek to know God s will for this vital and significant relationship in the home. Point 1 The Order of the Fifth Commandment (v12) Exodus 20:12 (ESV) 12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. a) I need to start off this morning by looking at the order of the Fifth Commandment. We need to ask why this is placed as the first of the second category of commandments. The first four commandments are placed in a particular order; all of them dealing with the primarily relationship to God. We see God placing an importance upon this relationship by commanding that we shall have no other gods before Him; that we shall not make for ourselves a carved image to which we will bow down and serve; that we shall not take the Name of the Lord our God in vain; and that we shall honor the Lord by sanctifying the Lord s Day. Now from this then flows the Fifth Commandment. And the Fifth Commandment states that children should honor their parents. b) Now we need to determine why in His sovereign wisdom God so chose to place such significant importance upon this command that He placed it as the first of the commandments that speak to our relationship with fellow man. From a human perspective one would wander whether murder or adultery or theft or bearing false witness or covetousness does not carry more weight than the need of honoring our parents? Shouldn t one of those perhaps have been at the top of the list? Surely murder carries greater implications than simply honoring ones parents? Why does God though do it this way? What was His purpose in putting the Fifth Commandment exactly where He has put it? c) From a human perspective the Fifth Commandment is probably not where we would have placed it but it needs to be stated that it is exactly where God placed it and God placed it there for a particular reason. In His omniscience God placed the Fifth Commandment at the top of the rank of the commandments dealing with human relationships and we should see this as particularly instructive. Here God gives a commandment pertaining a particular relationship that in God s sight is more vital 2

3 than the relationship between a husband and a wife and is even placed before the sin of murder. Why would that be? d) 1 Well I would suggest to you that the first reason God places this command at the top, is simply because every human being is part of a family. Now that does not mean that every person necessarily lives within a family, but it certainly does mean that every human being born was born, somehow as part of a family. Procreation can only happen when two human beings come together and from those two human beings come forth another human. Every child comes from a father and a mother. Again that sadly does not necessarily mean that every child grows up with a father and a mother, but it certainly means no child can be conceived without a father and a mother involved in that procreation. e) That being said, one needs to recognize that, not even the incarnate Son of God avoided this process. He had a father and a mother, even though in His case the virgin birth teaches us that His father Joseph had nothing to do with his coming from the womb. Nonetheless even Christ was born into a family structure during His incarnation. In other words, including our Lord Jesus, the relationship of child to parent is the one relationship and indeed the only one that is true of us all. It does not matter how good or how bad the relationship might be, it nonetheless remains a universal condition for all people. So one can for instance conclude from this that a marriage can exist without children, or that children can exist without a marriage, but every human being must have a father and a mother to exist at all. f) Now sadly though this is exactly where the attack seems to be launched -- at the family. For you see, if you can break down the family then you are effectively managing to attack society and this leads to all sorts of moral decay. And our society is daily putting measures in place that actively leads to the breakdown of the family. It takes a pastor an average of 25 hours to prepare a couple for marriage, yet it can take as little as 5 minutes to get divorced. The Bible clearly speaks of physical punishment to train a child in the ways of the Lord; yet our government has criminalized it in schools and in the home. Sunday s protection has been removed and this makes family time even more difficult for many. Mothers used to be at home caring for their children; yet today society promotes that a mom must work outside the home, and all this leads to the breakdown of the family unit. Is it any wonder that we sit with so many problems amongst our youth? g) God s Word promotes the family as ideally the most stable and basic unit in our society. But man has chosen to ignore God s counsel. And dear friends all you have to do is look around you and you will see the bad fruit we are reaping as a result of this. h) 2 The second reason God places this command at the top of the commands that deal with human relations is that the home is the first place in which a child encounters authority. Brian Edwards, in his commentary on the Ten Commandments tells of a situation that took place in 1996 in the Kruger National Park A group of young elephants was taken from the Kruger National Park in South Africa to the reserve at Pilanesburg just twenty kilometers from Sun City. Before long the small herd had become delinquents ripping trees, attacking tourist cars, and even threatening the rangers. The reason for this aggressive behavior, which led to at least one animal having to be shot, was the fact that they had been taken too early from their parents. If young elephants do not have a role-model in their adults they will become violent as they develop; the older animals will teach their siblings discipline and the rule of authority. 1 So, we can 1 Brian H. Edwards, The Ten Commandments for Today, Day One Publications (2002) page 162 3

