Being a people of Letting Go & Possibility

Transcription

1 Transitions: Lessons from our Kids People can sometimes be a bit dramatic about changes. We resist, we fear, and if we are in the 2-5 year old category we may throw ourselves to the ground and pound our hands and feet. I ve seen this response from shifts big and small: from getting in the car in the morning to a helium balloon flying away (inevitably to choke some unsuspecting fauna when it finally returns to earth if my copy of 100 Things Kids Can Do to Save the Planet was right), from the death of a beloved pet or moving to a new home. Once we find comfort it can be hard to let go. This summer marks a number of transitions. The de rigueur of school ending, camps and summer schedules starting, preparing for new schools, and here at UUCP we ve been thinking about the UUA election. There are a million articles on how to help kids through transitions. I started to wonder if any of those pro tips could help keep us adults from throwing ourselves down to thrash on the floor. 1. Say Goodbye: Make it official, make it real, make yourself say it out loud. One of my all time favorite movies is All That Jazz. I don t necessarily recommend you watch it, but I will say it s an amazing reflection how to say goodbye. 2. Listen: Check in with yourself. Are you afraid? Excited? Angry? All of the above? Acknowledge what you re feeling and how that is affecting you. Validate it, accept it as reality, and plan accordingly. 3. Ritualize: This one works so well with elementary and middle school students, I can t leave it off this list. Even if I m not totally sure how we learn to do this for ourselves as adults. Can we create cues and special touchstones that provide consistency when things are shifting? For me, that probably looks like jotting a journal page or flipping through my beloved planner. Or maybe calling a friend who I don t talk to very often; maybe I ll designate her my transition lifeline. 4. Agency and decisions: Recognize your power! Figure out what things you can control and want to control. Dealing with a big transition? Focus in on your clothing choices each day. Express what you can through your wardrobe. Be aware of the places you don t have agency, and try not to worry or blame for those spots. And if all else fails, sing at the top of your lungs Let it go, Let it GOOOOOOOOOOO! Katie Resendiz (Director of Children s Ministries) Page 1

2 Definitions: Being a People of Questions to Contemplate Letting Go: Allow someone or something to escape or go free; relinquish one s grip on someone or something; Possibility: Something that can be done or achieved, or that can exist; the state or fact of being likely or possible; likelihood. 1. What has been an experience of letting go that opened up a new possibility in your life? 2. Is it easy for you to let go and move on, or do you tend to hold onto things? 3. What are some different ways that you hold onto things emotionally, such as memories, resentments, jealousies, regrets, or grudges? 4. Do you feel that life is full of possibility that for the most part, you can do whatever you put your mind to? 5. With the election of Rev. Susan as the UUA president, how do you see yourself letting go of her leadership at UUCP? 6. Did you ever pass up a possibility for something that you later regretted? 7. What is made possible in your life due to privileges you have? What possibilities are shut off? 8. Buddhist and Hindu teachings often talk about letting go of all attachments and desires. New Age and some Christian teachings call us to focus our intentions or pray for the things we want in our lives. Where do your beliefs fall? 9. What possibilities do you see for the next generation? Will we let go of systems of oppression, fossil fuels, and other things harmful to humanity? 10. Do you have a ritual or practice of letting go? 11. Have you tried to convince someone else to let go of something they were holding onto? 12. What is the difference between letting go as an individual and letting go as a collective or group? Page 2

3 Quotes and Thoughts on the Theme We can t control the future but we can shape it and enhance the possibilities of our children and grandchildren. Rev. Mel Hoover (UU) If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. Ajahn Chah Awareness opens the doors to millions of possibilities, and if we know that we are the artist of our own life, we can make a choice from all those possibilities. Don Miguel Ruiz I realize there s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they re experts at letting things go. Jeffrey McDaniel When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Lao Tzu Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility. Oprah Winfrey You know, the man of my dreams might walk round the corner tomorrow. I m older and wiser and I think I d make a great girlfriend. I live in the realm of romantic possibility. Stevie Nicks I have an almost complete disregard of precedent, and a faith in the possibility of something better. It irritates me to be told how things have always been done. I defy the tyranny of precedent. I go for anything new that might improve the past. Clara Barton Most of us don t have to worry about being shot if we poke our noses outside. So we are comfortable, but the people I m writing about are definitely not comfortable, and being shot while they re still inside is a good possibility. Octavia Butler I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. Pablo Picasso Sometimes I ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Lewis Carroll Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. Ann Landers Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. Gloria Steinem Page 3

