Normal sex demeaned Josh McDowell reported one study said 90% of American teens can t envision their parents having sex!

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1 THE ACT OF MARRIAGE Song of Solomon 7:1-9 Dr. Jon McNeff, Senior Pastor November 6, 2016 Note: The following are the pastor s notes used in preaching this message. This is not a complete, word-for-word transcription of what was preached. These notes serve as a companion to the complete message, which is available by listening to the audio version. Bible quotes are primarily from NASB and ESV, respectively. The dominant attitude of the Catholic Church throughout the Middle Ages was that sexual love itself was evil and did not cease to be so if its object were one's spouse. Ambrose preferred the extinction of the human race to its propagation through sin, that is, through sexual intercourse said married people ought to blush at the state in which they are living. Augustine thought sex was innocent in marriage only if it had no passion Origen thought it was so wrong he had himself castrated before being ordained Tertullian claimed that "marriage and adultery...are not intrinsically different, but only in the degree of their illegitimacy." Resulted in Catholic glorification of virginity and celibacy By Fifth Century, priests were prohibited from marrying Athanasius declared that the appreciation of virginity, which had never before been regarded as meritorious, was the supreme revelation of Christ Constant disparagement of marriage church kept multiplying the days on which sex was prohibited for married people until half of the year or more was prohibited some recommended abstinence five days a week! 1 Today sex is served like a god media inundated with pictures and opinions even deviants can t agree how many there are LGBTQI over 20 gender choices on Facebook we ve created a hook up culture stats are staggering 77.7% of college females admitted to hooking up. These young women connect with young men they either don t know at all or barely know for the sole purpose of physical gratification. For males, the percentage is even higher 84.2 percent. 2 creates other problems Andy Crouch believes this is why 40% of college women admit to binge drinking having four or more drinks in a row in the past week I believe that drinking for college-age women is largely a way to make sex easier-to ease the pain of hooking up, the pain of anonymous sex. Sex with someone you've made no promises to, for whom you haven't changed your name, is indeed anonymous, without-a-name sex. It's also story-less sex, with no history and no future. When it stops feeling good, it hurts, because sex is made to change our names, to change our stories. And when it doesn't change us, it leaves us empty and lost, stranded outside the story we were made to live in. 3 Normal sex demeaned Josh McDowell reported one study said 90% of American teens can t envision their parents having sex! Before we examine the text deal with: Sexual abuse wounds and hurts Sex outside marriage distorts and stunts enjoyment I. SEX IS PLEASANT The text notice the timing problem began in Song of Solomon 5:2 he comes home late she s hurt and angry locks him out of the bedroom he s hurt and angry leaves she has a change of heart goes looking for him calls her girlfriends What kind of man is this? She defends him he shows up with changed attitude (possibly from seeing her concern for him) praises her explains where he went he pleads with her to return she says, OK, but not with all these people around. Girls you re dismissed. This is between me and my husband. 1 Leland Ryken, Worldly Saints: The Puritans As They Really Were (Grand Rapids, MI: 1990), Tracy A. Lambert, Arnold S. Kahn, and Kevin J. Apple, Pluralistic Ignorance and Hooking Up, The Journal of Sex Research 40 (2003), Tullian Tchividjian, Unfashionable: Making a Difference in the World by Being Different (Portland, OR: Multnomah Books, 2009),

