THE TESSERA METHOD Second Self-Guidebook Series The $1, Challenge (Emotional Resistance)

Transcription

1 THE TESSERA METHOD Second Self-Guidebook Series The $1, Challenge (Emotional Resistance) Disclaimer This work is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is provided with the understanding that the author or publisher is not engaged in rendering legal or accounting services. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, you should seek the services of competent professional counsel. The materials in this manual are provided as is and are not warranted in any way expressed or implied. Adam King hereby disclaims to the fullest extent permitted by law, any and all warranties, including, but not limited to A) any warranties concerning the usefulness of the content or information provided and B) any warranties of title or warranty of non-infringement. The author and publisher shall not be liable for any third party losses including the loss of profits for any direct, indirect, incidental, special or consequential damages arising out of the use of this material whether based on warranty, contract, tort, or any other legal theory, and whether or not Adam King or any of his employees, agents, or service providers or advised of the possibility of such damages. Because some states do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitation may not apply to you. In such states the respective liability of Adam King and his employees, agents, successors, assigns, affiliates and content or service providers are limited to the greatest extent permitted by such state law. For more information please visit

2 Introduction to the Second Self Creating The Second Self is a very unique opportunity. It is the chance to build a separate identity from the one you currently live within. An identity that is not limited by the uncertainty and overwhelm of the average human condition. Instead, one that is limitless, full of potential, and nothing short of a landmark for enhancing experiences through positive choice. The Tessera Method is the foundation of the powerful concept of creating another You. In the simplest of terms, it is about creating a new version of ourselves which, we may experience endless potentials, perspectives, and opportunities. It is about bringing things back to natural, and coming home. But not a home that is built around the suffering and uncertainty of the corporeal story. Instead, a home that is mastered through self-reliance, resourcefulness, and of course, love. A say love not in the sense of the sensation of love, but the true concept of its definition. To be one, whole, complete. The Second Self is an ever-changing possibility built around our potentials. It is the end of fear, the absolute of hope, and the beckoning of ambition. As you go through the following work, please remember this. We are not here just to share information, secrets, or tools. We are here to build a new, better, and more exciting version of ourselves. And, with a little help from Tessera, we can and will, eventually step into that person s shoes. And when those shoes become worn, we will have the opportunity to begin a new journey, and do it all over again. 2 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

3 The Thousand Dollar Challenge A few years ago I began sharing my work with Tessera, I was asked by the host of many of the telesummits I was on, to share a mediation or experience for their audiences. They must have thought that just speaking and sharing our knowledge wasn t enough. Regardless, I don t do live meditations, I do fully orchestrated simulations. Therefore, it was impossible for me to comply by doing something ordinary for the audience. So, I created The Restaurant Scenario. The Restaurant Scenario s purpose was simple. To show the results of my work in real time, but without all of the bells and whistles of a normal MAS (Mental Aurditory Simulation) simulation or orchestrated story. Basically the scenario goes like this. You and I are sitting in a busy restaurant on a Friday night. The place is packed to the hilt, with a line of people waiting for a seat that curves around an entire city block. Now that you and I have finished our meal, and have caught up sharing each other s stories, I offer you a challenge. Before I explain the challenge, I pull ten one hundred dollar bills from my coat pocket. I then hand you the thousand dollars and ask you to count it. As you count it, I ask you to think of how you ll spend it if you were to keep it. Whether it s to pay off a loan, or to purchase something special for yourself or a loved one, I then ask you to imagine that scenario the best you can. Finally, I offer you the challenge in order to keep the money. The challenge is to go up to the hostess, ask for the owner, then make him a client for your business. 3 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

