Warriors incredible season 73-9 two losses at home incredible wins why is this easy to follow? Passion

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1 MY BELOVED IS MINE Song of Solomon 5:9-6:3 Dr. Jon McNeff, Senior Pastor June 26, 2016 Note: The following are the pastor s notes used in preaching this message. This is not a complete, word-for-word transcription of what was preached. These notes serve as a companion to the complete message, which is available by listening to the audio version. Bible quotes are primarily from NASB and ESV, respectively. Warriors incredible season 73-9 two losses at home incredible wins why is this easy to follow? Passion Same in marriage you are passionate about what you love marriage is meant to be passionate Puritans recovered this American poet and minister Edward Taylor wrote to his beloved that his passion for her was "a golden ball of pure fire." Reverend John Pike called his wife "the desire of mine eyes" William Whately said that the mutual love of husband and wife should be "most fervent and abundant." letters of John Winthrop to his wife are good examples of Puritan romanticism closed them with phrases like: "I kiss and love thee with the kindest affection"; "so I kiss thee and wish thee Farewell"; "I kiss my sweet wife and remain always thy faithful husband"; "many kisses of love I send thee "; "so with the sweetest kisses and pure embracings of my kindest affection I rest thine." Henry Smith told his parishioners that in marriage there must be a "joining of hearts and knitting of affections together." William Gouge urged wives "to be lovers of their husbands as well as husbands to love their wives." Adding, "Under love all other duties are comprised: for without it no duty can be well performed.... It is like fire, which is not only hot in itself, but also conveyeth heat into that which is near it." 1 We need some of that passion today last week conflict she was hurt he got angry today her part in resolving conflict based on passionate love she has for her husband I. THE DEBATE Song of Solomon 5:9 What kind of beloved is your beloved, O most beautiful among women? What kind of beloved is your beloved, that thus you adjure us? Shulamit is back in the palace after going to look for Solomon created a stir when she left her girlfriends gather around these are mocking, disparaging words lit. What is your beloved more than beloved? Possibly mocking Shulamit s extravagant praise in Song of Solomon 1 they could also be mocking her O most beautiful among women she was a country girl ashamed of her dark skin in comparison to their creamy white, milky skin they knew Solomon considered her the most beautiful among women now they mocked her Why are you so upset country girl? What makes Solomon any different than any other man? This is just the way men are. Their reaction is striking the daughters of Jerusalem have been mentioned they were the women of the court of Solomon crème of the crop daughters of court officials attendants of Bathsheba Shulamit had come to know them well they served as her confidants seven times in Song of Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:5 she confided in them her insecurity from having parched skin from working in the fields in Song of Solomon 2:7 and Song of Solomon 3:5 she implored them to help her remain celibate until she got married in Song of Solomon 5:10 they had lovingly crafted Solomon s wedding chair used in the wedding procession You would expect them to be devoted to Solomon but here they question him important point seek your counselors well Shulamit wanted to be re-united with Solomon the daughters of Jerusalem didn t share that desire Proverbs 11:14 there is wisdom in an abundance of counselors - the Bible teaches that there is wisdom in numbers but that depends on who you consult You won t get good counseling on marriage from this world the debate is over marriage is a quaint relic of the past if you are a Christian interested in preserving your Christian marriage you are fighting an uphill battle in our culture Three days after the Orlando shooting two weeks ago, where an avowed ISIS terrorist killed 50 people at a gay nightclub, the New York Times editorial placed the blame on the corrosive politics of those who believe in traditional marriage 1 Leland Ryken, Worldly Saints: The Puritans As They Were (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1990), 50. 1