4 Being a People of Quotes and Thoughts on the Theme If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate. C. JoyBell C. Holding on is believing that there s only a past; letting go is knowing that there s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma For each of us as women, there is a dark place within where hidden and growing our true spirit rises, Beautiful and tough as chestnut/stanchions against our nightmare of weakness and of impotence. These places of possibility within ourselves are dark because they are ancient and hidden; they have survived and grown strong through darkness. Within these deep places, each one of us holds an incredible reserve of creativity and power, of unexamined and unrecorded emotion and feeling. The woman s place of power within each of us is neither white nor surface; it is dark, it is ancient, and it is deep. Audre Lorde Everything I ve ever let go of has claw marks on it. David Foster Walace Chalice Lighting: Letting Go By Rev. Jay Wolin Are we a people of holding on or of letting go? Holding on to rigid ideas or Letting go and opening our minds and our hearts, to something new; Holding on to certainty of how things should be or Letting go and living with the uncertainty of new ways of being in the world; Holding on to what makes us comfortable or Letting go so we may grow which can be uncomfortable; Holding on to what makes us safe or Letting go to make room to help others feel safe? With this flame, this symbol of our religion, let it be a symbol of burning up the ties that hold us back from being our true self and reaching our true potential; let it be a symbol of lighting a new way for us into a better tomorrow; and let it be a symbol of letting go Because holding on too long and too tightly is never good for the soul. SOMETIMES PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE JUST TO TEACH YOU HOW TO LET GO Page 4

5 Way is Opening UU Writers on the Theme Rev. Peter Morales From UUWorld, Spring 2016 My life, like yours, has had its ups and downs. More than once I have seen my cherished plans unravel. When I was in my twenties, I dreamed of an academic career. The way seemed clear. I made plans and began to make them a reality. And then life happened a war, a life-threatening illness, a move to a new city. I felt like a door had been slammed in my face. The Quakers have a wonderful saying: Way will open. More than once in my life I have gotten stuck because I kept trying to go through a door that had closed. My attempts to stick to my dream (which had become a fantasy, really) prevented me from seeing other doors that were open all around me. First I had to let go of my plans. Letting go sounds so easy, but it is so very hard. I had to stop pounding on a door that had shut. When I let go of my plans I was able to look around and see other opportunities and new possibilities. When I let go of my plans I was able to look around and see other opportunities and new possibilities. When I finally explored new ways open to me, I was able to see all kinds of paths paths that turned out to be better for me than the path I had planned to follow. The ministries of community journalism and then ordained parish ministry opened before me. The door that slammed turned out to be a blessing. Buddhist teachers talk about how we cause ourselves suffering by attaching ourselves to things we desire. They also talk about the futility of trying to prevent change. Change is at the very heart of life; it is the essence of life. This is a variation on the spiritual lesson of the Quaker teaching that way will open. If attachments to our plans blind us and cause suffering, so too do our myths about a golden age of stability, harmony, and tranquility. The truth is that the golden age (whichever golden age you find attractive) never existed. We idealize periods (just think of the kind of nostalgia Downton Abbey and other costume dramas have produced). The real lives of most people in these periods were oppressive. Perhaps the most painful are our own personal golden times times when we were passionately in love, times of great success and recognition. How many people do you know who cause themselves and others enormous suffering by trying to relive or recreate a personal golden age that has passed forever? We cannot live by looking backward. We must not live trying to open doors that have closed. We live in the moment with our eyes fixed on the real choices we have right now. This is true whether we are adolescents or facing the certainty of death that will come soon. Yet we live in a new time. Clinging to the past has never served us. Doors close. Way opens. I love the fact that ours is a tradition that has always looked for the way that is opening. We were open to biblical scholarship, to teachings from Eastern religions, to the discoveries of science. What ways are opening in your life right now? Look around. Way is opening. What ways are opening for our faith? Life calls us on. Page 5