4 This, is all the information that I give you. If you succeed, you get to keep the money. If you fail, I keep it. The problem with this scenario is that it s incomplete. And that s the point. The entire reason for this exercise, is to show how the mind hungers for more information before it can move forward. So, instead of having the audience suffer by not filling in the blanks, I explain a second perspective on this scenario that does. I do this by showing the audience how I d do it if I were in their shoes. First, I know that emotional resistance sets in with the form of questions. The first question, is that the listener (person being challenged) doesn t have enough information. This is how we ve been taught to function in the information age here in the west. Sure, a hundred years ago we were in the industrial age, like how China is now. But those days are long gone, and now it s about what you can do with our minds, not just what we can do with our hands. So, we rely on information in order to get ahead. Getting back to the scenario, this is how I know what the first question or comment usually is. You didn t tell me what to do, or even what business I m supposed to be in? What am I supposed to even say to the owner? Unfortunately, it s this kind of uncertainty that stops that wonderful thousand dollars you were about to spend on week-long vacation, from ever making it into your pocket. Now that this elephant in the room has surfaced, it s time to move on to the solution. 4 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

5 Instead of torturing you by making you do something you don t want to, (or can t) I ask you to hand me the thousand dollars, then explain what I d do in order to keep it. First off, the business you re in shouldn t matter to you. But for most of us, we ve been taught to do whatever someone else persuades us in believing we can do. For example, most of the people that make the big bucks in this new information age, are the ones showing us how to market. This is like a ponzi scheme that hooks you into a revolving door of frustration and uncertainty. Let me get rich by showing you how to get rich. But what if you are an artist? Sure, marketing is important and you need to know how to get the word about your work out there. But why would a restaurant owner even want to talk to you? And, why would he want to take time away from his already paying customers just to be sold something he doesn t want? If you were a marketer, you d maybe try to offer the owner marketing for his business. Or worse, you d try to sell him a painting he doesn t want, during a time he can t make an intelligible choice. For the sake of the exercise, let s assume I m an artist trying to sell my paintings. Not just a marketer. Now, the challenge falls upon me. It is now my job to make the owner a client, but a slew of hidden variables must be uncovered. Before I continue, let me share something with you about telesummits, or any other kind of lectures and/or presentations for that matter. During an interview, I have been taught (by my audience, aka you) that forty five minutes is about the time when we re done listening to someone s lips flap. (Unless they re really interesting.) 5 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

6 So, I when I shared this experiment, I couldn t go into full detail. I couldn t explain the psychology behind the physiology. I could only explain a few brief details. Well, I can do a lot more than that with an ebook, so let s get started. When I m looking to create a relationship with someone I don t know, and if it s for a specific reason based on business, I must approach it from a certain angle. First, I must approach it so I don t get anxious. (this is the entire point of introducing the Second Self) Second, I must do it strategically, and altruistically. Here s what happens. Environment: We must realize that all of us create our own environment. From the couch we have in our living rooms, to the dishes we have in our cupboards. Everything within our home, office, or vacation home, is decorated because of an emotional choice we have made. The restaurant owner is no different. During the exercise, I tell my audience that I look at the drapes, the food people are eating, the conversations they are having, the shape of the tables, the comfort variables of the chairs, the lighting, the way the staff is dressed, etc. The reason this is important, is that it gives me insight into the personality and needs of the owner. It tells me what he (or she) is trying to accomplish with their business. But more importantly, it shows me how to reach them psychologically based on my own self interest. Why is this important? Most people would say it was so that I could close them. Although this is partially true, it is not my only priority. The second priority is even less obvious, and twice as powerful. 6 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