4 evidently from this example conclude how much more this fact would then have a bearing upon children that grow up without loving discipline within a loving home. i) God is the author of the authority structure: He has given the husband as head of the home (Eph 5:22-28; 1 Peter 3:1-7); He has made parents jointly as head of the children (Eph 6:1-3). It is in the context of the home that children are to be nurtured in the admonition of the Lord (Deut 6:4-9; 2 Tim 3:14-15). Children are to be taught in the home to respect every authority structure, for if this is not taught at home and disregarded then it will lead to all forms of mayhem outside the home structure. j) And dear friends, it is precisely because the encounter with authority, or of course the lack of it, leaves an indelible impression on a growing child, that God has placed this as the first of the commands that deal with human relations, as this command is so vital and affects every sphere of every other human relation in life. God wants to teach the need for authority and humble submission to that authority and He has commanded that this takes place in the home through God-fearing parents. k) We live in an age in which because of godlessness it has become increasingly difficult to teach children the God-ordained lines of authority. God clearly though starts with the parent/child relationship because this is the one relationship that shapes all others, and with this relationship authority begins. And therefore we would do well to learn a lesson from the elephants: a role model in the family is vital for future godly and stable development. Point 2 Why Should Children Respect their Parents? (v12) Exodus 20:12 (ESV) 12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. a) Now this section deals with an important question. We want to establish the Biblical basis for this command. b) So to be clear the main reason why children should obey their parents is quite simply as clearly stated, 1 in that this is a solemn command of God. Notice the command, Honor your father and your mother. God s Word is the rule and because of this His will must be the reason for our obedience. c) Parents need to be obeyed and honored 2 in respect of their love and affection for their children. The apostle Paul states in 2 Corinthians 12:14 that parents who love their children will indeed go the extra mile for the well-being of their children. Due to their love for them parents will make sacrifices often at great cost for the sake of their kids, and this warrants honor and great respect towards parents. It is true that parents often take more care of their children than they would of themselves. Paul explains this principle like this: 14 For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. This means parents will lay out and will lay up for their children. Job tells us in Job 39:16 that the ostrich forgets about her eggs and she acts cruel towards her young. Not so the godly parent! The godly parent will impoverish himself to enrich their children. This requires much honor to such faithful parents. d) It also needs to be stated that honoring one s parents is indeed 3 well-pleasing unto the Lord. The Apostle Paul makes this plain when he writes in Colossians 3:20, 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Therefore seeing this pleases the 4

5 Lord it should be every child s delight to please the Lord by obeying and honoring his parents. In other words this is the duty of all children. e) Now interestingly this is the only command with a promise to it. Paul writes of this command in Ephesians 6: Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. You would have noted that the Second Commandment has to it the general promise of mercy ( 6 but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments ), but that this is the first command that has a particular promise of blessing to it ( 12 that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. ). The Psalmist echoes this sentiment when he prays, 6 May you see your children's children! (Psalms 128:6). So the promise of this command is that long life will be given as a blessing to those who honor their parents. Again the Psalmist states, 16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. (Psalms 91:16). So long life is in other words to be esteemed as a blessing. And the command states very clearly that this is a blessing that God pours out as a measure of His grace upon those who honor their parents. Now I do think we need to be careful and view this as a general rule. I believe it would be a gross misinterpretation to assume every time a man dies young, that it automatically presupposes gross disobedience to his parents. I think that is a bit fatalistic and we need to steer clear from that as far as we can. On the other hand though we see clearly God promising long life to those who obey their parents. f) How can children though honor God by honoring their parents? I would like to suggest three primary ways in which children can esteem their parents; three ways I believe that will greatly honor the Lord. 1. Children are to show honor to their parents by a reverential esteem for them as persons. This reverence must firstly be demonstrated inwardly. Leviticus 19:3 states, 3 Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father This is an inward disposition every child ought to have towards his parents. An inward disposition like this always affects outward actions and a child that inwardly honors his parents will always respect them in actions as well. Outward reverence must though always be shown to parents in word and in deed. The way children speak to their parents or of them indicates whether they have an inward reverence for them or not. Children ought to speak well of their parents. We read in Proverbs 31:28 that the children of a God-fearing mother will rise up and call her blessed This reverence must also be in deed. Children show reverence to their parents by submissive behavior. Even though Joseph was a great prince he showed great reverence for his father by bowing to him when his father entered his presence (Gen 46:29). When King Solomon s mother came to him we read in 1 Kings 2:19, 19 So Bathsheba went to King Solomon to speak to him on behalf of Adonijah. And the king rose to meet her and bowed down to her. Then he sat on his throne and had a seat brought for the king's mother, and she sat on his right. Oh how grievous it is to see in society how far so many children are from this example. So many treat their parents with contempt and disdain. Many are filled with such pride and treat their parents ashamedly. And those growing up in Christian homes that do so, are a shame to religion and send their parents to their graves with grey hair and much concern. 2. Children are to show honor to their parents by giving unto them careful obedience. Colossians 3:20 teaches, 20 Children, obey your parents in everything 5

