Choose Your Friends Wisely. you just a few of the ones I came up with...friends by Michael W. Smith, "I get by with a

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1 July 31, Samuel 18:1-4 Choose Your Friends Wisely Friendship is a powerful concept. Friendship is all over our culture. How about songs? Name some songs where friendship is a theme. Think of them in your head...let me give you just a few of the ones I came up with...friends by Michael W. Smith, "I get by with a Little Help from my Friends" by The Beatles...What a Friend We Have in Jesus...and of course, the theme song from Barney. Anybody come up with something else? Then there is TV and movies...what about the friends we see there? The Three Stooges...Andy and Barney...except this one isn t a big purple dinosaur...and of course, the Lone Ranger and Tonto. I can still remember watching those two when I was a boy...but since I have grown up I have come to wonder...was he really the "Lone Ranger" if he always had Tonto with him? That, friends, is one of the most important questions in life that may never be answered. I heard a Lone Ranger and Tonto joke years ago in seminary. The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of Galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Meteorologically, it seems we will have 1

2 a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. What does it tell you, Tonto?" "You dumber than a post... it tells me someone steal tent." Ok, that had absolutely nothing to do with the topic of friendship per se...but I thought it was pretty funny. We have started today by looking at a few secular examples of friendship...the songs and the other examples from entertainment mediums illustrate that friendship is a valuable thing to us. Why do you think that solitary confinement in a prison setting is reserved for those that are the worst offenders...not only is it to insure the safety of other people in the prison system but it has a huge psychological factor. You see, as human beings...we are made for relationship...relationship with God and with others. It is a very rare person indeed who can go off by himself and live...most of us need others around us. And for most of us it isn t enough to just have people around us...we need friends close friends those we can confide in those that will share our problems and will listen to us...we need people who will be loyal to us no matter what. But how can we tell the difference? Let me give you one way. "A friend will come bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting beside you saying Man, that was fun! " That is one way you can tell if you have a true friend or not...but for those of us who have a natural aversion to incarceration... we need another way to tell. So, let s turn to the Bible to try to find some answers. Long before there was a Batman and Robin, long before there was Calvin and Hobbes, long before there was Tom and Huck, Charlie Brown and Snoopy, Bert and Ernie, Ren and 2

3 Stimpy, Beavis and Butthead, there were two friends whose friendship was so strong, so loving, so loyal, so perfect that it has become the standard for measuring all friendships, Jonathan and David. I have been asked several times during this series how I felt that David was able to endure the persecutions of Saul, the endless attempts on his life, the lies and difficulties. Well, today we take a step backward in our story so I can let you know why, besides his faith in God that is he had a friend, the best kind of friend. Take a look at our scripture passage 1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. God used Jonathan to meet the needs of David as he journeyed through this dark valley. One of the things that s amazing about this entire story is that while the hatred of Saul for David was growing every day, David was surrounded by others who loved him. We re told that the Israelites loved him, that the King s son Jonathan loved him, and that the King s daughter loved him (in fact, when the text says in I Samuel 18:20 that Saul s daughter Michal loved David, it s the only place in the Hebrew scripture where a woman is said to love a man). In the midst of this darkest hour of David s life, while Saul s hatred for David burned within him, everyone else was growing more and more fond of David. There are two eternal principles at work in that description of what happened to David in the Saul years. Number 1 is this: The closer you get to becoming the man or woman 3

4 God wants you to be the more enemies you ll create. And, secondly: The closer we get to becoming the man or woman God wants us to be the more attractive we become to others. This is exactly why Saul became such an enemy of David: because David was gaining popularity with everyone around him and stealing the attention away from Saul. With that understanding I want to take these last few moments we have together in this service to share with you some friendship characteristics. We might want to ask ourselves if we are characterized by these. The first characteristic of intimate friendship is this: an intimate friend is willing to sacrifice. Look at the sacrifice Jonathan made for his friend David in our story today. We re told that he stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Jonathan s actions were a lot more than just a generous personal gesture. The robe symbolizes the kingdom. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father s throne, but now we see him sacrificing his future for David. He literally gives David his place as King. Sacrifice is the ultimate example of intimate friendship. The Make-A-Wish Foundation has been granting the wishes of children with lifethreatening illnesses since Most commonly, children wish to meet a celebrity, shake the hand of the president, or go to Disney World. But Mak Shulist, a critically ill nineyear-old, wished to enrich the lives of others. He got the Make-A-Wish Foundation to build something for his friends: a rock-climbing wall on the playground of Ellisville PA. Elementary School before a brain tumor took Mak s life. Dave Knes, principal at the 600- student school in suburban Ellisville said, "We learned a lesson from a nine-year-old that 4

5 even when we re going through tough times we should be thinking of other people and not ourselves." What young Mak illustrated is that true friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other. It s the ability to put another s needs, desires, and wishes above those of our own. Ultimately it s what Jesus showed when he laid down his life for us reminding us of his words in John 15:13 that No one has greater love than this: to lay down one s life for a friend. Sacrifice is the ultimate example of intimate friendship. The second characteristic of intimate friendship is that an intimate friend is a loyal defense before others. We re told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. He stood up to his dad and said, Dad, you re wrong about David. In fact, not only did he defend his friend, but he also rebuked his father for his attitude toward David. He says, Don t sin against David, he hasn t done anything wrong to you, in fact, everything he s done has helped you. Don t you remember? He risked his life fighting Goliath and when he won, you were happy. Why are you going to kill him when he s innocent? In his first seasons with the Brooklyn Dodgers, Jackie Robinson, the first black man to play Major League baseball, faced hatred nearly everywhere he traveled fastballs at his head, spikings on the bases, brutal nicknames from the opposing dugouts and from the crowds. During one game in Boston, the taunts and racial slurs seemed to reach a peak. In the midst of this, another Dodger, a Southern white man named Pee Wee Reese, called timeout. He walked from his position at shortstop toward Robinson at second base, put his arm around Robinson s shoulder, and stood there with him for what seemed like an eternity. The gesture spoke more eloquently than the words: This man is my friend. 5