7 The reason, once again, is to remove my own anxiety. You see, when you remove your anxiety from a negotiation, you re able to get your logic, empathy, and altruism involved. This allows you to fully function without the ego pushing those things away because of your emotional resistance. In short, you re removing your psychological survival mechanisms, so that you can be offer a higher level of service to others. I say this, simply because when we re nervous, anxious or scared, we tend to make the entire experience about us. (even if it s just in our heads) This causes us to fail at listening, to relate, or to put others before ourselves. Instead, we sit there in front of them, sweat, worry about what they re thinking, and inevitably, say the wrong things. So, the more I know about the owner and his reasons for owning a restaurant, the more I can bring those things up, so that my own story doesn t sabotage the conversation. Another point to make about this, is that the brain can only fully occupy itself with one thing at at time. Quite simply, it cannot think about two things at once. So, if the brain isn t thinking about itself, (The ego/story/self) then it s thinking about other things which, have less of a chance to spark my anxiety. This is a serious asset to the Second Self. Simply put, what you re doing (even by reading this) is creating a new self that has no story, and is highly observational. This means that it s able to move into any environment with new perspectives, and apply what I call Strategic Altruism. Altruism is simply putting others first. The Strategic part of this, is two fold. 7 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

8 One, it moves us into a state of contemplative reasoning. This simply means that it s more aware, instead of stuck having a conversation about its own feelings. In other words, it s (the mind) able to contemplate within the moment, without latching on to the past or the future. Two, it s strategic in the sense that it allows the ego of others to play a part in the validation of your offer. What I mean by this, is that if you cater to someone else s ego the right way, your ideas, offers, or even strategies, become something the other person believes they came up with. It s like going with the stream, instead of trying to paddle against its current. Here s how this works. If I am going to be successful in making the restaurant owner a client, (for this example we ll say to purchase and/or help to sell my paintings) I must be able to use techniques that allow me to know him on a much greater level. Why? Simply because if I have those answers beforehand, then I m making it about him the entire time. NOT, about myself. Here s how I do this. 1. As already stated, I look at his environment first. 2. Then, I would deduct if my art would even work with the aesthetics he has already applied within that environment, i.e. the colors of the drapes, the shapes of the tables, the colors of the walls, the lighting, etc. 3. Finally, I would try to define and understand the reasons for his choices. This includes the colors, placement of chairs, tables, (other paintings and/or artwork) and all other details that may, or may not, relate to my own artwork. 8 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

9 I would then do my best to define the reason for why he owns the restaurant in the first place. If you remember my Second Self Financial Series #1 Guidebook, you ll be reminded that almost all of us have a hidden agenda. In that guidebook, the hidden agenda of the seller was to put his Grandchild through college. So, what is the agenda of the restaurant owner? Unfortunately, we don t know. However, you ll have a greater chance if you know how to open up your awareness. One of the things I do, is try to locate items within (and sometimes outside) the environment that he spent his personal money on. For example: In my town, there s a dentist that always has old muscle cars in his parking lot. And when I say muscle cars, I m not talking just two or three. It seems that every time I drive by his office, I see a new one. If I were to guess, I d say he has at least 5-7. On top of that, there s also newer ones such as Cobra Mustangs, BMWs, and even a Corvette. It s obvious to see where the fruits of his labors are spent. So, if I were to come into his office with a painting of a field of golden wheat, it may be a hard sell. But if I had a series of paintings of old muscle cars to sell, he d most likely be a lot more interested in them. But it s not that easy. There s always more variables to consider. 9 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

10 Let s go back to the restaurant owner. Let s assume we don t know how he s spending his money. There are simply no clues, no obvious things showing why he s even in business. The thing to do now, is move onto the most obvious second reason for owning a business. To make money. And, the way he makes his money, are his customers. This is where things get interesting, because now I m not only armed with the aesthetics of the environment, but also knowing that if I make my proposal based around the value of his customers, then I ll have a better chance of having him entertain my offer. This brings us to the next part. The Customers: Once I pay attention to the environment, it s time to move onto the emotional aspect of his business. This isn t just the amount of people that he services, but also what they re eating, talking about, and how they seem based on their overall experience. So yes, the more I know about his customers, the greater chance I have to move to second base without putting myself at the center of attention. Which, also helps to plan my approach to the hostess. Let s say that I notice a particular dish that the customers are eating the most of. For fun, we ll say it s linguini alfredo with lobster. Not only are most of the people in the restaurant feasting on this wonderful dish, but so are you. (I ll explain why this is important in a moment) Lastly, I notice how people are acting, as well as how they re conversing about. (Not to say I m eavesdropping but I am.) 10 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

