Fight, Flight, Freeze Rev. Catie Scudera First Parish in Needham, 10/1/17

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1 You all know I love my little dog, Mango, a little too much well, it s St. Francis Sunday, so it s time for some dog stories in worship! We adopted Mango a six-month-old rescue mutt who looks like a cardigan corgi wearing a yellow Labrador costume in February 2016, the day after I arrived home from the First Parish youth service trip in New Orleans. This was bad timing: I was already sleep-deprived and stayed that way about a month, and it was really cold outside where she needed to go to the bathroom; but, she turned out to be a pretty good dog. One thing we learned quickly was how to tell when she was afraid. Mango lived the first four months of her life on the streets of St. Thomas, which means who knows what happened to her out there. But, we can guess: Whenever anyone in Mango s vicinity has a long, stick-like object hockey stick, broom, snow shovel, whatever her tail tucks between her legs and she cowers, moving as far away from the person as she can. Whenever another dog, especially one she doesn t know, tries to drink out the same communal water bowl at the dog park, Mango goes from a friendly dog who likes to play to a very aggressive dog shockingly strong for her compact frame. We keep her bowl separate now at the dog park. And, the one time we boarded her at a regular kennel instead of at someone s at-home doggie business, Mango, realizing she was being taken from us, sprawled out all her paws as she was dragged along by her leash no, don t bring me back to the shelter, I ll be a good girl! We had to learn how Mango responds to various stimuli, to keep her safe and to keep other people and dogs safe. Of course, we work on training with Mango, including her reactivity and impulse control, and we strive to meet her physical and emotional needs. But, at the end of the day, she s just a dog, and we can t explain to her that we would never hit her; that she can be assured we will refresh her water bowl; that a boarding facility is different than the shelters she lived in for two months before we adopted her. We can do a lot of work with her, but some rationally small, non-threatening things just scare her and so, she resists what s happening, by fleeing, fighting, or freezing.

2 Humans share over ninety-nine percent of our DNA with the great apes like gorillas, and, we share eighty-four percent of our DNA with dogs. We are all social mammals with emotional lives of, granted, differing complexity. So, I hope you believe me when I say that all of us in this church experience the same impulses to these basic fear-induced responses, though we try hard to conceal them, make the reactions more socially acceptable than, say, tackling the person pouring the last cup of coffee at social hour. It doesn t matter if the stimuli is rationally small, non-threatening; when our fear-response gears up, it can overwhelm our minds. Our autonomic nervous system plays many roles in our neurological anatomy. It s responsible for digestion, breathing and heart rate, coughing and swallowing Which is to say, this part of nervous system is mostly automatic and unconscious. The prefrontal cortex is not so much involved. The autonomic nervous system is divided into two parts: the sympathetic division that riles us up, and the parasympathetic division that calms us down. The sympathetic division is what is triggered or what triggers our fight or flight response when we are afraid. We don t necessarily think about it, but if a couple small parts of our brain get scared even by a rationally non-threatening stimuli, a rush of neurotransmitters and hormones course throughout our bodies, gearing us to run faster or fight harder than we could imagine just in case. In contrast, an overload of parasympathetic response causes us to freeze, ignore, check out from our bodies, when we see no escape route from what is frightening us. We shut down, literally just like a deer in the headlights. Psychiatrist Dr. Sandra Bloom and social worker Brian Farragher write, When we perceive that we are in danger, we are physiologically geared to take action, not to ponder and deliberate. In many situations of [real] acute danger, it is better that we respond immediately without taking the time for complicated mental processing so that we respond almost reflexively to save our lives or to protect others. Our ability to recall data from memory, to analyze and reason, and to make decisions all may be seriously impaired because whatever is threatening demands our full attention. This can appear as cognitive tunnel vision, as our perceptions become narrowed and focused and we lose the background context of the situation. In this cognitive mode we are responding only to short-term goals. Problems that lie further down the road may not be anticipated, even though we would be able to anticipate future consequences if we were not stressed. In this state, we look for simple solutions and these 2

