I. THE POWER OF WORDS Song of Solomon 1:9-10, 15

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1 GETTING TO KNOW YOU Song of Solomon 1:9-15 Dr. Jon McNeff, Senior Pastor April 24, 2016 Note: The following are the pastor s notes used in preaching this message. This is not a complete, word-for-word transcription of what was preached. These notes serve as a companion to the complete message, which is available by listening to the audio version. Bible quotes are primarily from NASB and ESV, respectively. Have you ever fallen head over heels in love? Describes the deep emotion shared by many people Plato called this deep, passionate love the madness from the gods Greeks called it a temporary case of insanity. American poet and Minister Edward Taylor wrote to his beloved that his passion for her was a golden ball of pure fire. Puritans letters of John Winthrop to his wife are an especially well known example of Puritan romanticism he closed his letters with I kiss and love thee with the kindest affection ; I kiss my sweet wife and remain always thy faithful husband. Henry Smith told his parishioners that in marriage there must be a joining of hearts and knitting of affections together. William Gouge said Under love all other duties are comprised: for without it no duty can be well performed.... It is like fire, which is not only hot in itself, but also conveyeth heat into that which is near it. 1 Today Solomon and Shulamit are still in early part of their relationship How do you get from temporary insanity to mature love? regarded as sexist by many today I. THE POWER OF WORDS Song of Solomon 1:9-10, 15 Mark Twain said he could live on a single compliment for six months all of us thrive on hearing others talk about us not ego-centered just a fact but in marriage many people haven t heard a compliment or even a loving word in months kids often say Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me why? Because they have just been cut to shreds by cutting remarks of playmate truth is words can hurt far more than sticks and stones Solomon models life-giving communication with the one he loves most men ignore this we feel awkward ill suited for this type of communication out of touch with our feelings don t see a need for it but your wife does A. Words build intimacy Song of Solomon 1:9 begins, To me, my darling... guys, I know what you are thinking That s for girlymen! hold on it s in the Bible Solomon was a man s man King builder equestrian wisest man who ever lived worthy of emulating addresses her in possessive manner To me, my darling this pictures relational intimacy not callous possession of a woman like a piece of furniture every woman wants to know that she is in an exclusive relationship with you she is your wife and you are her husband this is the essence of marriage Notice what he possesses my darling ra eyah used nine times in Song of Solomon as beloved, my love, or darling third word for love that hasn t been used in Song of Solomon yet parallel with phileo in Greek root is rea friend, neighbor, associate 2 - composite used here means companion, a woman who is the object of a man s love and affection. 3 Lloyd Carr The central meaning of the verbal root is to guard, care for, or tend, with the emphasis on the delight and pleasure which attends that responsibility... action takes precedence over words and the concepts of friendship and companionship are linked with expressed concern for the protection of her wellbeing. 4 Darling just says, you are my dearest and closest friend you will never find a dearer or closer friend if you will let her in John 15:15 No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known 1 Leland Ryken, Worldly Saints: The Puritans As They Were (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1990), R. Laird Harris, 2186, ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), William D. Mounce, Mounce s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old & New Testament Words (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), G. Lloyd Carr, The Song of Solomon, Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries, vol. 19, (repr., 1984, Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2009),