2 Then Song of Solomon 7 unfolds erotic expression of sexual foreplay, intercourse, and rest afterward - this is what makes sex so pleasant sex is not: A substitute for making up better sex won t make for a better relationship Recreational not like playing with a toy An appetite that has to be fed Sex is the icing on the cake of human relationship between husband and wife God s gracious design is that the most pleasant physical experience on earth is sex God s plan in Genesis 2:22 after God created woman out of the rib of the man He brought her to the man. God designed woman as a gift for man not a plaything, but a helpmate some joke that men need help we do men need the softness and sensitivity of women in general but guess what? Women need men too men are stronger more task oriented design and build things provide men and women are different but mutually needy Genesis 2:23 The man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. literally this time Adam was overjoyed because he had named Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe, and Mr. and Mrs. Cockatoo, but he looked around and there was no Mrs. Adam now there was! Finally! A mate for me! Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Adam didn t even have a mother or father God is setting this up as the pattern for the future generations of all mankind Leave your parents and be joined to your wife = cling, stick to, follow closely, keep close to, join to can also refer to welding two pieces of metal (Isaiah 41:7) carries the sense of clinging to someone in affection and loyalty Ruth clung to Naomi (Ruth 1:4) the men of Judah remained steadfast to David when everyone else deserted him (2 Samuel 20:2) in Jeremiah 13:11 as the waistband clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole household of Israel cling to Me ; 4 They will become one flesh husband and wife create a child, but they are not one flesh with their baby we aren t one flesh with anyone else except husband and wife descriptive of the sex act nothing comes close to two bodies trying to become one flesh like sex and it is so enjoyable! Sex is intended to: Provide companionship nothing compares! Procreate participation in a miracle Five killers of romance in marriage: Sin romance dies when wounds go unhealed sinful words, actions, attitudes that go unconfessed go unforgiven or when someone holds on to resentments without forgiving the two retreat to their corners and romance dies Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel. Wandering eye porn casual sex - hook ups Laziness men quit showering and shaving stop making plans for sex no flowers no getaways no creativity Kids empty nesters smile no kids around! Age no matter how much time in the gym, facial creams, diets, etc., age will catch up with you wrinkles, gray hair, putting on weight, are a part of life but sex is not just physical it s mental healthy couples have sex II. SEX IS PRIVATE The women leave at the end of Song of Solomon 6:13 Mr. and Mrs. Solomon are alone been through a battle forgiven I m sorry tenderness returns the couple retreats to privacy of their bedroom no one else belongs there what goes on there, stays there but the inner desires of both come out Song of Solomon 7:1-10 describes 4 Earl S. Kalland, 398, ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999),

3 the act of marriage from foreplay to falling asleep after it s a physical description he alludes to her feet, hips, navel, belly, breasts, neck, eyes, nose, head, and hair what s happening here? Solomon responds naturally to his wife s sexual appeal clue men are visual raw biological power that makes man take the initiative undiscriminating looks at the body, not the person Women are wired differently they are more focused on the person more emotional focused on his kindness, devotion, character motivated by touch, not sight God made man this way must be channeled no excuse for indiscriminate sexual leering, jokes, or unwanted sexual advances This doesn t mean it s wrong great pressure today massive pressure to indulge men s impulses or to tell men they are regressive need to reform men to emulate women! Men need to learn how to channel this to his wife: Show your love honor her, talk to her, care for her Plan for romance let her know he desires her don t wait until you go to bed Prepare yourself help with dishes, homework, shower and shave Wise man knows this is For your eyes only. A woman s body is something only her husband should see the more you display it to others, the more you cause other men to think about you in a way only your husband should! This is a two-way street sneak a look at Song of Solomon 7:10-13 I am my beloved s, and his desire is for me. She is just as interested in sexual relationship as he is she is the one inviting him to get away for a romantic weekend ladies it s just as important for you to let husband know you re interested as the other way around Pick up further thoughts in Genesis 2: Genesis 2:25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 3:7 First thing after they sinned the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. Worse than ugly Christmas sweaters! When God came looking for them Adam said, I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself. And He said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat? Genesis 3:10-12 sin introduced shame we feel naked because we want to cover sin! That s why our culture is fascinated with nakedness they want to flaunt their sin! Bikini isn t a fashion statement, it s a sin statement! Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Sex is a wonderful gift God has given to us Sean McDowell and John Stonestreet in Same Sex Marriage Sex has public consequences, and marriage ensures that men and women take responsibility for those consequences: Marriage marks two people as sexual partners and makes them publically responsible for their sexual behavior. This is important because sex, though (hopefully) done in private, has very public consequences. Forced sex brings fear to an entire community. Procreative sex creates new life that must be cared for and integrated into the community. Promiscuous sex risks the mental and physical health of many in the community. Underage sex jeopardizes the potential of the community. Marital sex secures the future of the community 5 III. SEX IS PERSONAL Another side here men if you focus on the physical only, you might get sex for a night, but not for the long term woman is more than a body sex is more than rubbing flesh together sex is the culmination of a thousand other things that bind a couple together 5 Sean McDowell and John Stonestreet, Same Sex Marriage: A Thoughtful Approach to God s Design for Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2014), 47. 3

