I. FINDING LOVE Song of Solomon 1:2-2:7

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1 LOVESONG The Book of The Song of Solomon Dr. Jon McNeff, Senior Pastor January 21, 2018 Note: The following are the pastor s notes used in preaching this message. This is not a complete, word-for-word transcription of what was preached. These notes serve as a companion to the complete message, which is available by listening to the audio version. Bible quotes are primarily from NASB and ESV, respectively. Two distorted methods of interpretation: Allegorical no historical basis pictures God s love for Israel and/or Christ s love for the church Typological admits historical basis, but says this is a type of Christ s love for his bride, the church some pick this up in referring to Jesus as the Rose of Sharon or the lily of the valley these titles refer to the Shunamite maiden, not Christ Both miss the truth best to take it as real events between young Solomon and his first love honest description of their passionate love and sexual attraction but want to do it right! Written to provide guide for courtship, dating, marriage This is the lovesong of Mr. and Mrs. Solomon! First words in Song of Solomon 1:1 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon s. song = sir lovesong refers to songs that are not of unequivocally profane nature but approach the sacral. In most passages šîr refers not to singing intended solely for aesthetic effect but to the musical performance of address to God formulated in fixed language, usually of praise 1 Notice also THE Song of Songs 1 Kings 4:32 indicates Solomon wrote 3000 proverbs and 1,005 songs this one surpasses all of them! The daughters of Jerusalem (Song of Solomon 1:5; 2:7; 3:5; 5:8, 16; 8:4) also comment frequently probably members of Solomon s household staff who decorated his wedding sedan chair Song of Solomon 3:10 its interior lovingly fitted out by the daughters of Jerusalem. Timing takes place over a year of courtship and marriage two springs mentioned first in Song of Solomon 2:11-13 second in Song of Solomon 7:12 I. FINDING LOVE Song of Solomon 1:2-2:7 Proverbs 30:18-19 There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Four which I do not understand: The way of an eagle in the sky, The way of a serpent on a rock, The way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid. What makes people fall in love? How do you find someone to marry? Second most important task outside of becoming a Christian This is Solomon s first wife before the 700 wives and 300 concubines he had for political purposes indications he loved this one all his life Proverbs 5:18 rejoice in the wife of your youth. Ecclesiastes 9:9 Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun Song of Solomon 1:2 2:7 remembering their first meeting: Song of Solomon 1:1-4 Love at first sight? Mutual attraction smell good respect her friends approve she s flattered by the king! Song of Solomon 1:5-7 reality check I am black but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am swarthy, for the sun has burned me. Tanned brothers made her work the fields I can t compare with the lily white maidens in the palace. She s open about her feelings Song of Solomon 1:7 Where do you pasture your flock. For why should I be like the one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions? Not coy wants to meet him but doesn t want to be confused with prostitutes who followed shepherds around He responds true love is not one-sided make your feelings known if they aren t returned? NEXT! No hard feelings: He s complimentary Song of Solomon 1:8 If you yourself do not know, most beautiful among women, go forth on the trail of the flock and pasture your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. He wants to 1 Ernst Jenni and Claus Westermann, Theological Lexicon of the Old Testament (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 1997),