2 to you. Friends open their hearts and minds to one another more than Hey, what s happening? Friends express feelings dreams failures wishes and desires President Reagan was a master of this wrote many romantic notes to his wife Nancy I more than love you. I m not whole without you. You are life itself to me. I love you so much, I don t mind that life made me wait so long to find you. The waiting only made the finding sweeter. I live in a permanent Christmas because God gave me you. 5 B. Words build esteem 1. Her value Song of Solomon 1:9 To me, my darling, you are like my mare among the chariots of Pharaoh. Go out on a limb and say you ve never called your wife a horse 1 Kings 10:26-28 says Solomon had 1,400 chariots and 12,000 horsemen Pharaoh s chariots were always pulled by pair of stallions male horses the best used for breeding good stallion from Egypt could run 150 shekels yet Solomon says Shulamit is like my mare among Pharaoh s horses why? Stallions are strong and powerful but self-willed hard to bring to harness so chariot teams were led by a boss mare when the fine looking filly in front took off, the stallions followed Solomon is saying Shulamit is like a fine filly among the stallions she is a woman every man would want she is worthy of pursuing she can turn anyone s head 2. Her beauty Song of Solomon 1:10 Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of beads. What s happening here? Solomon mentions ornaments and beads jewelry revealed a lot about wealth and status in ancient times just like today we say Diamonds are a girl s best friend. Guys, if that s true, you may be in trouble Anne is not like that only asked for one piece of jewelry in 40 years in Scotland Jewelry revealed wealth and status ancient Egyptians adorned female slaves who served in the king s court with gold, lapis lazuli, silver, and turquoise, carnelian, and amethyst 6 With Solomon s wealth, Shulamit s jewelry must have been stunning women of Solomon s times wore ankle jewelry, headbands, pendants, bracelets, scarves, headdresses, jewelry for the arms, sashes, signet rings, nose rings 7 But notice he s not talking about jewelry Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of beads emphasis is on her cheeks and neck, not the jewelry he noticed her high cheek bones the creamy texture of her skin the high stately curve of her neck meant more to her than Wow, that s the most beautiful pearl necklace I ve ever seen. Why? Comments about the jewelry are a compliment to the one who bought them! Comments about physical attributes compliment her! Think of how that must have made Shulamit feel! No dad to call her Princess brothers treated her like a field hand girlfriends thought she looked swarthy she didn t fit in anywhere Solomon s words must have touched her heart deeply Guys do you ever compliment your girl s innate beauty? They all have it smile, laugh, hair, hands, eyes, skin your wife may love jewelry but she love s your personal comments more every woman wants to feel beautiful in your eyes 5 Tait Trussel, Love by Letter: Romantic Notes From Famous People to Their Beloved Ones. Saturday Evening Post, January/February, Miriam Lichtheim, Ancient Egyptian Literature: Volume I: The Old and Middle Kingdoms (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1973 ), Douglas R. Edwards, Dress and Ornamentation, ed. David Noel Freedman, The Anchor Yale Bible Dictionary (New York: Doubleday, 1992),

3 Proverbs 12:18 There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 15:4 A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 21:23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles. Ephesians 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Weight fat, heavy, overweight don t belong Clothes Are you going to wear that tent? Hair Did you cut your hair with a weed-whacker? Habits You ll be late to your funeral. Do you expect me to eat this? take her out! Cursing, slang, body functions Name calling old lady If your wife craves jewelry it might be because you talk to her like that! And jewelry is not substitute for cleaning up your mouth little girls like to hear their daddy s call them beautiful and Princess big girls love hearing that from their husbands! The massive influx of pornography has destroyed this ability for most men images of abnormally thin women have become the standard men subconsciously compare their wives to these images the primary sexual stimulant for men is through the eyes and they ve let their eyes feast on these images rather than their wives severely impairs his ability to compliment his wife s physical features John Newton, the hymn writer, spoke of his wife saying, I am always a little awkward without you and every room where you are not present looks unfurnished. 8 Winston Churchill was at a banquet where he was asked if he could not be himself, who would he choose to be. He took his wife s hand and said, If I couldn t be who I am, I would most like to be Lady Churchill s second husband. 9 Most of us need to up our game here look for opportunities to compliment your wife You look nice in that blue blouse. I like waking up next to you every day. Thanks for sharing life with me. I m proud to be married to you. II. THE HONOR OF GIFTS Song of Solomon 1:10, 11 Song of Solomon 1:10 We will make for you ornaments of gold with beads of silver. plural we indicates Solomon saying, Everyone thinks you are worthy of gifts gifts are sign of respect and admiration for Solomon they were the natural extension of his love for Shulamit s physical charms he obviously could afford silver and gold these ornaments were probably earrings, necklaces, and bracelets fashioned out of gold and silver and precious stones but money is not the key Implications: The emphasis is not on the gifts but on the way they enhance the beauty of Shulamit you can t get by with merely giving gifts These are personal expressions of Solomon gifts don t mean as much if they are merely expensive baubles but when they come from the loved one they take on added value They are of great value commensurate with the wealth of the one giving them 2 Chronicles 9:27 Solomon made silver as common as stones in Jerusalem - Most important gift your time and attention III. THE SECURITY OF DEVOTION Song of Solomon 1: John Pollock, Amazing Grace: John Newton s Story (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1981), James Humes, Churchill, Speaker of the Century (Briarcliffe Manor, NY: Stein and Day/Scarborough House, 1980), 3