4 The other side of the text is what he says about her character sex is more than the physical physical attributes are true for every woman these characteristics aren t these are more important to note every woman has feet, hips, navel, breasts, neck, etc. but these don t make sex intimate Solomon uses series of 11 similes to tell us what does: Song of Solomon 7:1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince s daughter! trustworthy wealthy homes and palaces in Bible times had tile floors covered with beautiful rugs slaves and women went barefoot sandals were worn by those trusted to go outside and return Solomon obviously trusted his wife she never embarrassed him in public prince s daughter = nobility Song of Solomon 7:1b The curves of your hips are like jewels, the work of the hands of an artist. sacred femininity upper thigh, hip, loins refers to reproductive organs Numbers 5:12-31 test for woman accused of adultery if no proof was found the woman was brought before the priest he gave her water mixed with dirt from floor of the Temple (symbolized the presence of God) to drink if she was guilty it would make her thigh waste away and your belly swell her reproductive organs would dry up and she would grow some kind of tumor in place of her ovaries Josephus said it was some kind of dropsy the curve of the hips refers to unique shape of a woman that allowed her to conceive and carry a baby! Also gives place to carry baby! Men aren t shaped like that this is like fine piece of jewelry to Solomon Song of Solomon 7:2 Your navel is like a round goblet which never lacks mixed wine happiness wine was a sign of celebration and joy you make me happy! Song of Solomon 7:2b Your belly is like a heap of wheat fenced about with lilies. fruitfulness a heap of wheat pictured wheat that was thrashed and winnowed often rows of these heaps of wheat were fenced to prevent them from blowing away flowers were planted around them in celebration of the bounty of the harvest Song of Solomon 7:3 Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Propriety fawns are baby deer or in this case, gazelles gazelles are known for being swift and shy she was shy in displaying her body sense of propriety Song of Solomon 7:4 Your neck is like a tower of ivory dignity tower pictures strength ivory pictures purity Song of Solomon 7:4b Your eyes like the pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim refreshment remains of these pools have been found near Amman, Jordan they are deep pools for storing water, not running springs she wasn t flighty she had depth Song of Solomon 7:4c Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, which faces toward Damascus. An ally, partner not a reference to how big her nose was! No known tower of Lebanon referred to mountains that overlooked Damascus which was the seat of power for Assyrian empire pictured alertness, security, wisdom she was aware of dangers, attacks against him Song of Solomon 7:5 Your head crowns you like Carmel example Mt. Carmel range dominates coast of Israel visible to all he regarded her a worthy of emulation Song of Solomon 7:5b And the flowing locks of your head are like purple threads; the king is captivated by your tresses. honorable purple was the color of royalty Key to sexual intimacy lay some of this on your wife! IV. SEX IS PICTURESQUE Song of Solomon 7:6 sums up all her charms How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms! Then adds in Song of Solomon 7:7-9, Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I said, I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples Mike Mason in The Mystery of Marriage What moment in a man's life can compare with that of the wedding night, when a beautiful woman takes off all her clothes and lies next to him in bed, and that woman is his wife? What can equal the surprise of finding out that the one thing above all others which mankind has been most enterprising and proficient in dragging through the dirt turns out in fact to be the most innocent thing in the world? Is there any other activity at all which an adult man and woman may engage in together (apart from worship) that is 4

5 actually more childlike, more clean and pure, more natural and wholesome and unequivocally right than is the act of making love? 6 1. How has sex been tarnished in our world? QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 2. What can we learn by noting that Song of Solomon 7 comes after the events of Song of Solomon 5 and 6? 3. Why was Solomon so explicit in describing the physical attributes of his wife? 4. What does Song of Solomon 7 teach us about how God views sex? 5. There are eleven similes (like ) in Song of Solomon 7:1-7. Pick one and explain how Solomon uses it to describe the character of his wife. 6. How does this passage inform your views about sex? 6 Mike Mason - The Mystery of Marriage (Portland, Oregon: Multnomah Press, 1985),