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1 Cultural Analysis Ancient Axum and the Influence Power? of Religion Submitted by: Zakar Dolsey College CompostionWise Professor Peterson Fall Semester 10/14/2012 Center for Leadership Academic and Student Success Clark Atlanta University Atlanta, Georgia

2 Every civilization has a story that is left behind. Some of these civilizations have more or less information on them than others. Coherence needed. The ancient civilization of Axum is one of the most powerful civilizations to rise up in the Middle East. This civilization is one that is not well known and most of the information about this civilization comes from neighboring countries and accounts of different partners in trade, in addition to the accounts of enemies. With their mastery in craftsmanship and control of foreign trade, Who? they began to attract an abundant portion of business, as well as competition and adversaries. During the first century C.E., Axum split from the imperial church that believed in multiple gods to the monophysite interpretation of Jesus the Christ. As the Empire empire grew;, trade grew and Christianity soon dominated and became the official religion of Axum. So why is this important?; Iin what ways does religion affect ancient Axum sociality? The world at that time was experiencing a lot of risings of different beliefs that lead to holy wars and separation of people and states because of different belief systems. At that time for Axum, is it apparent that religion made them more powerful, more focused and economically collective. This means that Axum began to be the best it could be at that point in time. With a religion that focused on good deeds, virtue, enlightenment and moral responsibility from the king to the poorest civilian were more advanced in virtue and pride. This is a fragment. Comment [t1]: If this is the answer, it should come directly after the question. The information in between is not necessarily essential in the introduction, it seems, and perhaps you can save it for your conclusion. In short, you can end the introduction with your thesis. Also, connect the title to this if this is the thesis. Eg., Religion as Power in Ancient Axum, or some other appropriate thesisreflecting title. TRI needed. Never begin a supporting paragraph with evidence. By the first century C.E., the ancient Ethiopian civilization known as Axum emerged 1 Run on sentence. What s the point here? with a polytheistic religion Axum made very little progress at that time but none the less began to become the trading state it s known to be. This began a new era for Axum an 1 Harold G. Marcus, The United States Africa and the World: Axum and Ethiopia, (California, University of California press, 1994), 39. Good job! Times New Roman needed here.

3 era of prosperity and power only after one century. Axum s main port Adulis in the gulf of Zula foreign ships anchored there to protect themselves against attacks at night. Properly integrate your quoted material. This is called a naked quote. Also, capitalize accordingly. in return these merchants gave Axum ivory, cloth, glassware tools gold and silver jewelry 2 Axum became well known to many powerful civilizations such as the Persia, Rome and India. How does this relate? Remember, you should be supporting the notion that Axum s religion made them powerful. Connect throughout where applicable and properly integrate all of your quoted material. by the early forth century Christianity had become the established religion of the eastern Roman Empire. 3 Before this what? the Axum s elites had already surely heard of Christianity and, in a civilization, the government must take into account how the civilians will react to a conversion. Other civilizations would be concurred and converted or a new king would rise up and change what the established religion would be. Integrate. At the court, the ideology was discussed philosophically but also, as befitted a place of power, in economic and political terms. 4 Not too long after these events, it could be said it was preordained that Axum world be penetrated by Christianity. This would even be prophesized by the bible that the Axumite Kingdom would be part of the Christian body. (Psalm 68, 31.) Ethiopia shall soon stretch out her hands unto God. 5 With King Ezenas Who is this? it must have been fate not to long after the conversion the king had went to secure some trades goods and fell into little battle while in Kush and at the Nile. What s the point? Also, integrate. Ezenas raised a stela on which he described the ease of his conquest and thanked the Christian God for His protection. 6 This 2 Ibid. 3 Ibid. 4 Ibid. This is TOO many Ibids here. Note what we said in class about consecutive Ibids. 5 Richard Pankhurst, The Ethiopians, (Massachusetts: Blackwell Publishers, 1998), 6 Harold G. Marcus, The United States Africa and the World: Axum and Ethiopia, (California, University of California press, 1994), 40.

4 began the coinage in Axum going from traditional style to using Christian symbols such as the cross on the backside. TRI needed. All of the information you provide must speak to supporting your point abut the religious power aspect. The great success of unifying the religion of the kingdom gave Axum many pros and little to no cons. There are many agreements of why the conversion was made and when it initially was decided but nevertheless it was critical that is was made for the advancement of the civilization as a whole. Integrate quoted material throughout, The advent of the new religion reinforced Aksum s ties with the Roman Empire 7 So, what s the point? Connect to the main idea of this paper. Also, unify your sentences and link them so that each builds one off of the other. The Axumite Christianity differed from Rome s form of Christianity where their form of Christianity was a Paradigmparadigm +5. What, though, do you mean here?. Symbols of power were built to express the accomplishments wealth and religion. It is only a sign of power to have Palaces palaces built for the kings to live in, as well as government and nobility. Is this the only sign of power? Along with these buildings churches were built to praise God. You re lapsing into a report. What s the point? In addition to the great architecture steles that are unlike any other civilizations stand as some of the tallest were built for religious purposes. This exhibits their power in the form of architecture. Ok, this is a connection back to the thesis. Do this in varied form for all of your supporting paragraphs. Transition needed. War and religion tends to go hand and hand, since religion needs power to spread to different areas of the word. Good point! Axum is recorded by many other civilizations as a powerful kingdom threw through either being a partner in trade or an enemy in 7 Richard Pankhurst, The Ethiopians, (Massachusetts: Blackwell Publishers, 1999),36.