6 That means particularly that a child is to hearken the instruction of his parents. We see that so clearly in Proverbs 1:8, 8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching Parents are given by God, divine authority over their children; therefore what parents teach their children are binding upon them, and if a child desires to honor God, he will work hard at ensuring that he hearkens the counsel of his parents. However, obedience to parents is not only seen in hearkening their counsel but also specifically in doing what parents require. Children should be like their parents echo; when the parent speaks the child echoes back in obedience. Again we have seen the command is for children to obey their parents in all things. That means God requires a child to obey his parents even in those things that go against the child s grain; those things the child dislikes or finds difficult. Those are the things, which require particular obedience. And I think it is crucial that we add to this and say that delayed obedience is disobedience. That means a child ought to honor his parents by responding to the parents commands and desires as soon as the instruction is given, and in such doing such a child indeed honors both his parents and his God. 3. Children are to show honor to their parents in relieving their wants. This part of the command particularly has to do with adult children. Parents have given their all unto their children throughout their lives and it therefore is but only their duty to give back what they have so freely received from their parents all their lives. Therefore as far as adult children are financially and/or materially able they should support their ageing parents especially if their parents are struggling to come by. In his old age we see that Joseph provided for his father. We read in Genesis 47:12, 12 And Joseph provided his father, his brothers, and all his father's household with food, according to the number of their dependents. Significantly, and the best example I can point you too, is our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus cared for His mother even in His dying moments -- John 19:26-27, 26 When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, Woman, behold, your son! 27 Then he said to the disciple, Behold, your mother! And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. g) Three significant ways in which children can show honor to their parents. This though can only adequately be done in and through Christ, by His enabling and in His strength. Conclusion: a) In conclusion then this morning, as we have commenced our journey today on the most crucial of the remaining commandments, we need to summarize what we have learnt by saying that all of this can only truly happen in a Biblical and God-glorifying manner if we have firstly learnt what it means to honor God. The Ten Commandments are a summary of the moral character of God. God is holy and the commandments are holy; an expression of the God who gave it to Moses at Mount Sinai. The commandments are a schoolmaster to Christ. It exposes our sinfulness, shows us our inability to keep any of the commands; shows us how great our need of Christ indeed is, and leads us by grace through faith, through the Gospel to Christ who alone can save. 6

7 b) If it is true that all of man s problems lie in the original breakdown in man s relationship to God, then it means that every man, every women, every boy, and every girl outside of Christ can never honor God as their Father. Father is a familial term and only family members can use this endearing reference. In the family of God it is only those who belong to God s family that truly understand what it means to call God Father. The apostle Paul knew something of this, no doubt, when he prayed for the Ephesian Church. He starts his prayer like this in Ephesians 3:14-15, 14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named A truly familial prayer. c) God needs to grant the right to any man before such a man can be adopted into His family. John attests to this truth so clearly when he writes, 12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12). d) Those who have been granted this right have a responsibility, and that is to honor God first above any other earthly parent. This we do by honoring what our Lord taught in Matthew 22:37-40, 37 And he said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets. e) Can you see the order here? It reaffirms everything we have said. Unless a man loves God first and above all else, He will never be able to honor his parents in a Godglorifying manner as God expects him to. f) Parents may God equip us to nurture our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4) and may we live up to our God given task as found in Deuteronomy 6:4, 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Amen! Soli Deo Gloria (For God s Glory Alone) Glenvista Baptist Church 30 September