4 Song of Solomon 1:12 takes place While the king was at his table... NASB, ESV, KJV, AND NIV all translate this a table or couch because of the banquet table or bedroom motif as seen in Song of Solomon 2:4-6, but that s not warranted some take it further and feel this refers to the banqueting table on the night before their wedding not necessarily this is obviously in the king s palace, but this could refer simply to normal gathering around Solomon s table where he hosted events Hebrew word for at his table is mesab basic meaning of the root seems to involve the idea of turning or going around can also characterize the the turning of one s mind so as to give attention to thorough investigation 10 he was among his own surroundings 11 he was hanging out with her deepened their intimacy elicited her response in Song of Solomon 1:12-14 not just about perfume she mentions three perfumes as pictures of her devotion to him A. Value Song of Solomon 1:12b My perfume gave forth its fragrance. Hebrew word is nard very expensive and exclusive perfume reserved for special occasions imported in sealed alabaster boxes John 12:3 Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. Scandalous because it was so expensive and Mary used it on Jesus feet! Judas complained that it could have been sold for a year s wages and given to the poor instead, the aroma symbolized Mary s devotion to Jesus Likewise, the aroma of Shulamit s perfume spoke volumes of her love for Solomon how much would you pay for that men you can t buy devotion from your wife you have to earn it! Ladies it doesn t hurt to let him know that you notice his efforts at valuing you and you return his love B. Unity Song of Solomon 1:13 My beloved is to me a pouch of myrrh which lies all night between my breasts. Gives the allegorical people fits Cyril of Alexander says the reference to the woman s breasts depict the Old Testament and New Testament Jesus is the pouch of myrrh that spans the Old Testament and New Testament! 12 But that s not the case this is not a reference to Christ nor is it a sexual reference Myrrh is a resinous gum that comes from a South Arabian tree also the special anointing oil used in the Temple and was one of the gifts brought by the Magi to baby Jesus Here it appears to function as the oils mentioned for men in Song of Solomon 1:3 this served as a deodorant for women but Shulamit uses this as a picture of her devotion to Solomon he is a beautiful presence close to her heart like the constant pleasing fragrance of myrrh, he is close to her heart night and day Anne is allergic to perfume she doesn t wear nard or myrrh but I know she is devoted to me C. Rest Song of Solomon 1:14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi. common shrub when crushed the leaves produce a bright orange dye used to color hair or finger nails the shrub is found in the lush oasis of Engedi place of the wild goats half way down the western shore of the Dead Sea all sorts of tropical and semi-tropical plants were grown here David found refuge here when Saul was chasing him in 1 Samuel 23:29 there was a stream that flowed down from the mountains above that provided refreshment in the hot desert climate 10 R. D. Patterson, 1456, ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), G. Lloyd Carr, Song of Solomon: An Introduction and Commentary, vol. 19, Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1984), Tremper Longman III, Song of Songs, NICOT, (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2001),

5 That s the final picture Shulamit has of Solomon the beauty and color of the henna blossoms the grapes and dates of the vineyards the flowing water of the stream were a welcoming refreshment and place of rest for the weary traveler we ve stopped there on tours numerous times oasis of stream, pools, fruit, shade, beautiful desert flowers like the henna blossoms The henna blossoms represent rest and refreshment for Shulamit Solomon was safe! No criticism no competition no questions no condescending spirit or cutting remarks husbands you should be the safest place on earth for your wife! QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 1. What are the most important things to do in building a budding male/female relationship? 2. What is Solomon expressing to Shulammite in 1:9-10? 3. What is the value of giving gifts in developing a relationship? 4. What is Shulammite saying about Solomon in 1:13? 5. What does Engedi picture in 1:14 and how does this build a relationship? 6. What areas mentioned above have been least explored in your relationships? 5