Obstacles to Joy: Envy, Grief, Loneliness

Transcription

1 Obstacles to Joy: Envy, Grief, Loneliness Sociologist and Episcopalian, Dr. Brené Brown, Spirituality is recognizing and celebracng that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our conneccon to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion inextricably connected We ve broken that link [How do we] find our way back to one another [?]

2 Sermon meditate on the joy-obstacles, disconneccon, and conneccon Forum learn more about the obstacles to joy of envy, grief, and loneliness Wednesday evening explore our experiences of and overcoming the obstacles to joy of envy, grief, and loneliness Primary resources: Book of Joy, Dalai Lama and Desmund Tutu Braving the Wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone, Brené Brown

3 Envy

4 Envy: Fairness Study Frans de Waal; hvps://

5 Envy: defined Defined as, desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable avribute belonging to (someone else); discontent, jealous, resenbul longing Examples? BeVer kitchen, bever health, more spiritual, healthy relaconships Tibetan, heavy or constricted shoulders Buddhist, venomous snake that poisons ChrisCan, do not covet your neighbor s < > Corrosive What do you find yourself tempted to envy? How emoaons arise for you? How does your body feel? How do you respond to envy, if at all?

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7 Envy: responses Move from outer to inner (values) focused Buddhist praccce of SympatheCc joy PracCce, Just like me (BB, listen to understand) Develop a sense of We (vs. Me) thinking, Ubuntu, interdependence, (BB) inextricably linked Have faith that joy is abundant; there is enough to go around Three addiconal praccces (for preventacve measures) 1. GraCtude (perspeccve vs. comparison). For what am I thankful? 2. MoCvaCon. What are my personal goals? 3. Reframing. Why do I want? What is my theology of enough?

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9 Grief

10 Grief: defined Deep sorrow in response to loss Sadness (almost 5 days) outlasts fear (30 min). Dalai Lama, Sadness and grief are, of course, natural human responses to loss, but if your focus remains on the loved one you have just lost, the experience is less likely to lead to despair. In contrast, if your focus while grieving remains mostly on yourself what am I going to do now? How can I cope? then there is a greater danger of going down the path of despair and depression.

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12 Grief: responses for yourself Reasons why differ or unknown; how do we choose to respond: PracCce holding the fullness of our emocons (our paradoxes). PracCce expressing our emocons in healthy ways: Do we internalize our sorrow (depression, isolacon) or externalize (cry out, share) our sorrow? BB pass, pass, or own? Pay avencon to our inner grasping: Do we put energy into hedonic happiness that is fleecng and necessitates only posicve emocons or eudemonic happiness that is characterized by selfunderstanding, meaning, growth, and acceptance, including life s inevitable suffering, sadness, and grief?

13 Grief: responses to others Brené Brown on empathy vs sympathy, hvps://

14 Loneliness

15 Loneliness: definicon Lack of genuine ConnecCon (think, CelCc knot, Triune God, recent EucharisCc Prayer) Absence of True Belonging, where True Belonging is the spiritual praccce of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authencc self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone...

16 Loneliness: defined John Cacioppo, University of Chicago, perceived social isolacon Alone ( inhabicng solitude {BB}, joy is possible) vs. Lonely (emoconally disconnected, absence of meaningful social interaccon an incmate relaconship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community or work group conneccons {BB}, joy obstacle)

17 Loneliness: defined Sociologist Smith-Lovin observed that while we might have hundreds of Facebook friends, our true, close friends are decreasing. 1 in 10 have no close friendships Dalai Lama, people in the big cices are very busy, and although they may see each other s faces or even know each other for several years, they have pracccally no human conneccon. So when something happens, people feel lonely because they have no one they can turn to for help or support. UK Prime Minister Theresa May on appoincng a Minister of Loneliness, I want to confront this challenge of our society and for all of us to take accon to address the loneliness endured by people who have no one to talk to or share their thoughts and experiences with... Loneliness is as bad for people s health as smoking 15 cigareves daily. Also a leading predictor of early death; loneliness kills.

18 Loneliness: defined In a meta-analysis of studies on loneliness, researchers [skip lots of names] found the following: Living with air pollucon increases your odds of dying early by 5%. Living with obesity, 20%. Excessive drinking, 30%. And living with loneliness? It increases our odds of dying by 45%. How did we get here? Fear of vulnerability. Fear of gexng hurt. Fear of the pain of disconneccon. Fear of criccism and failure. Fear of conflict. Fear of not measuring up. Who do you call for help in your most vulnerable Ames of need or sorrow? Who asks you about your day? Who shares their thoughts and experiences with you?

19 Loneliness: defined Cacioppo, dangerous; When we feel isolated, disconnected, lonely, we try to protect ourselves. In that mode, we want to connect, but our brain is avempcng to override conneccon with selfproteccon. That means less empathy, more defensiveness, more numbing, and less sleeping.unchecked loneliness fuels concnued loneliness by keeping us afraid to reach out.

20 Loneliness: responses Show up for colleccve moments of joy and pain [like our Cme for special prayers] so we can actually bear witness to inextricable human conneccon. We have to catch enough glimpses of people conneccng to one another and having fun together that we believe it s true and possible for all of us.

21 Liverpool: Never Walk Alone 95k fans singing, hvps://

22 Loneliness: responses True belonging is a praccce that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with other people without sacrificing who we are. Takes courage and trust. Requires that we show up. How do we create cultures of true belonging?

23 Loneliness: responses Open- or Warm-heartedness (think, hot soup). we did not have to wait for others to open their hearts to us. By opening our heart to them, we could feel connected to them (Book of Joy) Close with a joy pracace, a pracace of connecaon -- A common humanity