11 It s just a fact. Most of us like to talk about ourselves. How are day has gone, what are plans are, and of course, we just love to gossip about other people. We do this because we don t want to just feel good about ourselves, but we also want to feel BETTER than those around us. As the author C. S. Lewis has said, Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If someone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It s in the comparison that makes you proud. In short, what I m looking for, are how the restaurant owner s customers are engaged about their experience of the restaurant itself. This means that what I m looking to hear, is if they feel proud about being there, and taking ownership of that pride. Sentences that give this away, are things like; The lobster is amazing, I told it would be. This is one of my favorite places to eat because Friday night they have a live band, last week they were amazing. Etc, etc. There are also other cues that involve body language, facial expressions, and even the way people interact with each other. This is why it s easy to see if someone is on a first date, or if they've been married for a prolonged period of time. 11 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

12 (And just to contradict this last sentence. If you saw my wife and I in a restaurant, you d think we were on a first date. We don t get out very often and when we do, we act like children.) So, once I have all the information I need in order to get on the owner s good side, it s time to move towards the hostess. For her, it s much easier because she s there for no more than three reasons. The Hostess: The Hostess usually only has a few jobs. A.) to help you find a seat. B.) to answer any questions you have, or C.) to fulfill your bill. But more often than not, the main reason she is there is to earn income. My point, is that she isn t there to pester the owner. In fact, if she does, especially for someone whose intention is just ot make a sales pitch, you could quite possibly be getting her into trouble, or worse. Fired. During my interviews, the way I describe approaching the Hostess, is simply to make her look good. And that s simple. Here s an example. Mam, could I trouble you to get the owner for me? I just want to personally tell him what a wonderful experience I am having. This would make anyone happy to comply, simply because you re giving them the chance to look good. And we all want to look good. 12 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

13 After she complies with my request, it s time for the conversation with the owner to take place. Remember, this is a busy restaurant on a Friday night. The last thing the owner (or anyone for that matter) wants, is to be pestered with a sales pitch. So, that s not what I m going to do. Instead, I m going to stay genuine, and tell him about my (and those around me) experience. Now, before I get into the conversation with the owner, let s backtrack just a bit and make sure you understand what this is all about. I know you may have not seen it this far, so it s important I share this with you now. This entire guidebook is about Emotional Resistance. You see, when I was on all those telesummits early on, it was to offer the Tessera Method. The method itself, supports us by allowing ourselves to move beyond our limitations. This way we can live more freely, openly, and purposefully. We all want better experiences. We don t want to rot away in a house or apartment we re afraid to leave. We don t want to be forced to live a life limited by income. And for Pete s sake, we don t want to die with our music still left in us. So, we need to move beyond the things that cause us to sustain a life we don t want to be trapped in. This is where the Second Self comes in. What I m showing you, isn t just how to remove emotional resistance to a story that already exists, but instead, to create a new self, one that can create a new story, a story that supports any positive choice we can set our minds to. 13 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

14 This is why I ve made this scenario about an artist. No, not all of us are artists, but I don t know a single person on this planet who has ever said; I was born to be a marketer. That s why I m changing this a bit compared to all of those past interviews. (Where being a marketer was the intended job.) So now you know why we re doing this. Again, it s not about burying old beliefs, it s about creating a new self which, is resourceful and resilient to its own emotional resistance. It s time to move onto the finale. The Owner: This is where most people fall apart. Sure, it s easy to walk up to a Hostess and offer her to look good by allowing you to complement the owner. But what if you needed to be demanding? You: Miss, may I speak with the owner? I must tell him personally what a wonderful experience I m having. The Hostess: I m sorry sir, he s just too busy right now. As you can see, we are slammed. You: I realize that, trust me, I wouldn t want you to get into trouble. But I may not be back here for a while, and it would be wonderful to talk with him for just a few seconds. Note: Don t let your ego get into the way by thinking I m lying to the Hostess. Maybe I live just around the corner. But the point is that I ve been challenged, and this is truly the last chance I ll have in order to keep that thousand dollars. 14 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

