What does the Bible say about. Being a Good Friend Proverbs 15

Transcription

1 What does the Bible say about. Being a Good Friend Proverbs 15

2 There will come a time when a friend will come to you Your friend is needing advice and we all need advice at some point Some friends may need counseling because of depression Your friend may go into depression so much that they can t find a way out, it is like they have fallen into a hole in the ground with no ladder and they need a hand Others need advice about what to do in life Others may need a friend to talk to

3 Your neighbor may come to you, a co-worker, your spouse, child And they are asking you what to do, you become the counselor Will you know what to say? You may say, I am no counselor, I don t know what to say! You are the one they came to and so you need wisdom And I want to give you some tools to help you give wise counsel Proverbs gives some wise advice to help you

4 I. Give the Gentle Answer Vs. 1 1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

5 When the counselor keeps a calm voice it is so much easier You still are able to get the message across without the emotion I was in a Graduate class and we were talking about cults and how to communicate God s Truth

6 II. The Goal is Healing Vs. 4 4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

7 Whenever you are counseling someone the goal is healing It may be a healed relationship, well emotions, or a problem solved Usually, when a person is being counseled, he/she can not see their way out.

8 They are just words, but words of power, words of life What you say can set a person on a course of good, great things You can take a person that was in depression, down on life and give them hope, free them from whatever bondage they were in

9 The tree of life is mentioned 4 times in Proverbs In various ways Prov 3:18 She is a tree of life, talking about wisdom Prov 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life Prov 13:12 a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Prov 15:4 the tongue that brings healing is a tree of life

10 III. Knowledge is all that s needed Vss. 2, 7 2 The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. 7 The lips of the wise spread knowledge, but the hearts of fools are not upright.

11 The wise will spread knowledge like seeds, and they will grow I am planting the garden. I look through garden catalogs and dream about all the food that I can grow. There are some situations when a person just doesn t know the truth This can happen with a new Christian that earnestly wants to do God s will and so they high expectations, they have a zeal, but it is wrong

12 IV. Speak fitting, timely words Vss. 23,28 23 A person finds joy in giving an apt reply and how good is a timely word! 28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

13 Part of being wise is knowing when to talk, and then what to say When these 2 come together, it is a wonderful combination And as it relates to people s lives it can be a lifesaver Prov 25:11 gives this word picture, apples of gold in settings of silver When your words can be like that, wow they will have an impact

14 To say the right thing at the right time, that is a great joy! When 2 people are arguing and you say the right words to calm them When a person is depressed and to say that thing which makes them joyful When a person is about to do something very stupid And you say the right thing to turn them in the opposite direction

15 V. Speak Life-Giving Words Vss Light in a messenger s eyes brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones. 31 Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise. 32 Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.

16 Your words can have a powerful effect Even a look, your non-verbal language communicates In fact, they say that people listen more to your non-verbal And as you counsel, these 2 languages have to match up

17 Sometimes people do not listen to sound advice Vs. 32 You may give someone the wisest advice in the world But if he doesn t take it, it isn t on you And don t become discouraged, there are others who will listen Remember, your words can change people s lives

18 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 回答柔和, 使怒消退 ; 言语暴戾, 触动怒气 La respuesta amable calma el enojo,pero la agresiva echa leña al fuego. Jawabu la upole hugeuza hasira;bali neno liumizalo huchochea ghadhabu. 부드러운대답은분노를가라앉히지만, 거친말은화를돋운다. क मल उत तर स नन स जलजल हट ठण ड ह त ह, परन त कट वचन स क र ध धधक उठत ह