2 Last Tuesday, Anderson Cooper on CNN grilled Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, not about the ISIS affiliated killer, but about her alleged hypocrisy for affirming traditional marriage and now grieving the gay victims of the shooting SB 1146 in California would open the door for discrimination lawsuits against any Christian college that holds to traditional marriage and closes bathrooms and locker rooms Be careful of consulting friends with marriage problems those outside the church will tell you to bail in a heartbeat even many in church will do the same criterion for counselors: Mature Christians who know the Bible not neighbor, friend at work, Mom! They will listen and guide you won t be passive Truthful they will tell you your sin don t go to them if you want them to agree with you II. HER DEFENSE She answers her friends by defending her husband she was not looking for a fight R. C. Ryle Marriage is after all, the union of two sinners, not two angels. She knew that Critical juncture if your response to conflict is to attack your spouse, then you re headed for deeper trouble trust your heart? Proverbs 28:26 He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered. The heart of all conflict begins with sin she got her feelings hurt because he worked late she shut him off with flimsy excuses when he got home she deprived him of his rightful claim on her love he got angry in return marched off in a huff! You can t do anything about his sin! Look at yours Techniques won t solve it i.e. holding pen while you talk A. Physical features Song of Solomon 5:10-16 contains detailed description of Solomon s physical attributes not unusual for ancient love songs to describe physical beauty of the female but descriptions of the male are seldom recorded physical attributes are a part of our attraction 1. He s special First stop she defends his general character Song of Solomon 5:10 My beloved is dazzling (general impression) and ruddy (normal reddish complexion of a young man), outstanding among ten thousand (he stands out in a crowd). True of Solomon wisest and richest man on earth can hear women, Well, duh! Give me the smartest and richest man on earth and I ll be a good wife too! Misses the point Solomon was wonderful but so is your husband both are created by God and are uniformly wonderful! Your man needs to feel special in the eyes of his wife! He needs you to think he s strong, smart, good-looking I don t like wall-papering with Anne because she does it better than I do I feel stupid I do like opening jam jars she can t I m stronger! 2. He s good looking Song of Solomon 5:11 His head is like gold, pure gold; his locks are like clusters of dates and black as a raven. Bronzed face black hair Song of Solomon 5:12 His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, and reposed in their setting. He said the same thing about her eyes in Song of Solomon 4:1 his translucent pupils are like doves swimming in milk Song of Solomon 5:13 His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs reference to common practice of perfuming the beard His lips are lilies dripping with liquid myrrh. The sweet smell of kissing him 2

3 Song of Solomon 5:14 His hands are rods of gold set with beryl; His abdomen is carved ivory inlaid with sapphires. Fingers are covered with fine jewelry his abs are cut! Solid six-pack! Song of Solomon 5:15 His legs are pillars of alabaster set on pedestals of pure gold; His appearance is like Lebanon choice as the cedars. His legs are like columns of white marble, strong and sturdy, like the beautiful carved pillars of an ornate building his whole appearance is like the massive cedars of Lebanon depicting strength his general appearance was tall and strong B. Personal features Song of Solomon 5:16 His mouth is full of sweetness and he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Four personal features: 1) The sweetness of his mouth depicts two things 1) Kissing too bad this evolves into a peck on the cheek kissing is passionate connecting of souls; 2) Speech in Paul s words no unwholesome speech comes out of his mouth how would your spouse characterize your speech? Coarse? Angry? Immature? 2) he is wholly desirable i.e. he s all I ever wanted in a husband. His whole person is delightful what makes a man wholly desirable? Our world thinks this means sexy suave is this true? What if he s a gigolo, a lady s man on the prowl for every conquest he can find? is that desirable? NO a wholly desirable man is a man of integrity honest respected virtuous competent strong loving 3) This is my beloved... Luther married Katie vonbora after she was smuggled out of a convent in a barrel used to deliver herring ended up in the home of Louis Cranach, famous painter wouldn t marry Dr. Kaspar Glatz too icy finally, she said, What about you? Visit from his father changed his mind he relented saw his marriage would "please his father, rile the pope, cause the angels to laugh and the devils to weep." He was 42 she was 26 grew to love each other deeply Luther said, "In domestic affairs, I defer to Katie. Otherwise I am led by the Holy Ghost." Thirteen years later he said, "If I should lose my Katie I would not take another wife though I were offered a queen." 2 4) He s also my friend I used to think friends were people who did things you do maybe but that worried me with Anne found out we couldn t play volleyball together because she wasn t very good then I found out we couldn t wallpaper together because I m not very good I wanted to put Flo-master exhaust on her car and all she wants is a little six-cylinder put-put But I found that friends are deeper than things the things that draw us together as friends are Casey, Charlie, Lindsey, and Pete it s the process of making four houses into homes mutual trust common goals and aspirations for life anticipating future I love you not only for what you are But for who I am when I am with you. I love you, not only for what You have made of yourself But for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out; I love you, for putting your hand Into my heaped-up heart And passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help dimly seeing there, And for drawing out into the light All the beautiful belongings That no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you because you Are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, Not a tavern but a temple; Out of works of my every day Not a reproach but a song. I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, 2 Gene Edward Veith, A Place to Stand: The Word of God in the Life of Martin Luther (Nashville, Tennesee: Cumberland House, 2005), 98. 3