2 be with her (men stop doing this after marriage) continues compliments Song of Solomon 1:9 my darling, you are like my mare among the chariots of Pharaoh. Don t tell her you re like my horse! Solomon had 1400 war chariots and 12,000 horsemen he was comparing her to the grace of his beautiful horses and the dignity of his chariots Song of Solomon 1:10 Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of beads. Like his fine Egyptian horses with their plated manes He wants to give her gifts Song of Solomon 1:11 her neck is a place for jewelry! Worst gift? Laker game on Valentines Day! She responds reveals her character: Song of Solomon 1:12 She thinks of him all the time smell of the perfume she wears under her dress in a pouch between her breasts reminds her of him Song of Solomon 1:15-16 she s not impressed with money our couch is luxuriant! (green sitting on the grass) The beams of our houses are cedars, our rafters, cypresses. They are outside getting to know one another doesn t demand expensive dates! Song of Solomon 2:1 she is a down-home girl I am the rose of Sharon not a reference to Christ! Common lily of the Sharon valley guys if she s obsessed with her looks and clothes, you ll pay for it! Song of Solomon 2:3 she doesn t play the field compares him to an apple tree In his shade I took great delight and sat down she feels protected and content role of a man Song of Solomon 2:3 she doesn t try to change him And his fruit was sweet to my taste. if he wears Carhartt and Levi s don t change His response: His leadership Song of Solomon 2:4 He has brought me to his banquet hall royal dining room And his banner over me is love. Military flag it said She is mine, I have conquered her this is love, not dominance Guys take the initiative NEXT! His devotion to her in Song of Solomon 2:1 when she says she is the rose of Sharon a common flower he responds that she is a lily among the thorns, so is my darling among the maidens. A woman always wants to be re-assured of your devotion to her Last note about beginning a relationship commit in advance to sexual purity Song of Solomon 2:7 I adjure you O daughters of Jerusalem (Solomon s handmaidens in the palace) by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field beautiful, graceful creatures who run free in the field do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases. = to arouse from sleep to become fully active DIDN T WANT TO GET CARRIED AWAY WITH SEXUAL PASSION set the ground rules early avoid being alone dark places love talk wise woman says it here at outset of relationship in Song of Solomon 3:5 right before their wedding Song of Solomon 8:4 in marriage after a fight she never wanted to use seduction as a tool to get a guy! And he honored it! II. DEVELOPING LOVE Song of Solomon 2:8-3:5 Dating Principle 1 It must be a two way street her part Song of Solomon 2:8 Listen! My beloved! He is coming! She strains for any sign of him text phone Song of Solomon 2:9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag speedy but shy he is like a puppy dog coming to play! Climbing on the mountains. She lives way out in the country no problem he will climb over mountains to get to her! Takes two! Principle 2 The man is the initiator Behold, he is standing behind our wall. He is looking through the windows, He is peering through the lattice. Not a voyeur everyone saw him he s come to visit her Adam was created first (1 Timothy 2:13) man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3) egalitarians (Men and women are equal in everything) ruin marriages Genesis 3 part of the curse is that women want to usurp the place of a man in the marriage relationship can t be done. Principle 3 Their relationship is public Song of Solomon 2:10 first words of Solomon Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along. Came to her house for all to see asks her to go on a walk public what would they do? No iphone! TALK! QUESTIONS! 2

3 Principle 4 Know the whole person Song of Solomon 2:14 O, my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret place of the steep pathway, let me see your form, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your form is lovely. dove = quiet and shy he longs to see her form not body not a lustful phrase mareh = appearance or countenance from to see can mean to regard, feel, perceive, understand, learn, enjoy he wanted to experience everything about her not merely physical. Principle 5 Look for foxes Song of Solomon 2:15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom. foxes = things that destroy healthy relationship Impulse dating no plan for marriage Emotional immaturity self-centeredness obsession with looks money hungry things impress her no respect for adults obsession with being thin (anorexia and bulimia!), sports, cars, games, anger childishness jealous clingy domineering demanding immaturity Not seeing her countenance intellect emotions desires tastes background expectations spiritual condition if she doesn t go to church now, she won t later Sexual temptation 1 Corinthians 7:1 it is good for a man not to touch a woman = to fasten to, to kindle used in Acts 28:2 they kindled a fire and received us. Also used as to light a lamp in Luke 8:16 Jewish euphemism for sexual intercourse context is clearly sexual touch 1 Corinthians 7:2 explains why it is good not to touch a woman But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. Touching a woman is like lighting a fire prove me a liar! Fourth grade I touched Diane B while square dancing! Law of diminishing returns touch holding hands arm around her waist! Whoo! Kiss alfalfa kiss roaming hands etc. etc. when you get the motor running it s hard to stop! III. COMMITTED LOVE Song of Solomon 3:6-5:1 Stradivarius over to gorilla! A. Social benefit Song of Solomon 3:6-11 Song of Solomon 3:6 spoken by daughters of Jerusalem those who observe the wedding procession scene shifts to Solomon s wedding procession Song of Solomon 3:6 What is this coming up from the wilderness lit. Who is she? Feminine form used who is this that the king has chosen? Like columns of smoke, Perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, With all scented powders of the merchant? A cloud of dust and the smoke of incense follows the procession Song of Solomon 3:7-9 Solomon brings his bride home: She comes on his litter = bed, royal car cf. Song of Solomon 3:9 his sedan chair a portable, sitting bed surrounded with curtains four sides of it were generally carved from wood, ivory, or metal Song of Solomon 3:10 He made its posts of silver, Its back of gold and its seat of purple fabric, With its interior lovingly fitted out by the daughters of Jerusalem. Came with sixty mighty men around it David s mighty men were valiant warriors who had never lost a battle this was 1/10 th of royal body guard (1 Sam. 27:2) all armed she was accompanied by an armed guard for protection and honor the groom goes all out to honor his bride this is the event of a lifetime deserving of pomp, expense and honor given it Song of Solomon 3:11 His mother honors him with a special crown on the day of his wedding sign of family blessing B. Personal fulfillment Song of Solomon 4 Song of Solomon 4:1-6 Poetic description by Solomon customary to sing praises to your bride on your wedding day seven (perfection) comparisons: 1) Eyes behind her veiled face her eyes had the color and luster of turtle doves 3

