10 ways to forgive yourself & finally unlock your success!

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Walter Knight
6 years ago
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1 10 ways to forgive yourself & finally unlock your success!

2 Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

3 1. become clear on your morals and values as they are right now The reason most of us feel guilt or shame for actions done in the past is because those actions are not in line with our current morals and values. Our past wrongs can actually clue us in to what we hold important. By identifying our morals and values, we start to get a clearer picture as to why we're hurting over what we've done, or what others did to us.

4 2. realise that the past is the past This seems fairly straightforward, but when we can really wrap our head around the fact that we can t undo the past, the past is done, those things happened, we open ourselves up to more acceptance. Increased acceptance can lead to the emotional healing we are all looking for.

5 3. create a re-do Never underestimate the power of a re-do. Write down how you would have done things differently if you could go back and do it again. In doing so, we affirm that we not only learned from our past mistake, but that if we had the skills we have now, back then, we would have done things differently.

6 4. realise that you did the best you could do at the time The way we respond depends on the skills we have, the frame of mind we re in, and how we perceive the situation at that moment. Maybe we didn t have as much objectivity, or acted out of survival or protection mode. Maybe we'd let stress build up, which put us at a higher risk of responding poorly. Whatever the factors, cut yourself a break. If you learn from it, it was never in vain.

7 5. start acting in accordance with your morals and values now The best thing you can do for yourself in order to forgive is start replacing the negative behaviour and thoughts with more appropriate ones that are congruous with your morals and values now. By so doing, you reaffirm to yourself that you can handle situations in the way you want to. This can lead to a sense of pride, which is a huge part of building self-esteem.

8 6. sorry When you can't forgive yourself because of something you've done to someone else, sometimes all it takes is a sincere apology to make things right. Apologies are most effective if made in person, of course. But if that's not possible, consider wrapping your apology in a little humour. One woman I know who owed her husband an apology sent him a copy of the game "Sorry!" with a note asking if they could play.

9 7. make things right To make amends, you look for a way to be kind to those you have hurt. If you spent half the family's monthly food budget on a new coat, make it up to them by turning out the tastiest meals ever cooked on a shoestring. Even if the person you hurt is dead or otherwise absent from your life, you can still make things up by providing a kindness to someone else. Think you were a bad parent? Okay, you can't go back and change things now, but can you go out of your way to be an outstanding grandparent?

10 8. cut yourself some slack When we learned how to ride a bike, most of us realised it would probably take a few tries before achieving perfection. New behaviour and thinking patterns are no different. They're both skills. Cut yourself some slack while you re on a new learning curve. Realise that you re going to make mistakes. We all do.

11 9. move towards self-love When there is no enemy within, the enemy on the outside can do no harm. - African proverb Think kind thoughts toward yourself and show yourself some compassion. If we can learn to think of ourselves as our best friend, to speak to ourselves with love and kindness, and put ourselves as a priority, it reaffirms that we believe we are worth it. Engage in self-development or coaching if you need some outside perspective in this area. Seek books on this subject. Surround yourself with supportive people.

12 10. help other people forgive Share your stories and experiences around forgiveness with others. Too often, we keep our experiences private and bottle them up inside, due to feelings of guilt and shame. The fact is - we all screw up. By sharing your experiences with others, you ll help the people around you see they are not alone. That awareness will help them to forgive too.

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