15 Moving on. Once she complies, it s time to talk with the owner. During this part of the exercise, I have him coming from the back kitchen, towel hanging over his shoulder, and obvious distress running across his face. He s busy, he s taking time from keeping his customers fed and new customers sitting. Plus, it s human nature for him to believe you are only there with a complaint. So what do you do? What do you say? Here s how I complete this scenario. Me: Mr. Owner, my name is Adam. If you look eight tables down on your left, you ll see a person sitting alone. This is my friend. The empty chair across from him/her is mine. We have never eaten here before which, had me a bit concerned about making a good first impression. (Maybe not exactly those words, but you get the idea.) And, not only did he/she love the lobster, as I also noticed by hearing your other customers that they did too, (I m now validating to him that it was a hit with others and a good choice on his part.) I am now realizing I have made the right choice by coming to your restaurant. I simply want to thank you. As the owner shakes my hand, it s time I moved onto keeping that thousand dollar prize. I continue. 15 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

16 Me: Mr. Owner, I want my friends and clients to eat here, (So maybe they can pay for my future meals. Just kidding.okay, no I m not.) and I think more people need to know about you and your restaurant. Will you be here on Monday? I m thinking of coming for lunch and I d love to see what you recommend so that I have more to talk with them about. Notice, there is no sales pitch. I am not bringing myself into the equation whatsoever, other than that of a loyal customer. You don t make a pitch on a busy Friday night, that s the point. You remain patient. Life isn t always about home runs, it s about base hits. The slower and more calculated you move through it, the more content you are with your choices. This is also how you move beyond your own fears, emotional resistance, and create a successful entrance to a new relationship. And, as much as this looks like it s about marketing or negotiation, it s not. It s about setting the stage for opportunity while using Adaptive Contemplative Reasoning. (ACR is taught via ORACLE. To learn more about ORACLE visit Now, imagine the meeting with him on Monday. Think of what can be said, what can be done and, how you can make this new relationship a permanent asset to not only the owner, but also yourself and your family. And yes. I know you have more questions about what happens during your Monday rendezvous with the restaurant owner, so let s explore this scenario a bit deeper. Remember, you want to sell your art. You want him to pay you for that art, or possibly put it on his walls in order to help market it if he s not interested in purchasing it himself. Maybe you can offer him a commission if someone were to buy it. 16 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

17 Remember, the greatest close, is the one that doesn t appear to be a close at all. None of us want to be sold, so don t sell. Build a relationship instead. And we can do that by offering a mutually beneficial opportunity. Ask yourself. Why would a restaurant owner want to purchase art, or even let it hang on his wall? Here are two possible answers. 1. As an investment. 2. To tell a story. Let s explore both. An Investment: This one is easy. If anyone is purchasing art as an investment, they re going to realize you ve already made a name for yourself. So, for the sake of this ebook, we re going to leave this one out. Simply because this work here is about learning resourcefulness and self reliance, not about getting famous if you already are. To Tell a Story: Telling a story is what the customers were doing when they were eating their meals. They were there to connect, to bond, and to share themselves. This, is what everyone wants to do. We want to have a good time, and remember that good time. The restaurant owner is the same. If there s art on his walls that he paid for, he will want to share himself through the story of that art. At the very least, he may want to emotionally justify his purchase. I remember when I had a restoration company back in my early/mid-twenties. I was power washing the concrete around the pool of a two million dollar home. The owner (the widow of a well known physicist) showed me a sculpture in her fourier. She explained that it was a soandso (an artist I didn t know) and that it cost her fifty thousand dollars. I looked at it myself, thought about it, and replied; It looks like mostaccioli noodles to me. 17 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