6 The third characteristic of intimate friendship is that intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves. I think this is one of the best signs to determine if a couple is compatible for marriage. Do they have freedom to be themselves? There s something very comforting about being with someone around whom you feel at ease because you know that they accept you for who you are. In an intimate friendship you don t have to explain why you do what you do. You just do it. In I Samuel 20:41 Jonathan had just given David the sign that things were not ok in the palace, that his dad was going to kill David, and David and Jonathan were forced to say goodbye as David would then take off to hide. The text tells us that they wept together. When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and he ll understand. He won t try to comfort you in your misery or tell you to straighten up. When my mom died nine years ago I had a very close friend who told me, If you need me, anytime of the day or night, just call. I took him up on that offer soon after we got home from Ft. Wayne. I found myself on the back deck crying in the middle of the night and I really needed someone to just be there with me, someone who I didn t have to pretend to be strong for. Someone who would accept the wreck that I was and who wouldn t think any less of me for it. He came and sat beside me in silence that night as I cried. That s what an intimate friend is like. Intimate friends let each other hurt. They weep together. If your friend needs to complain, listen. Intimate friends don t bale, they stay. Intimate friends allow you to be yourself no matter what self looks like. The final characteristic of intimate friendship that is exemplified in the 6

7 relationship between David and Jonathan is that an intimate friend is a constant source of encouragement. Later on in the story when the King s men discovered where David was and Saul went out to kill him we re told that Jonathan went to David and encouraged him in God. Think of that. Jonathan s dad is after David, they re out in the wilderness looking for him and the hit man s own son goes out and finds his friend and encourages him. That s the kind of friend to have. He sees David at the lowest moment of his life, frightened and stumbling through the wilderness and he brings him encouragement. There ll be a brighter day some day, but right now I m here with you, no matter what. One of the Peanuts comic sequences shows Linus having just written a comic strip of his own, and he wants Lucy s opinion. In the first frame, he tentatively hands Lucy his comic strip and says, "Lucy, would you read this and tell me if you think it is funny?" In the next frame, you see Lucy patting her foot, and a little bit of a grin comes across her face. She looks at Linus and says, "Well, Linus, who wrote this?" Linus with his chest heaved out and a great big grin says, "Lucy, I wrote that." In the next frame, you see Lucy wadding it up, throwing it to the side, and saying, "Well, then, I don t think it s very funny." In the final frame, you see Linus picking up his comic strip, throwing his blanket over his shoulder, looking at Lucy and saying, "Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life." We find that humorous. I dare say if you and I thought long and hard enough, we d remember being the crab grass in the lawn of somebody else s life. There s enough crab grass in our lives already. What we need is some encouragement. True, intimate friends 7

8 bring encouragement not negativity. I don t about you, but when I look at the kind of friendship that David and Jonathan has, it makes me long for that same intimacy in my own friendships. I mean, how many of us can actually say that we have a friend like that? Or how many of us can say that we are a friend like that? As we close here are three practical steps to take to develop a David/Jonathan relationship in your own life. First of all Ask God for a Jonathan. Second, when you find him/her commit to that friendship for life. True intimate friendship takes time. It doesn t happen over night. It s something that takes commitment and longevity. How many of you remember the Carole King song, You ve Got a Friend? You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I ll come runnin, to see you again. Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you got to do is call, and I ll be there, yes I will. You ve got a friend. The idea of the song is that a friend is always available. Several years ago Steve Martin was a guest on Saturday Night Live and he did this incredibly funny bit about the Carole King song. In the sketch, Steve Martin is walking the Carole King character back from a date. He asks to come in, but Carole says that she s busy trying to finish a song and can t take anymore time that evening. He gives up, and decides to just hang out outside Carole s apartment building. Next you see Carole through her window at her piano. All of a sudden, a couple guys come up and mug Steve Martin, stabbing him, and leaving him for dead. Just then, Carole starts the chorus, You just call out my name And Steve Martin starts screaming, Carole! Carole! But she can t hear him because she is singing. Finally a commentator comes on, and says that Carole was so 8

9 touched by the tragedy of her friend that she wrote her next hit, It s Too Late, Baby. True friends are there when we need them, any time because they re committed to you for the long run. The final practical step to take in developing this kind of friendship is to Be a friend that is Good for another. That sounds kind of simplistic, but think about it. When I was a child my parents were very selective about who I spent time with. They didn t want me around kids who would be a bad influence on me. We re all looking for these kinds of friendships but are we the kind of people that others want to be friends with? Will others be better because they ve spent time with us? Proverbs 27:17 says that as Iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens the wits of another. Are you the kind of person that sharpens your friends? That s the kind of friend that Jonathan was. Jonathan made David a better person. He encouraged him and helped him spiritually. He was good for David. Are we good for our friends? 9