19 What does the Bible say about.being a Good Friend Proverbs 15 Last week we looked at the qualities of a friend, how to choose a friend This week, we will look at how to be a good friend Being a good friend can be hard work There will come a time when a friend will come to you Your friend is needing advice and we all need advice at some point Some friends may need counseling because of depression Your friend may go into depression so much that they can t find a way out, it is like they have fallen into a hole in the ground with no ladder and they need a hand Others need advice about what to do in life Others may need a friend to talk to Whatever the case, you may be the one that they come to Your neighbor may come to you, a co-worker, your spouse, child And they are asking you what to do, you become the counselor Will you know what to say? You may say, I am no counselor, I don t know what to say! You are the one they came to and so you need wisdom And I want to give you some tools to help you give wise counsel Proverbs gives some wise advice to help you I. Give the Gentle Answer Vs. 1 You don t always have an argument when counseling But maybe you have remembered counseling sessions with your spouse or children when your counseling became heated When the counselor keeps a calm voice it is so much easier You still are able to get the message across without the emotion I was in a Graduate class and we were talking about cults and how to communicate God s Truth when a cult like the JWs came to the door. You have to understand that Seminary is full of future pastors and Christian leaders, I thought the professor was giving some good advice about how to talk to JWs when a student said something like, well, how will that ever change a JW! And he went on with a loud voice in class. I think he had just had just lost an argument with a JW. Those students that were ½ asleep were awake now. I was thinking that the normal response to this student s disrespect for the Professor would be to put this student in his place, to use his, I m in authority voice. But he didn t. He spoke softly, with understanding. This student quit yelling The teacher was calm. It was obvious who was in the right. Try this the next time you are in a loud argument It takes 2 to fight, only one to bring calm II. The Goal is Healing Vs. 4 Whenever you are counseling someone the goal is healing It may be a healed relationship, well emotions, or a problem solved Usually, when a person is being counseled, he/she can not see their way out. The hole is so deep they can barely see sunlight That is where you come along and give them hope You want to help them see the end, to see a better future You don t give them false hope Don t say everything will be OK when it s terrible Vs 4, that is a deceitful tongue; that is lying about what could be They are just words, but words of power, words of life What you say can set a person on a course of good, great things You can take a person that was in depression, down on life and give them hope, free them from whatever bondage they were in IF you ever meet a person like this Maybe you know someone like this right now. Realize that your words can heal whatever is wrong with him/her Consider carefully your words Pray a prayer for wisdom, may God help you to say the right thing The tree of life is mentioned in Genesis, it was in the Garden of Eden. That tree of life will be in heaven and those who know Jesus as Savior and are in heaven will be able to eat from the tree forever The tree of life is mentioned 4 times in Proverbs In various ways Prov 3:18 She is a tree of life, talking about wisdom Pr. 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life Pr 13:12 a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Pr 15:4 the tongue that brings healing is a tree of life These things take on the characteristics of being life giving

20 III. Knowledge is all that s needed Vss. 2, 7 The wise will spread knowledge like seeds, and they will grow I am planting the garden. I look through garden catalogs and dream about all the food that I can grow. Lori dreams about all the flowers that she can grow. There are some situations when a person just doesn t know the truth This can happen with a new Christian that earnestly wants to do God s will and so they high expectations, they have a zeal, but it is wrong He may think that God demands perfection from him He realizes that he can t attain it, so there is despair Some people have been taught that in order to be spiritual You have to do good works, lots of good works You think you are never good enough for the Lord If you are thinking like this, we need to have a talk You need to read or hear about God s love and grace in the Word And if you know someone like this, you need to help him You need to give them the knowledge of the love of God I have to tell you, sometimes it takes years to help change the thinking, but you can help someone experience freedom in Christ IV. Speak fitting, timely words Vss. 23,28 Part of being wise is knowing when to talk, and then what to say When these 2 come together, it is a wonderful combination And as it relates to people s lives it can be a lifesaver Prov 25:11 gives this word picture, apples of gold in settings of silver When your words can be like that, wow they will have an impact I want you to notice that it isn t the person that hears that has joy It is the wise person that says it And notice that it is a reply, meaning, someone came to you! They were seeking you out for wisdom To say the right thing at the right time, that is a great joy! When 2 people are arguing and you say the right words to calm them When a person is depressed and to say that thing which makes them joyful When a person is about to do something very stupid And you say the right thing to turn them in the opposite direction Why do people get divorced? Researchers found that it wasn t how much a couple was in love in the beginning or how many gifts or how much affection. The reason couples get divorced is because of mean or hateful comments A happy couple that stays together says only 5/100 mean comments to each other. A couple that gets divorced says 10/100 mean comments in the 1st 10 years of marriage. But later in marriage, the bad comments become more frequent. The couple that gets divorced begins saying 25/100 mean comments. The timely good words really do matter. To say the timely word; that takes wisdom; that takes discernment That is the Godly man or woman that is close to the Lord That takes a person that is close to the Lord God will give you those times if you are seeking Him Are you there yet? Maybe not, but make it a life long pursuit V. Speak Life-Giving Words Vss Your words can have a powerful effect Even a look, your non-verbal language communicates In fact, they say that people listen more to your non-verbal And as you counsel, these 2 languages have to match up Give people a cheerful look, a smile, communicate joy! Give good news to people, that cheers a person, Sometimes people do not listen to sound advice Vs. 32 You may give someone the wisest advice in the world But if he doesn t take it, it isn t on you And don t become discouraged, there are others who will listen Remember, your words can change people s lives