3 solutions will be largely determined by emotion, not reason Under stress, people tend to do what they know best rather than what would be best. It doesn t matter whether, metaphorically, it s your parents with the stick, or whether there s a jug of extra water on the dog park bench, or whether your parents have always come back for you: under stress, people tend to do what they know best rather than what would be best. Can you remember a time you were stressed by something not so big, and you did what you knew best instead of what would be best? When you froze, fought, or fled, and looking back on it, it wasn t a great long-term strategy? Which of these strategies do you know best, and do you know how to snap out of flight, fight, or freeze? I know when our theme-ministry-group chose resistance as October s theme, they expected and will receive worship and religious exploration about showing up for justice during a time of our national history when our principles are threatened in the public sphere. But, I realized that resistance just means an opposing force that slows something moving down. And, sometimes our fear responses cause us to resist even when, rationally, there s nothing to be scared of. Last month, I wrote a blog describing congregational ideas that had been planted over the past few years that were sprouting into seedlings this fall: the Worship Café; the modified children s RE curricular map and teaching schedule; a new Legacy Giving program; and, potentially, voting to become a Level 2 sanctuary congregation. These are all positive changes, but changes all the same. And, if this weren t enough change for one congregation in one season, we lost one of our beloved and spiritually generous members, Ed Lane, this summer, and we are bereft of our music director Irina, trapped in immigration limbo. And, that s not to mention all we read and hear about in the news everyday. Sometimes, too much change can trigger that autonomic neurological response. We can find ourselves anxious, agitated, angry. With too much change too fast, we may begin to resist by creatively and subconsciously fighting, fleeing, and freezing. 3

4 The staff could tell you I really froze up the week Irina stopped being able to work for us, as if I didn t do anything, the government s immigration office would come through, that maybe I would wake up from this bad dream. I was petrified, professionally and personally; we did not plan for this. But, freezing over Irina s immigration status also meant I was freezing about lots of other things; I struggled to focus on communications, pastoral care, sacred activism things I don t even typically do with Irina. When our autonomic nervous system takes control, it is universal. Even when we re scared, we don t have to let our dog-brains take control. We must have faith, as Unitarian Universalist minister Rev. Ed Searl writes, that Always there is a beginning a new day, a new month, a new season, a new year. Forever the old passes away and newness emerges from the richness that was. Nothing is ever lost in the many changes time brings. What was, in some way, will be, though changed in form. But, how do we have such faith? How do we develop the spiritual resilience to slow down when the sympathetic system kicks in and wake ourselves back up when the parasympathetic takes over, so that we don t resist a good change? With Mango, we try to train her out of her impulsive fear responses by keeping her attention on and trust with us, offering consistence nurturance, predictable commands and expectations, and frequent treats not dissimilar to beef jerky. If you need food reinforcement for fear reactions at church, I do have high quality, vegetarian-friendly jelly beans in my office right this moment 4

5 We can t always rely on sugar for our positive reinforcement. There are other ways for us to be nurtured, remember our values and vision, and make the journey through change rewarding instead of frightful. As a pluralist faith community, we affirm many varieties of spiritual and emotional practices: prayer, meditation, chanting, contemplative arts, reading sacred texts, movement meditation, gratitude journaling, deep sharing and listening, practicing justice, and pilgrimage. Psychotherapist Maureen Werrbach writes that cultivating awareness of the present moment helps us identify automatic thoughts and reactions and replace them with more appropriate ones. Any practice that helps us reenter the present moment cuts through overloaded neural circuitry, and helps calm flight and fight and break through freeze. Mindfulness also helps us remind ourselves of our core values, keeping our eyes on the prize even when our nervous system gets scared. When we re particularly overwhelmed by worry, anger, and fear, I can t recommend individual counseling enough. In our congregation, we have many dedicated members of our Pastoral Care team who are willing to offer care and spiritual encouragement during a crisis. Through the local William James College of Psychology, it s easy to find and try out a local therapist for longerterm support. They support essentially a hotline for folks to find therapeutic care that suits their budget, the problem they re facing, and their schedule. And, of course, there is strength in community. When we are part of a faith community of shared values committed to love, diversity, and service, we know our neighbors will authentically relate and care for us; the impermanence of life is no longer so frightening when we remember we have friends on the journey with whom we worship, learn, and serve. Twentieth-century gay African- American critic James Baldwin wrote, Nothing is fixed, forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out. But, if we cling to and trust each other, we rise above the waves of inevitable uncertainty and light burns bright in the midst of the inevitable unknown. Twentieth-century black womanist and activist Audre Lorde wrote, 5

6 History is not kind to us we restitch it with living past memory forward into desire into the panic articulation of want without having or even the promise of getting. And I dream of our coming together encircled driven not only by love but by lust for a working tomorrow the flights of this journey mapless uncertain and necessary as water. Our journeys, individually and communally, rarely have a reliable map. But, if we can practice resilience, commitment, and compassion with one another as we seek a better world, then when we resist, it ll be on purpose for a purpose. May we embrace the wild ride ahead through change, and be all the stronger and interconnected for it. Blessed be, and amen. 6