4 2) Hair Song of Solomon 4:1 like flock of goats that have descended from Mount Gilead mountains of Gilead known for abundant herds of black goats reference to luxurious black hair flowing down onto her shoulders Jewish woman never wore her hair down except when alone with her husband 3) Teeth Song of Solomon 4:2 like newly shorn ewes white and perfect not one among them has lost her young she has all of them! 4) Lips/mouth lips are red mouth refers to her speech 5) Temples Song of Solomon 4:3 like a slice of pomegranate the contrast of red cheeks against her white temple resembles beautiful cut fruit 6) Neck Song of Solomon 4:4 like the tower of David tower David had built at the corner of his palace as a watch tower stately and elegant with jewelry decorating it like the decorative shields on the tower 7) Breasts Song of Solomon 4:5 like two fawns, twins of a gazelle which feed among the lilies. Picture of young, feminine beauty Sincere compliments enhance life if she says, Have I put on weight? LIE! Smell of her hair color of her skin smile help Perfect picture of marriage Song of Solomon 4:7-5:1 exact middle of book Leaving father and mother Song of Solomon 4:8 Come with me from Lebanon the place of her youth he wants her to now join her life to his leave the three mountains of Lebanon Amana, Senir, and Hermon filled with danger I ll protect you! New family Song of Solomon 4:9 bride = daughter-in-law refers to relationship between his mother and his wife she is now becoming one of his family in relationship like his sister You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes something a lady needs to hear once in awhile! Continued compliments Song of Solomon 4:10-11 Sexual fidelity - Song of Solomon 4:12-14 two references to her virginity A garden locked is my sister, my bride, A rock garden locked, a spring sealed up. She waited for marriage yields trust after marriage! Sexual desire Song of Solomon 4:16 she responds Make my garden breathe out fragrance Consummation Song of Solomon 5:1 I have come into my garden. I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. God s blessing Song of Solomon 5:1b Eat friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. Sean McDowell and John Stonestreet Second, marriage marks two people as sexual partners and makes them publically responsible for their sexual behavior. This is important because sex, though (hopefully) done in private, has very public consequences. Forced sex brings fear to an entire community. Procreative sex creates a new life that must be cared for and integrated into the community. Promiscuous sex risks the mental and physical health of many in the community. Underage sex jeopardizes the potential of the community. Marital sex secures the future of the community. 2 IV. GROWING IN LOVE Song of Solomon 5:2-6:3 After the marriage Song of Solomon 5:2-6:3 the fight Song of Solomon 6:4-8:14 making up some say it is a dream, but my heart was awake this isn t a dream the beginning of inevitable marital conflict: No such thing as perfect compatibility All are sinners not redeemed yet No such thing as marital bliss without fighting for it A. Unrealized expectations 2 Sean McDowell & John Stonestreet, Same-Sex Marriage: A Thoughtful Approach to God s Design for Marriage, (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2014), 47. 4

5 Song of Solomon 5:2-6 what s happening? he has been away working, meeting, comes home late and guess what he wants? But what happens? Song of Solomon 5:3 I have taken off my dress, How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet, How can I dirty them again? She s already gone to bed lame excuse she s not in the mood she is punishing him by withholding sex! Unrealized expectations: I m the king don t have to report and ask permission he was coming home late no explanation no call nothing She should read my mind Didn t she know I would be home late? Sexual expectations: Guys think they can get it any time they feel like it Forget what it takes to get a woman to warm up guy can succeed in two minutes woman needs romance can t have the frosting without making the cake! B. Selfishness not getting your own way Song of Solomon 5:4-5 by the time she wakes up and gets to the door he s gone Why did he leave? Considerate? Or ticked! What does he feel like rejected? Hurt? Mad? He didn t get what he wanted! Song of Solomon 5:4 he extended his hand through the opening of the door trying to get in! He s the king and can t even get into his own bedroom. Didn t get his way goes away in a huff building a relationship is hard work Demands giving up your rights most often we see what we need seldom consider her viewpoint Guys selfishness their toys Anne little car! Deserves second and third attempts C. Failure to communicate Song of Solomon 5:6-8 Her response Song of Solomon 5:6 My heart went out to him as he spoke. But not before! Too late he s gone Song of Solomon 5:7-9 she goes looking for him runs into night watchmen security guards callous policemen guarding city not thinking of the king s wife running around at night they treat her harshly strike her, wounding her, and tear her robe off her as she flees Song of Solomon 5:8 goes to her maidens tells them what happened that clod! What kind of a man would treat his wife that way? Normal response of friends very few friends really stop to get the whole story Song of Solomon 5:10-16 she defends him! Love returns when we stop being mad if you re mad you can t love! He knows nothing of any of this he hasn t come back to check doesn t see her come after him doesn t see her confrontation with the guards doesn t hear conversation with her maids doesn t hear her description of him! D. Pouting Meanwhile what is going on in his mind? You know how it goes you build the worst case scenario in your mind: She should have known I might come home early How dare she shut me out! It was night time She doesn t want to meet my needs 5