18 She forced a smile. I uncomfortably chuckled then proceeded to take my foot out of my mouth. My point, is that she was justifying her purchase with the story of who made it. Not to mention, she must have shared that story with everyone who had ever walked through those beautiful front doors. Why would the restaurant owner be any different? For the sake of argument, let s assume (hopefully by your deductions) that he doesn t even know you re an artist. Let me give you an idea of how a conversation leading to your benefit would go. Let s say it s Monday, and I arrive at the restaurant and meet the owner as planned. I greet him, then ask for his lunch recommendation. Maybe I even ask him to sit down with me, or at the very least, ask him after what was in the dish after I m finished eating it. Now let s say I begin a conversation with him now that I m done. Here s how it would go in order to stay true by allowing my second self to keep my anxiety at bay. Me: Well, that s twice you ve impressed me. That was delicious. What was in it? (This is an opener once again, to get someone other than you talking.) Owner: It s got soandso and suchandsuch in it. The owner would say proudly. Me: It s wonderful. In fact, I m beginning to love this place more every minute. This is where things get interesting. At this point, I am making a new friend. But I m about to boost that friendship (authentically) into outer space. 18 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

19 Me: When I was here the other night, I noticed so many people enjoying their meals. They were all talking about how they felt good being there. That s when I noticed the colors you chose for the drapes, the shapes of the tables, and even the way your staff presented themselves. As an artist, (now it s your turn to talk about you) I am always interested in how people feel about their environment. This inspires me and allows me to connect deeper with them and myself. In fact, I have an entire series of paintings that match the colors of your drapes. What you just witnessed, was the ability to remove your emotional resistance by making it about the owner, then moving into a comfortable strategy of talking about yourself through the application of Strategic Altruism. Simply put, by putting someone else before yourself, then catering to their self interest, you now have a captive audience. And no, it s not cheating, it s not just a technique, and it s not persuasion. It s what I have learned through Tessera, to get beyond my own anxiety. Again, I believe going with the flow of the river, is far more powerful than going against its current. Here s how I got on the owner s good side. A. I gave him a compliment on Friday Night. B. I allowed him to take care of a new customer (myself) by purchasing a second meal. C. I asked him about his recipe. (Strategic validation in the way that it allowed him to speak positively about himself and his restaurant.) D. I complimented him a third time via the aesthetics of his restaurant, as well as how his customers also took note of them. E. Finally, I related those environmental aesthetics to my own work. 19 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

20 Again, if your art is hanging on his walls, not only would that help him have another story (directly related to his restaurant) to share, but it could bring you new eyes, and possibly a commission for the owner, assuming he didn t want to purchase it for himself. So, the conversation could either lead into him wanting to see your art and purchase it for himself, or at the very least, he now has the opportunity to earn a commission while at the same time enhancing the aesthetics of his restaurant You have now successfully created a new way of marketing your art, and of course, yourself. So, did you get to keep the thousand dollars? Did you make the owner a client? The answer is it doesn t matter. The real gold here is that you moved beyond your emotional resistance and made something happen. THIS, is but a mere glimpse of the possibilities of the Second Self. It s to have this knowledge, then apply it in any form imagined. Maybe your life s goals are to get rich selling online courses. Maybe you want to help people in senior living facilities, maybe you actually are an artist and just want to get your name out there. Regardless of your intentions, the tools of Strategic Altruism and ACR, are limitless. For the record. My mother has had her art in several restaurants, as well as in the Governor's mansion. This allowed her to sell her paintings and opened a world of opportunities for her. So yes, this guidebook is based on a true story. 20 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com

21 Conclusion I hope you learned a lot with this module, and please, feel free to share it. There are a lot more like this coming. More scenarios about creating the Second Self, and navigating the beautiful waters of incredible possibility. Warmly, Adam King The Tessera Method For more Second Self Mini-Series modules, please visit and signup for my newsletter. 21 Copyright Adam King/innereden,com