4 And more than any fate could have done to make me happy. You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being as friend means, after all. 3 III. HER DETERMINATION A. She knows him Song of Solomon 6:2 My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of balsam, to pasture his flock in the gardens and gather lilies. She says, I know where he has gone. She knows her husband she realizes he s mad and hurt but she knows where he will go This describes more than her knowledge it describes her attitude could have said, He s such a baby. Let him go down to his little garden and pout. I m not going after him. But that s not what she said she has already shown her desire to reconcile went out into the night consulted with the daughters of Jerusalem made her defense to them this is her determination to fight for her marriage small fight here but it could grow into big fight if not addressed here Do you know where your husband would go after a spat? Garage? Golf course? Fishing? Coffee shop? Who would he talk to? What would he say? B. She re-commits to him Song of Solomon 6:3 I am my beloved s and my beloved is mine, He who pastures his flock among the lilies. This is different than Song of Solomon 5:16 This is my beloved and this is my friend. She knew Solomon felt the same way she did even though the conflict had not yet been resolved! I am his and he is mine! No faltering not me vs. him just us if you want to win the argument, forget reconciliation if you want him to say he s sorry, you won t resolve conflict if you vow to meet him half way, you ll never get there! I once heard that Ginger Rogers could do every dance step Fred Astaire could do but she could do them backwards because she was facing him marriage is a dance partners are committed to each other one leads, the other follows they step in unison as they stare into each other s eyes they step on each other s toes occasionally, but they keep dancing no one cuts in and they grow in unity because of their loving commitment to each other At times you won t even like your spouse that s not the question real question is Do you love them? Conflicts can make us question this what to do? Guidance in Revelation 2:4-5 John records Jesus words to the church of Ephesus But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. That can happen in marriage we ve lost our love through unaddressed conflict Jesus advice: Revelation 2:5 Therefore remember from where you have fallen remember the state of marriage you entered into this is God s picture, not yours He has drawn Second thing repent painful we want to blame the other He came home late She shut me out of her life repent metaneo to change your mind and go the other direction it means giving up your rights saying I m sorry being the first to forgive if you continue to go the same direction, your marriage will be defeated if you hold the same hurts draw your line in the sand you will never resolve conflict you can t repent for the other person, only yourself Third thing do the deeds you did at first what things did you do when you fell in love? Dates talked planned Ominous warning that can be applied to marriage return to your first love or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place unless you repent. 3 Roy Croft in Albert Lewis Alexander, Poems that Touch the Heart (New York: Doubleday, 1962), 5. 4

5 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 1. Do you think people in troubled marriages jump too quickly to divorce in our culture? Why or why not? 2. Who is speaking in Song of Solomon 5:9 and what are they saying? 3. What is significant about Shulamit s response to her friends in Song of Solomon 5:10-16? 4. How does the attitude found in Song of Solomon 5:9 differ from the attitude in Song of Solomon 6:1? 5. In the context of the alienation that occurred between Solomon and his wife in Song of Solomon 5:2-8, what is significant about Shulamit s statement in Song of Solomon 6:3? 6. Has this passage done anything to help you reaffirm your lifelong commitment to your marriage? In what way? 5