5 war. Coherence needed,egypt has strong trade ties to Axum during Egypt s Christian era. Coherence. The Greeks venerate +5 the Axumites regarded it with awe, both as far-off realm, and as one inhabited by remarkable people. 8 Relevance? The ideas here are disconnected. The kingdom of Kush is a neighboring competitor of Axum as well as a civilization that reiterates war over and over with Axum. What it is that makes this significant is that the Roman officials, explicitly gives credit for the victory to Ezana s conversion to Christianity. 9 Some texts make the assumptionassume that the acceptance of Christianity was used in hierarchy to control the people of Axum. So, if this is what some texts note, how does your thesis differ? To make them acquiesce +5to the rules and live a virtuous life because of the belief of an afterlife that is directly influenced by what they did in the present. One text debunks +5 this what?, stating that Being [b]eing Christian conferred benefits beyond rewards in the afterlife; it made sense within the wider framework of eastern Mediterranean trading links. Where is the citation for this text? The fact that you didn t note it within is problematic, especially since you didn t cite where it comes from. This means that s it what/ made Axum stronger in trade because of who it would build ties with. Be clear on your references. How does this connect? The Religion of Axum religion surely did not immediately affect that civilization s fate, what do you man here? but as time went by and the pathway opened for Axum. This is awkward. What are you attempting to convey here? Slowly but surely with the conversion of Christianity, Axum grew into a more? powerful civilization by its command of the red sea threw wrong word. its access and bond with Rome. More focused and economically collective threw the unification Comment [t2]: Isn t this a proper noun? of the religion of Christianity. This is a fragment. Also, is this your conclusion? It needs more 8 Richard Pankhurst, The Ethiopians, (Massachusetts: Blackwell Publishers, 1999),18. 9 Stanley Burstein, Ancient African Civilization: Kush and Axum, (Princeton, New Jersey: Markus Wiener Publishers, Last Edited 2009), 115.

6 development and clarity. Leave your reader with something as you refresh the reader of your main points of this civilization s contributions, Also, be sure to connect how or why the religions in Axum made it more powerful. Demonstrate that power as it connects to the influence of the two religions. Also, you ve used only 3 sources within this text. You were to have incorporated at least 6 varied sources, cited within your document as well. Other than that, you re off to a good start and I can definitely tell that you worked diligently on this project, overall. 36/50 +20VOC

7 Bibliography For matted: C entered Burstein, Stanley, Ancient African Civilization: Kush and Axum, Princeton, New Jersey: Markus Wiener Publishers, Last Edited 2009, Chapters 4-5. This is intended to be cited as a NOTE, not as a bibliographic entry. Please revisit. Marcus, Harold. The United States Africa and the World: Axum and Ethiopia. California: University of California Press, 1994,

8 Munro, Hay. Aksum An African Civilization of Late Antiquity. Edinburgh Pankhurst, Richard. The Ethiopians. Massachusetts: Blackwell Publishers, Ch Prouty, Chris & Eugene, Rosenfeld, Historical dictionary of Ethiopia and Eritrea. Metuchen, N.J: Scarecrow Press, Welsbey, Derek, The Kingdom of Kush. The Napatan and Meroitic Empires, Princeton: Markus Wiener Plublishers, 199, Pg Omit pg from your entries. Also, no pages for books belong in your bibliography. Please revisit CMS for bibliographic formatting. Cultural Analysis Rubric Stimulating Ideas Focuses on a specific ancient/historic culture/civilization (Mesopotamia/Sumeria, Egypt, Nubia, Greece, China, Rome, etc.) Presents an analysis that doesn t merely report/summarize Contains evidence of critical thinking skills Informs the reader of a specific contribution, legacy, influence, concept for a specific purpose, etc. (relates to the analysis) Logical Organization Contains an academic title (one that reflects the thesis) Includes a clear beginning that draws the reader into the essay Asks a logical research question, answers it, and asserts the specific answer as the thesis (analysis). Presents ideas that are easy to follow and cites appropriately Uses transitions to link quotes, sentences and paragraphs Flows smoothly from one idea to the next Engages Reader

9 Speaks knowledgeably and/or enthusiastically about the civilization Shows that the writer is truly interested in the subject Incorporates relevant support for the thesis (connects) Connects historical significance to the research question Comes to a satisfying end Conventions/Grammar Adheres to the rhetorical situation Uses appropriate sentence structure, variety, and unity Includes well-developed and organized paragraphs (TRI evident) Proofreads for content, spelling, grammar, word choice, capitalization, etc. prior to submitting Contains minimal or virtually no grammatical errors that distract from the meaning Cites within document in CMS consistently (with either footnotes OR endnotes and with either detailed OR concise notes) Attention to Directions Provides at least 3 ½ pages in length (not including headings) Incorporates 1 inch margins rule all around (top, bottom, left, and right) Produces a double spaced document Submits in Word and in Times New Roman 12 pt. font Includes a bibliography with at least 6 varied sources cited correctly in CMS