6 I ll show her I ll leave serves her right Where is he? Song of Solomon 6:1 in the morning her maids join her to look for him Song of Solomon 6:2 she figures it out I bet he is down in his garden. confirmed in Song of Solomon 6:11 He is mad and pouting Now she is even more hurt he never came back Change of heart in Song of Solomon 6:3 I am my beloved s and my beloved is mine, he who pastures his flock among the lilies. She is done being mad done pouting reminds herself that she loves him sees him just like when they met! How to have a good fight and get over it: See it for what it is childish Go back make it right Think on the right things Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinks in himself, so he is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Two things to remember: Your spouse married a sinner They need mercy, not law V. STAYING IN LOVE Song of Solomon 6:4-8:4 A. Assurance of love Song of Solomon 6:4-9 He is wise assures her of his love Song of Solomon 6:4-9 returns her compliments of Song of Solomon 5:10-16: Song of Solomon 6:4 Compares her to Tirzah, and Jerusalem two most important cities of his kingdom she is as beautiful as his most treasured possessions! Song of Solomon 6:5 - Turn your eyes away from me, for they have confused me. Don t look at me that way! She turns her big baby blues on him and he melts her eyes can say everything questioning Has my prince fallen off his horse? Demanding You d better not tell me you were out with the boys again. Song of Solomon 6:6-9 repeats compliments of Song of Solomon 4:1-2 Song of Solomon 6:8 sixty queens and eighty concubines, and maidens without number you exceed all women tell her! Song of Solomon 6:10 the ultimate comparison your wife wants to know that she is more treasured in your heart than all the other women in the world! Song of Solomon 6:13 Come back, come back, O Shulammite; Come back, come back, that we may gaze at you. Daughters of Jerusalem want to know that everything is all right she responds, Why should you gaze at the Shulammite, as at the dance of the two companies? This is private ladies don t bother us! Song of Solomon 7:1-9 Solomon expresses love and sexual desire for her B. Recommitment to each other Song of Solomon 7:10 She responds to his expressed love commits herself to him again Let us used four times in Song of Solomon 7:11-12 God has not made a woman who can resist the loving pursuit of her husband! Needed constantly Ephesians 5:

7 C. Recalling your first love Song of Solomon 8:5-14 revisiting the old home place the things that made them fall in love in the first place fulfilled expectations affirmation of fulfilled love: Song of Solomon 8:2 lead you and bring you into the house of my mother who used to instruct me reminder of mom s influence Song of Solomon 8:4 Do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases. She s sleeping in Song of Solomon 8:5 Beneath the apple tree carved initials?! Song of Solomon 8:5 Leaning on her beloved a woman leans on her man she expects leadership, comfort, strength, reliability Song of Solomon 8: 6 Put me like a seal over your heart she wants to be special the sign of your love for her Song of Solomon 8:8-14 reminiscing about virtue brothers protected her Song of Solomon 8:14 calling to others to enjoy marriage D. Reaffirmation of marital love Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Put me like a seal over your heart, Like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, Jealousy is as severe as Sheol; Its flashes are flashes of fire, The very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, Nor will rivers overflow it; If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, It would be utterly despised. 1) Love is permanent like a seal over your heart 2) Love is strong love is strong as death 3) Love is intense like flashes of fire 4) Love is invincible Many waters cannot quench love 5) Love is priceless worthy of giving all the riches of his house for love E. Reminders of sexual purity Song of Solomon 8:1-12 Sports Illustrated - On the 21st of every month, John Wooden, legendary ex-basketball coach at UCLA sits down and writes a love letter to his best girl - tells her how much he misses her and loves her and can't wait to see her again. He'll fold it, put it in an envelope, walk into his bedroom, go to the stack of letters sitting on her pillow, untie the yellow ribbon, place the new letter on top, and tie the ribbon. There are 180 letters there - exactly 15 years of love letters to his dear wife Nellie who died 15 years ago after 53 years of marriage. In her memory, he sleeps only on his half of the bed, only on his pillow, only on the top of the sheets, covered by just the old bedspread that they shared to keep warm during 53 years of marriage. 3 3 Rick Reilly, A Paragon Rising Above the Madness Sports Illustrated, March 20,

8 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 1. What are the primary causes of failure in marriage today? 2. What do we learn about the young woman in Song of Solomon 1:5-7? 3. What is the meaning of Song of Solomon 2:7, and why is the phrase used again in 3:5 and 8:4? 4. What is happening in Song of Solomon 5:2-8? 5. How is marital love described in Song of Solomon 8:6-7? 6. What have you learned about love from Song of Solomon? 8

Song of Songs Song of Solomon

Song of Songs Song of Solomon Proverbs 30:18-19 (NIV) There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: 19 the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock,